Bells and Tales

Chapter 4

"So you think that she's gonna, like, not wanna marry me? Or what? Boss?"

"The fuck would I know?" Laxus grumbled as he laid down on the couch, not allowing either man a seat. Elfman had just taken to sobbing over the whole thing as Bickslow paced, his babies trailing in his wake. "What do I look like? Her advisor or something?"

"This is all just so terrible," Elfman complained. "I mean, I went out, got a suit, was prepared to walk her down the aisle-"

"You think this is terrible for you?" Bickslow came to a stop then, there in the tiny living room, to make a face over at his would be future brother-in-law. "What about me? And my poor babies? They thought she was their mama."

"Mama," they all cried. "Mama."

"And now she's trying to abandon them!" Bickslow went back to pacing. "What'd I do, huh? Huh?"

"Well," Laxus grumbled. "You didn't let me get any fucking sleep in the past couple minutes for one thing."

Elfman sniffled. "And you're not much of a man."

"I am too a man!" Bickslow puffed out his chest, halting once more. "I'm a damn fine man. And I'm more than ready to take care of this family. More than capable. I-"

"For your bachelor party, you made us make a stop by the toy shop to pick something up," Laxus said. "That's a man? That's someone capable-"

"It was something for me and Lissy though," he insisted. "It was that new action figure she wanted. You know? For the bathroom?"

"No, I don't know," Laxus grumbled. "And I don't think I want to."

Elfman's tears stopped. "If you're talking about something…dirty, then-"

"It's just a fucking action figure! For, you know, playing purposes."

"I'm so lost right now and I don't want to be found," Laxus shifted on the couch, closing his eyes tightly. Why, oh why, had he left the house without his headphones?

Oh yeah. Because his damn wife said he wasn't allowed to have them until the reception. Dang her. Seriously.

Stupid demon. His stupid, sexy, amazing, wonderful…

Why was he mad at her again?

"What? You guys are telling me that you never play with toys in the bathtub?"

Oh yeah. That's why.

"No, Bickslow," Laxus grumbled. "No grown man plays with toys in the bathtub. And if he fucking did, it would not be with his future wife."

Elfman was still only standing there, standing in shock at Bickslow. "So then you guys don't do anything…naughty?"

"With the action figures? Ew, gross. No."

"Then-"

"But hell yeah. Lisanna's a fucking freak. She-"

"Shut up!"

"I'm going to kill Mirajane." Laxus took one of the couch pillows and held it over his ear. "Seriously."

It took them all a few minutes to regroup after that. Eventually, Laxus sat up some to let Elfman sit down 'cause, honestly, it seemed like the guy was about to pass out.

"Why do you have to be so fucking big?" Laxus grumbled as they sat, nearly touching, on the sofa. "Seriously."

"And why do you need to curse so much?" Elfman made a face at him. "You think that makes you a man? Huh?"

"No. I think being able to beat your ass makes me a man."

"Why don't you-"

"Unbelievable. I'm over here, sweating it out over whether or not I'm getting married in the coming hours and you two idiots are fighting over the same stupid stuff?" Bickslow came to stand in front of the couch then and glare at them. "What kinda of brothers are you? Huh?"

"Huh?" his babies insisted. "Huh?"

"We're not your brothers," Laxus told him. "And now we never may be, so this actually-"

"I'm a little shocked actually with the way you're acting about this." That time when Elfman looked at him, he honestly seemed surprised. That rose the man's suspicions.

"Why?" He glared at him. "You didn't actually think that I gave two shits about Lisanna did you? Or-"

"No. Or, well, yes, but that's not what I meant."

"I don't care about-"

"I just thought, considering all the money you and Mira have poured into this thing, that you'd care a little bit more."

Laxus blinked. "Money?"

"It's the day of, Laxus," Elfman said with a shrug. "You can't get any of the deposits back from anything. You-"

"Look, man." Laxus stood then, staring down at Bickslow. "I got jewels sunk into this shit. You're gonna march in there, tell the woman to marry you, and you're gonna fucking do it. Then, when she gets tired of you, I'm going to come into this apartment, strangle you, and hide your body."

"Because you love Lisanna," Elfman finished as Bickslow's eyes only widened.

"No, because I want my money to go to a good use."

"Where does murdering me come into play?" Bickslow swallowed. "Exactly?"

"Simple. Take a big insurance policy out on you and then, boom! Gone. Lisanna's set for life, but heartbroken, and has to come live with me and Mirajane. Who gets the money then, huh? I think we both know."

"Uh, one of us doesn't," Elfman spoke up. "Of course, I'm still confused by most of this-"

"You'd kill me, boss?" Bickslow frowned. "And leave my babies as orphans?"

