Chapter 17: Revelations
The afternoon was filled with work, and still Cas got the feeling time had somehow slowed down. It was almost 6 when he finally opened the door to his apartment, all the way home scanning his surroundings, studying cars, and trying not to look to paranoid doing it. His flat was dark, but again, he knew Sam was inside as soon as he stepped over the threshold. He switched on the lamp made of rice paper, and found Sam sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall.
„Hi, Sam."
Sam stared at Cas´ multicolored face for a few seconds, and nodded. „Cas."
„You got my message... any problems?"
„There´s a car at the end of the road. The men inside are Japanese. They are too unsuspicious to be unsuspicious, if you know what I mean...and there´s two more men positioned at each end of the market place."
Cas blanched. „Dammit...are they...Yakuza?"
Sam shrugged. „Could be. Could also be they are form the CIA. Could also be Dean sent them to protect you." Cas digested this. „Huh", he said.
„Did they see you?"
Sam chuckled. „Cas, I wasn´t born is my world, remember?"
Cas fell into his low chair.
„Dean wants to meet you", he said flatly.
„WHAT? When?" Sam sat up straight, excitement in his face.
„Tonight, seven o´clock, at the tea house where he- where we..."
„Where he gave you that?", Sam asked, indicating Cas´ face. Cas shrugged. Sam´s face darkened. „I`ll have to punch him good for that."
Cas shook his head tiredly. „Sam, did you – have you ever thought about what to do if Dean – if he just doesn´t believe you? Or just – doesn´t WANT to leave his world here?"
Sam watched him carefully. The excitement was gone from his eyes.
„Cas, did – what happened? Besides him being a violent dick to you, and obviously brainwashed?"
Cas looked up at him. „I talked to him today, and – I think he´ll have a really hard time to wrap his head around the fact that you are alive, that you are YOU, that Yakuza isn´t the warm caring family who saved him, and that there´s a way out of this worth taking. I – it was pretty frustrating, really, and then there´s the fact that..." He hesitated.
Sam waited. „What!"
„Sam, he...sometimes I get the impression he...he might be schizzoid or something. It´s like he switches personality in front of your eyes, and it – dammit, it scares the shit out of me. And I think I´m falling for him nevertheless, and THAT scares me even more."
Sam sat bent forward, elbows on his bony knees. He looked at the floor, the threadbare rug.
„I never figured it would be easy", he murmured. „And if I – if we fail – well, I don´t think there will be much to worry about then." He rubbed his front. „I´m inside Yakuza now, officially, so it´s good he knows about me, and we meet, before I run into him there. My boss, Edo, he seems Dean´s first and worst opponent as far as I understand it, and I hope I can use that in some way." He looked up. „We´re running out of time, Castiel, our scheme will blow up eventually, so we should try to get Dean on board as soon as possible."
Cas nodded. „The official celebration of the treaty´s signing will be Friday, right before the big Festival. The delegations will be invited to partecipate at an entertainment program together, watch the processions and everything."
Sam nodded slowly. „Edo told me about it – there´s a tradition there, men showing off their tattoos, and obviously, a group of Yakuza men takes part in it, too. He will be there, and a few other higher ups...he´s planning something, I got that, I just have to find out what. He trusts me, God knows why, so I guess – whatever it is, I´ll be involved somehow."
„You think he might – he´s plotting against Dean?"
Sam shrugged. „Would make sense. If Dean´s out of the way, Edo´s next in row to follow up. And with the negotiations and all, he can blame the CIA. It was him who gave them the anonymus tips by the way, to have them take up his trail. He´s – he´s smart, Cas, and very ambitious. We shouldn´t underestimate him."
Cas sighed.
„Sam, I almost gave up today. When he – when Dean was so stubbornly holding on to Yakuza as his `family´, and just – the way he looked at me, like I was some...useful toy he´d dispose of once he...and then, when I finally got through to him somehow, he was this other man again, scared and confused and ...sweet. And I thought...I thought, dammit, he´s worth it. This guy in there is worth it all."
Sam stared at him for a while. A smile crept over his face, reached his eyes.
„Damn, you´re really falling for him", he said. Cas blushed.
Sam looked at his wristwatch.
