Chapter 14: Page of Pentacles

"What are you doing here?" Felix hissed, pulling back the edge of his hood to glance around nervously. "Where have you even been all this time?"

Dorian laughed. "Where haven't I been?" It was a non-answer and they both knew it, but it was easier than the truth. "As to your first question, I need information."

"And you think I can give it. Dor, you've been gone for over two years. Things are getting worse. I'm getting worse. I don't know how much longer I'm going to last, and the worse I get the more desperate and clinging Father becomes." Felix ran his hand over his hair, which he now kept cropped close. It made his face look even thinner, and Dorian thought he could see the faint spider web network of veins beneath Felix's translucent skin.

"I'm sorry, Felix," Dorian said, staring at the ground. "I don't mean to put you in this position. But I'm not sure where else to go, or who else to see."

Felix crossed the distance between them and hugged Dorian close. "I'm glad you came, Dor," he whispered in his ear. "I've missed you, and I was afraid for you. I kept wondering if you were dead."

"Did my father say that?" Dorian asked, voice dripping with venom.

"No. He wonders the same thing," Felix said. His dark eyes swept over Dorian. "You look like shit."

"I've looked worse," Dorian admitted.

Felix slid his pack off his shoulder and handed it to Dorian. "I sneaked through the kitchen on my way out. They were just starting to prep for dinner so I grabbed what I could."

"Don't get yourself into trouble on my account," he said, but he took the bag.

"I like trouble," Felix said with a smile. "And you're worth the trouble. Come on." He gestured for Dorian to follow him down another winding alley. It was dusk and overcast, so it was not terribly suspicious for them to have their hoods up. They hurried through the back alleys of Minrathous; some of them boasted no recent architecture to speak of. Dorian swallowed and jogged after Felix, wondering where they were going. He had to trust that his friend would still be loyal. If Felix could not be trusted, then who could?

"A… brothel," Dorian said when Felix finally stopped in front of a building in a shadowed cul de sac. Globes of warm red light hung outside of the entry way and the doors were made of heavy dark wood inlaid with frosted glass panes. "Time changes many things, Felix, but not that," he said with a grin.

"I know," Felix said. "But no one will bother us here, and no one would think to look for you in a place filled with beautiful women clamoring to have all the sex a man can pay for." He was also grinning, and for one moment Dorian felt like he was back years ago, cavorting with his best friend, blissfully unaware of the future in store for them.

The matron didn't ask questions; just took Felix's coin and set them up in a room tucked away on the second floor. Felix locked the door and Dorian cast his signature silencing and privacy wards over the walls, windows and door. He cast a fireball to start a fire on the hearth, and then turned to see Felix collapsed on the bed. "I'm sorry, Felix," he said. "I didn't want you to tire on my account."

Felix stared at the ceiling. "No worries, Dor. I know… I know I'm not going to get any better. I'm getting far worse, actually. But I've accepted that I don't have a lot of time," he said quickly. "Stop looking at me like that," he admonished. "Just sit with me for a bit."

Dorian did as Felix asked. He dispensed with custom and laid down next to Felix, who instinctively turned over to rest his head on Dorian's shoulder. "Do you ever wish things had turned out differently?"

"All the time," Dorian said. "I suppose you know why I left Tevinter in the first place?" Felix shook his head and looked up at Dorian through his long lashes. Dorian sighed and told him the story of his parents' betrayal. Two years had not dulled the ache and he cursed when his voice broke in the telling of it.

"Vishante kaffas," Felix swore. "How could he?"

"His precious fucking legacy," Dorian said. "As always. But I need to know where to go next," he said. "I can't stay here, and I'm not going to Orlais. I've heard about the shitstorm raging down there."

"The shitstorm is raging all over Thedas," Felix said. He wasn't smiling. "Orlais is completely chaotic and Kirkwall isn't getting any better, especially since the White Spire fell. Circles all over the south fell right after that."

"Good," Dorian said. "It's about time they start treating their mages as people and not animals."

"We all agree, Dor," Felix said. "It's been all over the senate floor."

"And all over the Venatori," Dorian added when Felix paused, unsure of how to go on. "Without their Circles, southern mages have nowhere to go and no sense of how to exist in a world that doesn't want them. It's a vacuum of power."

