"Hey little girl, wake up."

Levi whined and pulled her pillow over her head, shutting out the noise.

"It's Christmas, time to get up."

"No. Tired."

"You don't want to go look for Santa?"

"Santa isn't real, Adam," she sighed, peeking out from under the pillow.

"Hey, you don't know that for sure."

"He could not visit every house on the planet."

"His sleigh is a time machine. Didn't we discuss this already?"

"And mama said you were crazy."

Adam chuckled and rubbed her back trying to be as patient as possible.

"I'll give you five minutes to get up and then I'm coming back in here."

"You love Christmas, huh?"

"Absolutely."

She gave him a grin and burrowed back under the pillow, and he stood up, going back out to the kitchen where Lindsay handed him a mug of coffee.

"I don't know why I let you talk me into this," she sighed, leaning against the counter and watching as he enthusiastically dropped a peppermint candy into the warm mug.

"Because you love me. And I love Christmas. Therefore, you love Christmas."

"I do love Christmas. What I don't love is four a.m."

"You'll love it. And you can nap later."

"Where's the child? I thought you were waking her up."

"She wasn't ready yet."

"I am," Levi announced, yawning and rubbing her eyes. "Lift me?"

Adam set his mug on the counter and picked her up, surprised that her yuletide enthusiasm hadn't permeated her sleepiness yet.

"Can we open presents then?"

"Oh no. We have much to do first."

She wrinkled her nose and dropped her head to his shoulder muttering something he couldn't hear.

"Do you want to change clothes or stay in your pajamas?"

"Jammies," she answered. "It is too cold to change clothes."

"We're going outside, does that weigh into your decision at all?"

"I don't want to be cold."

"Let's get your coat on and then you can have a big blanket too."

She nodded and he found her coat in the closet, then wrestled her into her shoes while she giggled.

"Okay, do we have everything?" Lindsay asked, pouring both cups of coffee into travel cups and grabbing a small bag of mixed nuts for Levi to snack on.

"All set," Adam said, taking Levi's hand and a thermos from the counter. "You ready, Doodle?"

"Yes. Where are we going to go look for Santa?"

"I thought you said he didn't exist," he chuckled, picking her up.

"Well yes but there is no harm in lookin'."

He laughed and they headed outside, piling into Adam's Jeep. Levi was happy to sit in the back wrapped up in blankets and watch the city pass by, seeming to forget that there were presents at home that she'd been dying to open.

"You want some hot chocolate?" Adam asked after a moment.

"I can't, remember? I cannot have all that sugar or the milk."

"I know. I made it with stuff you can have."

"For real?"

"Of course."

"You are the greatest person of all time!"

"Well I don't know about that, but you can keep thinking it if you would like."

She giggled as Lindsay handed her a small cup filled with the warm drink.

"Just be careful."

"I will. So home come we are up before the sun?"

"I told you, to try and see Santa."

"What's the sane reason?"

Adam snickered while Lindsay laughed outright, still wondering why Adam had come up with this idea and why she had given it the okay in the first place. Then she remembered the face he'd made when he asked her and even now, as tired as she was, there was no denying his enthusiasm.

"Because, that's what people do," he answered after a while. "By my calculations he should be making his second trip over New York in about an hour. Keep your eyes peeled in case he's running ahead of schedule."

"What if he's not? What are we going to do for an hour?"

"We're looking at Christmas lights."

Levi sighed and leaned forward, patting Lindsay's arm to get her attention.

"Mama, is it just me or is he acting crazy?"

"He's acting crazy, but I think it's okay."

"Well alright."

They drove for a long time, getting out of the city and finding themselves in a small farm town, one that had Lindsay immediately at peace, being reminded of home. She smiled at the old buildings that leaned from years of weather, wondered about the families that lived here, what they did, how they all got along and if they had town meetings.

"Look, I see lights up there!" Levi squealed happily.

"Here, take this," Adam said, retrieving a disposable camera out of the glove box. "I hear this place puts on a real Christmas light extravaganza. You'll want to take pictures."

Levi giggled and nodded as they drove into the center of town, winding along the road where all the homes and businesses had gone all out with their decorations. Levi excitedly snapped pictures, nearly bouncing out of her seat when snow began to fall. Five minutes into the circuit she wiggled up to the front seat, making herself comfortable on the console so she could see everything better.

"This is so great!" she said after a while, having snapped the last picture. "Can we do this again next Christmas?"

"Sure."

"Good. I will be looking forward to it."

"Are you ready to go or should we go around again?"

"Let's go home. I want to open presents."

"Pop back in your seat then."

She climbed into the back seat and buckled herself in, piling the blankets up around her and looking out the window.

"Adam, by your calculations, where is Santa now?"

"Oh, we should cross his path on the way home. I'd look out the other window, I think you'll have a better shot at seeing him."

She nodded and leaned over a little attention completely taken by the sky.

