And I thought life was hard enough the first time.

OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)

Classes start next week. Yay.

Okay, I actually am excited and I don't even care if it makes me sound like a nerd. I'm sorry the next couple chapters are shorter than usual. Just… let me get back into the groove. I'm running out of episodes -crying face-

In regards to the chapter: OOOOH, OUCH!

-0-

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck," I swore, urging Buchwald on faster. I didn't know if that was Annie or Eren, but it didn't matter. Both meant that I was too late.

If that was Annie, I had, what? Half a minute before she eradicated Squad Levi. Gunther… he was gone. That much, I remembered. I gritted my teeth, jaw clenched so I couldn't feel the ache in my chest. We weren't as close as Petra and I were, but he had taken good care of me. That wouldn't ever change. He may not have been a brother, but a caretaker that knew just how to push me and how to let go.

I shook my head. I couldn't think about that now. I just had to focus on locating Eren and the others… and how the hell was I going to do that?

Obviously, I hadn't thought this through.

I passed under the forest canopy, the sunlight turning green as it filtered through the leaves. I looked around, but there was no indication of where I was. Tree here, fallen log there… I had horrible navigational skills and the forest was hardly easy to navigate. To top it off, I had no idea where Squad Levi would be. Knowing they were centre rear in the formation meant nothing here. The formation had been scattered –

A roar ripped through the air – a familiar roar.

Well, shit. Eren had engaged the Female Titan. On the bright side, all I had to do was follow the crashing, I thought grimly.

"Buchwald, stay," I barked, hoping the horse would listen to me and remain out of harm's way. I couldn't wait for Buchwald to slow, flying off on my 3DMG. Going by air would be a lot faster and safer for both of us. The moment I was off the horse, I snapped on a couple of blades onto my handgrips.

Green and brown blurred past with occasional breaks, but no Eren or Female Titan. I was starting to feel antsy as more roars could be heard, louder than they had been when I had been near the edge of the forest. I was getting closer then, but how much closer?

Another roar. Maybe I was only imagining it, but I thought it was filled with anger laced with grief. It might have even been a mangled mash of words that he couldn't possibly have formed with his lack of lips.

I swung through the trees, probably faster than was safe. So far, I was doing fine and that was all that mattered. I just needed to get to Eren before… before something. Maybe before he got captured.

"Eren!"

I jerked towards the scream, the fear in Mikasa's voice scaring more than anything else did. It had come from right ahead. I must have been close.

What could have happened to make Mikasa scream like that?

I could see Mikasa right in front of me, but she wasn't looking at me. then, I finally took in my surroundings, only to see a pair of feet disappear into a large mouth. I widened my sight range, using a brief half-second to take in the scene; the Female Titan, the decaying Titan body in front of it and the carnage. Eren had fought – and lost.

I was still too far away when the Female Titan stood up and started running. Mikasa just… hung there. What – what the hell was she doing?

"Mikasa," I yelled, trying to get her attention. She suddenly seemed to snap awake, but I didn't think it was because of me. She was gone in a burst of gas and I had to change course suddenly so I could catch up with her. "Wait!"

I knew Annie sometimes called Mikasa a beast. I myself had mentioned multiple times (especially around Jean) that harming Eren would only result in an excruciatingly painful death. Mikasa wasn't someone to be messed with. As I followed behind her, well out of the range of her rage, I was finally aware of how true those statements were.

Mikasa was a demon. That was the only thing I thought as I followed behind. I had only gotten a blurred glimpse of her face, but rage could be seen in every line of her body. It wasn't difficult to imagine flames shooting out of her eyes – that was how angry I could tell she was. There was silent anger – the kind she had shown after the tribunal – and true anger, like now. True anger as in the unbridled, I will rain hell and brimstone unto you kind of anger.

I was her friend, but even I was scared. There was no telling how Annie must have felt, being the object all that anger was directed at.

"Give Eren back!" Mikasa roared, slashing at the Female Titan's cheek.

I opened my mouth to protest, that it wasn't a good idea to try and take the Female Titan head on, but the protest died on my lips. She was utterly fearsome, circling around the Titan and slicing at flesh. She was too fast for even the Female Titan to keep track of, turning into a blur of green and pain amidst the steam. Since the Titan had to keep one hand on the back of its neck, it only had one hand to grab Mikasa, which wasn't enough in her anger-fuelled rampage.

