"Will you stop being a scared little shit and just ask him?"
Clary glared at Isabelle, shaking her head. "What if he says no? Last time he was at my house, my brother and mother weren't exactly welcoming. Especially with how my mom acted."
Isabelle rolled her eyes. "You're being an idiot. If you don't take him, I'll bring him home with me over the break."
Weeks had passed since her father's funeral and Thanksgiving break was coming up soon. In fact, it was in two days. The weather had cooled and nights were getting longer. This type of year was actually one of Clary's favorites. The color of the trees in the mountains was more than gorgeous, and she savored it.
It also meant that with the break, Jace had nowhere to go. Heading across the country for four days wasn't appealing to him. He'd expressed that to her before. Family time with his father wasn't where he wanted to be and he'd rather stay at school. At this rate, that was going to happen if Clary couldn't find the guts to ask him.
She leaned forward on the bleachers, pressing her chin to her hands and looked out at the soccer field.
It was easy enough to find Jace. His white uniform with his golden hair made him look like a speeder angel as he ran around the field. Like the grace of a lion and the speed of cheetah, he was obviously one of the better players. Even though Sebastian still tried to screw him over every once in a while with a bad pass, it was still obvious he was the better player.
"Hey, check it out," Isabelle said. Clary followed Isabelle's eyes to a man in a suit with a clipboard at the bottom of the bleachers. "You know who that is?"
Clary frowned and shook her head.
"I think it's one of the scouts that Jace has been talking about."
"You mean bragging about," Simon corrected. He sat by Isabelle and leaned forward, looking at Clary from across the space. "And I don't know how you handle it. It's annoying as hell."
"Cause she's in love with him. She'll put up with anything."
Clary's mouth dropped open. "Isabelle, shut up. I've never said that."
"It's more than obvious when you look at him," she shrugged. "You two just refuse to say it."
"We've only been together for–"
"Months," Isabelle finished. "And that's plenty of time. The way you two are around each other shows enough. I'm surprised he hasn't dropped the L-bomb yet."
Clary's eyes followed him on the field. "We're just… trying to be sure."
It was obvious that it annoyed Isabelle when she leaned back and huffed. "We're all about as sure as it can be." She paused for a moment then regarded Clary with a new look. "Have you two slept together yet?"
"Isabelle!" Simon yelled.
Clary blushed immediately looked down at the Red Vans on her feet. "Um, no. We haven't."
"Why not?"
"Izzy, come on," Clary whined, reaching up and pulling at her hair. "I don't want to talk about that."
Isabelle wasn't backing down. "Look, very few college couples last this long without sleeping together. But seriously? Someone like Jace should be getting some. Granted, I'm glad you two really care about each other and are waiting, but I just want it to happen already."
Clary bit her lip and glanced up again, catching Jace's eyes as he turned when the ball went out for a goal kick. "He's being patient for a reason."
Simon and Isabelle both knew what she was talking about. Isabelle, luckily, had enough sense to lean in and drop her voice a few octaves to a whisper. "So… you've told him you're a virgin?"
"He's known for a while."
"Good. I'm glad that isn't a secret."
The last thing she wanted to talk about was this. It had been a sensitive topic for a while, and Isabelle kept pushing it like crazy. So Clary decided to change the subject.
"So is that the guy that's supposed to get Jace the tryout?" she asked, pointing at the man with the clipboard.
Isabelle nodded. "He can get him the tryout in Knoxville, I think. And it's about time. Jace deserves it. He's definitely good enough."
"He deserves better than some semi-pro team," Clary claimed. "That team isn't going to get him very far."
"He's doing it to stay closer to Georgia," Isabelle pointed out. "And I have a feeling he's doing it to stay closer to someone else too." She smiled and winked when she finished.
Clary shook her head but smiled back regardless. "I just think higher teams would want him too."
"Are you sure that's not just a biased opinion?" Simon asked with a raised eyebrow.
"GOOOOOOAAAAAAL! JACE WAYLAND SCORES ONE FOR THE LEAD!"
The crowds around the game went insane and the fans screamed and yelled. People stomped the bleachers, skating the whole thing where Clary and her friends sat. They all stood and yelled, including Maia who stood by Simon. She might have hated Jace, but she was just as excited when Jace scored.
