"What do you think?" asked Susie. Lil peered down from her chair, streamer in hand. Susie grinned and spread her arms out wide. "The place looks pretty great, huh?"

"I think the penis to non-penis ratio is still too low."

"Yeah," said Kimi sarcastically. "This is a bachelorette party, not a convent."

"Right," laughed Susie. "More penises. Got it."

"Alright, check it out, guys. Balloons EVERYWHERE!" Kimi clapped her hands gleefully. Purple balloons covered the floor.

"Uh, it's a little hard to walk in, Kim." said Susie.

"Worth it."

"It sure will be fun later when we're drunk." chimed in Lil.

"It would be better if they were penis balloons." offered Susie.

"Damn! Wish we could have thought of that. Think they even make them?"

"Oh they make them. They make penis shaped everything."

"Who is this 'they' and why are they such perverts?"

Lil guffawed and teetered on the chair. "Guys, stop, you're going to make me fall."

"Do you think Angelica will be ok with being surprised?" asked Kimi as she popped the jell-o shots in the refrigerator.

"Yes," said Susie. "The girl loves surprises."

"I always hated surprise parties." said Lil as she leaned off the chair precariously to grab the roll of tape. "They always seem to happen when I'm just getting back from the gym. Or laying around in sweats eating Cheetos."

Susie chortled. "It's Angelica. She always looks like she's about to walk a runway."

Kimi stood on her tiptoes and looked out the window. "Speaking of her Majesty, I think she's here."

Lil hastily taped up the last streamer and jumped down. "Kimi, grab this chair for me, will you?" She threw the tape and scissors in a drawer and grabbed a balloon and a noisemaker. The other girls followed suit.

A moment later, Angelica walked through the door and was bombarded with balloons and screaming and noise.

"What in the WORLD?"

"Surprise! Happy bachelorette party!"

"Happy penises!" shrieked Kimi.

"Penises! Penises! Penises!" chorused the girls, surrounding the bride to be. They started circling her and Susie set a crown of some sort on top of her head. Angelica was still clutching an oversized Louis Vuitton carryall in one hand and her keys in the other.

"Ok, I don't know what kind of Lord of the Flies shit is going on here, but I want answers!"

"It's your bachelorette party, silly!"

"It's not til tomorrow. And this is my apartment!"

"That's the surprise!" said Susie excitedly.

Angelica grinned and set down her bag. "Ok, fine. I mean, I guess. Let's do this."

Lil handed her a martini glass garnished with a comically large pink flower.

"I don't know what's in this, but it's pretty and it smells like alcohol, so I'll take it."

Kimi pulled a necklace over Angelica's head. "Don't forget your penis whistle." She picked up her own from around her neck and blew.

"Oh God." Angelica touched the crown she was wearing gingerly. "This isn't penises, too, is it?"

"No, just pink feathers and rhinestones."

"As long as we're keeping it classy. Now, let's get this party started."

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Angelica reached for her cocktail glass to find that the almost empty glass had been replaced with a full one. "Kimi! Ohmygod, you're the best. I knew I kept you around for something."

"Yeah, I'm real good at filling drinks. Also, I'll be your sister-in-law in a week."

"This is already number two. I better slow down."

"That's number three." Lil corrected.

"Potato, Po-tah-to."

Angelica took a long sip from her drink. "HEY. Where is chuckie?"

Kimi rolled her eyes. "Took her two hours."

"He's out. The guys are throwing him a surprise party tonight too."

Angelica laughed. "I wish I could see that. Pretty much all things about bachelor parties-strippers, excessive drinking, loud noises, social situations, public restrooms, eye contact with strangers—make Chuck uncomfortable."

"He's in good hands," said Susie, re-entering the living room. She set down a tray. "Now, who wants jell-o shots? The green are Margarita—tequila and lime. The yellow are piña colada—malibu and pineapple. and the red are strawberry daiquiri—rum and strawberry."

Angelica grabbed a margarita. "You guys are the best."