"So what's with you and Christmas?" Lindsay asked, reaching over for Adam's hand.

"Nothing. What do you mean?"

"Well, you just seem to really love it. On a child-like level."

He shrugged and turned on to the highway.

"Christmas was always good when I was a kid. My grandparents would come to visit and then take me home with them until school started again. And when I did come home, everything was pretty calm for a few weeks. It was nice."

She gave his hand a little squeeze, not sure what to say but needing him to know that she was listening.

"Anyway, I just thought a new tradition would be fun."

"So then definitely next year."

"Definitely."

"That was such a good Christmas," Levi said with a yawn, stacking her new books into a pile on the table. "Thank you for all my stuff mama."

"You're welcome, sweetie. Why don't you go pick up your room so you have somewhere to put it all?"

"Alright, but I'm not going to clean it, just pick it up."

"Okay."

She skipped into her bedroom and Lindsay sat back on the couch, pulling her legs up and glancing over at Adam who looked exhausted. His eyelids were drooping and she giggled a little, causing one of his eyes to open and look at her.

"What?"

"Nothing. When do you have to leave for work?"

"In a bit. Gotta be there in an hour."

"You want to take a nap here? You can go crash on my bed."

"No, that's okay."

She nodded and rested her head on his chest, pulling her blanket over to share with him.

"Aw, don't do that. Now I'll fall asleep."

"I'll wake you up in time, don't worry."

"Fifteen minutes."

She nodded and smiled when his arms came tightly around her and he dropped a kiss to her forehead.

"Love you Linds."

"Love you too."

Her eyes fluttered open and closed but she made sure not to fall asleep, giving him a little squeeze when the fifteen minutes were up.

"Time to go."

"I don't want to," he sighed, untangling them from each other.

"Too bad you can't call in sick."

"Yeah."

"Levi, come say bye to Adam, he's gotta go to work."

Levi came out of the bedroom frowning, her eyebrows knitted together.

"Why do you have to go?" she asked, her voice unsteady as she walked to him, hugging his legs.

"Because someone's gotta do it."

"Why does it have to be you?"

"Because it does."

She sobbed and held onto him as tightly as she could until he bent down and picked her up, letting her cry against his shoulder.

"But I like you here," she hiccupped, wrapping her arms around him. "I like us all to be a family on Christmas."

"I like that too. Tell you what, I'll come back over here after work and we can watch a movie together okay?"

"It's not the same," she cried, rubbing her eyes.

"I know. But it'll have to do for now."

"Okay."

He kissed her cheek and let her down to the floor.

"I am not being naughty but I am sad so I am going to slam my door a little," she warned before dashing off to her bedroom.

"She's tired," Lindsay explained with a sigh. "But I wish you didn't have to go."

"I'll be back."

She nodded and allowed him to kiss the end of her nose before slipping out the door.

He was smiling when he hung up the phone, having called Lindsay after a few hours to make sure Levi had recovered from her heartbreak. She was fine now, but he was still going to have to go over there after work. He was completely happy with that.

"Grinnin' like an idiot," Danny chuckled, passing by him on his way to the other microscope. "Talkin' to Lindsay?"

"Yeah."

"So why haven't you two… you know?"

"It's complicated," Adam answered, adjusting the slide.

"Complicated, right. Me an' Austin are complicated. You and Lindsay make total sense."

Adam raised an eyebrow and shook his head a little.

"Maybe not complicated then. We just have to find the right timing, that's all."

"You think you'd be ready to take all that on?"

"You mean Levi."

"Yeah."

"I'll admit she's not the easiest kid in the world, but her difficult moments don't happen all the time."

"You'd end up bein' like a dad to her. You okay with that?"

"I think so. But what do I know anyway? That's why we're taking our time."

"Lindsay's in love with you."

"What?"

Danny chuckled as the other man's voice reached a high octave.

"I'm not an idiot. I've seen the way she looks at you. She gets that same big dopey grin on her face when she's been talkin' to you. And she admitted as much to Austin, who can't keep her mouth shut to save her life."

"Oh. Wow."

"What, you don't feel the same way?"

"Actually I do, that's what's freaking me out."

"Welcome to an adult relationship, buddy. You're gonna love it."

Adam chuckled but felt a wave of apprehension inside. It hadn't occurred to him completely before, that to be with Lindsay was to be immediately thrust into a family situation. He'd been deeply involved in their lives for a year now, he hated going too long without seeing them and where he used to spend his evenings playing hockey or going to a bar with his friends, all he wanted anymore was to curl up with the two of them and a Disney movie. Everything that mattered to him used to fit into a shoebox, but now everything was contained in them. It was what he wanted, but he wasn't sure if he was the right man for the job. Was he enough for them?

He'd never had a solid example of good parenting, much less a healthy relationship. His parents hadn't bothered with guiding him through such things and his short engagement had brought only personal insights, nothing that he felt he could use now to make this better.

