It's been nearly 4 years and I suck, but it's just about over now. To anyone who stuck it out to the end, my love and admiration for you has only grown and I hope that I have been able to present you with a story that you love to read, even if you waited so long for it. I've become a better writer, so I'd hope to say that this will be worth the wait, but really the answer is that you, Readers, are worth finishing this for. There's an epilogue after this and I think you'll really enjoy it.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you leave me a comment or a message. And I hope to see you in another world!

The funeral. The funeral was strange. It felt very blank. Seattle never disappoints and the weather followed the mood. We were practically standing on fog and a very fine mist covered all of us. It was chilly, which meant that Carly being attached to my side didn't look entirely unusual. I felt eyes from all over staring at our little group. Socko, Freddie, and Gibby huddled around Spencer, Ms. Benson looking protective behind them, and just a step away were Carly and me. I was extremely tempted to start beating on a field full of military guys and old people if they didn't stop staring like they were just so glad that it wasn't them in that box and it wasn't their kids looking down into the dirt. Carly wouldn't like that, though. So, I held it together. I held it together for Carly.

Really, I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. I didn't know if I was supposed to be relieved that he was gone and that this was almost over or if I was supposed to be sad. I didn't know how Carly felt anymore. Carly wasn't crying. Carly was staring. The obese priest, or whoever the guy running the show was, rambled on forever. It was like torture, but eventually, it finished. I felt Carly sigh as they lowered the casket. Everybody looked sad and prayed or whatever they did. I just stared. When the priest finished his talking, the whole group broke up and went to their cars.

We rode back to Carly's and there was a catered event that her grandfather had put together. Everyone from the graveyard piled into Carly's living room and ate Granddad's catered food. Carly and I stayed in the kitchen near the refrigerator, as far from the action as we could. Every so often, somebody would come by and mumble "Sorry", or my personal favorite useless phrase, "He's in a better place now." Some people seem to think that they need to touch grieving teen girls and were always trying to put their hands on her shoulder or hug her or all sorts of weird stuff. I usually just stepped in and gave them my hand to shake. They tended to look confused but I didn't really care what they thought. I felt like her body guard.

Across the apartment, I saw Spencer's little group of guards chatting and keeping him together. People mostly didn't approach the boys. Granddad and Ms. Benson took most of the hosting for themselves, which I think is how it should be. Spencer and Carly didn't ask for a big party with a bunch of people they barely knew. After two hours of putting up a good face, Carly started shaking next to me. I grabbed her in a side hug and waved Freddie over to me.

"We're going upstairs. This is stupid and we're done for now. You guys can join us in the studio if you want, but I'm done here." Freddie nodded and I took a handful of chips off the table before I lead Carly up the back stairs.

"We can't leave all those people down there. We can't leave Spencer alone." She didn't mean it, it was easy to tell. She didn't even say anything until we were already in the studio and my chips were gone. She couldn't care less, but true Carly fashion means always caring about everything else before herself.

"It's your Granddad's party and you don't know anybody anyway. They can handle it." I held her hand as she fell into a beanbag chair and I took the one next to her. It felt so good to sit. "And don't worry about Spencer. Spencer has a whole posse. He's practically a VIP." She sighed and scooted close to me while we stared at the ceiling. I took her hand and put my fingers between hers.

"Is it almost over, Sam?"

"I dunno, Cupcake. I think that really depends on you."

"What'dya mean?"

"I dunno. The wake is over, the funeral is over, this stupid party will be over soon. Your Granddad's gonna go back to Yakima at some point and everything is going to be pretty much like it was before. Except, your dad is not just away now, he's not coming back. I guess, it's like, are you going to be okay with everything? Do you feel like it's almost over?"

"I feel like the worst parts are starting to go away."

"That's good." I pulled her a little closer with our hands. I could see her smile just a little from the side of my eye.

"Well, it's starting to go away, but I don't even know what I'm supposed to be feeling. I don't know if there's more that I'm missing...I'm really confused, Sam." She rolled off of her beanbag and ended up pretty much on top of me. Her head was right in the middle of my chest. I thought I might be in trouble again, but she just stayed there, so I let her.

"I like your heartbeat." She said after a few minutes of quiet. I hummed and started stroking her hair.

"You can have it, you know." I babbled to her, not really thinking.

"Have what?" I realized what I had spilled out of my mouth then, and got my thoughts together before I tried to say anything else stupid.

"My heartbeat. My heart. You can have it if you want it." I could feel her smiling against my chest. She started to play with my hair that fell over my shoulder and I felt my heart beat a little faster. She just grinned bigger.

"You're nervous." She took her head from my chest and moved up to face me. I was going to deny it, so I just smiled at her.

"Samantha Puckett, you are adorable." Slowly, she kissed me. It was simple and easy. She was normal, sweet, soft. She wasn't weird like she had been the few days before. It was just a long, little kiss. She played with my lips with hers and everything was very, very light, like a feather. It was beautiful and it made my head go all fuzzy. I hadn't know that little things like that could be so nice. She was sweet and she broke away from me and that was it. She laid on my shoulder and kind of wrapped herself up around me.

"What do you think I'm supposed to do, Sam?" She asked plainly, like it meant nothing at all. I pulled her just a little closer.

"I dunno. We can figure out how to get you to see someone if you want. Maybe someone who knows better about this junk. But whatever you want to do, I'm gonna be right here. I'm like the smell of rotten ham. Can't get rid of me too easy." She actually laughed a full laugh for the first time in days. My cheeks burned and my whole body warmed up. It was the best thing I'd heard in a long time. I kissed her on the top of her hair and smiled into her.

