Karkat grumbled as he changed the wet towel on Misaka's feverish forehead. Why did humans have to be so fucking squishy!? Seriously, a light breeze was usually enough to knock one over. Thousands of years of being infected with the same lame human disease, and the flu still hadn't been eradicated? What were the human Docterminators playing at!? NOT medicide, that's for sure. But then again, since when were humans good for anything other than "friendship" and "love" and other squishy human emotions like that?

Take Misaka for example. She had known absolutely nothing about Skaianet and Sburb. It took weeks before he was able to get access to a computer long enough to find out that Skaianet industries had burned to the ground a little over a year ago, and all of the data regarding the Sburb project had been wiped from its servers. After his discharge from the hospital, he had been more or less railroaded into freeloading off of Misaka, lest the government notice his presence and deport and/or dissect him. Of course, her insistence not to rely on her parents for income, coupled with her absolute inability to keep a part-time job for more than a week without causing some sort of "electric accident", led to them very nearly being evicted. Karkat was forced to publish, using a pseudonym, the shitty romance novel he'd been trying to write. He'd been forced to include an introductory guide to the quadrants and Alternian society in the appendix, but for some reason the book was a smash hit. Of course, the complicated steps he took to preserve his anonymity led to him receiving such a tiny margin of profits that he still barely had enough cash left after paying rent to feed the two of them on ramen. He'd tried to convince Misaka to just ask her ridiculously rich family for cash, but her pride kept her from doing so. Seriously, if she had any more pride, she would be on par with that white text douchebag. It was that bad. So yeah. Humans were worthless.

Karkat stepped out onto the balcony out back to get some fresh air. He realized he was ranting again. His brain was addled, he was pissed off, and Misaka needed to stop being so pitiful. Platonically speaking. Definitely platonically. Karkat heard a gasp from his left, and turned to see a silver-haired girl in a nun costume looking at him from the next door balcony, with her mouth wide open. He wasn't wearing his hoodie, was he. Or any of his other "please don't cull me I'm a human like you" outfit. Which meant that this little girl was seeing his horns, grey skin, and yellow eyes.

Fuck. Gotta play it cool.

"It's impolite to stare, dumbass," said Karkat, exposing every single one of his razor sharp teeth.

The girl screamed as she ran into the apartment.

"TOOOOUMAAAAA! There's a demon next door!"

Well shit.

Touma sighed as he followed Index to the door of the apartment next to his. Admittedly, he still had yet to meet the new resident of the apartment next door, but he doubted they were demonic, or anything of that sort. Odds are it was just some otaku cosplaying an obscure shonen manga. The resident of the apartment finally began to answer the door, and Touma turned to Index.

"See, Index? You were mistaken. This person is just a completely nor-"

Touma's words died as his brain registered the person standing before him. The guy was almost a head shorter than him, with scraggly black hair, bags under his eyes, and scowl plastered across his face. He was wearing a grey hoodie, but Touma could still clearly see his grey skin, glowing yellow eyes, and nubby horns peeking out from beneath the hood.

"Toooumaaaaa!" whined Index as she hid behind him.

"Horns..." muttered Touma as he stared at the guy in front of him.

"Spiky hair." replied the the guy in front of him as he flipped him off. "Now did you actually need something, or are you just here to gawk like a pair of assholes?"

Touma quickly recovered from the shock, replying to the demon-looking kid.

"Um, yeah... I realized that we hadn't properly introduced ourselves to you as your neighbors. So, that being said, my name is Kamijou Touma, and this is Index."

"The fuck? The gift of gab must be malfunctioning. sounded like you said her name was Index."

Index pouted at his response.

"That is my name! Index Librorum Prohibitorum at your service!"

The Demon kid frowned.

"Index of Forbidden Books? That's a really shitty name."

Index stuck her tongue out at him.

"I bet it's better than your lame name!"

"Fuck you, my name's awesome!"

Touma facepalmed. Couldn't they just get this introduction over with?

"Then how about you tell me your name, Demon guy! Or are you afraid, knowing that if I know your true name, I have total control over you!?"

"Okay, first: I'm a Troll, dumpass. Don't just stereotype people based on their appearance. Second: If you can control me just by knowing my name, WHY THE FLYING FUCK WOULD I TELL IT TO YOU!?"

Kamijou was about to try to calm him down when he saw a familiar face walking out from the bedroom.

"Karkat, stop yelling at the TV. They can't hear you, you know!" said Misaka Mikoto, who was wearing only an oversized Gekota shirt. She opened her mouth to say more, and then immediately closed it, seeing Kamijou Touma at the door.

"Biri-biri?" asked Kamijou, staring at Misaka with a hint of a blush rising to his cheeks. Her face, already red from her fever, turned even more ridiculously scarlet.

Touma felt the wind being knocked out of him as Karkat tackled both him and index to the ground, narrowly avoiding the railgun fired off above them.

Karkat leapt to his feet, rushing to catch Misaka as she collapsed, shouting all the way.

"Dumbass! If your going to join the 'I want to murder Karkat' club (currently made up of my ex-moirail, the empress herself, two omnicidal demigods, and of course whatever shitty deity decided to give me this stupid mutant blood), at least wait until you've recovered from your lousy human disease, you bulgefondling fuckwit!"

The Troll turned to Kamijou and Index.

"Don't just stand there like a pair of nookwhiffers! Help me move her to her bed."

Karkat sighed as he sat down with Kamijou and Index across the table from him.

"Alright then. Super asshole question rumpus time! I'll go first. That name. Index of Forbidden Books. What the shit is up with that?"

"I can't tell you tha-"

"She's got a bunch of magic grimoires memorized."

"Touma! What if he kidnaps me for access to the books!?"

Karkat sighed.

"I don't want anything to do with magic. Not after what happened with Eridan."

Touma gave a puzzled look. "Time for my question. Who's Eridan?"

Karkat looked away from him. "A friend of mine... I guess. I fucked up and didn't keep an eye on him. He got killed."

A small period of silence followed his statement. It was Index that broke it.

"I have a question! What's short-hair doing here!?"

Karkat gave a bemused smile. "Short-hair? If you mean Misaka, I'm the one who's technically freeloading off of her. Even though I'm the one paying all the bills because she can't keep a job worth shit."

Kamijou was again puzzled. "I thought she was an Oujo-Sama. She shouldn't have to work to pay her bills."

Karkat groaned at his statement. "Believe me, I tell her the same thing. But she insists that she wants to stop leaning on her parents for income."

Their conversation was interrupted when Misaka entered the room, sitting next to Karkat. She had changed into a normal outfit, although she was still a little red. She turned to address Touma.

"What are you doing here, idiot?"

Kamijou was about to respond when he was cut off by Karkat.

"Apparently, he found out you were sick and came to see if he could help out."

Kamijou wasn't sure why Karkat was lying to her, but he figured it might just be his attempt to calm her down.

"Index apparently came along to, and I quote, 'prevent idiot Touma from doing lewd things'."

Karkat watched as Misaka glanced away sheepishly, formulating a stuttering response. He gave a slight grin. Fucking called it. She's flushed for him.