On the field, Jace was jogging back with some of the strikers when his eyes met Clary's across the long distance. He smiled and she smiled back. All of the girls around her screamed louder and squealed, but she didn't have to worry about any of them.
"I love you, Jace!" a random girl down the bleachers yelled. He looked over at her and winked, causing the girl to touch her heart and swoon.
Clary rolled her eyes. "He enjoys that more than he should."
"You should try it," Isabelle teased. "Drop the bomb that way."
It took her a second, but Clary caught on easily enough. "You can't trick me into yelling that I love him. I'm not an idiot."
"It'll come out eventually."
"No, it won't."
Isabelle shrugged. "We'll see."
"Hey you," Jace smiled when he stepped out of the locker room. Clary didn't even have time to turn around before she was pulled off her feet, spinning as Jace held her. They both laughed, the good vibe from the championship win going through everyone at the moment. It surrounded the parents, friends, and family waiting to see their boys outside the locker room.
She turned and immediately pulled him in for a kiss. It was short but passionate. Her hands twisting in his hair. She felt him smile into it, causing her to do the same.
"Congratulations," she said when they pulled away. "The game winning goal is a big deal."
He shrugged one shoulder. "Yeah. It kind of is." He kissed her one more time before frowning as he looked around. "Where is Isabelle and everyone else?"
She looked around and found nothing but strangers. "The party I guess."
"The party?"
She smirked and nodded. "Your party actually. They rented out a cabin and wanted to surprise you. The one from the first night you punched Sebastian?"
Jace took a while to remember, and then he got it. "Oh! You were shitfaced that night."
"Thanks for reminding me."
He kissed her in apology and grabbed her hand. "Well, let's go get ready then. Can't wait to see what happens tonight." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
It didn't take them long to get set up and ready. They joked with each other and laughed about the game, and before she knew it, Clary was ready to go. She stepped out of the bathroom, finding Jace on the bed.
His hair was the messy golden curls, which was nothing new but still made her heart race. His black skinny jeans curved around the muscles in his legs and ended at the white vans on his feet. His V-neck showed his chest as well, and the black leather jacket…
She was going to have trouble keeping her hands to herself.
Jace looked up from his phone at her presence, his eyes roaming her body as he sat straight up. "Whoa. You look… amazing."
Thank God, she thought. It took her all day to get it right, because she refused to have Isabelle help her this time. She wanted to be independent and actually have Jace like her for her taste. So the green color jeans with knee high black boots and her simple sweater were hopefully good enough.
And Jace seemed to love it.
He was at her side in a second and kissing her the next, backing her up against the wall. It was a hungry kiss, one where they try so show their need through it, their want. And Clary felt it going straight from her head down her bad.
His hand came up and undid the clips that she hand installed in her hair. The curls fell around her shoulders and Jace ran his hand through them gently, pulling enough to tilt her head to deepen the kiss. She wanted to stay here alone with Jace more than go to the party at this point.
Jace slowed it after a while and pulled away, his face as flushed as her own. "Clary?"
"Yeah?" she breathed.
"I know that you might not be ready for… you know. You've never done it and all but I don't know if I'll be able to keep my hands off of you all night. Especially dressed like that."
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down. Their lips hovered over each other but they didn't touch. "I'm okay with that."
"But–"
She shut him up with lips quickly before slipping out of his grip, grabbing the keys to his rental car. "This should be fun," she teased before stepping out of the room, leaving a flustered Jace to come after her.
The party was already out of control and it was barely eleven o'clock. Jace somehow found a spot in the grass to park, avoiding the many SUVs, cars, and trucks that were covering the lawn. People were all over the place and talking, drinking, smoking, or making out. It seemed to be like the whole campus showed up for the event.
Clary stepped closer to Jace as soon as they started walking. Parties never made her uncomfortable, but this one was just a little overwhelming. Isabelle went above and beyond and then a little extra. Strobe lights flashed inside and outside the house. Christmas lights lit up the trees surrounding the three story cabin, and Clary was sure her friend bought out the entire liquor store for this particular celebration.