We heard the elevator start to buzz so she rolled back onto her own beanbag and relaxed with a sigh. The boys are so loud. We heard them screaming through the closed elevator doors. They opened up and Freddie came stumbling out first with some white crap puffing out of his mouth. The other guys came out and Gibby had a bag of marshmallows about the size of his belly. It started to make sense.

"Come on, Freddie! You can totally do one more!" Spencer screamed from behind him while Socko tried to force another marshmallow into the nerd's mouth. He choked and that spit-covered mess almost landed on me and Carly. They all laughed, but I rolled my eyes. Then I heard Carly giggling behind me and I couldn't stop the grin.

"You guys are really stupid." I said, but I must have looked super serious with my grin.

"Oh come on!" Freddie coughed around the junk left in his mouth. "You do stupid crap for iCarly all the time."

"Yeah, but at least I have a reason."

"Uh huh." Freddie grinned and nudged me as he went to sit on the car sofa. Spencer thudded down next to Carly and put his arm around her

"How's it looking, little sis?" Spencer asked her gently. I wanted to ask him the same question. She didn't answer him right away. She took her time to really think about it. And then, she took my hand again next to her.

"I think it'll be okay." Spencer almost jumped and I think he literally grinned from ear to ear.

"You do? That's great! I'm so glad, Carly." Something weird happened after he said it. It was like his body exhaled, but it's not like he moved or anything. It was something that you kind of had to see outside of his body. He was like one of those puppets on strings when he had come in. He was there and he was Spencer, but something was weird. It was ... a little bit like Carly being okay gave him permission to be okay; like when she said it, he got let loose and he got fresh air finally.

He kissed his sister on the cheek in a big, showy sweep as he got up and started throwing marshmallows at Socko. Carly got closer to me and nuzzled into my side while the boys kept on being stupid. It was a good stupid though. It was stuff getting back to how it should be, but just a little different.

"So what do we do now, Miss Puckett?" Her voice was like she was teasing me. Maybe she was.

"Iunno. More kissing, less crying?"

"Bold." She grinned and leaned over me. I hated to, but I put a hand up to stop her.

"What about the boys?" I asked quietly.

"They'll deal."

"And you're okay?" She put her hand on my cheek and put on the prettiest, tiny smile just for me.

"I'm fine." I was tempted to say something like 'damn right you are', but I didn't really get the chance when she started kissing me. It was almost the same soft, slow kiss from earlier. It was like we suddenly had all the time in the world. While my eyes were closed and my mind was swimming with trying to find the right way to describe the way Carly's lips were unexpectedly strong but also deliciously silky, I started to notice how quiet it had gotten in the room. I pulled back from Carly with a little smack of her lip and almost couldn't open my eyes. When I did and looked at the guys, I got super self conscious. Gibby was babbling confused whispers to Freddie; Freddie was staring like a fish without water from the car sofa. Next to them, Socko was utterly uninterested but Spencer looked like he was about to jump up and down for joy. I wanted to run, but I was a little bit pinned. Carly had stuff under control, though.

"What?" She asked them.

"My little sister!" Spencer basically squealed.

"Good for you guys." Gibby said with a little too much power. I don't know what he was so excited about. Freddie still stared like a guppy. Spencer couldn't seem to stop his excitement when he dropped to the ground and pulled his sister and me into a hug that left a bruise on my shoulder. All of a sudden, there were lots and lots of tears. The Shay kids were crying all over me and each other. Of course, my heart started beating like a machine gun firing. I very gently pushed them off of me a little bit, dreading what I was about to see, but I had not expected smiles. Big smiles.

"My little sisters." Spencer sort of half-whispered while he cried. Carly looked at me and I felt the best I had , possibly in ever. I heard the studio door close and saw Socko's back walking away. It looked like the other boys had gone out. Spencer took a couple of deep, dramatic breaths and then pushed us back, one hand for each of us. He swiped his suit sleeve across his eye and sniffed loudly.

"Oh. Oh man. This is fantastic!" Spencer looked back and forth between us. Carly giggled at him.

"You're crazy, Spence." It looked like she was blushing.

"Hey. Hey hey hey." He nudged her so she would look at him. She looked so shy all of a sudden.

"Just so you know, this is totally okay." Spencer flicked his head back and forth between us. "It's great, actually. Now, we kind of get extra family. Though...it's not like you weren't pretty much family to start with, Sam." I nodded. Spencer was always good to me. I was just happy that he wasn't crying face first into cereal anymore.

"Okay. Hmm. Okay! I'm gonna go find Socko, I'll see you guys in a few." And then he got up and left. Carly flopped back down on her beanbag chair again.

"That went well."

"Did. Were you expecting it not to?"

"I don't know what I expect." She looked a little weird. It was like she was too calm, maybe trying not to look upset.

"You okay?" I rubbed her knee and she tapped it against my legs.

"I was almost hoping it'd be more of a big deal."

"You don't have enough trouble in your life right now? I'm not enough excitement? Cause I can try harder." I teased her through my smile. She suddenly tugged me down and held me tight.

"Nah. You're just right." And she kissed me softly. It all felt just right at that moment. I felt like there were a lot of reasons that I should not have been so happy then, like it was inappropriate. But, Carly holding me and loving me and being Carly made it clear that it wasn't perfect, but it was okay. And that was perfect.