I own none of the characters of October Road or the song What if I said by Anita Cochran
(Female)
We've been friends for a long long time
You tell me your secrets and I tell you mine
She's left you all alone and you feel like no one cares
But I have never failed you and I have always been there
(Male)
You tell your story it sounds a bit like mine
It's the same old situation it happens every time
Can' t we see oh maybe you and me
Is what's meant to be
Or do we disagree
Chorus
What if I told you (what if I said)
That I loved you
How would you feel
What would you think
What would we do
Do we dare cross that line
Between your heart and mine
Or would I lose a friend
Or find a love that would never end
What if I said
(Female)
She doesn't love you
Oh it's plain to see
I can read between the lines of what you're telling me
(Male)
And he doesn't hold you the way a woman should be held
How long can I go on keeping me these feelings to myself
Chorus
(Male)
Oh we've both had our share of loneliness
(Female)
So who's to say that we can't have a little happiness
(Male)
And if I found that in you
(Female)
It would make my dreams come true
(Male)
Or would you walk away
(Female)
Hear what I have to say
Chorus
What if I said
Oh
What if I said
Eddie Latekka was sitting in his living room watching the clock and television when a car pulled into his driveway and beeped. He muted the television and yelled up to his roommate. "Janet your date is here." Eddie couldn't stand that guy. His father would shoot him if he ever just pulled up to a girl's house and beeped his horn. His dad taught him how to respect a woman and Janet's boyfriend had no respect for her and it really pissed Eddie off because his roommate, his friend, deserved someone who respected her.
"Have you seen my watch?" Janet asked walking into the living room. Eddie reached over and picked up her watch that was sitting on the end table.
"Right here where you left it genius." Janet came over and snatched it out of his hand.
"Why are you sitting in your recliner on a Friday night and not out on the town with the flavor of the week?"
"I don't do flavors. I'm looking for the one."
"Yeah right!" Janet cracked with a grin and Eddie grinned back.
"So what are your plans for this evening?"
"Dinner and then maybe Sully's. I'm not sure what his plans are."
"What about your plans Janet? What about what you would like to do?"
"I'm game for whatever Jeremy wants to do."
"Bullshit Janet. You two never do what you want to. It's always what he wants."
"Part of being in a relationship Eddie is sacrificing for the other. I can't very well force him to do something he doesn't want to."
"Man, my bullshit meter just spiked. I seem to recall a time when you were drug to a concert of a band that you hate.
"Drop it Latekka."
"I'm just pointing out the obvious." Jeremy blew his horn again. "And will you remind that jackass that we have neighbors and not to honk. It's rude."
"Have fun tonight." Janet leaned down and kissed his cheek.
"You too." Janet grabbed her purse and headed out to the waiting car.
Eddie and Janet had been roommates for two years. They had been friends since high school and they had become even better friends when Janet began working at Sully's. One night at the bar, during casual conversation Janet mentioned that her lease on her apartment was up in a mouth and she was considering looking for a new place because her rent was going up by a hundred dollars if she stayed. Phil had just overcome his agoraphobia and moved in with his girlfriend so Eddie had an opening for a roommate so without even thinking it through he offered Janet the extra room.
"Very funny Eddie. Maybe I should cut you off."
"I'm serious Janet. You need a new place to live and I need a roommate."
"Thanks but no thanks."
"Why the hell not?"
"Because you aren't exactly sober and I've learned that you should never agree to a request from a drunk guy because more often than not he will regret it in the morning."
"I'm not that drunk."
"Bartender." Janet pointed to herself. "I know when people are drunk."
"I'm serious about my offer. Just think about it."
"Tell you what. I'll think about it." She told him but she had no intention of doing so.
The next night Eddie returned to the bar and headed straight for Janet. Seeing him on a stool Janet poured him his favorite beer and handed it to him but he pushed it away. "Not thirsty?"
"I want to make you the offer to move in with me again and this time there will be no doubt in your mind that I'm sober."
"Knock it off Eddie."
"I am dead serious Janet. There are two bathrooms and three bedrooms, two bedrooms upstairs and one downstairs with a bathroom on each floor. You can have the entire upstairs to yourself and I've done some math and if you move in with me then you will actually be paying less. We will split everything in half, the rent, cable, gas, electric, water and trash. Food we can either buy and cook ourselves or we can split the groceries and cook together, whatever you want. I have all of the numbers here for you." Eddie slid a piece of paper across the bar to Janet.
"You really are serious about this aren't you?"
"Yeah I am." Janet stared at the paper with the numbers he gave her.
"Don't you think it will be kinda awkward when you bring your flavor of the week home?"