"I've always been jealous of how smart you are," Felix said. He rested his hand on Dorian's chest. "You need to do something about it."

Dorian laughed. "Me? Do something?"

"Who better?" Felix sat up and propped himself on an elbow. "You are one of the most powerful mages to be produced in hundreds of years. You've seen the darkest side of the Imperium, and yet possess its best qualities."

"You do too," Dorian protested.

"You're also not dying," Felix said with a grim smile. "I can keep my father's eyes off of you, but you have to be willing to do this."

Dorian stared up at the ceiling, lit by a soft orange-red glow. Lying here, cuddling with Felix, he was aware of just how tired he truly was. It had been a long time since he'd slept in a proper bed, but even longer since he'd had a purpose. "How long did you take this room for?" he asked at last. He was too tired to give an answer just yet.

"As long as you need it. Sorcha's a friend," Felix said.

"I won't take advantage of your generosity," Dorian said. "I'll stay for a night, maybe two, and then I have to go again."

"Take advantage of anything you want," Felix teased, snuggling into Dorian. "I've missed you."

"And I, you," Dorian told him. He had missed his friend; he'd missed Tevinter as well: the humidity, the smells, the sights, the feeling of magic in the air all around him. Sometimes he thought he missed his parents as well; but then he remembered his father's palm glowing red, blood dripping like garnets from the sliced skin, and the way his mother was crying… and knew he was better off without them.

He fell asleep fully clothed, on top of the silk covers, his boots still on. He slept deeply. Somehow having Felix with him made him feel safe, as if he was a shield against the Venatori. He didn't expect Felix to be there when he woke, yet he was, his arm thrown carelessly across Dorian's torso and his mouth slightly open as he snored quietly. Dorian wondered if he could use Alexius's time magic to go back, to tell Felix what he really felt, and change things.

Would he remember who he was and what he'd been through if he went back, though? Was it worth the risk?

Felix stirred beside him and Dorian quickly scooted over to maintain a respectful distance between them. "I need to go," he whispered to Felix.

"So soon?" Felix's eyes were bleary with sleep, but still wide and he looked on the verge of tears. It broke Dorian's heart to realize how lonely Felix must be, with only his father keeping a constant vigil over him, and plotting to use time magic to go back and save him from his fate.

"You'll be in more trouble than a bag of snacks would have gotten you. It's morning." Dorian tried to smile. "Or… Come with me," he said suddenly, reaching out and resting his hand on Felix's.

"We both know that can't happen," Felix said. "Physically I'd never make it out of Minrathous."

Dorian bit his lip and took a deep breath to quell the tears he felt welling up inside. "I know. But you can hardly fault me for asking."

"You know what the Venatori are like," Felix said. "Better than anyone, because you got away."

That had always troubled Dorian, and he figured it was better to ask than be in a state of forever wondering. "Why did you join?" he asked quietly, leaning on his elbow and picking at the silk sheet with his other hand.

Felix closed his eyes. "I always dreaded you asking me that. But… I was being selfish. My father told me I could be saved if I joined. I was in a dark place and I wanted to live. Four years and I've only gotten sicker," he said with a scowl. "Even father's getting desperate. He says he joined up to make Tevinter better, but now… now all he thinks about is how my time is running out and how the Venatori are onto something that will change all that." He leaned in and gave Dorian a kiss on the cheek. "You were made for greater things than skulking around Minrathous alleys, Dor," he said.

Dorian got up and smoothed out his clothes and twirled the ends of his mustache. He ran a hand through his wavy hair and picked up his staff and his traveling packs, including the bag Felix had given him. "Yes, I was," he said with a smile he did not feel.

"Where will you go?"

"I've always wondered what the ass-end of the world was like," he said. "I was thinking maybe Kirkwall might be nice this time of year."

Felix laughed. "Kirkwall isn't nice any time of the year."

Dorian started to laugh but stopped and held up his hand to silence his friend. Dorian had worked to perfect his wards over the years, and now could cast a silencing barrier that would allow him to hear what happened outside his doors. Very useful when he felt like being with a male servant, and didn't want to get caught. Also very useful when he was sneaking around Minrathous with Felix Alexius. "City guard," he said. He slung the bags over his shoulder and headed for the window.

