Adam slogged through the slushy streets, rethinking his decision to walk to Lindsay's rather than to try and catch a cab on a busy weekend. It may have taken longer but at least the cuffs of his pants would have been dry and he wouldn't be freezing right now. It would normally have put him in a grumpy mood but he was in the Christmas spirit lately, so it was more of a minor annoyance than anything.

He found himself in front of Lindsay's building, hitting the buzzer quickly three times until she let him in, then making his way up to the door. He could hear faint music as he knocked on the door and it swung open, revealing Levi who was smiling widely.

"Hi! I'm a rockstar today. Look at my Cyndi Lauper hair."

He chuckled at the high side ponytail and the plastic rings she wore on all her fingers. If he were a betting man, he would say she'd come up with it all by herself.

"You look awesome kid."

"Hey, where's Gabby? I thought she was coming with you!"

"She couldn't come. She's got a cold and we didn't want her to get any sicker."

"Oh," Levi sighed, her face falling. "I wanted to see her. But I don't want her to get more sick. So I guess it's okay. Come in, mama's fixin' her hair."

She shut the door behind him and he chuckled at the makeshift drumset she'd set up on the coffee table. There were various things stacked around, some pots and pans, Tupperware, a few books and an empty milk jug. She'd been using chopsticks for drumsticks and he was certain that the plate on the couch was on its way to becoming her cymbal.

"So you've been rocking out this morning huh?"

"Yep! Told mama I was bored and she told me to be creative. This is what I came up with. Is it cool?"

"Sure is. Are you a good drummer?"

"I'm decent," she shrugged. "I'd be better with a real drumset, but this is okay for now."

"You want to be a musician when you grow up?"

"Nope. I just like drummin'. My mama plays the piano and the guitar a little and she sings good."

He nodded and Levi grabbed his hand, pulling him over to the stereo and pointing at the stack of CD's.

"See that one right there? That's the music mama listened to all the time when I was in her belly. It's special to us. I knowed it from the time I was born. Oh!"

She dropped his hand and ran across the room, grabbing a picture off the bookcase.

"See this is me when I was just born! I was darn cute, that's what mama said. And now you know!"

Adam laughed and Levi replaced the picture, then spun around surveying the room.

"Know what I think? I think I need a stage. A real big one so I can perform all my songs. I writed one about grilled cheese and tomato soup. I will sing it for you when it's done."

Adam was about to agree when Levi jumped up again, a squeal emanating from her, the likes of which he had never heard before.

"Oh mama! I haven't seen you in ten whole minutes!" she exclaimed, running across the room and almost knocking Lindsay over with a hug. "I missed you so much!"

"You did? Well I guess I am just going to have to quit my job and spend every second of my life with you," Lindsay laughed, lifting her daughter up and kissing her cheek.

"Maybe not because then how would we buy chocolate?"

"I guess you're right, I'd better keep working. Now, did you let this strange man in here?"

"Yes but you already told me it was him because he buzzed three times."

"I know."

"But he didn't bring Gabby because she's sick so I'm bummed. So maybe we will have to get a treat to make me feel better."

"Well maybe I was planning on that anyway."

"Our minds is great because they think the same," Levi decided, wiggling back down to the floor and running to take Adam's hand.

"C'mon, are you ready to shop?"

"I sure am."

"Good because if you weren't I'd say that you were at the wrong rodeo."

Adam laughed and she smiled happily, grabbing her coat off the hook by the door.

"Mama, hurry it up, let's go! I got money burnin' a hole in my pocket and I need to buy you a good gift! I can't just get you bubble bath like last year, you don't have time for that!"

"Okay, okay. Slow your roll."

"Mama doesn't understand my impatience," Levi muttered, reaching for the doorknob.

"Levi doesn't understand my desire not to be run ragged before we even get to the car."

"Oh mama."

Adam raised his eyebrows at Lindsay who just sighed and rolled her eyes.

"It never ends."

"Did she have a bowl of sugar for breakfast?"

"No, this is just her."

"No wonder you're so skinny, you probably haven't had a full meal since she was born."