I wanted to stop her – in her anger, she wasn't making effective cuts. She was just cutting blindly, determined to score as much flesh as possible. She was letting her anger dictate her actions, which was always a bad thing.

Then again, I couldn't step in now. She was going by so fast that I was scared of slamming into her and causing both of our deaths.

I eyed the hand still protecting the nape. I didn't know if it had realised I was here. It might have heard me shout for Mikasa, but I didn't even think Mikasa had noticed my appearance.

Before I could make a decision, Mikasa screeched, "Give him back!" She coupled it with a well-aimed strike (which I felt was more luck than actual aiming) to the back of the Titan's kneecap, causing it to crash to the ground in a heap.

The surprise emanating from the Titan (Annie) was palpable as it lay on the ground, waiting for its injuries to heal. I saw it before Mikasa did – the silver spreading across the hand protecting its weak spot.

My eyes darted to Mikasa, trying to strike from above, but I instinctively knew the attack wouldn't work. I remembered seeing something similar; the glint of the Armoured Titan's skin as it broke through Wall Maria. She was going to do the instinctive thing and strike, but that would only be a waste of a good pair of blades. I couldn't let that happen.

I intercepted her right before her blades would have slashed against the impenetrable skin, my arm bracing against her middle. I used my inertia and an extra burst of gas to slam Mikasa into a tree trunk, following the trajectory of her own flight path minus breaking her blades for nothing.

"Mikasa, stop and think for a second," I ground out, trying to get her to look at me. She refused to look at me, her gaze full of hatred and fixated on the Titan behind me. It wouldn't move just yet; I could spot the steam still rising out of the corner of my eye, but it wasn't as thick anymore.

"I know he's alive," she hissed, eyes impossibly dark. I didn't even think she was seeing anything anymore. "I know that Eren's alive! No matter where she goes, I'll kill her, rip her apart and get you out of that filth." I shouldn't have been so unsettled at Mikasa's proclamation of death, but I was. Maybe I had completely underestimated the depth of Mikasa's love for Eren. "I'm sorry, Eren… just wait a little longer," she whispered, pupils finally dilating. Her gaze shot to me. "Dani? When did you – look out!"

I reeled in my hooks, letting myself fall as I twisted. A large fist impacted where we had been milliseconds before and I shot my hooks forward once more so I could swing out of danger. I snarled under my breath; I couldn't believe Annie had actually done that to us. Then again, she had no love for either Mikasa or me.

I looked over my right shoulder, where Mikasa was already chasing after the Female Titan. Son of a bitch. I turned in mid-air, shooting my hooks forward so I could follow after her and make sure she didn't get herself killed. A green blur shot past me and grabbed Mikasa, forcing her to slow down.

"Wh-what are you – " I heard Mikasa protest as I caught up to Levi. He shot me a look before aiming his disapproving glare towards Mikasa.

"Fall back for now," he ordered.

Mikasa's jaw clenched, but I knew she could see that Levi's orders were correct. Maybe the anger was ebbing or it was simply Levi's forceful presence that knocked some sense into her, but I was grateful for it. As much as I knew Mikasa respected me, I knew my words wouldn't have been able to draw her away from Eren and regroup to think of a plan.

He released Mikasa and we swung around the tree in our way, keeping far enough that we could keep visual of the Female Titan while staying out of its range.

"Maintain this distance. It may be tired. It does not appear to be going very fast," Levi commented. He could be right; its lope was more of a brisk jog rather than the run it had been in when Armin, Jean, Reiner and I had engaged it. He eyed Mikasa out of the corner of his eyes. "He seems to have been bit right out of the neck. Is Eren dead?"

I could have sworn Mikasa growled when Levi said that. Sometimes I wondered if losing Eren scared her because she would be alone again.

"He's not dead," I replied firmly. "He's not."

I knew he wasn't. Not only because I knew we'd have to take on Annie in Wall Sina, but also because he was Eren. I had this irrational belief that Eren wasn't someone who would go down easily. There was that belief and there was the knowledge and that's all that mattered to me.

Others might not be so content with that answer, though.

"The target appears intelligent and its goal seems to be capturing Eren," Mikasa pointed out before I could fumble my way through an explanation. "If it wanted him dead, it would've crushed him." When said like that, it made it blindingly obvious. I should have been able to give a logical answer like that. "The target is fighting to escape after going through the trouble of putting him in its mouth."

