I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO FREAKING LONG! School erupted into a hell hole and I've been mentally dead for the past two weeks. It was a struggle.

Some of these reviews have been phenomenal, by the way. I don't want you guys to think that I don't read them. I know you want updates and quickly, and I try. Sometimes, life just kind of gets in the way. But those writing really wrong reviews, I wanna say a special thank you. They really do mean alot when some of you have even stayed with me since the start of this story.

That night was stressful to say the least. The last thing Clary wanted to do was hurt Jem, so she stuck to him like glue to prevent it from happening. She sat by him at dinner, on the couch, or in her room, talked to him whenever she could, and made sure that he at least had a good time. And it kept her from dealing with the real problem.

Because Jace had been trying all night. He kept suggesting that Jem do this and Jem do that and whenever Jem would – because that's the gentlemen that he was – Clary would follow on principle.

The frustration that Jace was emitting was more than obvious. Jon mentioned to Clary to knock it off, but she wouldn't. Even if Jon was right about what he said, Clary wasn't sure that she wanted to go down that path just yet. It was scary, terrifying, and not to mention completely unsteady. Jace was just nerve-wracking to her.

But when she woke up the next morning with Jem at her side, she realized that she was slightly disappointed. That wasn't a good sign. For three months, she had been content with waking up next to him and leaning into him and bringing in his scent and she'd smile happily every time. That wasn't the case this time.

And that wasn't good.

With a heavy sigh, she slipped out of the bed and out her door, heading for the front porch.

Her mind started racing as she sat in the morning sun on the swinging bench, rocking back and forth. Even though she didn't want to admit it, she couldn't get the things that Jace said out of her head. Nothing was provocative or directed at her specifically, but some things were just sticking like glue. Like..

At dinner, Jocelyn asked about his love life. Clary's jaw almost dropped right in that moment but Jace just shook his head and took a sip of his drink.

"No one right now," he had said.

"Why not?" her mother had asked.

"I think we all know the answer to that."

Then there was silence momentarily, and Clary was forcing herself not to blush. Her mind went straight to that idea, but then he cleared his throat and looked down.

"I mean, soccer takes up a lot of my time and I've been using most of my spare time with Emily. A relationship is a little too hard right now."

That was one of the big ones because she felt Isabelle nudge her under the table at his comments and wink at her.

As much as she wanted to believe him, she knew that it wasn't entirely true. Jace never told the whole truth. She knew that from experience. He'd hide certain parts, give enough to stop the questions but not the whole story. It's how he operated, but she didn't want to contemplate it too much. Overthinking is what gets her into these messes in the first place.

And later that night, he did it again. The group was heading outside, but Isabelle had drug Jem ahead of the rest to talk. Clary didn't mind, it was just Isabelle after all. But as they were walking down the front porch steps, she tripped. And how caught her?

"You okay?" Jace asked as he looked down at her. Even though the sun had set and darkness took in, she could still outline his features as he held her in a dipped position.

She nodded and swallowed as he slowly pulled her back up. It was like time had stopped and everyone kept walking, leaving the two on the steps.

"You shouldn't look so freaked out," he said, holding her hips. She knew she should push him away, but her mind wasn't working at the moment. "I've held you more intimately than this before."

And then she snapped into motion. "I'm not freaked out," she claimed, gently but forcefully pushing away from him. His arms slapped to his sides. "And I can catch myself. I don't need your help."

He sighed. "Clary–"

"Stop," she said. "Jace, you probably know what everyone has been telling me, right?" His golden eyes met hers and he nodded. "I just… I'm with Jem."

He took a step towards her. "I know but–"

"I have to go."

And with that she turned and bolted to the group at the end of the driveway. Isabelle gave her that knowing look, the one that she didn't want right now. She just shook it off and tried to forget.

But forgetting was impossible. As she swung on the porch, she knew that those things were going to stick with her like glue. And there were other little remarks he kept making and it was driving her mad. Everyone was against her and Jem but everyone liked Jem and it didn't really make any sense and Jace was complicating things and–

"Ugh!" she practically growled, throwing her head in her hands. "Why is this so damn confusing?"

She didn't get an answer. God didn't say anything, and her brain was fried. So she sat there for a good thirty seconds in silence and confusion before she heard it. A door opening.