"Actually you're probably right."

Levi pulled them out the door and down the hall to the stairs, not wanting to be cooped up in an elevator for even two minutes.

"Wow, such a beautiful day," she said, stomping through a puddle on the sidewalk. "Is it gonna snow?"

"Probably not today. C'mon let's get in the car."

"Oh whoopee I found my Frisbee in here!"

"Adam I apologize."

"For what?"

"Just trust me."

Seven stores and one quick lunch later, Levi had calmed down quite a lot. She wasn't talking constantly and wasn't as fidgety as normal which meant that their trips into each overcrowded store were a lot quicker than they would have been had she been running at full throttle. She stood patiently by the cart while Adam and Lindsay scoped out deals and checked people off their lists. Adam had finished with his shopping at the last store but was still looking for extra stocking stuffers for Gabby while lecturing Lindsay on all the money she could save if she just bought an extra item here and there. Currently he was trying to shove a pack of gum into the cart so she would spend the full fifty dollars to get ten dollars back.

"Look, the lady at the counter is going to ask you anyway, so in about fifteen minutes you'll be having this conversation again."

"But Adam, I don't need the pack of gum."

"Look you spend the 97 cents and you get a coupon for ten dollars off your next purchase."

"But-"

"So technically, you buy the gum and they pay you nine dollars and three cents."

"I don't need the gum."

"Do you need the nine dollars and three cents?"

"I won't starve without it."

"Did everyone ever tell you you're really stubborn?"

"Anyone ever tell you to go to law school?"

He gave a half shrug and she sighed, tossing the pack of gum into the cart.

"I seem to always let you talk me into things."

"Nu-uh."

"What about last week when you said we should grab sushi for lunch and I grossed out and ten minutes later I was eating sushi?"

"Maybe you're just weak."

"Hey, that's not very nice," she chuckled, shifting her weight to the other foot. "Hey, what do you think are the chances of this line moving more than a centimeter an hour?"

"Slim to none. We should open a lemonade stand."

"I might drink the whole batch."

"Well that won't be good for profits."

"It's okay, with your coupon savvy I'm sure you'll figure out a way to fund our small business."

"A small business where we make lemonade and you drink it. I guess it hasn't been done before."

"Yes, uniqueness. That is what makes a company great."

He laughed and leaned against the cart, surveying the line again and sighing.

"I kind of want to start singing the song that never ends. See how many people we can get in on it."

"Let me guess, when you were a kid you had a group of friends and you always dared each other to do stupid things."

"How did you know?"

"Lucky guess. Ever get yourself hurt?"

"A time or two I might have miscalculated things."

"Lasting injuries?"

"Only to my pride."

She smiled as they moved just barely forward in line and Levi let out a small, frustrated whine.

"Mama it's too close," she whispered, her knuckles white on the cart. "Too much."

"Are you okay?"

"It's too much mama! I can't move, I need to leave, it's too crowded!"

"Levi, I need you to take a breath," Lindsay started, crouching down to her. "We'll be leaving soon, I just need you to wait a little longer."

"But there's so many people," she cried, breathing heavily. "They're in my space. I can't breathe good."

"You can breathe just fine. Look at my eyes and breathe up from your toes."

"I can't mama I want to go home!"

"Would it help to sit in the cart?"

"No, it's too hot. I can't help it mama I can't! Please let's go home."

"Hey kiddo," Adam said, crouching down to her eye level and talking softly. "Would it help if I took you out to the car?"

She whimpered and nodded, reaching her arms out for him immediately, so great was her desire to get out of dodge. He lifted her up and she wilted against him, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder.

"Adam, you don't have to-"

"It's okay. She just needs air."

Lindsay sighed and handed him the keys and he took Levi around the long line and out the doors. She kept holding onto him as they reached the car, but she was breathing a lot better than she had been.

"Feel better?" he asked, putting her in her booster seat but not buckling her in.

"Mama says I get overwhelmed sometimes. When I am tired and hungry 'specially. She says I have a hard time concentrating and that sometimes I have other weird things I do like getting overwhelmed. But it's okay because I try my best. Thank you for takin' me out."