„And now we should leave, if he´s waiting at the tea house for only one hour. With all the detours we´ll have to make to escape our surveillance detail, it´ll take us some extra time to get there."
„What if it´s a trap?"
Sam scanned the narrow passageway beyond them. Cas had never crossed half a city like that – climbing low walls, ducking under roofs, even runnig through houses two times, using backyards and lanes and alleys. How on earth did Sam find all these ways?, he wondered. Now, they stood on the low wall surrounding the backyard of a low building, leading directly to the back entrance of the tea house.
„We´ll play it cool", he said. „Dean is Yakuza, I am Yakuza, and I´ll just pass you as our man inside the US team. So...it´s just a nice Yakuza family chat in there. If Dean sells us out – well. We´ll see."
Cas fingered his nose. It started to shrink back into its usual form now, maybe a little crooked at a point where it had been smooth before Dean´s blow.
„Sam, if we get caught by Yakuza."
Sam looked at him. „Yes?"
„Can you just kill me? I don´t want to fall into their hands. I have a fairly good idea what they´ll do to people who want to play them. I´d rather die quick to be honest."
Sam glanced at him in the dim light. He nodded.
„OK", he finally said. „Let´s do this." He shook his head. „Dammit. I´m gonna meet my brother. Right now."
The narrow door was open, and they entered the backyard without seeing a living soul. They could hear low voices from the main house; there was light in the house at the back, mirrored in the large puddles on the yard´s wet ground. It had ceased to rain, and the air was heavy with humidity, leaving tiny drops of water on their hair and clothes.
Sam shot Cas a glance again. He nodded, and Sam pushed the gliding door to the side.
The room was lit with candles and a few paper lamps, which gave it a friendly, warm atmosphere. A dark figure leant against the wall, face in the shadows, posture elegant yet alert. Sam stepped into the room, and Cas silently closed the door behind them.
A few seconds passed, and then the dark shadow pushed itself off the wall, and stepped into the golden light.
Cas heard Sam´s breathing hitch. He just couldn´t look at him though, because Dean...Dean looked so breathtakingly beautiful his heart clenched painfully, and he just stared at him...the warm light softened his features, made him look so much younger, but maybe it was also the fact that he didn´t wear a tie and suit jacket, but only his white shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows. Cas could see the tattoos on his muscular lower arms, moving in the flickering light. Pictures from his dream ghosted through his mind, but he shoved them to the back energically. Cas could almost feel the tension under the seemingly relaxed surface – this was a tiger ready to jump his prey any second.
Sam seemed mesmerized, Cas noticed, when he finally managed to tear his eyes from the green eyes, the shadows below the cheekbones, the perfectly chiselled chin.
Suddenly, Sam stepped forward. His hands were twiching, as if he had to suppress the urge to raise his arms.
„Dean", he croaked. „It´s me... Sam."
Dean remained completely still, staring at Sam, taking in his large frame, the broad shoulders, the long hair. He cocked his head slightly, squinting at the face. Sam was silent, waited motionless, like a man being approached by a shy animal.
Dean´s chuckle came as a total surprise, and Cas didn´t even believe he´d actually heard it at first.
„You can´t be Sammy", he said, and it sounded almost relieved. „Sammy was - "
„An awkward, skinny 12 year old wearing too big glasses? With a collection of Superboy comics in a box he personally built with the help of his big brother?"
Dean´s head jerked up. The relief was gone from his face, and he squinted his eyes.
„How can you...how do you know about the box!", he whispered.
„You told me to sand it with paper three times before painting it, but I was too restless, and skipped the last, finest sand paper part. And then the surface wouldn´t become as smooth as it should. You painted Superboy´s sign on it for me anyway, but you said it didn´t make sense to invest any work at all if I lost my spirit at the last steps, ´cause it would make all the previous work worthless."
Dean was frozen to the spot. He stared at Sam, but seemed to be seing something entirely different.
„Sam glued a list of all of Superboy´s super powers on the inside", he murmured.
Sam grinned. „Super strength, heat vision, x-ray vision, telescopic and microscopic vision, flight, invulnerability, and super-speed sufficient to travel through both interstellar space and time", he recited, like praying some litany.
