Holy smokes! I'm really sorry that its been so long. School, moving, busting my foot in Providence, ect. Yeh. Just trust.

Anyway, love and kisses to all those who stick by me and I love the love I see from my loyals! Also, I don't own it, I just write it.

"Carly?" I was moving very slowly and smiled when I saw her sitting in her chair looking at an album. She got up silently with a big smile on her face. She walked over to me gracefully and fell into my arms.

"I really missed you." She said from my side and she sounded so sincere. Her voice was nothing like it had been when she was naked earlier. This was my Carly. I held her tight and enjoyed the scent of her kumquat shampoo. She backed away slightly and smiled as she looked into my eyes. I felt my face pull into a grin. She had such powers over me. She moved in slowly and carefully as she closed her eyes. She hesitated slightly right in front of my lips as if she were asking for permission. This was my shy Carly. I gave her permission by closing the gap between us.

I tasted the mint toothpaste that she loved and the pineapple lip balm that she had bought last week. I was fighting the urge to pass out from how amazing I was feeling.

I can't tell you how long we were kissing. It seemed long, but I don't think that I was even fully conscious for a lot of it. It didn't go into making out or anything, we were just enjoying each other's lips. When she broke away with a small smooch sound, I could still feel her breathing on my lips. I pecked her lips quickly before I backed away a little more. I was grinning. I felt it. I probably looked stupid, but she looked so happy. I leaned her forehead onto mine and giggled as she stared up at me.

"What's in the book?" I said softly.

"Us." Sure enough, the photo on the front was of her sitting at a birthday cake and me with an arm around her. We were both grinning like little kids do. That was from the first birthday that I was invited to. I had terrorized most of the other kids and even some of her family that day when they tried to do something with her without me. I remember that she didn't mind at all and said that I was more fun anyway.

As we flipped though the pages while sharing the same tiny seat, we giggled softly. We spoke quietly as we talked about all of the images. Of course, my good feeling would be fleeting. We came across an image of Mr. Shay and I immediately felt Carly's hand claw onto my pant leg. Her breathing hitched and became heavy in an instant. I swiftly put my arms around her and held tight.

Before I knew what was going on, she had pushed me back and had started to make out with me. She was so intense about it. She was so harsh, I was almost afraid of what she was going to do to me. Her hands flew over my body in a blur. She was clawing and pulling at my skin and clothes and I was struggling beneath her frenzied body.

She had my pants unbuttoned and most of my top off before I was able to get out from under her with a thud as I hit the floor. Gasping, I scuttled away from Carly. She sat stunned and panting.

"Carly! Why do you keep doing that?"

"Because I want to." She said with her eerie voice. I drew my hands to my chest and held my body. I gathered myself for a minute before I crawled to sit next to her. She looked around her with angry eyes and I waited.

"Why do you keep saying no?" She asked, irritated.

"Not like this, Carls. I want you to want me, not to use me to try to fix that broken piece. Its not going to work like that and then you'll be hurt and feel bad. I don't want that to happen. I want only good memories of us being together that way. If you want to cry about this, if you want to scream about this, do it! We just can't do...that. Its not going to work and it wont make you feel better." I didn't want to admit that. I was realizing over the past day or so that I when she came to me to "feel better", it wasn't because she wanted me. I didn't really want to let it go though. It was so incredible being with her. She feels so good and she is so beautiful. I don't want to give that up, but I don't want to see her so confused and mixed up anymore.

"You make me feel better. Why can't you just do this for me?" She sounded right on the edge of frustrated tears. I had to convince myself that this was the best thing for her. I couldn't think of anything to reply with. I just held on to her tight for a bit.

"I want you to...feel better before we can have that good feeling together. I can wait as long as you need to be held onto." She struggled a little, but I think it was just for show. She didn't seem to try very hard or put any force behind it. She was lightly battering my shoulders and knees, but her movement died off as her body started to jump with her sobs.

"Why is this so hard, Sam? I just want it to be over."

"Carly, its only been a day."

"I don't even know why I'm going so crazy. I just...I can't get a grip."

"That's okay, Cupcake. You'll get there."

"I didn't even love him that much." She said bluntly as her face grew angry. I was shocked for a second by the admission.

"You don't mean that." I said, sympathetically.

"Yeah I do mean it, Sam!" She was pissed for a moment, but then she started to look around her quickly.

"Well, I mean at least not the way that I'm supposed to."

"Supposed to?"

"Well yeah. It kind of feels like he's... a distant uncle who comes to visit sometimes. He was hardly around. It's like I never had any parents, just Spencer. I only vaguely remember my mother. I really try to. I watch all the home movies and look at all of the pictures, but I can only have little tiny pieces of her. I can remember her caring, though. I can remember her singing to me and dancing with me, it's just that the figure is blurry in my memory."

"Its different with my dad. I know what he's like, but I feel like he cared so much more about his job than being with us, even after mom was gone. All I wanted for so long after was him. And I did get him for a little while. He took a full six month leave. And he was almost starting to feel real to me, but then he left...again. He was hardly ever back after that." She had curled up against me more and more as she talked, like she was searching very hard for comfort. She had stopped crying and as I looked down at her, I noticed how angry she looked. It was not the emotion that I was expecting.

"Carly, he loved you a lot. You know that, right?" I spoke lightly to her, hoping to bring her up just a bit. She rolled her eyes.

"Sure he did. How would you know anyway?" She spoke with a glare. I ignored her instigating tone of voice.

"I know he did because he's your dad, Carls. I mean, my mom ain't winning any mother of the year awards, but I know that she loves me."

"You're really not making a very good defense with that example, Sam." She sounded almost snobby. I kept having to remind myself that this was Carly and that I couldn't and wouldn't attack her. It was beginning to get difficult to ignore her bad mood.

"I'm sorry, Carly. I'm trying." I held my head. She didn't move for a while and I started when I felt her arms around my neck. She didn't say anything. We didn't move. I realized that we were at a stalemate, but what could we do? So we stayed.