Lil pointed to a poster on the wall of a half-naked cowboy.

Angelica tilted her head, wondering how she had missed it before.

Lil gestured toward the blindfold in her hand. "Ready to play Pin the Junk on the Hunk?"

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"You know what would be a great idea?" Angelica said suddenly. "We should see what the boys are up to!"

"That is. the. BEST. idea!" said Lil, sloshing her drink. "ohh, oopsie."

"What are we waiting for?" said Susie, setting her drink down and grabbing her purse.

Kimi looked up from her phone. "Dil said they're at The Mermaid Lounge."

Angelica grabbed her clutch excitedly. "I can't wait to see this."

"I already called a cab." said Kimi. "I'm in bridesmaid mode. Here to anticipate and meet your every need."

Angelica sighed. "Oh, Kimi. I really do love you, you know."

Kimi looked an Angelica uncertainly. "Oh God, what was in that drink?"

Angelica giggled and locked Kimi in a hug. "Don't be silly, Kimi. We're sisters!"

Kimi swiveled in an attempt to release herself. "We're not sisters yet. And come on, we can't stand each other, that's what we do. It's fun! Everyone loves us that way. Let's not ruin it." Kimi finally escaped and straightened up her skirt. "Alright, let's do this."

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"Babbeeeee!"

Chuck spun around in surprise. "Angelica?"

"It's meeeeee!"

"God, you're drunk."

"Don't be silly. I'm not drunk. I mean, I'm a little drunk. But not too drunk."

He grinned. "You look…nice."

"Oh yeah. Um, I didn't start out with this many penises on me. But as the night progressed." She shrugged. Her pink feathered and rhinestoned tiara was covered with a string of plastic penises and she had several penis whistles and necklaces layered over her red strapless Dior. She teetered a little in her heels and grabbed his arm for support.

"You're not going to throw up on me again, are you?"

"Ohmygosh, Chuckie, that was forever ago. Are you enjoying your bachelor party?"

"Yeah…I mean. It's not exactly my scene."

"You want to go in the back and get a private dance? We can pick any girl we want."

Chuck took a swig of his beer. "Don't you of all people think that's kind of misogynistic?"

She pouted. "You're no fun."

Tommy, Phil and Lil appeared at their side. Tommy handed Chuck and Angelica beers.

"Ugh, I don't drink beer." said Aneglica disdainfully.

"It's the cheapest thing they have," interjected Lil. "It was only $6.00. If you want a martini, it's $12.00"

"That's what I'm saying," said Chuck. "It's expensive and crowded and dirty here."

"You're no fun." said Tommy.

Chuck grinned and kissed his fiancé's cheek. "I like your crown."

"Thanks," she said, holding up a whistle and blowing. "I'm the queen of the penises."

The rest of the group appeared. Susie gestured toward the stage. "Another set's about to start." She said mischievously. She pulled a wad of bills from her bag. "I bought a drink and they gave me my change in $2 bills."

"It's so you can't be cheap and only tip the dancers a dollar." said Phil.

"I don't know if I like how much you seem to know about strip clubs." she replied facetiously. C'mon. Let's get a front row seat."

"There aren't actually any mermaids here." Dil told Kimi in a disappointed tone.

"I dunno," said Phil as a red haired dancer took the stage. "That one looks kind of like Ariel from The Little Mermaid."

"Thanks for that," said Lil. "Childhood ruined."

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"Hey guys," said Lil, "I'm going to the bathroom. You coming with?"

Susie cocked an eyebrow. "Um, is that something that we do?"

"Just follow me."

The girls pushed their way through the crowd. Lil flagged down a cocktail waitress. "Scuse me. Where's the ladies room?"

The girls followed her to a dimly lit corridor. "Only ladies room is this way, in the locker room."

They walked down the hall uncertainly, filing past a mix of women, dancers and customers. In the bathroom, Lil opened up her bag and pulled out a flask. "Glad I brought this. $6.00 for a beer is crazy." She took a swig and passed it to Kimi, who grinned. "Good thinking."