"You're welcome."

He climbed into the passenger seat and turned the heat on a little while Levi sighed and started to calm down.

"You want to know something Levi?"

"What?"

"I have that concentrating problem too."

"Really?"

"Yep. It's gotten a lot easier as I get older."

"Did you have the same other problems too? Mama says they're called sensory issues."

"No, I didn't have that but I understand."

"I don't like scratchy stuff. Like my warm socks. And in school when we have to wear smocks to do arts and crafts I have to sit out because the smocks irritate my neck and I freak out. I don't get to do arts and crafts."

"Have you thought about taking a big t-shirt to wear instead?"

"I don't like being different," she answered with a shrug. "Mama doesn't know why I have extra weird things about me and I don't know either. I really try to not get upset but sometimes I do anyway."

"I think that's okay."

"Mama taught me lots of ways to focus in school. Like if I can just tap my foot sometimes my brain doesn't wander. I have to work harder than most kids though. That's okay because hard work never killed anybody."

He chuckled at her optimism as she stared out the window in thought.

"Maybe different is a little bit okay."

"Just a little bit?"

"Well I don't want people to think I'm weird. It's okay when mama says I am because she loves me anyway, and she likes me being weird. But the other kids… they don't appreciate weird."

"Let me tell you a little something I didn't learn until I was really old. Weird is good and people who don't understand that are missing out on something really awesome."

"Do you… do you think I'm awesome Adam?"

"Absolutely. You're the only kid I know that's better at driving a remote control car than I am. And you have great taste in movies and I have to say that you've been a really, really good friend to Gabby."

"She said she doesn't have many friends."

"It's hard for her because kids think she's different. It helps when you call her and you guys can talk."

"Maybe… Maybe if me and her are different at the same time, that makes us not so weird! Yeah! I will tell her that when I talk to her. My brain is crazy and her legs don't work so good but that's okay because we're still friends!"

"I think you're on to something here."

She smiled and sat back in her seat quietly for a moment watching out the window before she leaned forward with a whisper.

"I'm gonna tell you somethin' but don't tell mama I told you."

"Okay."

"My mama doesn't have many friends either. Except for Audrey. She told me because she never had time to be friends but now she's friends with you and that makes me happy. We both like it when you come over and eat dinner with us. Sometimes we get bored with each other."

"You get bored?"

"Yeah. But when you come over it's somethin' new and exciting! And mama cooks better when we have company too."

"Well I'm glad I could be of service."

She giggled, her meltdown in the store long forgotten as she inspected her fingernails. She could always feel discomfort creeping up on her and she knew it was happening but she couldn't stop herself from getting upset.

"Okay weary travelers," Lindsay greeted, getting in the car after putting the gifts in the trunk. "Are we ready for one more stop?"

"Another one? Mama, get real. What else could you possibly need?"

"Groceries for dinner. You'd like to eat, wouldn't you?"

"Yes. Man, when people say shop 'til you drop, they ain't kidding."

"If you're about to drop then we need food. Adam, you want to stay and let me feed you?"

"Nah, I should go home."

Lindsay rolled her eyes at him and shook her head.

"Just for that silly comment you're staying for dinner and a movie."

"Okay, but don't ever say I didn't protest politely."

"And I think she's out for the count," Lindsay whispered, chuckling as she looked down at Levi. She was sprawled across the couch her head on Lindsay's lap and her feet almost in Adam's. She'd declared vehemently that she wasn't tired and she could stay up until the end of the movie with no problems, but now it was five minutes to her bedtime and she was nearly snoring.

"I've never seen anyone fall asleep that fast."

"She's pure talent."

"Did you know that she looks exactly like you?"

"I've been told."

"Does she um… look like her dad at all?"

"She has his eyes. His hands. Sometimes when she laughs she sounds like him. But for the most part she's all me."

"Does that bother you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, does looking at her remind you…"

"No. It's not like I'm still hung up on the guy or something."

"I didn't mean that."

"I know. Really though, I don't think about him a lot. This girl right here is the only lasting impression I have."