Levi made a sound that might have been a derisive snort on anyone else. "Its goal may have been to eat Eren. If that's the case, he's in its stomach. It's more reasonable to assume he's dead."

"He's alive!" Mikasa growled.

Blank brown eyes flashed in my mind, followed by a face whose name I sometimes forgot. Not this time.

"I assume you saw Eld's torso," I said flatly, the words aimed towards Levi. "I saw the bottom half of his body, covered in saliva," and blood, " when I was passing. She – it bit him and spit him out. It doesn't eat humans. It certainly won't have devoured Eren. He's too valuable."

I glanced at Levi to see him regarding both Mikasa and I with a cold gaze. I had no idea how to analyse that gaze. There was no way I could guess what he was thinking.

"I hope you're both right," he grunted, looking forward once more.

"If you'd only protected Eren, this wouldn't have happened," Mikasa accused.

"Mikasa," I reprimanded. She shot angered eyes towards me.

"You know I'm right. If Captain Levi," she sneered his name, "had protected Eren like he said he would, Eren would be safe." And with me. Us.

Levi turned to us to regard Mikasa. I took a completely inappropriate moment to marvel at Levi, who was still swinging forward while facing backwards. I had been trying to get Petra to teach me before the expedition, but all I had managed was turning backwards and then slamming into a tree. My spatial recognition needed a little bit more work, obviously.

"I see…" he said. "You're the one from back then. Eren's close friend?"

I shot him a confused look. I knew that social nuances flew over Levi's head the way sexual jokes flew over Mikasa's, but I would have thought he would have realised that over the past month. If anything, I imagined he would have recognised Mikasa. He hadn't, it seemed.

He hadn't regarded me and I had expected that. It wasn't that I was hiding our relationship (whatever that may be), but the fact that he never actually addressed me in public was… comforting. I didn't have to give an explanation on how Captain Levi might have known me because for all intents and purposes, he didn't. I was just… that girl who hung around with Eren and the blonde kid.

"We'll limit ourselves to a single goal," Levi said, facing forward one more. "First, give up on killing the Female Titan."

I nodded. Sound reasoning. Although I didn't doubt that together, they could have brought down the Female Titan, we had to focus on getting Eren out of the Titan's mouth and safe – with us.

Mikasa didn't agree. "It killed many of our comrades," she protested.

"As long as it can harden its skin, we can't kill it," Levi retorted before I could even think of an argument. The tone of his voice allowed no room for arguments. "Do as I say."

Mikasa's eyes shot to me. Maybe she wanted me to agree with her, expected me to want to kill it too (and to some extent, I guess I did), but I simply shook my head. It would have been smart to listen to Levi; he was experienced and he was humanity's strongest soldier, not to mention our commanding officer. Betrayal flashed across her features before she slipped behind an emotionless mask.

"We'll pin our hopes on Eren still being alive and rescue him before it leaves the forest," Levi continued, unaware or maybe simply uncaring of our brief conversation. "I will tear away at it. You," he shot Mikasa a look, "draw its attention. And you," he turned to me, "cut Eren out when I give the signal."

"Yes, sir," we answered.

I hung back, keeping on par with Levi while Mikasa darted forward in front of the Titan. Its eyes shot back to where Levi was; he had obviously been pegged as the more dangerous target. I strayed to the left, where the Titan's blind spot was. With its eyes fixed on Levi, it wasn't quite following the plan, but maybe he could distract it enough for me to grab Eren.

The Titan suddenly whirled around, leading with a right hook. I jerked out of the way, but Levi reeled his hooks in, turning in a tight spin and almost drilling his way up its arm. He reached its bicep and leapt off in a graceful arc, plunging both his blades into its eye sockets.

He flipped off the Titan's face and I realised he had left his blades embedded in the eye sockets – making it a lot more difficult for the wound to heal with the metal still lodged inside. He reattached a new set of blades onto his handgrips, shooting forward once more with a burst of compressed air.

He carved a route from its left shoulder, across its back and around its hip only to spiral down its left leg, most likely severing important tendons from the way its leg buckled. He finished it off with a double-bladed slash to the back of its head, just above the skin that was protected by its hand. The Female Titan was defenceless, falling onto its ass and using the tree trunk as additional aid to protect its nape.

All of that happened must have happened in the span of under ten seconds. It was superb; a real testament to his skill. I was too generous in saying Mikasa could surpass Levi. Even Mikasa didn't possess that much control at high speeds.