"That's why you can have the whole upstairs, to avoid the awkwardness. So what do you say…roomy?"
Janet took a minute to look over the numbers that Eddie had written down and she had to admit the deal that he was offering her was better then she could have found on her own and how bad could it be living with a guy, with Eddie? If anything went wrong he would be there to fix it and they did get along well so how bad could it really be?
"All right. I'm in."
The two and a half years that Eddie and Janet had been roommates had been well. They rarely fought and if they did it was usually over Eddie not cleaning up after himself but those fights were few and far between. Janet had turned one of the bedrooms into a makeshift living room but the only time she ever really used it was when Eddie had a girl over which wasn't as often as one would think.
The two of them were pretty good friends when Janet moved in and surprising them both they grew closer. They spent most of their free time together both in and out of the house and they got to know practically everything about each other. They talked about anything and everything including sharing their secrets and without even realizing it they had become the best of friends.
Eddie had brought home his fair share of women home and Janet knew most of them from the bar and she wasn't particularly fond of any of them but she never said anything and he never asked her for her opinion because he knew she would be brutally honest and he didn't want to hear it. Janet had dated a few guys over the years and she avoided bringing them home because the few times she had brought a guy home, Eddie gave them the third degree much to Janet's embarrassment but Eddie defended his actions by telling her that he was only looking out for and protecting her which usually caused a fight because she would become furious when he said that because as far as she was concerned she didn't need his protection. She was a grown woman who was capable of making her own decisions.
Eddie learned to keep his mouth shut because the last time he questioned a guy that Janet was dating she didn't speak to him for a week so when Jeremy came into the picture he kept his mouth shut even though he wanted to say something because he couldn't stand the guy but he valued Janet's friendship too much to risk giving her his opinion on the jerk she was seeing. Jeremy wasn't out right mean to Janet and he didn't physically hurt her because if he did there would be no place he could hide if he laid a hand on his friend but Eddie did not like the guy. He hated the way he treated her from the way he expected her to wait on him to the way he just pulled into their driveway and beeped the horn, expecting her to come out and the worse thing about the whole thing was Janet did wait on him and run out to the car when he beeped the horn and it pissed him off. His friend deserved so much better than that jerk.
Something shifted inside of Eddie when Janet began to date Jeremy. He was pretty sure that he shouldn't be jealous of the guy that his friend was dating but he was. He was jealous of hell that Jeremy was the one that got to hold her hand, kiss her lips and make love to her. When Jeremy started staying the night it drove Eddie nuts thinking about what they were doing upstairs so he began leaving the house and that's when he realized that he was in love with his roommate. He had no idea when it happened but he knew it had happened. His heart starts beating furiously whenever he sees her. He finds himself just staring at her when she's not paying attention and he is marveled by her beauty, a beauty she doesn't even realize that she has. Occasionally she kisses him on the cheek it sends his heart into overdrive and tonight when she left and kissed him she bent over to kiss him she gave him a nice view of her cleavage and the black bra she was wearing and he almost lost it. He had it bad and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. He wasn't willing to risk his friendship for something that he may never have because she may not; she probably doesn't feel for him what he feels for her.
Janet was surprised when Jeremy pulled into her driveway a few hours after she left home that Eddie's truck was there. He hasn't been going out as much as he used to when they first met. He has been hanging out more at home with her. She just wished that tonight he wasn't there because he and Jeremy didn't get along which made things uncomfortable for her.
"Great. What the hell is he doing here?" Jeremy grumbled.
"He lives here." The two of them walked into the house in silence into the living room where they found Eddie watching a boxing match.
"Sweet. I forgot that this was on." Jeremy said making himself comfortable on the couch.
"So I take it that we are watching this incorrigible display of violence." Janet said.
"We sure are." Eddie rolled his eyes and focused them back on the television.
"So what are you doing home? I thought that you were going out." Janet settled on the couch in between Jeremy and Eddie's chair.
"She had to work later than expected."
"Are you still going out?"
"Maybe. Not sure."
"Hey babe, get me a beer." Jeremy suddenly said.
"She's not your personal bartender. In fact she is off work. The kitchen is to the left." Eddie said.
"Eddie." Janet chastised. "It's no big deal. I was just going to get myself a beer." She lied in an attempt to keep the peace between the two men in her life. "Do you want something?"
"No. I'm good." Eddie answered. Janet got up and went to the kitchen. He couldn't believe that she actually was getting him a beer and he found that he was really angry. Not with Janet but with the jerk sitting on the couch and he knew that if he didn't get out of the house soon he would beat the hell out of him so when Janet returned and handed him the beer Eddie got out of his chair.
