Too much, this was too much! Nihlus was looking at him with those soft eyes, the glimmer in them speaking louder than words how much he cared, how much more he wanted. Saren didn't do care, he didn't do tender, didn't do the whole boyfriend thing. There were reasons, right? He had to have reasons? He was sure of it, very well thought out and logical ones, but they were hard to remember when all he could see was that dark face with the beautiful white stripes. All he wanted to do was to run his fingers down them, feeling how the boy's breath would shake nervously.
The roving flame that had slowly developed in his gut ever since the very first time his eyes had fallen on that defiant face scorched him from the inside now. It whispered to him to just breach that small distance and everything he ever dreamed about would come true.
No! No, no, no, no... Not again! He couldn't risk it.
Closing his eyes to how the disappointment spread over Nihlus' features, trying to not hear how his sub-vocals sang out in pain, Saren turned around and hurried away from the boy who made old and confusing feelings come up to the surface. He had buried them with good reasons. He'd promised himself that he'd never be put in that position again a long time ago and Saren wasn't one to go back on his promises.
"No!" Nihlus' voice was sharp with rage and desperation. "You don't get to walk away this time!"
Strong fingers closed around his arm and spun him around.
"I've had enough of this!" Nihlus cried, his lower tones playing over a whole spectrum of feelings.
"Don't..." Saren started to warn him, forcing his voice down to a threatening register where the trembles couldn't be heard. But he barely had time to form the words before the younger turian had pulled him in and erased every thought from his mind with a bruising kiss. A brown arm wrapped around Saren's middle and then he had a warm body pressed tight against his own.
"Please," he gasped when Nihlus finally detached himself from his mouth. The pleading tones sounded wrong in his own ears, but he couldn't help it any longer. He was so afraid. Afraid of loosing Nihlus and what it would do to him if it ever happened. But he couldn't run and he couldn't fight any longer, it was all just too much and the boy was too stubborn. Stupid, stupid boy.
Two warm hands closed around his face and tilted his head up and when those green eyes bound him he couldn't struggle any more.
"It's okay," Nihlus said, his tones drowning the pale turian in calming feelings of love and security. "I've got you."
The cry that pushed it's way over Saren's lips was entirely foreign. It was a push of air filled with relief and longing and he just wrapped his fingers around that dark neck and pulled him in for a passionate kiss. Spirits, he loved this boy. It was foolish and dangerous and probably one of the stupidest things he had ever done, but he couldn't deny it any longer.
A low moan from Nihlus set his body on fire, his skin tingling and his head spinning with need. Apparently they both had the same idea as they started to tug and pull to get the other's clothes off as quickly as possible. Saren could hear tearing fabric in the distance, but he couldn't seem to muster up the will to care. He just wanted Nihlus' body, naked and warm and willing beneath him this instant.
"Fuck, you're so hot," the boy breathed when he finally had gotten his jacket off. His brown fingers trailing over a pale, plated chest.
"Eloquent as always, I see." Saren tried to sound critical, but it mostly came out as teasing.
"Shut up, you love it," Nihlus grinned and went in for another kiss.
"Yes, yes I do." He gripped the other man tight and decided to never let go.