A dancer applying lipstick in the mirror next to them glanced at Angelica. "Ohmygod, I LOVE your dress!"

"Thanks. I like your…well, you're not really wearing anything, are you?"

The dancer laughed and tossed back her raven locks. "You're funny. Well have a good night, girls." She looked back at Angelica and winked. "I'll save a dance for you, doll."

"Hahahahaha" Lil nearly fell over laughing.

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"Well, sighed Angelica as she leaned against the bar. "Chuck really does seem uncomfortable. I know the guys tried to show him a good time."

Susie tried to get the bartender's attention. "He said he had fun earlier hanging out at The Tavern. But I guess they insisted on coming here. Strip clubs are to bachelor parties like penises are to bachelorette parties."

"Amen." Angelica raised her glass. "I'll drink to that."

"You'll drink to anything."

Angelica made an indignant face.

"Dammit," said Susie, "I can't get a drink for anything."

"I guess when there are half naked girls walking around, cleavage just doesn't cut it anymore."

A smooth voice interrupted them. "I'll buy you ladies a drink." A somewhat intimidating man stood before them.

"Wow," said Angelica looking up in awe. "You're huge."

"I've heard that one before," he said. "If you know what I mean."

Susie made a face.

"The name's Robbie. He kissed Angelica's hand. "And you are?"

Angelica pulled her hand away. "Rachel." she said.

"Lisa." said Susie.

"Nice to meet you ladies. Now, what would you like to drink?"

"We're actually ok. Thanks though." said Susie.

"Please, don't do this to me." He said in mock hurt. "Especially you, blondie. Don't you want to get to know me?"

"Um, if you can't tell," replied Angelica, indicating her attire, "I'm engaged. Don't you see the penises?"

"That's a matter of small consequence."

"It's actually not." said Chuck, suddenly at their side. "It's a matter of rather large consequence."

"Yeah." said Tommy. Everyone was now standing around Robbie, backing up the girls.

Robbie seemed unimpressed. And looking at the scene, Angelica could see why. This six foot-four mountain of muscle could probably easily take all of them.

Chuck put an arm around Angelica. "Come on, sweetie, let's go home."

Robbie thought that was the funniest thing in the world. "This guy? This guy is your fiance? Wow, now I've seen it all. Come on, dollface, you wanna see what it's like to be with a real man?"

Tommy looked like he was about to kill someone. Lil grabbed his arm and gave him a look of warning.

"It's ok, guys." said Angelica coolly. "I can handle this. Look, Robbie, I find the blatant and unapologetic misogyny as charming as the next girl. Not to mention your lack of personal hygiene. But no thanks."

He shrugged, seeming bored with the situation. "Your loss. Slut."

Next thing they knew, Chuck had bounded at the slab of man with a heroic punch to the face. Unfortunately, Robbie barely flinched. But the punch he threw back knocked Chuck to the floor.

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"Well," said Angelica as she dabbed Chuck's nose gingerly with a crumpled up bar napkin. "Did you have a good night?"

He groaned. She kissed his mop of orange red hair softly. "Thank you for defending my honor."

"I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's The Mermaid Lounge," said Phil. "It really gets you. Hashtag YOLO!"

"Don't say that," said Lil. "Not even ironically."

"I can't believe we got kicked out of a strip club." said Phil. "How cool are we?"

"Maybe we should move you somewhere more comfortable." said Angelica, "You ready to head home?"

"Well, this gravel parking lot is actually better than the disgusting floor I was on before. But yes, I'm ready to go home."

"Oh, not yet! Your nose is bleeding again. Lean back."

"At least you have a good story to tell."

"That is true." said Chuck through the napkin. "This will be pretty funny soon…maybe not tomorrow…maybe not next week…maybe not next year...But someday…Probably. Guys? Just promise me you'll never take me to a strip club again."

Tommy patted his shoulder. "You got it, man."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Now," said Angelica, "Let's get you home, Carrot Top."