Of Epic Proportions

by authorinprogress97

And I thought life was hard enough the first time. OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)

22. Return

And I thought life was hard enough the first time.

OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)

Maybe I should try this updating once a month thing. It's a little manageable than updating every three days, that's for sure.

I'm also a horrible procrastinator. I'm so sorry if the chapters keep getting shorter and shorter.

This chapter was completed through multiple replays of This Game by Konomi Suzuki. Suffice to say, I am in love with No Game No Life and its OST.

And ayo, look at this: On the next big update on FF, Shingeki no Kyojin and Attack on Titan will finally be merged together into one category instead of two.

(I had not known they were separate categories, but I'm happy all the same.)

-0-

"As soon as we know where we are, we'll depart. Stay alert!"

Once the order was given, I dismounted from the horse. It nickered, stamping its hoofs. I couldn't help but miss Freya, who was much easier to handle. Maybe it was because she was used to me.

I patted the horse's mane absentmindedly, turning back to check that the cart was full one last time. I just – I couldn't stop looking. In canon, that would have emptied out. Petra and Gunther and – and everyone would have been tossed out like heavy sacks of spoiled barley and left to rot. That it wasn't reality… it seemed like a minor miracle.

It was something so small, bringing back a body to its family, but it meant so much.

I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that I almost didn't notice Armin sidling up next to me. His brow was furrowed and his lips were pursed.

"What's going on with you and Mikasa?" he asked, cutting straight to the point.

"Nothing's going on," I replied. I could detect the defensiveness in my voice, so I didn't doubt Armin could too.

"It's… nothing," I said. I knew the answer wasn't satisfactory, but it was all I had for him right now. It wasn't really important when I thought about it. A petty argument, even (although it hadn't felt petty at the time). "I'll fix it soon."

He regarded me with a serious look. I sent him a small smile in return. I promised I would fix everything with Mikasa and they wouldn't have to be caught in the middle. I just needed to keep my pride for a little while longer. Armin would humour me this, I knew.

"Are you really okay?" he asked. He genuinely worried – and I really wished he wouldn't be. There were bigger things to worry about.

I took my time to answer, considering and discarding words the way Armin did with theories. "I… don't know how to not be okay," I finally replied. It was an echo of the words I had uttered to Mikasa on the night I had broken.

I frowned down at the grass, bottom lip caught between my teeth. After a few moments of silence, I looked up with a half-hearted smile.

"I'll be fine," I assured him. "When have I ever not been able to stand up after getting knocked down? Worry about yourself first."

I would have been blind to not notice the way his hand trailed up to the bandage at his head. I wondered if it was still bothering him, but I didn't get a chance to ask as the call to leave was given once more.

It should have been a relief, having the wall so near. Instead, all that settled in the pit of my stomach was dread.

We had barely been gone a day and we were returning with our troops halved and nothing to show for it. We were hardly going to receive a warm welcome. It was one thing to know we were going to be criticized and another thing to know I was only minutes away from facing it.

I kept an eye on the horizon, watching as the sun sank into the ground. The sky was blood-red. I tried not to think too hard about it.

(I wasn't doing a very good job. All I could think about was the events that had transpired – Armin nearly dying, Jean's close call with the Female Titan, Reiner almost being crushed, Petra and Gunther and the others… Even Eren getting swallowed.

It was a miracle I hadn't gone insane yet.)

I eyed the gate coming up with apprehension. I would have thought that I would be ecstatic about seeing the wall and safety approaching. It just seemed to remind me that being in the walls didn't mean being far from danger. If anything, we were probably going to be thrust into more danger than this farce of an expedition had been.

It was like this world was built around Murphy's Law, I swear.

"You look like you've seen a ghost."

I blinked myself out of my stupor, sparing Jean a glance before resuming my staring contest with the gate in front.

"I don't really believe in ghosts," I replied.

I could feel Jean's skeptical look. "Really."

I shrugged. "Too wishy-washy. Or something." I glanced at him once more. "I know what you're doing."

His lips turned down in a frown as he looked forward. "Doing what?"

"Trying to… I don't know. Comfort me or whatever. I don't need comfort."

"Everyone needs comfort, Vale. Even you, the wannabe super soldier."

I made a face. Wannabe super soldier. Was that what people really thought of me, or was it just Jean's personal opinion?

"You included?" I retorted, uncomfortable at being targeted so single-mindedly. He blinked – as if he hadn't expected me to say that. And how should he have? It wasn't like we knew each other very well.

He didn't answer and I guess I saw that coming. What else was there to say?