He knew he would never be Levi's dad; she already had one, no matter how inadequate Josh may be. But Adam wasn't sure he could give her everything she needed to make up for that. He did love her, sometimes he couldn't believe that he actually loved her as much as he did. But would that offset the rejection by her father? What if she needed more and he couldn't give it to her? Stepping up as a male role model was a big deal. What if he wasn't prepared?

And what about Lindsay? He didn't know what she needed out of a relationship. For as much dancing as they'd done around the subject, they hadn't really talked about much. He knew she would need his support, but where was his place? He was beginning to see that there was a lot more complication to this than it seemed on the surface. It wouldn't change his opinions about wanting this, but it did make him wary, wondering if it would turn out right. And if it didn't, he knew Levi would be the one to suffer the brunt of that fall-out. He couldn't let that happen.

"You want to tell me what's going on?"

"Hmm?"

"You're quiet and it's not because you're tired."

"I think we need to have a talk."

Lindsay sighed and got up from the couch, going into the kitchen and pulling the freezer open.

"What are you doing?" Adam asked, following her.

"If we're going to have a talk like that, I'm just getting the ice-cream out to thaw a little. It always bends the spoon if it's too frozen."

"Lindsay, it's not a talk like that."

"It sounds like a talk like that."

"Don't be upset with me okay?"

She wrinkled her nose and he pulled her into a hug, taking a deep breath and figuring laying it all out on the table was the best plan of action.

"Linds, if we're going to do this thing, at some point, we have to figure out how it's going to work."

"If we're going to do this thing? Adam don't be silly. We're already doing it."

"What?"

"Just because we haven't made it official doesn't mean there's nothing going on here."

"Okay, But what's going on?"

"You're going to be difficult?"

"I'm being serious."

"I don't know what's going on, I don't have a name for it, but it's something right? Isn't that enough?"

"No. We have to be on the same page and we have to make sure this goes right because there's a little girl in there who is going to get her heart broken if it doesn't and I don't want to do that to her."

She nodded, finally understanding what the hang-up was.

"Okay, you're right, we need to talk."

He put the ice-cream back in the freezer and took her hand, leading her back out to the couch where they sat facing each other.

"I'm not good at relationships," he started. "We have to figure out how to make this one work and how to keep it safe because I'm not willing to lose it."

"You're really serious about this."

"Of course I am. Aren't you?"

"Yeah, absolutely. But I'm not making myself crazy over it."

"Aren't you a little apprehensive?"

She sighed and nodded.

"I don't like to think about it because then I start talking myself out of it. And this is something I really want."

"I do too. Why do you think you'll talk yourself out of it?"

"Because it's risky. I am clearly not good at relationships either. And this is different. I love you. That automatically makes it way riskier."

"Why?"

"Because if I lose you I don't know what I'm going to do."

"You see why this is so important?"

"Yeah."

"There's a lot involved here. I don't think either one of us really wants to jump into something just because."

She was quiet, inspecting their joined hands intensely and he reached over, guiding her chin up so she would look at him.

"What?"

"Adam, are you sure you want this?"

"Yeah."

"Everything?"

"Linds, don't give me that high maintenance speech. I love both of you and I'm willing to put in the work."

"I know you are."

"You don't know if you are."

"I'm willing, Adam. It's just… it's going to be a lot of work figuring this out and I don't know if I'm ready to take that time away from Levi."

He stayed quiet, wondering if he'd misread signals or if she'd been sending out the wrong ones, or if she was thinking way more ahead than he was.

"The thing is, I think to figure this out, we're going to have to date. And that's a good thing, believe me. But that's time I'd be spending away from her. I promised that nothing would ever come before her and while I know she'll understand, I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. Does that make sense? Or does it sound like I'm just using her to avoid the whole thing?"

"It makes sense, Linds. I get it. I wouldn't expect that we would go about this the same way anyone else would."

"I'm going to have to figure out how to juggle, that's all. And I will, but not right this minute."

He nodded and she scooted a little closer, needing his arms around her.

"We'll get there eventually, Adam. I promise."

"I promise too."

"So now what?"

"I think for tonight we can leave the discussion open and just let it be."

"Okay."

"You look like you have something else to say Linds."

"Not really. Just… no, I'm good."

"You know you can tell me."

She took a deep breath, looking down and hiding her face.

"I don't really want you to leave tonight. And you should because we can't start making sleepovers a habit, but I just don't really want you to."

"I'd rather sleep next to you all night too but you're right."

"Doesn't mean you can't stay for a while though, right?"

He smiled and nodded, finally pulling her into a hug.

"We don't do very well with deep conversation," she noted, knowing the talk was important but wishing it wasn't needed.

"We'll just have to get better at it," he replied, dropping a kiss to her head. "Want to fight over late night TV?"

"Read my mind."e