Mikasa and I could only watch as he continued his assault, shearing off the muscles at the Titan's shoulders. He was trying to ensure its arms would be useless as I retrieved Eren. As the arm protecting the nape dropped, I kept a careful eye on Mikasa. I remembered Levi had twisted his ankle around this time and Mikasa had been the cause. If I could pre-empt that…

There! Mikasa's hook shot out, embedding into the flesh at the Titan's left shoulder.

My own hooks shot out, thudding into the tree the Titan was leaning against. Gas propelled me forward and I slammed into Mikasa, even as I heard Levi's order to stop. The Titan's hand was coming towards me on my right, maybe to swat at me. My momentum had passed on to Mikasa, so I was near motionless and the hand was going to hit me, so I did the only thing I could think of: I slammed both of my blades into its hand.

The shock of pain caused the hand to stop. I tried to tug the blades out, but they were embedded too deep. Telling myself that the blades were probably already dull and definitely not worth it, I unclipped them and pushed off the hand, twisting so I could swing to safety.

Anger pounded through me when I saw Mikasa – how could she be so stupid, she could have fucking died – but there was utter relief on her face. "Eren!" she cried. I landed onto a branch, whirling around to see Levi grab a slime-coated Eren out of the Titan's mouth. A shaky sigh of relief escaped my mouth as Levi landed safely on a branch as well, an unconscious Eren under his left arm.

"Oi!" he called. "We're getting out of here! I think he's okay," Levi commented, but I realised he was looking at Mikasa

"He's alive! But filthy," he continued. If the situation wasn't so serious, I was pretty sure I would have giggled at the disgust in Levi's voice at Eren's state of cleanliness. As it was, I was just glad that both of them seemed unharmed, more or less. Maybe I had changed something. "Forget about it. We'll retreat." He turned back to the Titan, steam still rising around it as its wounds healed. "Don't lose sight of the core objective. Is it more important to get what you want? Isn't he an important friend?" A glare was sent towards Mikasa.

"Mikasa, let's go," I bit out and her head jerked towards me. I was angry and I guess it showed on my face from the guilty look on her face. I didn't wait to hear if she had anything to say, following after Levi in a burst of gas. I could scold her once we were safe.

I hesitated before shooting forward so I was next to Levi. He barely spared me a glance, fixated on something behind us.

"Is… your leg okay, Heichou?" I asked awkwardly.

He shot me a look. "Why wouldn't it be?"

I hesitated once more before shaking my head. "Nothing," I muttered. I doubted he could have heard it.

Maybe he hadn't hurt his leg. Then again, he was hardly one to complain about injuries. He was like my dad, in a way – he could have had a knife in the gut and he still would have said he was right as rain. He could still have twisted his ankle.

At that moment, I could have dropped back once more, but that would have meant I would have been with Mikasa. There was still the displeasure simmering under my skin, but I didn't want to blow up at her. I just hadn't thought she would be selfish enough as to place her own vendettas above Eren's safety.

Fuck, she could have died. I didn't want to be the one to have to tell Eren when he woke up that she died because of him. He wouldn't have taken that well. Mikasa was strong, but she was emotional, as well, especially when it came to Eren.

It still didn't explain why that made me so angry.

I shook my head. I was older, mentally, so I could hold it in. I could wait.

•●•●•●•

Jean was going to kill me.

I whistled again, letting the piercing sound ring. If I didn't get him his horse back, he was probably going to push me in front of a stampede of horses the next time he saw one.

I ran a hand through my face, sighing as I waited three seconds with no horse heading towards me. Two horses in one day. I was on a roll, I thought sardonically.

The trees were blocking the sound. Telling Buchwald to stay might not have been my brightest idea. I whistled once more, futilely, before giving up. I could just ride in the cart Eren was in and deliver the bad news later. I looked back to where Eren was resting, cleaned up and still out like a light. I reckoned he would be for a while. He would need to recuperate after his shift and the gruelling fight that he no doubt had had with Annie. As I had expected, Mikasa lingered nearby.

I made a distressed sound, worrying my bottom lip between my teeth. They were just about done with preparations and Buchwald had approximately eight seconds before he was left behind. Where was that damn horse?

Horse hooves sounded behind me and I turned hopefully, seeing a horse emerge from between the trees. I let out a whoop, causing several soldiers to shoot me disapproving looks, but hell if I cared. I just couldn't believe I managed to call the horse.