"Where are you going?" She asked him.
"Out."
"What about the fight?"
"Suddenly. I really don't care about the fight."
"Eddie we can go upstairs and watch the fight."
"No Janet we can't. It's pay-per- view and you can only get pay-per-view on the main box." Jeremy told her.
"Stay Eddie. You should watch the fight you paid for."
"I don't want to watch the damned fight." He snapped and he saw Janet flinch at the tone of his voice. "Janet…I…"
"Just go."
"Fine. Have a great night." Eddie grabbed his keys and stormed out of the house.
It was after two in the morning when Eddie returned home and he was thankful that Jeremy's car was gone. He wasn't sure if he could stomach knowing that the two of them were upstairs together making love. After he left he went to Sully's and until the bar closed he nursed a couple of beers and thought about Janet. By the time he walked into the house his mind was no more clearer then it was when he walked out. He stepped into the house and the living room lamp turned on.
"What the hell?" It took a minute for his eyes to adjust. "Janet?" She was sitting on the couch. "Are you okay?"
"What in the hell crawled up your ass to get you so creased?" He could see the anger all over her face.
"I'm sorry."
"Not good enough Eddie. Your childish little snit ruined my night and all you can say is your sorry?"
"What else besides sorry should I say?"
"An explanation would be nice."
"An explanation for what?" He asked although he knew the answer.
"Well for starters why do you always have to pick fights with Jeremy?"
"I don't like the guy."
"So you pick fights?" Eddie shrugged his shoulders. "Look I have a father and a brother who butt into my life enough. I sure as hell don't need you doing it as well. We both live here and Jeremy is my boyfriend and you're going to have to deal with him so butt the hell out of my life."
"I can't."
"Excuse me?"
"You're my friend and I can't just stand by and let you ruin your life."
"Being my friend does not give you the right to treat my boyfriend like crap."
"He treats you like crap Janet. Why can't you see that?"
"No he doesn't." She whispered.
"Open your eyes and look around Janet." He shouted. "He doesn't respect you enough to walk up to the door when you guys have a date. He just sits in his car and beeps, waiting for you to run out to him like a freaking puppy which you do every time. You wait on his every need and he never says please or thank you."
"What are you a kindergarten teacher?" Janet snapped, hoping to end this conversation because she didn't like where it was going. She didn't want to hear the truth that she knew, deep down, Eddie was speaking.
"You never do what you want to do. You're dates are always about him and what he wants. He never calls you to see how your day is. You are the one who always makes the calls and sometimes you go days without hearing from him and I see how that tears you apart and I hate that."
"This is my life and I should be able to live it how and with who I want to."
"And is he who you want to spend the rest of your life with, being treated like crap?"
"He doesn't treat me like crap. He loves me." She whispered lamely.
"Then you have no idea what love really is then."
"Shut up Eddie. Shut the hell up."
"Jeremy does not love you. Are you so desperate to be loved that you can't see it, that you will just settle for the first asshole that shows you any attention?" He had never planned on saying this to her.
"Stop it." She mumbled tearfully.
"Are you so afraid of being alone, of not being loved that you are willing to be in a loveless relationship where you aren't treated how you deserve to be treated? You are a wonderful woman who deserves the best. You deserve to be cherished." Eddie felt like crap when he saw tears falling from her eyes.
"Go to hell Eddie."
"Janet…" He reached out for her but she jerked away.
"Don't touch me. I can't even stand to look at you right now." Janet walked away from him, upstairs to her room and slammed the door with more force than Eddie had ever heard. He followed her lead, walked into his room and slammed his door just as hard as she did.
Janet threw herself on her bed and sobbed. She hated fighting with Eddie and she hated that they were fighting over Jeremy. She knew that Eddie didn't like Jeremy and Jeremy felt the same about Eddie but Janet never really realized exactly why her best friend hated her boyfriend until tonight. An outsider would have thought that Eddie was being cruel but Janet knew that wasn't the case. She knew that he would never intentionally hurt her. He was just being honest and in this case, the truth hurt.
Eddie was right about everything he said. Jeremy was a jerk who didn't love her and treated her like crap. Janet knew it. She just wasn't ready to admit it to herself. What scared her the most was how Eddie had hit the nail on the head in regards to why she was with Jeremy. She knew she deserved more than what Jeremy was giving her but she was scared. The pickings of men weren't that great in The Ridge and she was scared that if she didn't have Jeremy then she would end up alone and being alone terrified her. Since she would never have the man her heart truly desired then she would end up settling for Jeremy.
