Sounds from downstairs woke Levi from her afternoon nap and she sat up, rubbing at her eyes and sighing as she looked around the room. It was too hot in here and she really wanted to go for a swim in the pond, but she was certain that there wasn't time. She knew that everyone was coming over for dinner; her aunts and uncles and cousins were probably already here. Throwing the blankets off of herself, she stood up and straightened her clothes then headed out of the bedroom to see what was going on downstairs.

Holding onto the bannister she carefully made her way down the wood steps, trying to figure out just by voices who was here. Peeking around the corner into the living room she grinned and bounded across the rug to the couch.

"Hi mama."

"Hey honey. Did you have a good nap?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to go say hi to everyone?"

"In a bit. I am a little shy. Could I sit in your lap?"

Lindsay nodded and lifted her up, holding her tightly because it was so hard not to these days.

"You're getting so big honey."

"I know," Levi answered, giggling while Adam reached over to tickle her feet. "Someday I will be tall like you."

"Probably taller."

"Yeah, Josh is real tall. I noticed that last night. How could you ever have kissed him?"

Lindsay's face colored and Adam snickered.

"Maybe we need to buy your mama some stilts so she can get around like everyone else."

"Yeah, some hot pink ones. Want those, mama?"

"No thank you, very much. And you're both in trouble for making fun of me."

"You said that with your eyes smiling," Levi noted. "I don't believe it."

"Go get your hairbrush, you have tangles."

"Aw dangit," she sighed, sliding off the couch. "I really hate this part of being a girl."

"We could cut it."

"No! Not happening! I can't hear you! Operator! I'm going through a tunnel!"

She dashed off upstairs and Lindsay rolled her eyes.

"I don't know where she gets it."

"I have an idea."

"Hush."

Levi returned with the brush and took a few minutes to hug all her aunts and uncles, clearly happy with the attention. Being the only girl and the youngest meant that she was the most spoiled as well, and no one was ashamed to admit that they treated her a little differently than the boys. Her uncles cuddled and held her differently than they did with their sons, and her aunts could always be counted on to give her lipstick and ribbons and pull her hair into long braids.

"Alright here is my brush. You get four tangle pulls and then I am out of here."

"Very diplomatic. What are you going to do when you get out of here?"

"Go outside and see if the boy cousins are doing something wrong. They always are."

"You could see if Jake J would take you for a ride in his new truck."

Levi's jaw dropped and she stared at her uncle, seemingly forgetting the knots in her hair.

"Jake J got a truck? They let that crazy boy have a truck? Somebody needs to call somebody 'bout that, he'll run everyone clear off the road! But I would like to go with him anyway. Could I mama?"

"After I inspect his driving record and fit you for a helmet."

"Okay, but after that?"

"We'll see."

She nodded and began to hum softly until Lindsay was done with her hair.

"Okay, I'm going outside! Be back to tattle in a while."

She hopped off the couch and ran for the back door, throwing it open and skipping out onto the porch. Her cousins were all playing a game and she stood there with her hands on her hips until they noticed her.

"Hey Piglet! We were wondering when you would be awake!"

"I'm awake now! Come here and give me hugs, fellas!"

They all rushed towards her, and she giggled as she received hugs from all nine of them. They'd always let her play with them but she was still the baby and the only girl and was to be protected at all costs. And spoiled to the best of their abilities.

"What are you playing? Could I play it too?"

"Depends," Jake J said, sizing her up. "Are you a fast runner? Can you look where you're going?"

"Yep, I can! What's the game?"

"It's Flyer's Up. Do you know that one?"

"Oh yeah! Somebody throws a ball as high in the air as they can and everyone else has to grab it. And whoever gets it has to throw it at the thrower guy and if they get him then he's out. Right?"

"Right. But if you're going to play with the boys, you can't pout if you don't win."

"Don't worry Colin, I don't pout anymore."

"And you have to be careful of your wrist too."

"Okay, I got it. Let's play!"