"What are you doing?" Felix hissed.

"I've always wanted to make a dashing escape," Dorian said with a grin as he pushed the window open and climbed up on the ledge. He stepped down only to find there was no trellis. He yelped as he slid down the wall, grabbing at the window ledge and barely catching it with his fingertips. But it was not enough, and he slipped again, the stucco wall scraping up his hands as he tried to catch himself on something, anything.

He crashed through the branches of a lemon tree; they snagged on his cloak, slowing his decent slightly, but not enough. The ground rushed at him and before he could react he'd landed hard and his leg buckled beneath him. Fasta vass, but it hurt! Dorian clenched his teeth and focused his mana as best he could while in a rush and in pain, and managed to numb the pain; he'd never been much for healing magic, not the way his father did. It would hurt to walk, but it was better than getting caught by the city guards.

He was scraped up and bleeding and he walked with a limp, but he could use his staff for support. He pulled his hood up over his head and moved out of the brothel courtyard and into another back alley. He headed for the market, thinking to get lost among the crowds. But Dorian had never learned to blend in; from the time he was young he could only stand out.

"That's him! The one with the Magister's son!"

Venhedis. Dorian sighed and kept walking even though his leg pained him. His knuckles were white as he gripped his staff to keep from crying out as much as to support himself as he limped along. A guard grabbed Dorian by the shoulder. "Unhand me," Dorian snapped, wrenching his arm away. He spun and pointed his staff at the guard. He may have been disowned, but he had still been brought up an Altus mage, and this was Tevinter, where that sort of thing still mattered. He pushed back his hood, and for once in his life was grateful for his resemblance to his father. "How dare you accost me!" he said, channeling magic down his staff, which crackled with lightning.

Dorian expected an apology, or at least for them to mumble and turn away. But after a stunned moment they all pointed their pikes at him. "Drop your staff," the lead guard said. "You're wanted for holding Magister Alexius's son hostage!"

"You realize how ridiculous that sounds," Dorian told the man. He didn't sound un-ridiculous himself; he was surrounded by pike-wielding, armored guardsmen, he was injured from running and evading them, and he was talking back to them. "If you check the brothel I'm certain you'll find the young man quite well and ready to go home. Now if you'll excuse me." He waited for them to move.

They didn't.

Alexius either knew Dorian was in town, or else he was really paranoid about Felix and his whereabouts. "You are aware there are people watching," Dorian said. His voice was steady, but inside, his intestines were writhing. He'd never dealt with the guards before; they always stepped aside when an Altus passed by. Then again, he wore nothing to mark himself as such. "It would be most embarrassing for both of us if I have to use my staff in public."

"Take him in for questioning," the guard said simply, and the ring of pikes closed in around him.

Instinct took over. Dorian felt the Fade around him and his mind reached for the connections it had there. He struck the butt of his staff on the cobblestone pavement and a purple cloud exploded in the shape of a skull. People started screaming; guards were running and yelling, and some cowered, clutching at their helmets while crying. Dorian focused on keeping the terror spell intact as he calmly walked away from the center of the chaos. He donned his hood and ignored the stares of people as he got further from the epicenter of the spell.

The energy and mana he'd expended in that confrontation took away from the numbing effect on his leg, and it started to throb. He leaned heavily on his staff and soon he was limping. He made is a few more blocks before he could hardly walk at all. He leaned against a wall in a dank alley and slid to the ground, gritting his teeth against the pain.

His whole life, Dorian had grown up with money and privilege; there was nearly nothing his position and wealth and power couldn't acquire for him. And now he was about to keel over in a stinking alley, a nobody mage with a broken leg and a death wish. He couldn't help but laugh.

He was laughing even harder when, weeks later, he actually did make it to Kirkwall with no idea why he'd bothered to come here. All he could think was how fitting it was that the ass-end of the world was a complete shithole.

Author's Note: Thank as always so much to readers, reviewers, followers, favorites, etc.! Again, some of this is based on some Dorian banter from in-game, and I'm just putting my personal headcanon spin on it. Also, I'm posting this over on AO3 (user name JayRain) so if you prefer that format this story's over there now, too. I'm working on getting it up to this point. Thanks all, and happy new year!