"Stay close to me," Jace yelled as they made their way inside.
Clary linked her hand with his and squeezed, following him into the kitchen. Jordan and Maia were bartenders for the night, handing out drinks and cutting people off that needed it.
"Clary!" Maia yelled happily when they pressed up against the bar. "What can I get you?"
"Screwdriver?" she asked.
"Here you go, Jace." Jordan extended his arm with a can of Coke in it, which Jace took easily enough.
"Thanks."
Clary took her drink from Maia quickly and scanned the place. People she didn't know were pressed against each other in the crowded space, dancing and grinding.
She downed the drink within the first five minutes, signaling Maia for another. Jace didn't say anything, having to entertain the people that kept confronting him about the win. He was busy for the first hour they were there, and in that time Clary was drinking more than she realized. And Maia apparently found amusement in it because she kept handing them out to her without a second thought.
The dizziness and the lack of inhibitions were starting to occur more and more. Clary would look around and have to concentrate hard to focus. She somehow lost Jace at one point and made her way outside, walking better than she thought she would. Maybe it's because she didn't have heels this time. Maybe she wasn't as drunk as she felt. Who knew? Who cared?
She smiled when she saw the familiar figure that was Simon Lewis sitting out by himself against a tree. "Simon!"
He looked up and slightly smiled at her, laughing when she stumbled as she moved over to him. "How many have you had, Morgenstern?"
She shrugged, plopping next to him. "I don't know. I don't care."
"Where's wonder boy?"
Clary looked back at the party cabin. "Somewhere over there." She waved aimlessly in that direction.
"He's going to flip his shit when he realizes you've disappeared."
Clary slumped back and shrugged. "I'm not that drunk, so he d– doesn't have anything to worry about. Besides–"
Simon's phone cut her off. "Hold that thought." He gave her an apologetic look before answering. "Hello? Maia?"
Her focus, due to the drinks, was drifted from Simon to all around her. The moonlight lit up the lake before her and made her want to paint it. Then again, the lack of cups in her hand made her want more. And thinking of Jace made her want him. She wanted a lot when she was drunk.
"Yeah. Shit. I'll be there soon." Simon stood and brushed off his dress pants, shoving his phone in the front pocket. "Isabelle is currently sick, so I have to go. You going to be okay or?..."
Clary nodded and smiled up at him. "Go save your girl, Lewis."
"She's not my girl."
"Because you don't ha- have the balls t- to ask her," drunk Clary pointed out.
Simon arched an eyebrow. "Kind of like you can't say you love Jace?" With that shot fired, he smiled and jogged off towards the cabin, slipping inside.
So that left Clary again. Isabelle was sick. Simon was taking care of her. Jace was… who knew where? He had disappeared when Raphael showed up and pulled him to some unknown place. Maia and Jordan were busy serving drinks. And Aline was probably off dancing with some bloke.
So Clary was sitting alone with no friends and no boyfriend by a tree. It could've been minutes, or it could've been hours. She just didn't seem to care at the moment. And it was nice to not worry about it.
Until someone else showed up.
"There you are," the figured said as he sat down next to her. "I've been looking for you."
Clary turned her head to find Sebastian. He was dressed as fancy as everyone else, not formal but not casual. And as much as Clary hated to admit it, he did look good. She'd blame that on the alcohol in the morning.
"Looking for me?"
He nodded, obviously keeping his distance like he had been for the past month. "I saw you hobbling around earlier and then you just disappeared. Jace was busy so I wanted to check up on you."
"Ah," Clary exclaimed sarcastically. "That's the noble you that's been coming out lately, isn't it? You've kept the act up pretty well so far."
"It's not an act."
"I refuse t – to believe that."
Sebastian sighed and pulled his knees to his chest, staring at her from the distance between them. "People change, Clary. I realized I treated you wrong. I treated your friends wrong. Maybe I want to make it up for you."
"Well, you're doing pretty well so far."
He actually had a look of surprise. "Really? I am."
"Yeeeeaaaah. I mean, you've been nothing but nice since my daddy died. The nice you is a lot more appealing. And honestly, I kind of liked it."
Sebastian smiled, but something was off about it. "You like it?"