The man that she desired was the one man who she could never have because Eddie would never look at her than more than his friend and roommate. Over the past few months, especially since she and Jeremy started dating, she began to look at Eddie in a different way. She was seeing him as more than a friend and she was constantly comparing the two men in her life and Eddie always came out on top. Janet realized that she saw a side of Eddie that he kept hidden from most people and it was a side of him that she adored. He was kind, sweet, thoughtful, protective, manly and he wore his heart on his sleeve. He was the first thought that crossed her mind when she woke up and the last as she drifted off to sleep. Every time she saw him, she got butterflies in her stomach and she had to struggle to act normal around him. She had just recently gotten brave and started kissing him on the cheek and she wanted so much more but she knew it would never happen.
Janet had considered telling Eddie how she felt about him but she quickly changed her mind because if she told him then he would have to remind her that she was not the kind of woman that he dated and he would tell her that he didn't feel that way about her and then things would become awkward between them, their wonderful friendship would be ruined and she would have to move out and would lose her best friend in the process and that friendship was not something she was willing to risk.
For the next two weeks Eddie and Janet didn't speak. Eddie wasn't sure of Janet's mindset so he steered clear of his roommate and Janet wasn't necessarily angry at him; she was more embarrassed than anything so she steered clear of Eddie as well. If they did run into each other at home they exchanged the basic pleasantries and then disappeared to their respective floors and since things weren't like they normally are both of them spent more time away from home than at home.
Janet broke up with Jeremy a couple of days after her fight with Eddie. She decided that she would rather be alone and maybe find someone else who would treat her better than Jeremy did. Of course her pride prevented her from telling Eddie and having him say "I told you so" but The Ridge is a small town and he heard the news of the breakup. He was going to confront her about it but he decided to wait until she told him herself. Now the only thing he struggled with was whether or not to tell her that he wanted to be more than friends and he finally decided not to for purely selfish reasons. He was convinced that Janet would turn him down.
"You wanted to talk?" Eddie asked his bartender. Earlier in the day Janet had sent him a text message asking him to come to bar if he had time so they could talk.
"I did. Thanks for coming." Janet grabbed a bottle, twisted the cap, handed Eddie a beer and then she turned to the other bartender, Mike and let him know that she was breaking. "Let's go outside." The two friends who wanted to be more but were too chicken to admit it to each other walked out to Eddie's truck. He dropped the back and they jumped on. "I'm sorry for acting like a total bitch."
"I crossed a line and for that I'm sorry." Eddie told her. "It's your life and you should live it how you see fit."
"You weren't malicious. I know that you were just looking out for me." Janet reached over and took his beer out of his hand and took a swig.
"Hey. That's my beer."
"It's not like you pay for it. You can share." She handed the beer back to him.
"Janet I just want you to be happy."
"I know you do." Janet nervously began fiddling with her bracelet. "I broke up with Jeremy." She whispered after a few minutes on silence.
"I know." Janet looked up and grinned.
"Of course you did."
"I know you must be sad right now but Janet there is someone out there that will love you with everything he has."
"I would like to believe you Eddie."
"Believe it." Janet laid her head on her friend's shoulder and he kissed her head. "Believe it." He repeated. "Any guy in this town would be lucky to have you." Janet sat up and grinned at him.
"You're just saying that because you are my friend."
"No Janet. I am saying it because it's true." They stared into each other's eyes for a few minute before Janet leaned over and kissed his cheek.
"I've got to get back to work."
"Are you off at all this weekend?"
"Friday night."
"We're going out." Eddie couldn't wait any longer. That simple kiss on the cheek made the choice for him. A kiss on the cheek wasn't enough anymore. He wanted more, so much more and he was going for it.
"We are?"
"Yep. Friday night. You and me. Don't make any plans."
"Whatever." She answered causally but her heart was pounding in excitement.
By the time Friday rolled around Janet was so excited for the one on one time that she and Eddie were going to spend together. She knew it was nothing more than two friends hanging out but she saw no harm in imagining that they were on a date. Eddie wouldn't tell her where they were going so the time leading up to their evening left her giddy with anticipation.
Eddie took her to dinner at her favorite restaurant in Boston, a restaurant that he took her to for her last birthday and then he insisted on paying. After dinner Eddie surprised her yet again by taking her to an art museum in Boston, somewhere that Janet had wanted to visit for a very long time. Art museums were not something that Eddie would normally ever visit willingly but he remembered that Janet had told him that she really wanted to go and Jeremy refused to take her and since Eddie wanted this night to be a night that she would never forget and it turned out that he really enjoyed himself, mainly because Janet was loving every minute of it.
"Thank you for tonight Eddie." Janet told him when they got home. "I know museums aren't your cup of tea so thanks for sucking it up."