Twenty minutes later, Levi's screams had Lindsay dashing outside to find the boys hauling her little girl into the house. There was blood. Everywhere. Lurching to a stop at the edge of the porch she gasped, wondering what in the world had happened. Colin was the first one to reach the steps while Jake J carried Levi, trying to calm her down.

"What happened? Where's all the blood coming from?"

"Just her nose I think," Colin answered over the screaming. "I'll go get a rag."

He ran into the house while the rest of the boys crowded around Levi, who was now in Lindsay's lap, screaming as if her leg had been cut off.

"Levi, take a breath, you're okay."

She continued to wail, quieter though, while the boys filled Lindsay in on what happened.

"Me and her went for the ball at the same time," Finn confessed, tears filling his eyes. He may have been the youngest of the boys but he took on the safety of his little cousin as a personal responsibility just as the rest of them did. "And I tripped and my head hit her in the face. I'm sorry Aunt Linds! It was an accident!"

"I know honey, it's okay."

"She hit the ground really hard," Declan piped up. "And she just laid there like the wind was knocked out of her and then I saw all the blood and she started screaming."

Colin returned with a wet hand towel which Lindsay applied to Levi's face, trying to wipe the blood off so she could check the damage. Levi's shrieks increased in intensity and the boys backed away as if she was possessed.

"Could someone go get grandpa please?" Lindsay asked, knowing her dad was probably the best at home-style first aid and would be able to calm his granddaughter down in the process. The three youngest boys ran inside while Levi continued to sob, pushing Lindsay's hand away every time she tried to do some damage control.

"Sweetie, I know it hurts but you have to let me look."

"No!"

"Levi, I need to see how bad it is-"

"I'm gonna die!"

"You're okay honey. Let grandpa look."

Lindsay tried to keep Levi still as her dad inspected the injuries, clucking his tongue gently.

"Think she needs stitches?" Lindsay asked, looking for herself at the way Levi's lip was split.

"It stops before it gets to her skin, so it's up to you if you want to call the doctor. I'd say no."

"Levi, do you want to go get some ha-ha juice at the doctor?"

"No!"

"Okay, I guess we'll just keep an eye on it then. Let's go inside and get your nose to stop bleeding."

Levi hiccupped and tried to stop crying but her whole face hurt so bad and she hated the feeling of the sticky blood on her skin. It itched but she didn't want to scratch at it either, she just had to wait until they could get her cleaned up. Her chest hurt too, from falling down. All she really wanted was her special blanket and to suck her thumb until she calmed down, but she was much too old for that kind of stuff.

"Pinch your nose right here while I get the rest of you cleaned up," Lindsay said, setting her on the bathroom counter. "Yes, just like that."

"Hurts."

"I know honey. It's going to hurt for a little bit, but you'll be as good as new pretty soon."

"This is not a fun vacation," she whimpered, rubbing at her eyes. "I feel yucky now and my head hurts."

"I know. Want to come and sit with me until dinner is ready?"

"Yes. Oh no! How will I eat dinner?"

She burst into a fresh round of tears and Lindsay picked her up, cuddling her close for a moment.

"Honey, you'll be just fine. The bleeding will stop by the time dinner is ready and then you can just have gravy and mashed potatoes if you'd like."

"Okay mama."

"Now, I'm going to go put you on the couch, then go up and change my shirt because it looks horrible."

"I'm sorry about the blood."

"Hey, blood washes out. What's life without a few boo-boos, huh?"

"Like that thing you say 'bout scars, and how they're tattoos that got better stories."

"Exactly."

"Boy golly, I sure look rough. Got blood in my nose and a broken lip and puffy eyes and I still got this dang thing on my wrist. Do I remind you of when you done the rodeo?"

"Kind of."

"Can I do the rodeo?"

"Not in a billion years."

Levi smiled and pressed the towel to her lip as they went back out to the living room.

"Hey Doodle, all fixed up?"

Levi shook her head and shimmied out of Lindsay's arms and to the couch where she crawled into Adam's lap and pulled his arms tightly around her.

