Stomach roiling in nervousness, Lindsay stepped through the door of her lawyer's office, adjusting her clothes and taking a deep breath as she checked in with the secretary. She hadn't told anyone about this, just passed it off as a short meeting before the hearing tomorrow, when in reality she was going to have to see Josh. There were millions of horrible things she would rather be doing than this but there was also a little part of her that was curious to see what the years had done to him.

All the documents swam before her as she tried to focus her thoughts on what Maxine was saying about the hearing. It was important, she knew but it wasn't anything they hadn't talked about before. Taking a deep breath she pulled her mind back to the present trying to quickly catch up.

"So if you really want to, you can petition the court against a DNA test on the basis that he has no grounds."

"Wait, why does he have no grounds?"

"You never put his name on the birth certificate so legally, he could just be some guy off the street that wants to be her father. We could argue that. And she is a minor, so unless he can prove that she is his daughter some other way, you could stop this whole thing right now."

"No, I don't want to do that to either one of them."

"Good."

"Good? Why did you mention it?"

Maxine smiled.

"Firstly because I wanted you to know you had the option, and second because I want to bring up in court that you're willing to let him into her life, and consideration should be taken then, for doing it on your terms."

"Oh."

"Have you thought about what your terms might be?"

"A little. But I don't want to get too attached to an idea only to have them tell me no."

"What are you comfortable with?"

"Phone calls for now."

"Are you okay with the two of them meeting this weekend?"

"I don't know yet. I want to say yes but… I don't know him anymore. I don't know who he is or what kind of influence he might be."

"Those are valid things to ask."

"I just don't understand why he's coming out of the woodwork now."

"I've been through a lot of cases like yours Lindsay. Best case scenario, and the one that I see more often is that he's come to a point in his life where he's reevaluating who he is and decisions he's made and he knows that he made a mistake. He just wants to make it right."

"Worst case?"

"Worst case, he's in it for something."

Lindsay nodded and sat back in her chair, toes tapping inside her shoes. She would give anything to have Adam sitting next to her right now, giving her that little side smile that always made her feel so at ease.

"Lindsay I know that there's always a chance of things turning out differently than we'd like. But it's a very small chance. Very small."

"Do we know what he wants, specifically?"

"No. I did inquire with his lawyer about a mediation session, but he was determined to do this in a court room."

"Okay."

"Do you have any questions for me? Anything you're nervous about?"

"I don't think so. I just have so many things going through my head right now."

"We can meet up early tomorrow morning and go over anything you want to."

"Okay."

"Almost time for our appointment. You ready?"

Lindsay nodded and they stood up, leaving the office and taking the elevator upstairs to a conference room. She felt the same way she had on the first day of school, scared to death, unsure, ready to get it over with. With trembling hands she pulled a chair out from the table and sat down, picking at her cuticles and trying not to think too hard about how nauseated she was.

It wasn't long before the door opened. She looked up as the lawyer walked in, trailed by Josh. He'd aged, but not so much that she couldn't still see who he had been all those years ago. Deep brown eyes, the wide smile. And he was tall, taller than she remembered. For a moment she remembered why she'd been so instantly attracted to him and why she'd almost become a different person just to be with him. Now she found him lacking in more important areas like character and integrity, but it wasn't a mystery why her nineteen year old self had fallen so fast.

"Lindsay."

"Joshua."

They regarded each other for a moment then broke eye contact, him seemingly as nervous as she was. There were a lot of rapid-fire questions between the two lawyers and Lindsay let her eyes drift down to the table a few times, then snapped her head back up not wanting Josh to see her vulnerable or weak. Every time she glanced up he was looking at her, almost studying her. What had fascinated her years ago was now unnerving to some degree and she slid her eyes to his, keeping contact until he looked away.

Victory.

It seemed like hours that they sat there when it was probably less than one, but finally they stood up, shaking hands around the table before exiting the room. Lindsay headed for the elevator again walking briskly and almost catching it when she heard her name.

"Lindsay wait."

Donning a neutral expression she turned around and met his eyes again while he slowed down to stand in front of her.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"I just wanted to talk to you. I don't want you to think that I've got some kind of ulterior motives here."

"Why in the world would I think that?" she asked sarcastically, arching an eyebrow and fixing him with the gaze she usually reserved for suspects.

"Because that's what it looks like. Can we sit?"

Sighing, she followed him across the hall to a bench, sitting down on one end and leaving space in between them.

"I'm going to be honest with you and you can believe me or not."

"Okay."

"I know you know I had a drinking problem. It started around the time you got pregnant."

"Yeah, I was pretty aware."

"I've been sober almost two years now. I won't blame what I did on that, but I think it's part of the reason. When you got pregnant I wasn't ready to be a dad or to be in a relationship or to have anything tying me down. I know I should have manned up anyway, but I didn't and I can't change that. I've wanted to do this for a long time now, to be a part of her life, but I knew I wasn't the person she deserved. So I cleaned myself up. I wanted to be in a good place so she would have someone to be proud of. I don't make a lot of money, Lindsay. I moved back in with my parents to be able to afford a lawyer. I can't give her everything in the world and I can never give her as much as you have, but I can at least be there. I know I went about this aggressively but that's how serious I am. I know it's going to take time."