"Yup," she giggled. Her head was swarming now, like the drinks were starting to hit her worse now. Maybe she drank more than she thought. She did chug them pretty fast and the effects are starting quicker than anticipated.
Sebastian moved so he was propped up against the tree like Clary. "So, am I forgiven?"
She shook her head instantly. "Nope."
"Why not?"
"You did a lot to hurt me, Sebby." She wasn't sure why his nickname came out, but it did regardless. "And I didn't like it. I'm not just going to forgive you because you were nice for a little while."
He sighed and dropped his head. "You haven't been wearing the necklace I got you for your birthday either," he pointed out.
She shrugged in answer.
"Do you hate me?"
"Look, Sebastian, I don't think that we–"
Her words died as he crashed his lips to hers. It wasn't anything like kissing Jace, which she knew instantly. His lips were different, harder and chapped because of the cold. He didn't taste like the golden boy that impacted her so much. And she knew that.
But thinking about him made it seem like she was. As weird as it sounded, she thought about Jace and about how he felt instead. She could almost feel him under her fingertips and the familiar feeling of sunshine, so she kissed him back out of memory of Jace. Bad idea.
"There ya go, babe," Sebastian smirked when he pulled back, coming back in to kiss her again. And that's when she realized what she was doing, what an idiot she was being. Has she lost her mind? She wasn't kissing Jace.
Her body reacted out of instinct and she shoved Sebastian back. It was hard enough to send him falling to his butt, mouth open in shock.
"Clary, what was that for?"
Clary stared in shock, disgusted with herself and scrambled to her feet. "Oh my God."
"Babe–"
"Stop, Sebastian," she practically begged, gripping the tree to steady her. "Just… stop. Stop."
He stopped, but it was obvious he still had questions. "You just kissed me back."
She shook her head, which turned out to be a bad idea when drunk. Her body lost its footing but Sebastian caught her quickly, pulling her into his arms.
"Let me go," she begged.
Sebastian loosened his grip but didn't let her go. His hands stayed on her waist to hold her still. "Clary, you kissed me back."
"How many times are you going to say that?"
"Enough until it gets through your head."
She was getting annoyed now. "Yes, I kissed you back okay. But I didn't think. I'm drunk and wasn't aware of what was happening. Don't let it go to your head. Now let me go."
Sebastian wanted to retort but another voice, a calm and eerie voice, beat him to it. "Let her go, Sebastian."
Clary and Seb both looked up to find Jace. He looked angry, so angry. But there was something else. He wasn't just mad. He was hurt.
Emotionally hurt.
Jace sighed and took a slow step forward. "Do it. Let. Her. Go."
His arms fell from around Clary's waist and he stepped back. Almost immediately she went to Jace, wrapping her arms around him. That was the smell she was used to, the feeling. The heat that he radiated against the cold chill of the November air was what she always needed.
But Jace pushed her away after a few seconds. Immediately, she knew that something was wrong. He heard. He had to. No other time would he just push her away. His eyes were dark and cold as he looked at her. This wasn't her Jace. This was the angry Jace.
She bit her lip. "Jace?"
"Be honest, okay? Did you kiss him?" he asked instantly, glaring at Sebastian.
"Jace, I…" she trailed off, dropping her head and wrapping her arms around her torso. "I can explain."
"Don't worry about it." His eyes were blank. On his face was a mask of no emotion whatsoever. Instead of the eyes she could read so well, it was like looking into someone entirely different. "I'll leave you two alone."
She scrambled after him, tripping over dirt and twigs. "Wait, Jace, please."
"For what? Clary, you kissed him. You just admitted that. I thought you knew that his act was just that. An act. He hasn't changed."
"I thought it was you!"
He stopped in his tracks, looking at her like she was crazy. "You may be drunk, but you're not that drunk. You knew it was him."
"I–" What could she say? That much was true. She might have pictured Jace, but she knew it was Sebastian.
Her lack of words was more than a confession. That's all Jace must have needed.
"Have a good night, Clary," he said, turning and storming back towards the party. This time, she let him go.