"They'd have their stepmother to care for them. Else I'd kill them off too."

"You're a worse uncle than you are a brother!"

"I ain't either of those things, so stop calling me that!" Turning, Laxus headed away, off to the kitchen. Over his shoulder he called, "'sides, I wouldn't really kill you,, Bickslow."

"You wouldn't?"

Not answering, Laxus headed off to get a cup of coffee. Elfman only stared at him.

"I'd watch your back, man," he said softly. "Laxus doesn't play."

"Yeah, but he wouldn't, like, actually kill me…would he? If thinks don't work out with me and Lisanna?"

Elfman got to his feet then, towering over the seith far more than Laxus did.

"If he didn't," he said, cracking his knuckles. "I would."

"Uh-"

"Why the hell'd anyone let Mirajane make the coffee? Huh?" Laxus was back then, frowning down at his coffee mug. "She makes it weak as shit. And what's up with your mix matched set of cups in there, Bickslow? What? You spend too much money at the toy store to buy your woman some decent dishes and cup sets? And what about silverware?"

"Yeah? What gives?" Elfman was all fired up then and wasn't backing down. His tears were gone. His fear over his sister being mishandled outweighed his sobs. "Huh?"

"Uh…well…really guys, I'll buy some dishes if it's that big of a deal. I only-"

"Let's get one thing straight, huh?" Elfman kept glaring down at him. "You may be older, but you're still smaller. Got that? Little brother?"

"Uh-"

"And you know what the fuck I am?" Laxus was glaring at him too then. "I'm Mira's husband. So I want the best for her, huh? And I can't have the best for her without having the best for her poor little baby sister. You understand?"

"You guys sure weren't this crazy when we were out on my stag party. Remember? The bar? After the toy store? And the club? Where we were all-"

"Little brother."

"Mira's fucking husband."

"Uh-"

Then Laxus reached out to tap him roughly on the head. It hurt a lot more when he did it then, as Bickslow wasn't wearing his helmet.

"Don't shit yourself," he told him before taking a sip of his coffee and going to take a seat once more on the couch. "We're just messing around."

"Really?"

Then Elfman suddenly grabbed him, hugging him. It was bone crushing, honestly.

"Of course! I've always wanted a little brother."

"But I'm older than-"

"I can't say I'll be giving you much advice on girls or nothing 'cause, well, gross. You're married to my sister. But-"

"Trust me, I wouldn't be asking for-"

"And now that you two are married, you're gonna buy Lisanna a real big house, huh?" Laxus was still staring over at him, the same expression of displeasure remaining as it had since he arrived. "One with tons of room? So we can have holidays over at your place? Instead of mine now?"

"I don't-"

"And you're gonna have tons of kids, huh?" Elfman had shifted them, err, rather shifted Bickslow, so the man's back was to him, the larger's arm finding its way around the smaller's neck. Squeezing tightly, he took to rubbing his knuckles against the man's head, ruining his Mohawk. Was he giving him a…nuggie? "Ain't you?"

"W-Well, we're really happy with just the ones we have right now. You know, Pappa, Puppu, Poppo-"

"But you're going to have real kids, huh? Real babies?"

Bickslow was growing annoyed. "They're real enough to us!"

Laxus only took a long sip from his cup then, still staring the man down. "Big house. With a lot of rooms. So, you know, I can stay there."

"Come again?"

"For when Mriajane kicks him out," Elfman clarified, still giving the other man a nuggie. "He usually comes to Ever's apartment and-"

"Not when she kicks me out. No woman kicks the Thunder God out of any places!" Laxus looked down at his drink. "But yes, occasionally, we decide together that banishment- err, sleeping on the couch isn't enough and I should just leave."

"You guys are gonna set him up with a real nice guest room, right?"

"I don't- And hey! Would you knock it off with the nuggie?" Bickslow fought the grip, but Elfman held only tighter. His babies were in a panic then, fluttering around out of concern.

"Na-ah. You're the little brother now."

"When I can finally see your eyes, I am totally taking control of your body and making you jump off a building!"

"I want a king sized bed in my guest room," Laxus went on as he took another sip of coffee. "And a radio."

"What? Man, I don't even have a king sized bed!"

"That's 'cause you ain't a king, are you?"

"You guys are the worst brothers ever! I don't want them no more."

"Too late." Elfman threw him away then with one final rub to the head. "You're stuck with us now."

"If this damn wedding ever happens," Laxus grumbled. "Or did you numbskulls already sign the little papers? The license?"

"Not till after the-"

"Then she really does still have time to back out." Laxus glanced over at the closed bedroom door. "Hope those damn women hurry this up. If it ain't happening, then I wanna go home and drink away some more of my damn money. And if it is happening, I need to get some rest."