And Jace's golden curls popped out through the other side of the house. Instead of using the front door, he used the back door and walked around? His head was down as he kicked the rocked and it looked like he was on the phone.

She wondered who he was talking to but then again, she could tell. He was bouncing on his toes, looking down with a smile, tilting his head back when he laughed. She knew who was on the phone.

Emily.

"Morning, kid."

Clary turned from Jace's direction back to the house just as Jon stepped out and took the seat next to her on the porch swing. He glanced out and saw Jace but apparently decided not to comment on it. That was something she was thankful for.

"Morning, Jon."

He leaned back, draping his arm around the seat behind her. "So?"

She gave him a look. "Don't say anything."

"I wasn't going to. But I was going to ask if you wanted to go to breakfast with everyone. You, me, Kaelie, Iz, Simon, Jace."

"And Jem," Clary pointed out.

Jon sighed and rubbed his tired looking eyes. "Clary, you shouldn't–"

Just then the door burst open. There was bang as it hit the side of the house and the siblings looked up to find Jem, red eyed and crying in the doorway looking horrified.

Immediately, Clary jumped to her feet. "Jem? What's going on?"

He glanced down to the phone in his hand. "Um, I don't–" he chocked slightly, running a hand through his white hair. "It's… its Will."

She rushed to his side, holding his face between her fingers. He was trembling under her touch, not for a good reason either. "What happened?" she probed. "Jem, what happened?"

He shook his head, closing his eyes as the tears started to fall down his thin face. Clary touched them away with her hand, her heart breaking at the look on his face. Whatever happened, it wasn't good.

"The phone," he choked, pushing it towards Clary. "It's Tessa."

Clary immediately took it and grabbed Jem's hand with her extra one. "Hello?" Jon stepped forward, mouthing 'what happened' at her but she shook him off. "Tessa, are you there?"

"Clary?" the other girl cried. It was obvious she was just as hysterical. "Clary, it's William. He's... He's gone. He's just... dead…"

Just then Jace stepped forward, dropping the phone as he hopped up on the front porch by Jon. Both had their eyes on Clary, curiosity and worry and confusion mixed into their expressions. But she tried her best to focus on Tessa and Jem, who were both falling apart at the moment.

Two hours later, everyone was awake and worried in the living room, except for Jem and Clary. She had barricaded her door and locked them in until he started to calm down. Well, until they both started to calm down and realize what exactly happened.

And it wasn't like she wasn't upset to. At first, when Tessa said the words, Clary almost lost it. She felt the tears coming and wasn't sure how long she could hold it in. When Jace walked to her and acted like he was going to hug her, she knew that she had to get away. So she had grabbed the hysterical Jem and pulled him into her room, letting Jon and Jace explain it to the others.

They were lying on their backs as they stared at the ceiling, the phone lying between the two.

"And it was weird how one second he was there, and the next he was gone," Tessa explained through the static reciever. "The car just came out of nowhere. I watched from the house as he just..."

"I'm so sorry, Tessa," Jem said with his hoarse voice. He had to take his asthma inhaler multiple times by now and it was starting to take a toll on him.

There was a silence between the three for a while. Clary didn't really blame either of them for not knowing what to say. She almost felt kind of out of place. She was friends with Will, but not that close to him. And now, she didn't know what to do.

But she could read it on Jem's face. She could see what he wanted, what he needed. She could see it clear as day when Tessa spoke. So with a deep breath, she said:

"Jem?"

He turned his head. "Yes?"

"You should go."

"What?" he asked confused, slowly sitting up. "What are you talking about?"

"I mean go to London." She pointed to the phone. "Tessa needs you right now. She just lost her boyfriend. She needs her best friend there to help her through it. You two have to help each other through this."

He stared at her with his mouth open slightly. "But – but we… Clary, you know what that means."

"And you know exactly what I'm implying," she said quickly, taking his cheek in her hand and leaning up to look down at him. "Jem, you were great to me. You really were. And I'll be forever grateful but I know you. I know that we're not where we're supposed to be."

He sighed and closed his eyes. "I've been trying to hide it for so long."

"To protect your best friends and I understand that." Clary attempted to smile down at him as he took in his own epiphanies. "You didn't know what else to do."