Dean seemed dazed. He spoke slowly when he went on, as if his mind was far away.
„And I always teased you about it...I liked Batman more, because -"
„Because saving the world is lame if you´ve got all those superpowers, but Batman is just a human being using his brain and body to do it, and that´s far more impressing."
„And he had a cool ride. Plus I think I used the word awesome", Dean murmured.
„That would make sense, as you used it a lot in general."
Cas watched them staring at each other. A longing had crept into Dean´s eyes when they scanned Sam´s face again. But then he took a step back.
„It can´t be", he whispered. „Sam is dead. You must have found that box."
His eyes turned hard.
„What do you want from me! Money? A place in Yakuza? Cas here -", he shot a glance at Cas, and he shivered at the contempt in it – „told me you´re in the business already. Should have chosen a different road to get to me, boy. Weaseling your way into my mind by telling me all those sappy old childhood stories – well planned, but you got it wrong, my friend. My family´s long gone, and you know what? I don´t care. I can´t bring my mother and brother back from the dead, and I feel nothing but contempt for my father. I hope he burns in Hell. You chose the wrong pressure point, sorry to disappoint you."
Cas felt despair rise in his chest. Here we are, he thought. Dr. Jekyll has left the building, and Mr. Hyde has taken over.
But Sam didn´t seem taken aback. He stepped forward again, closing in on Dean. Cas saw the muscles in Dean´s neck tense.
„Dean", Sam said, voice calm. „Dad looked for you for years. He rented a freaking storage room for all the material he´d collected, and when he couldn´t find you, or go against the people who did that to you..and murdered Mom...it killed him. Literally."
„You´re lying", Dean pressed out between his teeth.
Sam shook his head. „I´m not. You´ve been lied to, Dean." He raised his hands in a helpless gesture.
„You don´t want to believe me, I get that. But I AM Sam. It was me who broke that model plane of yours, the one you spent days building? The Curtis Warhawk? I never admitted to it back then, but I took it off the hook to play with it when you were at baseball practice, and of course it slipped my hands when I tried to hook it back to the ceiling. And I wanted to study the little pilot anyway, so when the window fell out, I pulled him off his seat, and – well, the rest of the part went with it."
Sam huffed. „I was – mortified. And I thought you´d rip my head off. And when you came home and found the shattered pieces on the floor -I knew that you knew it had been me, and you were so angry. But I – I just couldn´t tell you the truth, and I knew it made you sad." Dean´s face ... he´s getting through, Cas thought. Sam is getting through to him.
A tiny flame of hope flickered inside his chest.
„And then you didn´t throw the broken parts away, but built something new with it. And you gave it to me... you said it´s called Franky, which is short for -"
„Frankenstein´s plane", Dean croaked.
They were silently staring at each other. Cas felt like an intruder into their world.
That´s it . The turning point. We get to him now, or never.
„Pull up your shirt, and show me your back", Dean finally said, voice so rough it hurt listening to it. Sam looked at him for a moment, then he nodded. He shot Cas a reassuring smile. „I got a tattoo now, but it doesn´t cover the mole", he said, turning his back to Dean. Cas watched fascinated as Sam turned, and held his shirt up so Dean could face his left side. The writing already familiar to Cas sat above his left hip, „Non timebo mala". Dean reached out and traced the fonts, looking surprised.
„That´s...that´s what Dad had engraved on his gun", he said slowly.
„Yes", Sam said. Dean´s fingers wandered to Sam´s back, and stopped. Cas had noticed the large, oddly shaped mole there before ...it reminded him of a dog´s head.
„The sign of the Great Wa-ya, wolf of wolves", Sam said. „You told me stories about him. Hundreds I think."
„And you always asked for one more..." Dean´s voice was almost inaudible.
His arm fell down at his side. Sam turned back to look at him, and pulled his shirt down again.
„It´s really you", Dean whispered. „You are – you´re really Sammy."
He stumbled back against the wall, eyes widening. „They didn´t kill you. But how...how did you..."
„One of the men grabbed me and punched my head against the wall when I wanted to run after the thug who dragged you out. Hit me hard a few times. I passed out I guess...maybe they thought I was dead. I only woke up when Dad...when he found Mom. The sound he made..." Sam´s voice died.