"I'm still on the mend but I'm not too bloody anymore. Wanna see?"

She pulled the towel away from her mouth and Adam blinked a few times, obviously not good with blood.

"Wow, how come you turned so white, Adam?" she asked tipping her head to the side quizzically.

"Let's just keep that towel on there, huh?"

"Okay. Boy, you don't look good."

"Yeah, well I don't like it when people I love get hurt."

"Oh," she acknowledged while he used the extra bit of towel to wipe the dirt and tears from her face. "You must love me a lot to make that face huh?"

"Yeah, I love you a lot."

She smiled and snuggled closer to him, pressing her palm to his and giggling at the size difference in their hands. She tugged on his fingers and wiggled them back and forth, then wrapped both of her hands around one of his and sighed gently.

"Adam?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you a lot too."

He smiled and kissed her forehead while Lindsay came back to sit with them, pulling Levi's feet into her lap and taking off her dirty socks.

"Little girl, I understand why you have muddy socks, but how come your feet are muddy too?"

"Well I took my socks off when I went outside so they would not get dirty. But then my feet got dirty and cold so I put my socks back on. And then Nick threw the ball and I almost caught it but it landed in the mud and sprayed my socks. So maybe it is a bath night?"

"Probably. How's the lip?"

"Well I can't show you because Adam loves me too much."

"Okay then honey."

"Hey mister," Lindsay said quietly, creeping down the stairs and finding Adam sitting alone in the front room, a book open in his lap.

"Hey. Did she finally go to sleep?"

"Yeah. I think she's out at least for a few hours. Thanks for helping me with that freak out."

He nodded and rocked the old chair a few times, then closed the book and stared at the cover for a moment, trying to figure out just what he wanted to say, or even how to say it. It had been weighing on his mind for a while but he trusted that Lindsay had it under control. But Levi's outburst were sometimes so dramatic, he worried that it wasn't safe. Tonight after dinner she'd thrown herself on the floor, kicked her legs and cried because she didn't want to put her pajamas on. Lindsay had chalked it up to being overtired, over-stimulated with the entire family there, the injury from earlier, and not being able to distill all her feelings about meeting Josh the day before. Any child would have had a melt-down at some point. But after ten minutes of trying to calm her daughter down, Lindsay had looked exhausted and at her wits end. Adam had stepped in, more out of fear that Levi was going to hurt herself than anything, and had used a different approach in the matter. Waiting until she stopped her thrashing to suck in another big breath, he'd quickly picked her up from the floor and forced her to stand on her feet. Blinking hard, she'd looked at him in surprise, sniffling as he reassured her that he knew she was upset and frustrated and tired but that was no reason to act like that. She cried, trying to explain what was bothering her but couldn't come up with the words, instead leaning into him and crying, half holding onto him and half pushing away. He'd just held her for a long time, until she felt safe again and stood back, wiping her eyes and trying to catch her breath. It had taken another hour for Lindsay to get her to sleep and even then, Adam was sure she would wake up in the night. This had been getting worse and he didn't know if it was his place, but something needed to change.

"Linds?"

"I know."

"You know?"

"I can't keep living like this and I can't let her either. This isn't just the ADD, it's not just the sensory issues. I don't know what it is exactly but I'm afraid that it's my fault. That I made her like this."

"You haven't given her any punishments for it."

"It's hard to know when she's just having a tantrum and when she's really lost it. I don't want to punish her when she can't even figure out why she's flipped out."

"Do you think she does it because she can't communicate her emotions very well?"

"I don't know. She talks just fine, she seems to be self-aware and she can tell me when she's upset or frustrated with something but sometimes it's like she loses that ability, like she just disconnects from herself. It scares me. I wonder sometimes if she'll disconnect and not be able to make her way back."

"Linds, I think you guys need some help."

She nodded slowly and sniffled and he reached over for her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"We'll figure it out. Talk to her doctor, talk to her teachers at daycare, do some research on our own. And maybe seeing a counselor wouldn't be a bad idea either. For both of you."