She really hoped he was starting to get it. She got it, understood it, believed it. Everyone else around her believed that she belonged with another certain someone, even though she wasn't sure she was prepared for it. But Jem… she and Jem just didn't belong together. He was the smart, logical, safe decision and she couldn't take that route.

The silence was deafening and she leaned down to press her face into his neck, breathing him in. It was something she smelled for so long, something she was used to.

"I've been trying to avoid it but I guess you're right," Jem finally said. He was stroking Clary's hair as she lied on him. "I've just tried so long to pretend I didn't feel certain things, and here you are throwing them in my face."

"We've lied to each other about a lot."

"You didn't actually," he quickly retorted. "You told me honestly that you weren't over Jace. I never told you I was in love with my best friend's girlfriend. And now that Will is dead, I don't know if it's even right or wrong to act on those feelings. Wouldn't it be intrusive?"

Clary wasn't sure how to answer. "Maybe… it might just be what both of you need."

"Jem?"

They both silenced when they realized that Tessa was still on speaker phone a foot from where their heads lay. They both perked up and looked at each other.

That was the first time they ever announced Jem's love for Tessa.

He swallowed and stared at Clary when he answered, his eyes burning into hers. "Yes, Tessa?"

"Please," the girl begged quietly. "Please come home."

"Are we ever going to find out what happened?" Isabelle wondered aloud as she paced on the grass in the front yard.

Everyone else was scattered along the front porch and the lawn. Jon and Kaelie were on the swing. Jace was leaning against the front door with his shoulder. Simon was biting his lip as he watched Isabelle fret. Jocelyn and Luke were talking a few steps away.

Jace sighed as he wondered himself, looking back at Clary's window for what seemed to be the twentieth time. All he wanted was to go in and make sure she was okay but he just couldn't. He wasn't allowed, technically. She wasn't his.

"Let's think," Jon said. "Who could it have been that called?"

"Jem's parents," Isabelle answered. "Will. Tessa. His sister. Anyone from school. He's a social person even though he's kind of quiet so it could've been a list of fifty people."

Simon shook his head and held up one finger. "If it was someone from school, I feel like we would've heard about it too. We're all friends with the same people. If it was bad news, we'd know by now. I mean, Jem got a call an hour ago and yet we don't know anything? It can't be someone from school."

"It could've been anyone on the basketball team," Kaelie pointed out.

Jon sighed and dropped his head. "It doesn't matter who calls. What matters is what was actually said and what got Jem and Clary upset."

Jace agreed one hundred percent. That question was boggling his mind.

God, it was so hard to be next to her but not actually do anything about it. Like getting offered water only to dehydrate to death. Like seeing the water line when you're drowning but being unable to reach the surface. All he wanted was to touch her and hold her but she was just barely out of reach. It was suffocating.

The worst part was everyone could see it. Isabelle would give him sympathy with her eyes, the most annoying thing ever. Jon would try to encourage him to just wait for her, to hold on. Simon was just… Simon. Annoying as ever. But they all knew and it almost made it ten times harder to deal with.

He sighed, closed his eyes, and pressed the side of his head to the house. If only there was some way to let her see. He just didn't know how. He'd made so many mistakes already. One more and he'd lose her for good, because he'd already come too close to that happening already.

Just then the door opened and Jace practically jumped out of his skin.

Clary and Jem stood there, hand in hand. She didn't look up at anyone and neither did Jem. He was more focused on the one bag in his other hand.

Wait. Jace frowned. One bag? That was Jem's bag. Was he leaving? Why was he leaving? Jace couldn't exactly say he was upset but it didn't make any sense. It only stirred up even more confusion on top of that which was already there.

"Don't ask," Clary said quickly. Jace looked up and met her eyes but she shook her head, giving him the 'no' signal.

Jace wanted to but watched as she pulled Jem along the path, past everyone there until they reached one of the many cars in the driveway. They made their way to Jocelyn's Camry, to which Clary gave Jem some keys.

"What is she doing?" Jon asked rhetorically. "That's Mom's car and Jem is taking it?"

No one answered and watched intently on the scene instead.