"It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be." He told her and she giggled as she took off her shoes.
"Did you enjoy yourself Janet?" She picked up her shoes and gave him a confused look.
"I did."
"That's how it's supposed to be."
"That's how what is supposed to be?" Eddie took a deep breath. It was now or never.
"A relationship. A date where the man plans the evening according to what his girl wants regardless of what he wants."
"I don't understand."
"I wanted to give you a taste of how a date should be when the guy truly cares for the woman he is taking out." Janet's soft features turned angry, an emotion that he didn't expect.
"Thanks. Thanks a hell of a lot."
"What did I do?"
"Why are you being so cruel?" Eddie was flabbergasted. He was not trying to be cruel. "Why would you want to give me a taste of something that I will never have?"
"That's not what I was trying to do." Janet started to walk away. "Please don't walk away. Let me explain." Janet turned back around, fury burning in her blue eyes.
"Explain what? Explain why you hurt me? I thought that we were friends."
"I wanted to give you a taste of what it would be like to date me." The fury turned to shock. "We are friends but being friends with you just isn't enough anymore."
"What are you saying?"
"What do you think I'm saying? I'm in love with you." Janet shook her head. "It's true. Why do you think that I haven't brought a girl home in a very long time?" Janet thought about that fact and she realized that he was right. "Why do you think that I leave the house any time that Jeremy was over?"
"Cause you hate him."
"True but the main reason was the fact that I couldn't be in the same house knowing that you and him were…"
"I'm not the kind of woman that you date."
"You're not but I'm not that guy anymore. You changed me Janet for the better. You've made me a better man."
"Eddie…"
"I told you that you that you deserve to be cherished. I want to be the man who cherishes you. I adore you. Will you let me be that man?"
"It won't work." Janet said and Eddie reached out and took her hand.
"You can't know that. Neither of us know that unless we try. Let's try." Before she could react Eddie pulled Janet to his chest and gently pressed his lips to hers. At first she didn't respond. She just stood there stiffly but Eddie wasn't giving up. He continued to move his lips against hers and until she finally relaxed and began to move her lips against his. Using his tongue he gently pried her mouth open and the instant their tongues made contact they both shivered. Janet dropped her shoes and wrapped her arms around his neck and they continued to play tonsil hockey until they could no longer breathe and when they pulled apart Eddie placed his lips on her soft neck, inhaling her scent and causing her to moan. "I love you." He whispered and just before he pressed his lips to hers again she pulled away. "What's wrong?"
"It's too soon."
"Too soon? Janet we have known each other for a long, long time. I've told you my secrets and you've told me yours. You've seen the best of me and the worst of me as I have seen in you. You know me better than anyone and I feel the same. You're my best friend Janet. It's not too soon."
"But how? How can you love me?"
"I love you because you are the most amazing, wonderful woman that I have ever known. I love you because you are you. That's how I love you." Janet's eyes filled with tears.
"This can't be happening." Janet was having a hard time accepting this new phase of their relationship. It seemed too good to be true and in her experience too good to be true usually was.
"I love you Janet. Let me prove it to you." Eddie reached out and took her hand. She gave him a small nod and he led her back to his bedroom.
The next two hours spent in Eddie's room, on his bed were the most amazing that either of them had ever experienced. Eddie had never felt such raw emotion before. His pleasure was the furtherest thing from his mind. The only thing he wanted was the woman he adored to feel the happiness that he was experiencing. Janet had never experienced the kind of tenderness and emotion before. With every touch or kiss she knew how he felt about her and she reciprocated those feelings.
"I was scared to tell you how I felt." Eddie whispered into the darkness. They were lying, spent in his bed. His head was lying on her belly, facing her, while running his fingers across her skin and Janet was running her fingers through his short hair with one hand and holding his hand with the other.
"Why?"
"I didn't want to risk our friendship. It was too important to me."
"I…I felt for you too but I thought that it would never happen."
"And that's why you were with him."
"I thought he was the best that I could do but apparently I thought wrong."
"You damn sure did." Eddie kissed her belly.
"Are we going to look for another roommate because I have no intention of returning to my room?"
"I have no intention of letting you return to your room and no, we are not getting a roommate. I want it to be just you and me. I want to make love to you in any room at any time without someone walking in."
"I love you Eddie." Janet whispered softly. Eddie slowly sat up and hovered over the woman he loved.
"Do you believe that I love you? Did I prove my love to you?"
"You certainly did. A few times actually." She quipped with a shy grin and Eddie leaned down and kissed her. "You know, I have a short term memory problems so I may need to be reminded a few times."
"Don't worry my love. You will never doubt the way I feel about you. Never."