Got left
Got left
I got left again
That woman was my sweetest friend
Got left
Got left
I got left again
That woman was my sweetest friend
That woman was my sweetest friend

I can't eat
I can't sleep no more
And loneliness is at my door
That girl wont give my mind no rest
My heart feels cold inside my chest yes yes
My heart feels cold inside my chest

.: Got Left – Hoffmaestro:.

"Garrus…"

He woke up in his bed at the citadel, startled. The sheets had nestled its way half around his throat, and his legs were entangled in the blanket. His dreams had been erratic and confusing. All he could remember was bright colors in red, yellow and orange. Heat. Smoke. The screams. And then the cold. The thing that woke him up was Shepards silent whisper. A whisper pleading for his attention. Garrus kicked away the blankets and reached for his visor at the bedtable. It was way too early to get up, so he didn't. But he couldn't get himself to sleep either. He haven't had any dreams for a long time, especially not disturbing onces. Why now? Did something happen?

His Omnitool pinged. Probably a message from a celebrating and drunk Chellik, or from his sister Solana. It could wait until the morning. Garrus closed his eyes in an attempt to get back to sleep. The morning would bring a lot of paper work after the merc-raid C-Sec did yesterday and he needed his sleep since he hadn't got much of it in the last days. It pinged again. And again. What the hell? He sat up and activated the omnitool. Three messages from…Liara? Sure, they were part of the same crew under Shepards command but they didn't get so close as to be called "friends". What did she want? A bad feeling was growing in his gut when he opened the first message.

.:Hi, Officer Vakarian! This is Liara T'Soni. Are you awake? I have news of great importance to you. Can we talk?:.

.:Vakarian. IT IS IMPORTANT. Please answer.:.

.:For fuck sake, Garrus. WAKE UP!:.

He had never heard Liara curse before and it troubled him. Garrus pressed the dial-button and a few seconds later Liara answered.

"Garrus?"

"Yeah, Liara. It's me. What's so important that you of all aliens had to wake me up?"

"So, you haven't heard yet. I'm so sorry for telling you this, Garrus"

He heard her sob, and fear was creeping up his spine. This was about Shepard. He was sure about it.

"What the hell is this about, Liara? Tell me"

He was afraid of what she was about to tell him, bu the needed to know. Did it had something to do with his dreams? He hoped not, because they were really disturbing. Liara stifled her sobs and took a deep breath.

"Normandy is gone, Garrus. And most of the crew with it. Shepard didn't make it."

She didn't make it. The whisper that woke him up was the dying breath of his best friend.

"What happened?"

"The Alliance Navy first spoke of a Collector ship, but they have been silenced. According to the Counsil it was a geth ship. I have tried to reach Captain Andersson to confirm my intel, but I haven't had so much luck. "

"You have to give me some more, Liara. What happened with the ship and the crew?"

"Normandy was surprised, and took heavy damage. Several explosions were recorded and only a few evacuation pods made it. They are picking up the pods as we speak. "

"How do you know she didn't make it if there's still pods out there? You know her! She always get herself in the most impossible situations and get out of it with plans-made-up-in-the-run."

"I spoke with Joker. They picked his pod up first, but he was the last to leave Normandy. Shepard jumped into the ocean of fire in the cockpit and saved his ass. His femures were broken and he tried to make her leave him there, but she refused. Shepard dragged him through the ship and threw him into the last pod. Joker tried to reach for her when she pressed the evac-button. I am so so sorry to be the one telling you this."

"So she's really gone, huh?"

He didn't believe it. The fierce, quick female of human race always made it, not matter how hard the mission. She always had a plan-B, C or Z in her pocket. It wasn't fair. She was a fucking brilliant commander. She was supposed to die fighting, not alone in the silent space. How did she die? Hopefully quick.

"Garrus? Are you ok? Talk to me!"

Liaras voice woke him up from his thoughts.

"No, I'm not ok, Liara. "

And with that he ended their conversation.

Garrus mind was numb. His brain couldn't process the information he just got. Instead he dwelled in memories of when he first met her. He had worked with the C-Sec back then. He had followed up a stinky trail of the Spectre Saren but no one believed him. His officers at work tried to silence him and he had to continue in secret if he wanted to keep his job.

Then Garrus met Commander Shepard. A human Alliance officer who actually believed him. He was invited to join her mission and it was an offer he couldn't say no to, even if he was sceptical to the human race. It was not long ago since the First Contact War and the feelings for this new race was still somewhat hard. In the end they survived and Saren was dead. Even when they separated before she went off for some Alliance missions they argued about who had taken the last shot on Saren. He knew she had, but he never admitted it to her.

During their months together she had become more than a Commander to him. She was a friend. His best friend. It was a peculiar experience since Turians didn't make friends that easily, especially not outside the turian society. He had fought with her on almost every mission, being at her six, watching her back. Garrus had come to appreciate the small figure ahead of him. Made it easier to aim without risking to shoot her. He remembered she made the most hilarious statements in the middle of a fight, making him smile and reply something witty right back at her. Oh, her laugh. So unlike a female turians husky voice.

More times that not she came down to him in the middle of the night while he was making reparations or improvements to the Mako. He knew she had some trouble sleeping and her company was always welcome. Sometimes she sat at the hood, staring down the engine while she talked to him. Once in a while she took a board and rolled under the Mako, sliding up next to him. Small talk. Sometimes hours went without them saying anything, but it was a comfortable silence. She was so unlike any officer he'd met, but it didn't compromise her leadership. Rather the opposite. His former turian officers could learn something from her, he thought.

Human touching was more casual than turian, he learned. Turians almost only touched to intensify feelings. Shepard often touched his arm when she was laughing and punched his biceps when she tried to get him into combat mood, as if it was needed. At first he took offence, but after some time he understood the human way of body language. Her skin was so soft to touch and her delicate hands could do things he never thought was possible. She often helped him with the small details during reparations, for which he was grateful. He always felt good when he managed to make her laugh. Her eyes always lit up and if eyes could laugh it would be hers. Green, beautiful eyes. He found them staring at him often enough in combat and when their eyes met she always smiled.

Garrus understood just then that Shepard could have been more than a friend. He thought his feelings was only friendly but when his mind threw all these memories over him he remembered all the details about her. He had been in love without realising it, and now it was too late. Too late…

He fell down on the bed and his talons ripped the bedclothes into shreds. A wailing slipped through his lips, pithcing higher and higher. The sorrow and anxiety grew in his chest and threatened to rip him apart. He couldn't breath. Couldn't move. The feelings were too fucking painful. He, who never had loved anyone like this before, why did it have to be right now? Why did his mind all of a sudden remember the small moments? It hurt so badly.

Garrus took one painful breath and he felt something stir inside. A forceful growl grew in his chest and Garrus threw all the anger he had inside himself onto his furniture. The glass table shattered when he threw it against the kitchen island. Paintings was ripped apart and his talons left frenzied marks everywhere on the walls and benches. The predator in him was loose and he couldn't restrain himself any longer. He walked out of his life and left his broken heart within the shredded apartment.