Epilogue

The waves sloshed against the stones littering the sandy beach in a steady, uncessing movement, the sound a reassuring background to Sam´s wayward thoughts. The months since they´d left Japan had gone by so fast, first filled with all the measurements it took to be sure Yakuza really wasn´t following or tracking them (the bodies and personal evidence Dean had placed inside the building he was then blowing up so spectacularly obviously had done the trick, pursuading Japanese and Americans of their death alike...) He turned his head lazily to his side, eyes still heavy with sleep, and crusted with salt from his earlier swim. His brother´s tattooed back was only a few metres away, lean and muscled, the skin on his uninked shoulders now tanned and dusted with freckles, just like Sam remembered from their childhood summers, a layer of almost white sand sticking to the carp tattoo like a scabby second skin. Dean was glancing out over the water, and it wasn´t hard to guess who he was looking for; following the direction of his brother´s gaze, Sam sure found Cas´ skinny form far away, where the steep rocky coast embraced the small, remote bay, no doubt collecting beautifully colored stones, driftwood shaped into pieces of art by the sun and the sea, or white shells and starfish remains.

Dean and Cas. Sometimes he wondered how both of them had even lived, had kept breathing without each other ... without the constant touching, the teasing, the arguments and fighting about important matters like cars, or which word to use to insult an especially unpleasant fellow human in English and Japanese. And without the long hours of quietly enjoying each other´s company, not talking or doing anything special, just walking along the beach, preparing meals, or lying in the sand staring at the sea and the sky. Watching each other work, Cas sitting on the dry grass, leaning against the wooden shed´s wall when Dean was working on the old battered car he´d somehow „won" (he hadn´t been too clear about the details), following his lover´s movements with hooded eyes – and Sam had to admit, Dean looked so sexy in his sleeveless shirt, all dirty, and his skin smeared with grease and sweat, and with this blissful expression on his face he had reserved for his handiwork, he couldn´t blame the guy. Dean, on the other hand, loved to lay down at Cas´ side when the other man was reading or writing, always touching him somewhere, even if it was only his fingertips grazing the rim of Cas´ shirt. It was as if Dean needed the reassurance, still, that all of this was real, was his life now, and wouldn´t be ripped away from him, that he wouldn´t wake up in a dark cellar somewhere, or back in a life he hadn´t chosen for himself.

„Hey, sleepy head."

Sam blinked, squinting up at his brother´s smiling face. Dean had turned around, his hair spiky and standing in all directions, tips bleached from the hours out in the sun.

„I´m not sleeping", Sam murmured.

„Yeah, tell that to your snoring self", Dean answered, his grin making him look ten years younger, just like the carefree boy Sam had known... before. It had taken it´s time, but they got glimpses of him more and more often now, not only from Dean, but Cas also, and Sam had to admit he had changed, too, feeling free and unburdened and... happy for the first time in a long while. He realized some of his old self was seeping back into him, or crawling out from wherever he´d hidden it, when he found himself sitting at the kitchen table with the others, and realized they were all staring at him, barely managing not to grin or laugh.

„What!", he´d asked, insecure of what to make of their faces.

Cas shook his head, smiling. „Nothing, it´s just – you talked like for ten minutes without a pause, Sam."

„Got worried you might pass out from lack of oxygen", Dean added. „I remember now – you used to do that as a kid."

„Do what! Talk? Of course I talk!"

Dean chuckled. „That´s not TALKING, Sam. It´s more like – a highly efficient secret weapon?"

„Talking people around you into a state of mental paralysis", Cas nodded.

Sam had huffed. „Doesn´t seem to work on you guys, though."

„That´s because we are special", Dean said, tone fake earnest and face almost serious. Cas sniggered in a very unmanly way. „And then, it´s as I said – I´ve been exposed to your powers from early on. Guess I´m immune." He´d smiled at Sam over the table, corners of his eyes crinkling. „You were such a weird kid, Sam – your nose always in a book or building a model of our planetary system or watching ants and bugs in one of your jam glasses. And you were so shy with other people – unless anyone made the mistake of getting you going on one of the topics you were wrapped up into at the time. Man, you could talk anyones´ ears off! I think you even scared your teachers sometimes."

Sam shook his head, laughing. „He´s so NOT telling the truth here", he said to Cas, who was obviously having a good time imagining a lanky, awkward 12 years-old Sammy not leaving his teachers a leg to stand on.

„I was only sharing my information! They -"

But at that point, small hands had touched his shoulders from behind, and warm lips had tickled his right ear.

„Oh, but I think he is, my love", Kiyoshi had murmured into his ear, her breath grazing over his skin and giving him goosebumps all over his body. „And I´m happy when you´re talking, ´cause I love to hear your voice."

He´d pulled her tiny frame onto his lap, then, and Dean had elbowed Cas out of the room in a hurry („Let´s get outta here before those two lovebirds start desecrating our kitchen again..."), and they sure weren´t talking much during the next hour.

Kiyoshi ... who now came down from the house, a tiny figure from afar, almost childlike, but in those sexy cut off jeans he loved and a checkered blouse knotted high above her belly button, looking like the Japanese Coke Girl.

The happiness inside him peaked and swelled until he thought he couldn´t even bear it any longer without jumping up and running and shouting and laughing and swirling someone through the air; and seeing Dean´s smile when he looked up at the minute girl, open and without shadows in his eyes ... he sat up, shaking the dry sand off his back.

He felt Dean´s eyes on him, and glanced at his brother.

„What!", he grinned, expecting Dean´s usual teasing. But the other man looked at him for a moment without speaking, then let his gaze drift over the bay, his boyfriend´s figure out there at the water line, the girl approaching them. Finally, he looked back at Sam.

„Thank you", he murmured, reaching out, and touching Sam´s arm with his fingertips.

„Thanks for saving me...for this. For not giving up on me when I myself had already done so."

Sam smiled, staring at the impression his back had made in the sand.

„You don´t have to thank me, Dean,", he said. „You know I saved myself as much as you. And without Cas, I wouldn´t have made it."

„I know", Dean said quietly. „But I – I want to. So – thank you, little brother, who just had to grow into a giant moose while I was gone just to annoy me."

Sam chuckled. „Yeah, I totally did that on purpose so I could pay you back for all the times you wrestled me down when we were kids."

Kiyoshi was near now, he could see the bottles of soda she was carrying in her arms.

He squinted at his brother.

„Are you happy, Dean?"

Dean looked up, a little surprised. He didn´t answer immediately, but looked over at Cas in the distance, bowed deep over something in the sand. When he looked back at Sam, his green eyes were sparkling, like lit form within.

„I am", he simply said. „I am, Sam. Are you?"

Sam held his arm out at Kiyoshi, who had stepped close between them now, waving the soda bottles, and let herself fall unto the sand at Sam´s side. He pulled her close, kissing the top of her head.

„I am", he said. „Yes, Dean ... I am."