He nodded and she leaned back on the couch, popping her toes against the coffee table. She'd never liked talking about Josh to anyone but for some reason with Adam it wasn't so hard. He asked out of curiosity about her life, not because he wanted to hear nitty-gritty details. He just wanted to know her.

"I'd better go put her to bed," Lindsay remarked after a moment. "She'll be cranky later if she sleeps like this too long."

She maneuvered off the couch and reached down for her daughter who seemed to be getting heavier by the day.

"Mama?"

"It's okay baby, I'm just putting you to bed."

"Please in your bed not mine. I wanna sleep in your bed."

"Not tonight."

"Mama!" she whined, rubbing at her eyes. "I hate my bed."

"You do not hate your bed, you've slept in there just fine every night for weeks. You're a big girl."

Levi whined a little and went back to sleep and Lindsay tucked her in to the small bed, trying not to trip over toys as she did so.

"Goodnight sweetie. I love you."

She snuck back out of the room and to the couch where she sat down with a sigh, pulling a blanket into her lap.

"So parenting is difficult," Adam said with a smile, reaching over to squeeze her foot. "At least that's what I'm gathering from today."

"It's not difficult really. Challenging."

"Makes you appreciate your parents more."

"Oh yeah. I'm surprised they both didn't go gray years ago. Especially not when they half-raised Levi too."

"I get the impression that they wouldn't have had it any other way."

"Nope. I lucked out on the parent thing, that's for sure. No matter what I was screwing up in my life, they were always there."

"You screwed up a lot?"

"I had some lost years."

"I think that happens to everyone for one reason or another."

She nodded, clearing the memories from her head.

"So what about you? It kind of seems like your parents were the opposite of mine."

"They weren't great. I think they tried but they never really wanted kids. They're not very warm people."

She tipped her head to the side in question and he cracked his knuckles while he thought of exactly how to approach this.

"My dad was a little rough with me. There wasn't a lot of hugging."

She understood his meaning and nodded gently, meeting his eyes briefly, wanting to reach down and give his hand a squeeze but feeling like that was overstepping some boundary she'd set for herself a long time ago. She didn't get into relationships, Levi was much more important than falling in love and even a simple physical act of support and understanding felt like tip-toeing into that unknown.

"No wonder you wanted to move so far away."

"I know he can't hurt me anymore, but I don't want him in my life every day. It's been better since I moved. He actually apologized for not being a good dad. Said me and Jeremy deserved more."

"Too little too late?"

"Kind of, but it really meant a lot to me that he saw that. He and my mom were both ill-equipped to be parents, and that doesn't excuse what they did, but it makes it way less about me."

"How were they with your brother?"

"A little better. I think by the time he came around they felt guilty and tried to make up for it with him."

"So what's the relationship like now?"

He shrugged.

"They see everything as a business transaction, they look for what they can get out of every relationship. So it's basically non-existent unless they feel obligated to contact me for some reason."

"That's sad."

"I know they do their best. They just aren't wired for parenthood the same way most people are."

"That still doesn't make it okay."

"No it doesn't. But I can't live in the past and I can't hold against them the things they've acknowledged and apologized for. That's not fair. Time to move on."

"You're a smart man."

"No one's ever said that before."

"Well maybe they should have."

He gave her a small smile and they looked at each other for a long moment before he turned away, checking his watch.

"I should go. You're tired."

"You don't have to."

"Nah, but I should anyway. It's been a long day."

"Alright," she agreed, a little piece of her getting sad at the thought of sitting here alone once the door shut behind him.

"Thanks for helping me wrap all these," he said, grabbing the shopping bags that were full of presents. "I would have used three rolls of tape without you, and there would have been swearing."

"You're welcome. See you at work tomorrow?"

"Bright and early. I'll bring coffee."

"Thanks."

She walked him to the door said goodbye, making sure he made it to the elevator before stepping back inside. She leaned against the wall with a heavy sigh, closing her eyes and biting her lip. She'd been alone for years, content with that and happy even. Why in the world was she suddenly so miserable at the silence?