Cas´ eyes darted from him to Dean. The man looked as if all energy had left him...lifeless, and so pale Cas half expected him to faint. His freckles stood out against the almost bluish skin, and Cas felt the urge to touch them, trace them..hold the man who´d just had his life turned upside down for the second time, all his beliefs, even his memories.
How can he ever...ever trust anyone again. How can he even trust himself, he thought, glancing at Sam briefly. He could see it cost Sam dearly not to plunge forward and hug his brother, his fingers twitched, and he seemed to bite down on his tongue.
„Dean", he finally choked out.
Dean moved eventually. He glided down the wall, as if his legs didn´t support him any more, face blank; when he´d reached the floor, he hugged his legs, pulled them close, and buried his head on his knees. It was such a childlike posture ... a kid hiding from a scary reality, or shutting himself inside his own world as the real one wasn´t bearable any more... Cas jerked when Sam moved, too, and stepped over to Dean, sitting down next to him, knees pulled up too, head leant back against the wall. He didn´t touch Dean. Cas sank down on one of the woven mats around the low table.
„We wanted to go watch the game later", Dean suddenly croaked, talking into his legs. „Dad´s precinct against the 45th. Dad couldn´t play because of his bad knee."
Cas watched him straighten up. Dean´s eyes were squeezed shut, and he rested his head against the wall like Sam.
„Mom had already made sandwiches. And pie. Her famous Grandma Campbell family recipe. It was all packed up and ready, basket and blankets and everything. We were only waiting for Dad to come home." There was only a faint trace of sound in his voice, mostly it was a hoarse whisper, rasping. „I heard someone knock at the door, and I wondered if Dad had forgotten his keys again and couldn´t get in. I remember Mom laughing when she opened. She said something like `Oh John, not again...´. And then someone said, `Good Evening, Mrs. Winchester. We are very sorry to intrude.´ They were so damn polite..."
Cas saw Dean open his eyes, staring at something in the past.
„I think Mom figured something was wrong, because she was already halfway to the kitchen when they got to her. I was just coming out of our room to see who was at the door. That was when one of the men grabbed her hair from behind, and jerked her head back, and slit her throat." Dean bent forward again, resting his elbows on his knees, heels of his hands pressed against his eyes. It looked as if he wanted to erase something from his memory. „She saw me standing in the doorway, frozen. She looked at me, and there was this...sound...like she tried to say something...it was... gurgling ...and when she fell to the floor, I finally could move again...I ran back into the room, and slammed the door shut, and I...I think I tried to shove the drawer in front of it. But of course, they were much faster. And stronger."
Sam stirred, watching his brother, face twisted. „You darted back into the room like – like you´d gone mad or something. And you shouted at me, and started to jam yourself against the drawer. I remember that all the stuff you´d built fell off, and my cups. `Get into the cupboard, Sammy, hide! Hide! Now!" You were panicking, and it scared the shit out of me, because you – you never panicked. Never...but I crawled into the cupboard. Not that it helped... I could see the men shove the door open like nothing. One of them punched your face, and then your stomach, and you went down without any sound."
Sam closed his eyes. „And then they dragged you out, and I – I couldn´t just let them take you, I – I burst out of the cupboard and screamed that they should let you go...and that was when I saw Mom on the floor, and all that blood, and...then the other man slammed my head against the wall, and all went dark."
They sat in silence after that.
Cas´ back started to protest against the uncomfortable way he was crouching on the floor; finally, he got up, and sat down on Dean´s other side, leaning back with a sigh.
„Dean", he said.
Sam looked at him, eyebrows raised. Dean raised his head, staring at Cas with a face so blank Cas went cold inside.
„Dean, may I ask you something? If you don´t want to answer...just don´t."
Dean heaved his shoulders up almost imperceptibly. He sighed, and leant his head back again, eyes closed. „Shoot", he sighed.
„What happened once they´d taken you from your home?"
He saw Sam flinch, and throw him a wild glance, but he looked back calmly. They´d have to get through this now. They couldn´t go on with their plan as long as there were still mines hidden under their very feet.
Dean didn´t answer for so long that Cas already gave up on getting any response at all.