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Eren stir. I wanted to go there – to check up on him, see if he really was okay – but I stopped myself. Mikasa was there. It was best to let them have a private moment anyway. There was nothing to say to either of them.

The bell tolled, signaling our return. Ahead of us, the gate grinded open.

I almost didn't want to return, knowing the backlash we would get. Living in Shiganshina for two years meant hearing all the comments made after a return. They're useless, what a waste of tax money, we'd be better off without them and comments to that effect. I didn't want to get used to them… but it was inevitable. Humans were petty creatures, after all. More so after seeing the body count this time, and after such a short period of time too.

I glanced at the cart holding the Special Operations Squad. Yes, we definitely lost a lot more this time.

I could feel the resentment the moment we entered. As I dismounted, I couldn't help but realise how disheveled I must have looked to them. The injury on my calf was like a beacon of failure; it was almost as bad as the cart full of bodies we were dragging with us.

And the murmurs. Those were the worst.

"Weren't there more this morning?"

"Another disaster."

"Just this morning, they left raising a ruckus, but they're already back?"

"What was the point?"

"Who knows? But, judging by the gloomy expressions, they managed to waste more of our taxes, if nothing else."

I bit my lip, my grip on the reins tightening. The failure was damn near crushing. It was in every exhale, in every stare, in every angry mutter. I felt like an utter disappointment and I didn't even know any of these people. Maybe I had, once upon a time, but they were all strangers to me now. Just as much as I was a faceless Scout to all of them.

I looked up as Eren slowly rose. His eyes were blazing as he gritted his teeth together. It was his typical shut your mouth before I punch you face and it was the last thing any of us needed right now.

I hurried to forward to talk some sense into him even as I hear Mikasa murmur, "Eren, just bear with it."

He was just about to say something (I didn't doubt it would be something to try and justify the manslaughter), but he stopped, his gaze fixed on something. I turned too and my heart dropped. It was a pair of children, probably siblings, looking at us defeated soldiers with amazement and respect. The boy's grin was so wide, I thought his face was going to split in half. I noticed he had a chip in his tooth. Both of their expressions held so much hope and I didn't think I was worthy of it.

"So cool! The Survey Corps is so awesome," the little boy exclaimed, oblivious to the disdainful glares thrown his way. In a way, he reminded me of the kids from the orphanage, so full of gusto and life. "They got the crap kicked out of them, and they still fight."

I looked away. I couldn't bear to see the child's exuberance any longer. Children did have a way of looking at the world differently. I didn't want to show him how badly defeated, how tired and angry and scared all of us really were.

I kept my gaze on Eren, who just seemed completely dumbfounded. All the fight had left him and was replaced by a despair that couldn't be put into words. If I had to attempt it, it was a despair that you couldn't crawl out of unless you had iron will and determination of the gods. Right now, I didn't think Eren had either.

It was… inexplicably sad, seeing so much hope that we couldn't live up to.

I tore my eyes away from Eren's defeated form and looked at my fellow recruits. One look at their expressions and I knew we were in the same pit of despair.

"Captain Levi," a male voice called and I looked up, spotting a man with light brown hair walking up to Levi. "My daughter's in your squad… I'm Petra's father."

I pressed my lips together to hold in my gasp. This… this was Petra's father. I couldn't imagine how he would feel after discovering his daughter wasn't riding up behind Levi, but in the cart with the bodies, instead.

"Before she sees me," Petra's father continued jovially, "I wanted to talk to you. She sent me this letter…" He held up an envelope. "She mentioned that you respected her abilities enough to let her join your squad. That she was going to devote herself to you."

I forced myself to ignore the conversation. It was obviously meant solely for Levi's ears.

In a way, I was being a coward as well. It's one thing for a child to see their parents murdered in front of them. It's another to tell a parent they have to bury their child.

As we passed through the town, the jeers and demands followed us. None of us could hold our heads up.

•●•●•●•

We mounted our horses once more as we passed the town proper. The atmosphere was still tense and I was itching to get away, even if just for a while.

We were heading towards a fork in the road. I glanced to the path on the left – a path I recognized. If I followed that path, I would reach my house in twenty minutes. Five, if on horseback.

I kept my gaze forward so I wouldn't be tempted to just run off. I had broken rank enough times today. We were all tired and depressed. The last thing we needed was a ruckus about a missing soldier (although in light of how many we had lost, what was one more?) to add on to this cesspool of emotions.

I let out a sigh, shaking my head lightly. This wasn't the time to get sentimental.

We buried your parents for you.