Jem loaded his suitcase in the back of the car slowly. It seemed like time had slowed as the couple faced each other. When they embraced, Jace felt that usual feeling. Jealousy and regret. Those two emotions that he'd felt for three months and ate him alive from the inside out were at full force.

Jem and Clary pulled apart after what felt like an eternity. They talked and whispered for a bit before she finally led him to the driver's side, still talking and rubbing her eyes like she was going to cry.

Jace was walking over before the front door of the car even closed. He watched as Jem nodded, kissed Clary's cheek, stroked her hair, and slipped inside the car, backing out of the driveway slowly. But Jace froze when their eyes locked through the front window.

And Jem nodded. It was that nod of understanding and acknowledgement. That nod of thanks.

"Clary," Jace said as he approached, slowing down until he was taking baby steps. "What happened?" he asked carefully. "Why is Jem leaving?"

She shook her head. Her arms were wrapped around herself as she watched Jem leave. The tears were slowly falling, one by one as she refused to open her mouth. Jace could see the strain in her posture and he wanted nothing more than to help but didn't know how.

"Clary, babe–"

"Jace," her small, squeaky voice cried. "If you talk to me, touch me, or even come anywhere near me, I'm going to lose it." Her hand came up and he stopped immediately. "Don't."

His heart broke at her words. "I just want to help."

She shook her head, dropping it as her eyes shut with tears falling out. "You can't," she broke. "There's nothing you can do."

He took a small step forward. "There has to be something." He paused when he was just arm's length from her, stopping his movements. "Clary, I know that we haven't been on good terms for a long time. We've been… different with each other. Even since we both got here yesterday it's been weird but whatever is happening now, I just want you to know that I–"

He didn't get to finish before Clary practically threw herself into his arms. His arms wrapped around her instinctively and pulled her tight. The smell, the feel, it was all the same. But the tears and the pain emitting from her body wasn't.

So he did what he guessed she wanted. He held her. He held her like she was his lifeline. He held her like he'd never let go.

Because now, he'd rather die than let that happen again.

Clary clung to Jace like white on rice for a good thirty minutes. Everyone came over and asked what was wrong, and after a few quiet questions, Clary finally told them.

But once the news was out, she was a wreck all over again. Jace held her and rubbed her back and eventually had to carry her inside, away from the sun and family and friends. He lifted her into his arms easily, exactly how he used to when they were dating. And his arms felt so safe and secure, unlike everything else she felt at the moment.

She was still a wreck in his arms when he opened her bedroom door. There was so much going on in her head at the moment that she didn't want to be alone. So when Jace placed her down and stood straighter, she opened her eyes.

"Jace?"

He was hovering over her, his hands to either side of her head when he leaned back down. "Yeah?"

She bit her lip, looking up at him through her tears. "What happened to us?"

"What do you mean?"

She pulled herself up into a sitting position, something that was hard just because of her lack of energy. Jace pulled back, sitting on the edge of the bed and giving her a curious look.

He tilted his head to the side. It was barely a movement, but she noticed it. "Clary?"

"What do you think the problem was?" she asked quietly, pulling her knees to her chest. "Emily?"

He frowned momentarily. "You think Emily is the reason we can't be together? You know that I have to put her first. I've told you that."

"I know," she sighed. "I've just… I've missed you. Even when I was with Jem, I still missed you."

His breath caught. "Really?"

"Don't act so ignorant, Jace."

"Sorry," He said with a slight chuckle. It wasn't much, but it was there. "You still stayed with Jem though."

"I had to try," she shot back. "I had to at least try to get over you. You didn't show up that night at the restaurant. We had already been kind of distant with one another. I mean, the last time we were actually together didn't exactly end well. We slept together and then you disappeared back to your family, not to talk to me for months on end."

"I'm sorry for that. I really am." He slid closer to her, reaching out to touch her but apparently thinking better of it and dropping his hand. "She's asked about you."

Clary's eyes shot wide. "What?"

"Emily," he specified. "She's been asking about you, where you've been, why you're not around when I see her, if you're still painting." He paused. "She wanted to know if you've finished the picture of the two of us and her mother."

The painting… Emily's birthday! Clary had almost forgot.

"Not yet," she said. "I worked on it a bit but… you can probably guess why it was a little difficult so I eventually stopped."