He almost jerked when Dean suddenly spoke.
„It was dark. All the time. I was only half conscious when they dragged me down the stairs, and then one of them punched my temple so hard I passed out. When I woke up, I was locked into the trunk of a car, and my wrists and ankles were bound together. The drive was pretty rough. I think I puked a few times."
He paused a minute. „They put a black hood over my head when we stopped, so I couldn´t see anything from then on. I could tell we were at a harbor, and they dragged me up into the ship, and down many of those steep stairways. Guess we were pretty deep down in the ship´s belly when they threw me in some sort of cabin and closed the door. And that was it for a pretty long time. They hadn´t removed the hood, or the restraints, so I couldn´t move much. I found out that the room was tiny. I tried to turn in a circle, lying on the floor, and bumped my head all the time." He fell silent again for so long Cas glanced over at Sam. Sam´s face was stony, but his eyes glistened.
„I peed myself", Dean murmured. „Couldn´t help it."
Cas pictured 16 year-old Dean, lying on the floor inside a moving ship, bound and blindfolded, and with the picture of his dying mother in his head. He felt sick.
„I got really thirsty", Dean went on. „My stomach rumbled a lot, but I think I couldn´t have eaten anything anyway...but my mouth and throat went so dry it hurt. It really hurt. I got pretty dizzy then, I can´t really say what happened...but at some point, someone opened the door I guess, and hosed me down with sea water. It was so cold I – I ...but it woke me up a little. They pulled off my blindfold, but it was dark anyway. They let me drink." He licked his lips, as if remembering the feeling. „I´ve never... water has never tasted that good." He stared down at his hands. „That´s how it was from then on. They left the blindfold off, but there wasn´t any difference as it was pitch dark down there. And as I was drenched, it became pretty cold, too. At least I wasn´t hungry any more. They came with some water now and then, though. I think I slept a lot. And I think we got in a storm once. I rolled from one wall to the other for so long...and with the bound hands and feet, it was... I think I passed out again after a while. Next thing I remember, we were in a harbor, and the blindfold was back, and someone carried me to a car...I don´t know...there´s times I can´t ..like holes. But eventually I woke up in a ...a cell. More like a dungeon. It was practically the ship again, only they´d finally removed those bindings. Guess I was so weak by then I couldn´t have run if they´d left the doors open and turned their backs."
„But you – you must have been starving by then!", Cas said. „The passage from America is two weeks minimum...rather three!"
Dean shrugged. „I couldn´t even stand up properly. But then that was probably because of being tied up for so long, too. My muscles were sore and cramped all the time. But the – the worst was ... when they..." His voice faded away. Cas watched him squeeze his eyes shut forcefully, and pull his knees closer.
„There were two men, they brought water, and then some food eventually. And they always ...they yelled at me, asking questions again and again, but I – I couldn´t understand them. I didn´t even know it was Japanese by then. But they just kept yelling, and each time I couldn´t answer, they beat me, or cut me, or...or..." He took a shaky breath. „I wanted to die. So badly."
Sam moved his hand in Dean´s direction, but stopped short just before touching him.. Cas could see the wet trails running down his cheeks.
„And then this other man came", Dean went on. „He talked to me in English, and said he´d take me with him, and if I redeemed myself, I could be part of his family. He had me carried out on a gurney, and they brought me to a house in the mountains, and...I got well again after a while. There was another man who tought me...Japanese, and fighting, and more. School stuff. I was there for more than two years. The other man - Amaya...he came now and then to visit, and was happy to see I learned so fast. After a year or so, he brought two Japanese boys my age, and they stayed, the master tought us all three. It was...it was good to have someone else there." Dean´s face was calm again. „After about three years, they took me to Tokyo, and sent me to business school. I was – I´d never thought that, but I was pretty good. And Amaya was proud... when I got my degree, he told me I could work in one of his companies. So I did. It was a good time. I worked hard, and in the evening I went to training at a Dojo belonging to the company. It was two more years before he...Amaya..told me about Yakuza. I hadn´t known until then." Dean huffed. „And I – I didn´t care. They´d saved me from those bastards, and gave me so much, they – they gave me a life. So when Amaya said it was time to become a real member of the family, I was ... I was thrilled. And excited. He had told me more about the men who´d taken me, and about...Dad, and what he´d done. He showed me pictures...documents. I was..." He rubbed his front tiredly. „I was so angry. It was like...being eaten from the inside, you know? But Amaya said I had to use my anger to give me strength to fight those responsible for what had happened. And that by working hard for his family, I´d get there...get my chance. So I did."