I glanced at the left path once more before chastising myself. If I was lucky, I would have more opportunities to come back. This wasn't the end of everything.

They're at your house. Easier to find, I guess.

"Dani?"

I jerked out of my stupor, turning to Armin. He was frowning, gaze concerned.

"I'm fine," I replied instinctively, rolling my shoulders. I hadn't realised how tensed they had gotten. "It's nothing. I'm fine."

"Are you… sure?"

I was about to answer yes, I'm sure, but it was that moment that I met Armin's eyes. It would have been easier to walk away if I couldn't see the worry he had for me. As much as I worried about him, he worried about me too. I was just too caught up trying to remember what came next that I overlooked that fact.

"No," I replied hesitantly, "I'm not." The fork was getting closer and closer. Our superiors were too far away (or maybe just far enough). I bit my lip, making a decision. "My parents… they're at my house. Just down the road."

It didn't take much for Armin to understand. "You want to go see them."

"I… yeah. I want to go see them."

"Oh." He looked forward to our superiors' backs as well. "Should we?"

I frowned at Levi's back. He was in a mood, I knew that much. I highly doubted speaking with Petra's father had made his shitty day any better. "He wouldn't let me."

"… So you want to just – go?"

I smiled a little. "You don't have to come. I'll just go there and be right back. Before you lose sight of Karenese, promise."

His eyebrows drew together. His lips pressed together – the way they got when he was making a choice.

"I'll go with you," he declared, determination burning in his blue eyes.

I sighed. I was worried he would say that. "Armin…"

His voice was gentle in contrast to the fierceness in his eyes. "You don't have to do this alone."

I recognized that tone as well, even if I had only heard it thrice in all the years we had known each other. It was the tone of voice Armin got when he was being stubborn. And when he got stubborn, who was I to deny him? I always did want to push him into being surer of himself.

I sighed again, my shoulders heaving with the sound. "Fine," I relented. I glanced at the fork in the road once more. Commander Erwin and the others had already passed the fork. Now would be the best chance to move.

"Jean," I called. A beat passed before he looked over at me, the lines in his face taut with… something. Worry, maybe, or regret. "We'll be heading off for a while."

It took a moment too long for my words to sink in. I frowned, feeling worried for him. "Where?" he rasped.

I hesitated. "A brief stop somewhere."

His lips turned down in an aggravated frown. "That's not answering my question, Vale."

"It's nothing. We'll meet back with you before you guys are too far away from Karenese."

"Dani – "

"Calm down and let them go already," Reiner interjected, voice booming. He turned his eyes to me, gaze stern. "As long as you're not going to get into any trouble."

"Of course not," I replied hastily.

"Like I would let her," Armin piped up.

As if I had the tendency to get in trouble.

… I didn't get into trouble that often.

Did I?

"Get going," Reiner said, straightening. "You look like you need it, Dani."

I shot hi a grateful smile before snapping my reins, veering off to the left. Behind me, I could hear an almost echo of hooves behind me.

I inhaled slowly, glancing back at the rest of the recruits, my gaze fixed on Reiner's blonde head particularly. He always took such good care of all us younger ones. I felt bad for thinking – even if just for a second – he could be a spy.

But, well, it was still a possibility, wasn't it?

Deception only hurt so much because it turned out the person you thought you knew was someone else completely. I, of all people, should know people were hardly ever as one-dimensional as they tried to portray themselves. If anything, a person was like an onion, with layer upon layer. If you tried to get to the person at the core, you would end up shedding tears, because it stung.

I shook my head lightly. I was trying to be philosophical. For once, I just wanted to give my head a rest. It had been a long day and it only had the potential to get worse. Thoughts of spies and deceit could wait for tomorrow, couldn't they?

The journey passed in a blur and soon enough, I could see the yellowing walls of my house. I slowed to a stop in front of it and just took it in.

It was obvious the house was uninhabited, but it wasn't in disrepair like I had expected. The garden hadn't been overthrown by weeds and there were no holes in the roof. It had been looked after, as if someone had been waiting for the owner to return.

"Is this it?" Armin asked quietly. I didn't look at him as I dismounted, walking into the garden I had played in when I was younger. I nodded slowly, lips pressed together. My gaze swept over the garden, immediately drawn to a new addition – three grey stones hidden beneath the big maple tree.

Of their own accord, my feet brought me in front of them.

The headstones were simple rectangles, one smaller than the other two. I knelt between the bigger headstones. I reached out and traced the name on the left headstone.