"There's something you're not telling me."

He shifted a little in his seat, ran his hand through his hair, and cracked his knuckles before answering.

"I have another daughter."

Lindsay winced almost painfully, shutting her eyes for a moment and trying to figure out the most delicate way to say the words that wanted to bubble out of her.

"I suspected something like that was going on."

"What?"

"This isn't about Levi, this is about you. You have another child, you found out what you missed the first time and you're doing this to make yourself feel better."

"No. I'm not. I know it looks that way. But that's not it. I want her to have everything in the world. I know you've already given her so much but I know that I have something to offer her too."

"Joshua, how do I explain to her that her father is perfectly fine being a dad to some other kid and not to her?"

"I don't know. Me walking out on you and never wanting to be there for her had nothing to do with her. She didn't do anything wrong. Neither did you. It was my fault and I'll take responsibility for it."

"You understand why I don't trust you."

"I do. I don't expect that to change for a very long time. But please give me a chance. For our daughter."

She bristled visibly at the words, knot growing in her stomach.

"Josh, I want to be very careful with what I say and I don't want you to see this as me telling you that you can't be in her life. But she's my daughter. Not yours, not ours. I make the decisions, me alone. You have not earned that right or even proven to me that you're capable of trying to earn it. I don't want you to think that because you're here now and because you're doing this that there is a place just waiting for you in her life. There's not. A place is going to have to be created and that's going to take a lot of time. It's not that she doesn't need a dad. She does. But you aren't a dad to her. Not yet."

"I get that."

"I wish it was easier. But if you want this to be the best that it can be for her, then you're going to have to be patient and go at her pace. And you're going to have to trust that the decisions I make for her are what is best."

"I guess you've done pretty well on your own the last six years."

"I like to think so."

He sighed, his elbows falling to his knees as he thought about all she'd said.

"Whatever they decide tomorrow Lindsay, I want to be in her life."

"I know."

"I'm ready to work at it. I've been doing fatherhood for two years now. We share custody, half and half but when I'm not with my daughter I still make sure I'm living like a father should. I don't know all the ropes and no one can be a perfect parent, but I'm getting the hang of the essentials. I love both my daughters and I want Levi to know that. I want her to know me."

"She will. I've never kept her from you and you and I both know how many chances I gave you to be part of her life before."

"I know."

"Whatever happens tomorrow, we still do it on my terms. If they say you get nothing then, you and I will work something out between us. If they say you get a week every summer, then you'll get that week but it will be my rules and what I think Levi can handle. Okay?"

"Alright."

"I'm not setting out to make things impossible for you, Josh. I promise."

"I don't want to undermine you or take her away. I know she will never be with me full time or even part time, but eventually I would like to know that I'm her dad."

"If you keep working at it, she will."

"Can I see… do you have a picture of her?"

Lindsay smiled in spite of herself, always keen to show off pictures of her baby. She had a few in her purse and she took them out, gazing at them for a moment before she handed them over.

"This is her school picture. She insisted on the tiara and I couldn't say no. She was so happy to be the only girl in her class that was royalty that day."

"She has your smile."

"She has your laugh," Lindsay offered gently, clearing her throat. "This one was Halloween, she wanted to be a duck. Watching her waddle was hilarious. She would walk a few feet then turn and look at me and quack. And this one is last week. I took her to the aquarium and she got to throw fish to the penguins. She was happy until about two seconds after this when she realized how disgusting the fish slime on her hands was."

"She's beautiful, Lindsay. She looks just like you."

"She's got some you in her too."

He nodded and pulled his wallet out of his pocket, opening it up and sliding a picture out to show her.

"This is Cassidy," he said, smiling down at the blonde baby in the picture. "She calls me Poppy instead of dad. And she's so smart. She can spell her name already, though it's probably memorization more than understanding the letters and sounds but it's so cute when she does it. She's growing up so fast. I hate myself for missing these things with Levi."

"There's going to be things that you won't miss, Josh."

"Thank you for that."

She nodded and stood up from the bench, putting the photos back into her purse.

"I have to get back to the kiddo but we'll see you in the morning."

"Lindsay?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for listening. For being fair."

She nodded and slid into the elevator, slumping against the wall and breathing deeply. She needed to get out of here.

"Whoo-hoo! I got another money! I got another money! I got another- hey! My money is blowing away!" Levi shrieked, shooting to her feet and running down the porch steps to where the majority of her Monopoly money lay in the dirt. "Boy what does that say about me being a banker?"

Lindsay chuckled and secured her own money under the board.

"I think it is too windy, mama. Who is winning?"

"I don't know. Do you want to go by money or hotels?"

"Um, hotels!"

"Then you win. Ready to pack it up?"

"Okay. Could we go fly a kite in the back forty?"

"If we can find one, probably."

Levi nodded and they cleaned up the game, making sure to stack the money correctly and put things back where they went so the box would close.

"Maybe next time we could play the game with the cars and the spinner. I like that one a lot."