"There you are," I greeted happily as he nuzzled my palm. "And here I thought I would have had to leave you behind." He brayed in protest. "Whoa, Buchwald. I'm not going to do that. Jean would kill me."

"Buchwald?" I turned to Mikasa, where she was eyeing the horse. "What are you doing with Jean's horse?"

"Buchwald's the only horse that'll tolerate me now," I replied tersely. She frowned, but before she could say anything, we were given the call to exit the forest and rendezvous with the rest of the Recon Corps at an area out in the open. A large grouping of humans in Titan territory would not have been my first choice, but orders were orders.

Mikasa and I took up the rear, near the cart that held Eren. It almost felt like we were some sort of honorary guard for Eren.

"What's your problem?" Mikasa asked.

I raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think I have a problem?" She frowned and that look alone spoke volumes. I sighed. "I don't… really have a problem."

"You're angry," she stated. "At me."

It was easier to breach the subject now that she had brought it up. "You're right. I'm angry at you," I agreed. That admission brought back all the anger and fear I had suppressed back in the forest, but I was still aware that this was hardly the time nor place. I tightened my grip on the reins, then loosened it. I needed to calm down. I was just overreacting. "You know what? It doesn't even matter."

"Dani."

"What do you want me to say?" Agitation crawled over my skin. "What you did back there was stupid. You were given a direct order not to kill the Female Titan and you ignored it. Damn it, Mikasa. You could have died."

The silence that followed was saturated with shock. Then, Mikasa quietly muttered, "But I didn't die."

I glared at her. "Only because I managed to get you out of there in time. What if I hadn't been there? What if I had been too slow? Did you even think?"

"Of course I did," she argued, bristling.

"No, you didn't," I countered harshly. "If you had, you would have thought twice about attacking the Titan's weak point back there."

"It was open. I saw the opportunity and struck."

"You flew right into a trap. It would have crushed you if I hadn't pushed you out of the way."

"Who are you to lecture me?" she hissed. "I'm – " better than you.

She cut herself off just in time, but her statement was loud and clear. I'll admit it, it stung. The four of us knew we were hardly equal in skill, but we all had our strengths. We never highlighted who was better than who in what; we never lorded our skill over the other, even when we were arguing. For Mikasa to stoop so low…

She was just emotional. That was it. She was still trying to get over the fact that she almost lost Eren and emotions were running high. I was still trying to shake off the pure and utter relief at Eren and Mikasa being okay, so that was probably why I blew up.

Nonetheless, even when I knew there was a reason for Mikasa's animosity (which was justified because I had attacked first), my voice turned glacial as I said, "Fine. You're better than me, but even if you're better, at least I've got my head screwed on right."

Those were the harshest words I had ever said to Mikasa. Even as they left my mouth, I was already regretting them. The last time Mikasa and I had gotten into an argument was three years ago, a few months into training. It was horrible; unlike Eren and I, we didn't fight often and we were both stubborn. If Eren and I were like a pot bubbling over, Mikasa and I arguing was like spending a week in those lands of ice Armin was so fascinated by. We were the definition of cold war. We were usually tolerant of each other's flaws, but when we fought, it was all or nothing. Armin had told me once that he never wanted to ever get between Mikasa and me if we ever had another fight.

I knew I'd have to swallow my pride and apologise. Mikasa would never yield and I didn't like putting the boys through the horror of mediating fights between Mikasa and me.

Not just yet. I was allowed to be angry for a little while.

The atmosphere between the two of us was frigid. That was… just great. This was a sucky birthday. I was one thing to know the expedition was going to be a clusterfuck and a half and another to actually live through it. So this is why people sometimes wondered if all Scouts were insane. I was starting to doubt my own sanity.

Why had I wanted to join the Recon Corps? To show Levi that I wasn't some silly little girl acting tough.

At least, that was the reason when I had first enlisted.

I think, over the years, my goal had changed. It was part of the reason that drove me so hard, but that wasn't the main reason anymore.

I wanted to be there for Armin, Eren and Mikasa. I wanted to ensure Armin's safety. Most importantly, I wanted to see the world. Back Then, I never really got to physically travel the world. Sure, TV and the internet was sufficient, but it wasn't the same as getting on a plane and walking the streets of a foreign country. This was a chance to see the world untouched by humans. To marvel at things we simply didn't have behind the Walls.