Surprisingly, Jace wasn't feeling angry or furious like the thought he would be. He wasn't pissed off or feeling like punching someone in the face. This was entirely different from the time his mom left, from the last time he was betrayed.
This was worse.
The feeling he had was scaring him. He wasn't just hurt. The thing Clary did hit him harder than he thought it could. This was why he refused to get involved with her. He knew this kind of shit could happen. He knew that she could hurt him. She would've hurt him eventually, and yet he opened himself up and allowed it to happen like an idiot.
Jace stormed into the house, shoving and pushing people out of the way as he rushed to the bar.
He had to take it away. The feeling he had wasn't something he could handle. The pain was eating at him. It was like this thing was pressing on his chest and he couldn't breathe.
His fist slammed against the bar counter, catching Jordan's attention.
"Hey, man, what's–" Jordan trailed off, his smile dropping when he saw the look on Jace's face. "What the hell happened?"
"I need a bottle whatever shit will get me drunk."
Maia was by Jordan's side in an instant. "What? Jace, you don't drink."
"So?"
Jordan sighed. "Alright, I'll bite. What happened?"
"Clary happened," Jace answered. "Now give me the alcohol."
"Drinking isn't going to help anything," Jordan insisted. He still pulled out a clear bottle and set it on the counter, but his hands stayed tight on it. "Tell me what happened first."
The last thing Jace wanted to do was to talk about the hell he was currently going through. But if it would get him the drink… "Clary kissed Sebastian."
"WHAT?" Maia and Jordan both exclaimed.
Jace nodded. "Can I have the drink?"
Jordan slowly slid the bottle across the counter, not even bothering to get out shot glasses. "Look, just don't go crazy with it, okay?"
Jace nodded but took the biggest sip he could, feeling the unfamiliar burn of the alcohol. It had been over three years since his last drink, and he knew why he hated it. The burn was awful and painful, but the effects are what he needed at the moment. He was over feeling the pain and wanted it gone.
His head shook as he adjusted to the strength of the drink. "Shit."
"That's strong stuff," Jordan told him, passing another drink across the bar to someone else. "Now how did a situation like that happen?"
Jace gave him a stupid look. "Are you serious? We're going to have the talk where the bartender listens to the sad stories of his occupants when he really doesn't give two shits?"
Jordan turned down the music slightly, making it to where they still had to scream but not as loud. There were a few protests where Jordan just flicked them off before turning his attention back to Jace. "Just spit it out."
"I already told you. She kissed Sebastian."
"You saw that happen?" Jordan asked.
Jace nodded but then paused and shook his head. "I just heard them talking about it afterwards. Clary had been missing for a while and she wasn't with Isabelle or Simon, so I went looking. Once I got free of Raphael and some of the other guys on the team, I went outside. That's when I saw Clary stumbling towards the tree with Sebastian." He paused and took another gulp of vodka. "That's all I need to know, okay?
"There could easily be a logical explanation for all of that."
"What, like the fact she was drunk?"
Jordan gave him a look. "I said logical, not obvious."
"There isn't a good explanation other than the fact she wants him back," Jace spat. He took two drinks this time, choking slightly on the burn. "The point is she doesn't want me like we all thought she did."
Jordan dropped his head and gripped the counter with his hands. "You don't know that."
"I do."
"You don't," Jordan insisted. "Clary loves you, Jace."
He snorted and shook his head, leaning against the counter for support as the alcohol started to take effect. "She has a funny way of showing something she's never bothered to tell me before."
"You haven't exactly said it to her either," Maia butted in, shoving another drink across the counter to some happy college girl. "It's like you're both scared to say it."
"Sorry we're not all the perfect couple like you two," he spat. "Some people have bigger fucking issues, Clary in particular."
Maia leaned forward, glaring at Jace with everything she had. "Don't talk about her like that."
"Maia," Jordan hissed, touching her shoulder. "I'll deal with Jace, okay? You're only making it worse."
She rolled her eyes but listened to him, glaring at Jace every chance that she could.
Jordan leaned forward on his elbows. "What are you going to do now?"
Jace swallowed his neck three gulps and shrugged. "Sleep with some random college girl?"
"You think that's the best thing right now? Sleeping with someone other than Clary?"