"Okay sweetie."

"And then… hey, who is that driving up here?"

"I don't know," Lindsay answered with a grin. "Guess we'll have to wait and see."

Levi sighed and squinted at the car, waiting until it came to a stop before she jumped up and down with excitement.

"Mama, it's Adam! It really is! He came all the way here!"

Running down the steps and nearly tripping in the gravel she squealed delightedly and jumped into his arms as he got out of the car.

"You're here, you're here! Oh, you're my best buddy in the whole world!"

Adam laughed and hugged her tightly, his heart nearly spilling over at her enthusiasm upon seeing him.

"What's going on kiddo?"

"Mama and me were playing Monopoly and now I think we're going to go fly a kite because it's windy! Are you staying here with us? Was this a surprise? Can I teach you to milk a cow?"

He laughed and kissed her cheek as they made their way to the porch.

"Mama look what the cat dragged in!"

"I see that."

"Well aren't you happy?"

"I'm very happy," Lindsay chuckled, walking towards them. Adam used his free arm to hold her close and she put her arms around his waist, wondering if he felt a little surge of something too.

"This is like I have two different lives and now they are meeting each other. Oh! Adam you will have to meet my grandma and grandpa! They're inside. I will go get them real quick!"

She kissed his cheek twice then wriggled down from his arms, skipping inside as if it was Christmas morning.

"You doing okay?"

"I'm alright."

"How was your meeting this morning?"

"Fine. I saw Josh."

"Oh. Wow. How was that?"

"It was okay. He was decent. I'll tell you more later, I don't want Levi to overhear."

"Alright."

"Thank you for coming out here."

"You're welcome."

She turned a little and hugged him fully feeling like her world was slowing down and making a little more sense. How did he do that?

"Does anyone at work know you came out here?"

"Just Mac. And Danny. Which means he probably told Austin and Flack too. I'm sure Flack will tell Stella. So yeah."

"Well there's something for the rumor mill."

"You don't want people to talk about what a great guy I am?"

She laughed, knowing that no matter what people said or thought, it really didn't matter. He was here for her and someday she was going to try and make this up to him, one way or another.

"Mama! Adam! Come inside! Where are your manners?"

"Come on, my mom made cookies earlier."

"Can't say no to that."

"Then why are you still standing there?"

"Because I didn't really think about the whole meeting the parents thing."

"It'll be fine."

"That's easy for you to say. What if your dad wants to have a talk about my intentions or something?"

"He won't do that, I promise. My brothers might though. But they're not here so come on."

He took a deep breath and followed her inside where Levi scrambled back up into his arms and pointed him to the kitchen.

"They're in there. Forward march!"

Her enthusiasm made him feel a little more at ease and her quick introductions made the whole thing less awkward.

"There, now the manners are done can we please go back outside? There is so much to show you!"

"Sweetheart why don't we let Adam sit down a minute before you go running him all over the place?"

"But I told him about the horses! And the pigs! And the tireswing!"

"All that will still be here in an hour."

"An hour? Geez Louise. Okay you'd better start sitting. I'll bring you lemonade. Go shoo."

He chuckled and put her down, then followed Lindsay into the other room.

"I think the fresh air has given her a renewed energy."

"It's scary. I don't know where it comes from."

"I think it might be a maternally genetic thing," he mused, reaching over for her hand. "You look a little less panicked than when I left you at the airport."

"I feel less panicked. Being in the homestretch or something."

"Could be. Are you going to sleep tonight?"

She sighed and was about to say something when Levi returned with a mason jar of lemonade and squeezed in between them.

"Isn't this cozy?" she said with a grin. "So folks I guess this just turned into a vacation. And on vacations you always have to go swimming. Now mama, I don't think I want to wait until the lake on Sunday, so I would like to go ahead to the swimming hole now. And I believe that was very polite and mature of me to ask that way, so if you could take that into account as well?"

"I understand that you're asking me politely, but I'm not sure if we can work it into our schedule today so I'll have to ruminate on it for a while. Are you okay with this answer?"

"Yep! Thanks mama! Would it be okay for me to go outside and catch some bugs for a bit?"

"Yes, but try not to get your brace dirty."

"Oh this old thing?" she chuckled, waving her injured arm. "It's seen worse than the outside. It's not bugging me so bad now but I don't like it either. When can it come off?"

"Probably Wednesday after school. We'll go to the doctor and get it checked out."

"I sure wish this thing was a better color. I don't like this yucky beige."

"Well next time you get hurt maybe they'll have another color to pick."

"Ooh yeah! That's a good idea, Adam!"

"Hey wait a minute. I don't think you should get hurt again just to get a better brace."

"Well of course not! But you know the kinds of scrapes I get into. There's no telling when I will have another trip to the hospital."

"Levi, please be careful," Lindsay sighed as her daughter headed for the door.

"I will! I don't want to add anything to my collection of owwies just yet. I'm going to go play on the tire swing. Join me when you're ready."

She blew them a kiss and the screen door clattered shut behind her.

"You know what I think Linds? No matter what happens tomorrow, that little girl is going to be just fine."