Right so, I think this is second to last chapter and I think I'm going to do a small epilogue. Just to get you ready to live without ;)
This took forever to write and get up and for that I apologize. But now you may enjoy! Love and kisses, and I don't own 'em.
We had stayed in the bathroom for a while. Carly soaked and I sat with my back against the tub. We mumbled back and forth about silly memories of when we were younger. She mentioned just about everything that had happened to us since the day that we had met. She smiled the whole time and held my hands.
"Can I ask you something honestly, Sam?" There was a little fear in her voice. I was scared of the question.
"Yeah. Any time, Cupcake."
"All of this..." She stopped and shifted in the bath. I turned and saw her staring at my hands as she stroked them. "Is all of this going to go away? You know, when I'm not all needy...and psycho." Her face drooped even as she looked down. The answer was obvious to me, I hardly thought about it at all.
"Not unless I'm dead." Her face shot up with terror. I suppose I could have made a better choice of words... I pulled her body to mine and hugged her tight.
"Sorry." I murmured into her bare shoulder.
"It's okay." She spoke into my hair. She held tight for some time.
"You've been so good in all of this. I don't see this side of you too often. You're amazing."
"You're the only one whose ever going to get this." She kissed my lips quickly.
"We should probably talk about this when you're not naked." I turned back around. Her arms were still flopped over my shoulders.
"Why are you so scared of me like this if you're so into me? Or, at least I think you're into me."
"Carls, we went through this." I tried to sound compassionate.
"Do you not like this part? I thought I was the prude."
"You are."
"So then hold me, just like this." I hadn't noticed it, but she had gotten out of the water and moved to stand in front of me soaking wet and in the nude. Her left hand held her right elbow which hung awkwardly. She looked down, but to the side of me. I had to shake my head out of staring when I saw her. I offered my hand to her and she lent me hers as I got up. I put her hand to my chest, not in a sensual way, but against my chest bones.
"Feel that?" She looked at me sideways with a raised eyebrow.
"What am I feeling for?"
"The shaking hands, the superfast heartbeat, anything like that." I looked out of the top of my eyes with a grin as I saw her smile.
"I have loved you for a long time. I really have. And I can wait to have you like this until we can both fully and completely enjoy it. And I want you to be alright. I love you, Carls. I love you too much for this to not be perfect." She silently walked behind me. I didn't need to look back because I knew she understood . She kissed me quickly as she passed on my side and wrapped herself in her towel.
"I love you, Sam." I smiled and took her hand as we walked into her room. I hugged her quickly before I left her to go downstairs. I got a snack out of the fridge and sat at the kitchen computer to check the iCarly site. I realized that we had totally neglected the site and the show during this whole thing. I posted quickly that there wouldn't be a show tonight. I didn't go into any detail, but I tried to be really nice about it. I bet people got worried, actually. I'm never that nice.
Suddenly, I felt a set of arm over my shoulders. I smiled and held her hands.
"Sam?" I stroked her hands with my thumbs and hummed in response.
"I think I have to go to the funeral." She leaned her head on mine
"You don't have to do anything that you don't feel like doing."
"I feel like... I feel like I have to. Sam...can you maybe-I mean, could you possibly-" I kissed her quickly and hoped that she would calm down.
"Can you please take me to the wake? I need to see him. I need to... be with him one more time."
"You're completely sure? We can defiantly go, but I want to make sure you're gonna be okay." She didn't actually answer, she simply nodded and held me a little closer.
"Ok, Carls. Let's go, I guess." She backed away from me a bit and I got up. I lead her up by the hand that I held and she snaked her arm around mine. I walked us across to Freddie's apartment and knocked. Lucky for us, Mrs. Benson was home.
"Hello there girls." She spoke softly.
"Mrs. Benson, will you please drive us to the funeral home?" I put aside all of the past insanity and tried to be as nice and calm as I could be for Carly's sake.
"Well, Freddie already went with your brother Carly, but I suppose I can get you there. Do you know the address?" Carly quickly recapped what her Grandad had told her about the funeral home and we were in the car and on our way. Mrs. Benson insisted that we both sit in the back seat and wear her specially designed double seatbelts, but I wasn't complaining. Carly was content to be next to me and I was happy enough to hold her hand. It was better that we were sharing the back, even if we were practically wrapped up in straight jacket straps. There really wasn't any talking. Luckily, Mrs. Benson left us alone.
When we got to the funeral home, Carly was the one who thanked Mrs. Benson. She put a hand on her shoulder and told her that it was going to turn out alright and that she was surrounded by people that cared about her. With a slight smile, Carly thanked her again and closed the door. Mrs. Benson drove away, but we did not move. I held Carly's hand and she stared across the road.
"We can stay here, but let me know if you want to go in." I softly reassured. She took a deep breath and let it go slowly.
"I'm trying to be ready. I have to be strong when I get in there."
"You don't. You can break all you want. I'll be right there."
"They're all gonna see it though. I can't do that. I have to be strong for them."
"You don't owe them anything. You don't have to prove anything. If you end up crying, then that's fine. I can hold onto you. It doesn't matter if they think you're strong."
"These are army guys, Sam. They're hardcore."
"Yeah, and I bet most of them are crying a little. Don't be afraid of them, Carls. That's your dad. They don't matter." She snuggled up to my side. We didn't say anything, but her hand kept moving up and down my arm like she was trying to find a comfortable spot and couldn't.
"I guess...I should go in before they close up."
"I'm right here with you, Carls. Spencer loves you. Grandad loves you. Your dad loves you." She turned towards the building.
"I love you." I clutched her hand more firmly as I said it. We walked to the building and in. In the room, there were several dozen people scattered around, many in military uniforms. I scanned the room and found Freddie and Spencer. As we got close to them, Spencer saw us and said Carly's name softly, as if he was relieved. They hugged and I leaned on the wall with Freddie.
"How's it, Fredder?"
"Could be worse. Spencer's kind of alright. There have been so many people in and out. Apparently Mr. Shay was a popular guy." I hummed in response and kept one eye on Carly.
"How did you get her to come?"
"She made the decision on her own. I just held her hand."
"Good deal." Carly and Spencer came over to us. Carly stood next to me and curled her arm around mine again.
"Come with me." She said quietly. I nodded and we walked towards the box. I always thought that coffins were a little weird. They're all pretty and fancy just so they can get buried. Either way, stood in front of the closed coffin. I felt awkward, but I tried not to let on.
"He's in there." I nodded.
"He must look awful if they won't open the top."
"Try not to think about it. Imagine the pictures from the albums." She closed her eyes for a second and sighed.
"This is weird." She leaned onto me.
"A little, yeah."
"I want to leave." I felt her arm start to tremble against me. I turned us away and went towards Spencer and Freddie.
"We should stay for a little while now that we're here. We'll just stay back here with the guys."
"Okay." She still trembled.
We stood in the back for about another half hour before most people had left. She had remained strong and stone faced. Even when her Grandad and her father's military buddies talked to her, she spoke calmly and in short sentences. She trembled against me slightly the whole time.
We went home with Grandad and the boys and when we got back to the apartment, Freddie went home and Spencer went to his room. Grandad had gone to a hotel. Carly and I went up to her room, took off our shoes and laid right down. Her trembling increased quickly and soon she was sobbing full force against me. I settled in against her and held her close. I felt needed and I did my best to let her know that she had me.
"I love you, Carly. I love you so much."