"She never exactly put out anyway."
Jordan growled and slammed his hand down, causing Jace to jump in surprise. "You're being an ungrateful little prick right now, Jace. Grow some balls and go talk to Clary about this. Don't just run like a coward."
"I'm not running."
Jordan's eyes proved Jace wrong. "You're like a coward right now. Someone who doesn't drink is now sitting at a bar, chugging vodka like it's his lifeline, and refuses to talk to his girlfriend."
"Ex-girlfriend," he corrected.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me."
"No, I'm not!" Jace screamed, slamming the bottle down and catching the eye of watchful college kids. "She fucking… she kissed him, man. Of all people, him. On my night, she goes with him. She's probably still with him right now."
Jordan ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Because you came running here and never gave her a chance to explain. Isabelle is sick and Simon is busy. Maia and I can't leave here. Tell me Jace, who else is she supposed to run to?"
Jace wanted to retort, but he honestly couldn't think of anything to say. Yes, it was true that he kind of made it worse by just leaving, but he didn't want to accept that. He wanted the alcohol to take it all away so he didn't have to deal with it.
Jace tipped the bottle back, downing half of it in one go. Jordan watched him wearily, not speaking but obviously not approving.
"So what are you going to do?" Jordan asked when Jace stopped drinking like a maniac.
The blonde shrugged and slightly smiled. His heart wasn't in it, but malice was. "Whatever I want I guess. I'm a free agent."
Clary still felt numb minutes after Jace left, and it was getting worse. The space he put between them had grown until he disappeared in the house and it felt like a sword through her heart, growing deeper and deeper. It was hell.
"Sebastian?" Clary called, knowing he was still behind her. He didn't move or touch her. But she knew he was there. "Please, just go."
"But Clary–"
"Go."
He sighed, and for once he actually listened to her. As soon as he started walking away, she turned and headed for the lake, taking her clumsy steps until she collapsed on the bank, watching the water slowly come closer to her feet before fading again.
She wasn't even sure how long she sat there wishing she could turn back time. Every ounce of her body wanted to take it back. Even if she thought it was Jace, even if she could make him understand, she still made the mistake. She was still an idiot, and he'd never be able to trust her again.
The feeling she was experiencing was one that wasn't used to either. She wasn't hurting like she thought she would. The heartbreak was there and was more than obvious. It was like a physical pain that pressed against her chest. But what really got her was the abandonment. She had watched him walk away like she was worthless, and that's what hurt the most.
First her father, now Jace. They both left. Sure, one wasn't by choice but it was the principle. How many people could she lose in such a quick matter of time? How much could her heart take? It felt like the breaking point was close and that was the terrifying part.
Before she knew it, the tears had started to fall and she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't hold it in because she wasn't as strong as she thought. The pain was horrible and terrifying and unbearable and the tears flowed like Niagara Falls, pouring down her face in waves.
She pulled her knees to her chest and just let herself cry, not sure what else to do. She wasn't sure how long she was there or how hard she cried or what was happening around her. The alcohol just told her it was okay to let it go, so she did.
And then someone put their arms around her and pulled her into them. She came willingly, feeling the hard, unfamiliar body under her fingertips. The man wrapped his arms around her and held her tight to his chest. "Shh, it's okay," he whispered. It took her a while to figure out who it was. Will.
"Yeah, it's okay, sweetheart," Jem said on the opposite side of her. "We're here for you, Clary."
She nodded and gripped at the shirt that was her current tissue, letting the emotions go until she couldn't even tell what was happening. She only knew that she was crying, and the comfort that she had wasn't the one she wanted.
Well... yup.
Okay, so some people were NOT a fan of the whole snippet thing, and other people freaked out but I didn't know if it was good or bad. So I didn't put any this time. If you want them, let me know, but I just couldn't tell from last time. All I got was "Ahhh!" and "Holy crap" so... I don't really know what that means.
But let me know what you think of the chapter. I will warn you that this is leading to something interesting that I have in mind. If I can find a way to put it on paper, it'll be catchy for you all. Hopefully, you'll like it.
Review for this chapter if you want to, I appreciate it, and stay tuned for more in about a week and a half! :D