"Rest for what?" Bickslow grumbled as his babies circled around, as if to check on him. "You don't gotta do crap today at the wedding."

"I should have been doing stuff. Should have been the best man. Instead you chose-"

"I made you one of my groomsmen, didn't I?"

He only snorted. "Freed over me. What does Freed know about anything? Huh? He doesn't even like women! That was the worst bachelor party ever. I mean, he actually preferred being in the toy shop to being in the-"

"It was an action figure that just was released that day," Bickslow complained. "Lissy and I needed it."

"Right. To play bathtub games with it."

"You make it sound so dirty!" He huffed, glaring at Laxus. "Like you and Mirajane don't have your own little things?"

"We don't buy toys. And we certainly don't spaz the fuck out about them and have to get them that day, even when it's super important we be else where."

"If we didn't buy it that day, Laxus, it might have sold out!"

"Right. So you basically broke some little kid's heart because you and Lisanna bought a toy-"

"It was a limited edition. The strippers were there when we got there, weren't they? But the toy might not have been. Honestly, what don't you get about this?"

Elfman only sighed, heading over to the couch once more. "This is all too much for me."

"You and Mirajane do weird stuff too. And so do Elf and Evergreen. So I don't know why we're all harping on the fact that Lissy and I like to play with toys."

"We wouldn't be," Laxus grumbled as he finished his drink. "If they were another kinda toy."

"Now this is really too much." Elfman glared at his current brother-in-law who only shrugged.

"I need more coffee." He glanced at the bedroom door once more. "If Mira would hurry the hell up in there. I mean, come on. Lisanna's an idiot. How hard is it to con her into this whole wedding st- Hey!"

Elfman punched him in the arm. "Lisanna is not an idiot! And two more for flinching!"

"You little-"

"Mama!" Then one of the babies, Poppo, tried to fly into Laxus' head. He only batted him away. "Mama!"

Bickslow went back to pacing. "I thought women loved this stuff? Getting married and all? So why is she-"

"Women love the drama of it all," Laxus told him as he slugged Elfman back who only took to glaring at him. "That's why the hell they're in there. And when she comes out, they'll all be excited for an hour or so before they have another meltdown. About her hair or dress or some other stupid shit."

"Women are annoying."

"Damn straight." Then he held out his coffee mug. "Now one of you go get me something to drink."

Elfman looked to Bickslow. "You heard him, little brother."

He thought about protesting as, for one, they were in his house and two, he was older than Elfman and only a year younger than Laxus. But his loyalty to the man had never died as well as his fear.

"Fine," he complained, going to grab it. "How much sugar?"

"Sugar? What I look like? A chick?" Laxus snorted. "I take it black."

"Like a man!" Elfman yelled to which, for once, Laxus only nodded.

Just then though, the bedroom door was opening and the women came out, smiling at one another and happy. As Elfman jumped up to go check on Lisanna, Laxus only took to stretching out on the couch…until Mirajane came over to him.

"We need to talk," she said, making him frown.

"'bout wha-"

"Have you ever cheated on me?"

"Wh-"

"Or thought about it? Because Evergreen says that on our wedding day, you might have been-"

"The heck are you-"

"Lissy!" Bickslow came rushing back into the room again then as Elfman let go of his still red eyed little sister. Her future husband only went to hug her next.

"Are we getting married then?" he asked softly as she only giggled and hugged him back.

"Huh? Mama?" the babies asked, concerned as they fluttered around. "Mama?"

"Yes," she giggled as Bickslow only kissed her head. "We are. Definitely."

"This is great!" Elfman apparently forgot in all his excitement that only moments before, he hadn't wanted the wedding to happen. Turning, he moved to hug Evergreen who, for once, didn't resist. She didn't return it, but didn't slug him one either.

"Ain't it?" he asked her. "Weddings are just so…so…"

"Manly?"

"Dramatic," he said, kissing her cheek. "No, this is one thing that definitely ain't manly."

Mirajane and Laxus were getting rather heated then, over at the couch, as he tried to explain that he had no idea what she was talking about and she yelled on about some joke he told at their wedding.

Like what? He was supposed to remember every little conversation they had ever? Huh?

Huh?

"I think," Lisanna said as Bickslow and her took to watching her older sister and brother-in-law. "That we should have just eloped awhile ago and gotten it over with."

"Yeah," he sighed as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, "but then we couldn't have all this fun."

"Fun? Are you having fun?"

"I hope to be soon." Then he smiled at her. "Lissy."

And she felt stupid then, for ever doubting it…until a few hours later when she suddenly decided that she hated her dress, Mirajane decided she hated Laxus, and everything was a mess.

But then, what's a wedding with out a little drama?

One more chapter and then it's over.