"I really, really don't want to do that but I think you may be right."

He stood up from the chair and joined her on the couch, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the top of her head.

"I'm not a good mom. She deserves better."

"Stop. You are an amazing mom. Right now things are just going a little crazy. Both of you are dealing with a lot and I think she's feeding off your anxiety."

"Maybe that's why you can calm her down and I can't."

"Maybe it is or maybe that's because she wears you out and I can be your second. That part doesn't really matter much. But I think that now you know what's going to happen with Josh, it's time to focus on her again and figure out how to make her happy and healthy."

"What if something is truly wrong with her?"

"We'll get it figured out. Don't worry about what we might find out, just set your mind on the fact that it will get better. You've got me on your side, not to mention this entire loud and crazy family. It's going to be okay."

"Alright."

"We'll go home and get settled and then we'll start figuring out what to do. Or you'll figure it out and I'll just hang out with the kid when she's losing it. Whatever works."

"I owe you dinner like thirty times by now."

"Yeah, I know."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Speaking of my crazy family," she said after a moment, wiping her eyes. "My brothers have declared you an honorary member."

"Is that right?"

"They said anyone who is brave enough to argue with me over a board game is someone we can invite into the clan."

"Creative spellings are not allowed in Scrabble."

"I allowed you bonjour."

"It's a word, just in French."

"You're not fair."

"You only lost by five points."

"That makes it worse. But anyway, this induction into the family does not in any way mean that you are allowed to join my brothers in tormenting me."

"I wouldn't think of it."

She smiled and pulled his arms tighter around her, trying to think of a way to repay him for all the good he'd done in their lives, all the safety he brought, and how very far from alone she felt just because he was there. It had been a very long time since she had felt like she wasn't alone, at least on a consistent basis, but not long enough that it startled her.

"Hey Linds, you don't really think you're a bad mom, do you?"

"Not bad, just not always good enough. And you're the only person in the world I would admit that to."

"What do you mean not good enough?"

"She deserves everything. More than I can give her. More than anyone could give her really. I just wish I could… I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm not teaching her enough. She's fed and healthy and she has clothes and toys and I'm there for her but sometimes I feel like I haven't prepared her for the world like I should. It's hard. Before she was born I thought getting through the day and providing for her was enough, at least for a while. And then she was born and I looked down at this tiny screaming baby and I realized she didn't come equipped with anything. I had to teach it all to her."

"Linds, you're doing the job of two people and you're doing it really well. Levi might have her… quirks, but she is an amazing kid. She's smart and intuitive and compassionate and she really wants to do the right thing. She's incredible and that's because she has you."

"Thank you."

"I think you need some sleep. C'mon, there's a nice bed upstairs with your name on it."

She smiled a little and followed him up the stairs, peeking into the room Levi was sleeping in.

"Fifteen minutes and she's already moved so much it looks like a hurricane touched down," Lindsay sighed quietly. Adam smiled and helped her to fix the blankets and pillows, then they both leaned down to kiss Levi before slipping from the room.

"Now, you should go climb in bed, close your eyes and remember that today is over, tomorrow is new, and when we get back to the city, you have three boxes of pudding in your cupboard."

"That is a good thing."

He smiled and pulled her into a hug, kissing her hair a few times before pulling away to look at her.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Go sleep."

"If I can't fall asleep in say, half an hour, could I come and try and fall asleep with you?"

He gave her a crooked smile and sighed; she'd come into his room again last night, claiming that she just had to tell him something, but promptly falling asleep next to him instead.

"Linds."

"I know but you're nice and warm and comfortable."

"I know. But."

"Okay, I promise I will stay in my own room tonight but I will have you know that you're better than a sleeping pill."

"I'll be sure to put that on my resume."

"Goodnight, Adam."

"Goodnight, Linds."

He let her go, waiting until her door closed before he closed his and sat down on the bed, looking out the window and sighing. They weren't together but they were together and he had no idea how long they were going to keep doing this dance. At this point though, it would scare him to stop.