Aaron Vale
Devoted husband and father
May his soul find peace

I heard the rustle of fabric as Armin knelt behind me as well. I tore my eyes away from the engraving to look back at him, vision blurring with tears. Armin just placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Your parents?"

I just nodded, unable to say anything. The tears were choking me and I had to force them away, blinking furiously.

"I should have been here," I croaked, turning my eyes to my mom's headstone. "I should have been the one to bury them."

He squeezed my shoulder. "You can't change the past."

No I couldn't, but I wish I could. Maybe then…

Then what?

I was eight when my parents were murdered. I wasn't strong enough; couldn't have been strong enough. I couldn't have known that was going to happen.

My eyes flicked between the two headstones before I bowed my head. They were gone. There was nothing I could do about that. The only I could do was to make sure their sacrifice hadn't been in vain, I suppose. I whispered a silent prayer for both of them before taking a deep breath.

"You're here too," Armin said. I didn't have to look to know he was staring at the headstone at the end; the only one with an empty grave.

"Yeah… I should take it down." It was disconcerting, seeing your own headstone, to say the least.

He stood up and pulled the stone out of the ground, looking down at it. His eyes were clouded over, like he was lost in his thoughts. He glanced at me and I could read the relief in his blue eyes – like he was glad I was here instead of down there.

He chuckled weakly. When he spoke, his voice was strained. "It's weird. Seeing it like this and…"

"Yeah." I stood up and gingerly took the headstone from him. "I'm here, not there." I looked down at the spot where the headstone had been.

"… I'm glad."

"Me too."

There were too many moments where I might not have made if it weren't for the others. I was glad I had made it through everything.

I ventured into the house, thinking of placing the headstone somewhere inside. It was morbid, but I imagined it wouldn't be so bad to be buried here, back in Karenese. Return to my roots and whatnot.

The door creaked as it opened. It obviously needed to be oiled, but no one had bothered. My eyes were drawn to the spot where mom had fallen. Naturally, it had been cleaned, but they couldn't quite get rid of the stain on the concrete. I pointedly ignored the dark stain, stepping over it.

Everything was covered in a layer of dust. The window was grimy and unwashed. The house had a musty smell to it, yet it still felt a little bit like home somehow. As if the warmth from my parents' presence still lingered after all these years.

Memories rushed back. There was the fireplace where we would sit in front of when winter came, listening to mom tell stories. The kitchen, where mom would sing as she made breakfast, lunch, dinner. The hallway, where dad and I had played an odd version of catch where I ran and he crawled.

I was startled out of my thoughts when the door creaked open once more, Armin poking his head in awkwardly.

"Can I… come in?"

I almost laughed. He acted as if I owned the house. Maybe I did, but it didn't feel like it.

"Sure," I answered, a bemused smile threatening to spread across my lips. I wandered around the living room, hands brushing across the walls. It was a pleasant surprise, seeing the house hadn't been ransacked as far as I could tell. The villagers might have taken turns guarding it. I wouldn't know.

I watched Armin out of the corner of my eye, seeing how his eyes darted around the room. He was analyzing it, in a way. It was less intense than when he was coming up with battle tactics, but still the same.

Finally, he said, "We don't have much time, Dani."

"I know. A couple more minutes."

He fidgeted, but followed behind me as I wandered into my old room. It was still the same, with the bed that had been too big and the dresser that was now too small. This room was a little tidier than the others for some reason. I placed the unnecessary headstone on the dresser, frowning at the wooden chest that was sitting on the bed.

"That wasn't there before," I murmured, picking it up. It was heavier than it was supposed to be. When I opened it, I saw it was full of a variety of things – letters, small trinkets, a pack of cards. I would have left it behind, but I saw a stack of letters that was addressed to me.

I could recognize the handwriting, just barely. It was written in the cursive, almost hesitant hand, of my mother. She was… writing letters to me? It didn't make sense.

"Dani? We really should go."

I shut the lid, making the decision to bring it with me. It was all I had left of my parents.

"Let's go." As we left the house, I paused in the doorway. I looked back once more before rapping my knuckles against the door frame. It'd be nice to come back one day, after all this was over. I took a deep breath and stepped over the threshold, heading towards Armin.

As he passed me my reins, I grasped his wrist. He looked at me quizzically. "Thanks," I said sincerely.

"For?"

"Being here. You're right; I would have hated being here alone."

He smiled slowly. "It's what friends are for."

Words could not express how grateful I was. As long as Armin was by my side, I was pretty sure I could handle anything. It was my job to make sure he stayed.

Danika Vale
Sweet Daughter
May she shine bright in the night sky