Sam leant forward, taking off his glasses, and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
„You never doubted his words?", he asked.
Dean looked at him uncomprehendingly. „Why would I?", he asked. „ He´d been good to me. And he showed me proof." He glanced at his hands again.
„He is the oba san. And I am honored by his interest in me."
Cas and Sam exchanged a look.
„Dean", Sam said hesitantly. Dean looked up. It´s unnerving to look into an unreadable face, Cas thought. I can understand my fellow Americans at the ambassy now.
„You can see how it was all one sick plan? How they used you to ... to derise Dad´s efforts to bring them down? They turned you into one of them, their weapon, and that was maybe the worst punishment of all. Worse than killing Mom."
Dean´s face was controlled. He straightened his shoulders. „I need to get some information. To be sure... who to blame." He scrambled to his feet, and Sam and Cas hastily got up, too. Dean rolled down his sleeves, and grabbed his jacket from the sideboard. He looked pensive. „I still can´t...", he started, but didn´t finish the sentence.
„Dean", Sam said urgently. „I can give you all the proof you want, for this despicable way they tricked you into ..this. But we have to get you out of their claws, first. And destroy them."
Dean looked at him as if he was a madman.
„Destroy Yakuza?", he asked, chuckling disbelievingly. „Sammy, do you have ANY idea how huge this organisation already is? How well organized? If you´re lucky, we can harm one little branch, and that´s it. And we´ll have the rest of them on our heels for the rest of our lives."
Sam stepped forward, and grabbed Dean´s arm. Cas caught his breath. He could see Dean tense, and look at Sam´s hand on his sleeve; but he didn´t shake him off, or tear his arm away, or punch him. Well, that´s something, Cas thought.
„I know that, Dean. But if we can hurt those who did this to us...make them pay for it...it´s a sign. We need to show them they can´t just do things like that and go away unpunished. And Cas and I, we have a plan that might hurt them more than it looks like now, on the long run. We´ve already gathered lots of information to hand over to the authorities...it will slow Yakuza down immensely, and cost them dearly. With you on board, we can hurt them even more." Sam looked at Cas for support. Cas stepped closer, and for the first time since they´d entered the tea room, Dean looked at him. Something flickered in Dean´s eyes.
„My innocent little translator", he murmured, and it sounded tired. „I should have known you were too good to be true."
Cas bristled, and in the corner of his eye, he saw Sam frown, and realease Dean´s arm.
„Dean", he said, stepping even closer. I have to make him trust me now, or he´ll never be able to, he thought a little desperately. He grabbed both of Dean´s upper arms, and felt the muscles tense immediately. Dean´s face was blank.
„What do you want from me, Cas", he asked, voice rough. His eyes were on Cas´ mouth.
„I want you", Cas simply said.
Dean´s head jerked up, and his eyes widened in surprise for a moment.
„What I said the other day...I meant it", Cas murmured. „It´s never been like that before."
Dean´s eyes bore into his, he´s looking for the trap, the hook, the scheme, Cas thought.
When Cas raised his hands to cup Dean´s face, he didn´t flinch though. Cas´ thumbs caressed his cheekbones, down to his lips...so gorgeous...so inviting...and Cas closed in on Dean until they were chest to chest, and kissed him. Soft, and chast, compared to the wild violent sucking and biting they´d mostly dived into so far. Dean´s eyes fluttered shut, and Cas felt some of the tension leave his body. When he ran out of breath, he kept his hands on the sides of Dean´s head, and leant his front against the other man´s.
„I want you, Dean", he repeated.
They stood like that for a while...Cas heard Dean´s wristwatch again, tick...tick...tick...
Then Dean took Cas´ hands with his own, and pulled them off his face. He stepped back, and looked at them both, eyes serious.
„Tell me about your plan", he said.