The silences between sentences were starting to get more and more intense. Clary didn't know what to say after that, and apparently Jace didn't either. They both just kind of sat there, staring at their hands until he finally took a deep breath and spoke again.

"I hate this."

She nodded and dropped her legs down, leaning back against the headboard. "Me too."

"I'm serious." He turned until he sat with one leg under his butt, facing her fully. "We've known each other for a little less than a year now, and suddenly we can't hold a decent conversation without cautiously hoping we don't say something we'll regret."

"And whose fault is that?" she said with a bit of venom.

He answered quickly and adamantly. "Mine. I know that. You know that. It's all my fault and I'm sorry."

Althoguth that's what she wanted to hear, it wasn't completely the truth. "Jace, it's not just your fault. I want it to be, but it's kind of my fault too."

"How?"

"I never gave Emily a chance," she said. "I never gave you a decent second chance. I just had so much anger built up in me that as soon as you did something wrong, even for the right reasons, I bolted because I thought it was the smart thing to do. And I fell into the arms of the first person that would catch me."

"Because I wasn't there for you," he pointed out. "That's why you had to do that, so it's still my fault."

"Stop it," she glared. "It's not all your fault."

"It is," he shot back. "I'm the one that got my girlfriend pregnant so long ago. I'm the one that hid my daughter from you. I'm the one that held secrets. I'm the one that didn't meet you that night in London. I'm the one to blame. It's as simple as that."

"Would you stop that?" Clary yelled, getting angry now. "The self-hatred thing is really starting to fucking piss me off."

"You act like you don't do shit to annoy me right back."

"Ugh!" she practically yelled, jumping from the bed. "I have other shit to deal with right now other than your moodiness. In case you forgot, one of my good friends died, my ex-boyfriend is flying off to England, and I'm so mixed in my emotions right now that I'm anything but stable. So if you don't mind, lay off, Jace Wayland."

And with that, she stormed off and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

The last thing she needed right now was even more stress. Jace was supposed to help but he wasn't. Of course he wasn't. What was she thinking? She shouldn't have let him, shouldn't have let him catch her and fall into his arms. She just shouldn't have let any of it happen.

"Clary?"

There was a knock on the door as she sat on the bath tub, burying her head in her hands. She refused to look up, not that she could even if she wanted to. Her breathing wasn't coming easily and she was just having a hard time holding in all the emotions.

"Clary, open the door."

She didn't and stayed silent as the tears began to shed through, one by one.

Then came a soft thump, probably Jace leaning his head on the other side with tired, closed eyes. "Clary, just listen to me." He paused and took a deep breath. "I know you have a lot on your mind. A lot has come at you this morning and I'm not making it better. I want to be able to. All I ever wanted was to be there for you."

It took her a minute, but then she realized what he meant. Slowly, she wiped the tears from her cheeks and stood on shaky legs before opening the door.

Jace stood there, worried and stressed looking, with his hands on both side of the doorframe. She almost forgot how much bigger than her he was and he towered over her with such ease.

But just as he was about to speak, a knock came at her bedroom door. They both stared at each other before Jace dropped his arm and walked over to her door and swung it open.

Isabelle stood there. "Jace, your coach called your cell phone."

Clary moved to the bed and sat, noticing Jace's tense shoulders and stature.

"What did he want?" he asked.

"I don't know. Talk to him," she said, holding out the phone and walking away. Jace took it cautiously before closing the door and pulling it to her ear.

"Hello?"

He did nothing but listen for a while. His tone wasn't exactly kind towards his coach when they talked. He almost sounded annoyed the whole time until he finally sighed and hung up.

No words were spoken as Jace walked back to the bed and took the seat next to her. They didn't touch, but she almost wished that they would. He was so close but so far away.

"What was that about?" she finally asked when he finally pulled the phone from his ear with a last, sad sounding goodbye.

"The game," he said heavily. "He wants to have a meeting with me today instead of just meeting up with the team tonight."

"What time?"

"Now," he breathed. "He wants me to meet him in Atlanta in an hour so I have to leave now."

He fell back and collapsed against the bed, arms above his head and eyes closed. Clary really took the chance to look at him, at the small bags under his eyes, at the way he actually grew his hair out since Spring Break and letting the curls show again, at how he had grown in such a short amount of time. Her eyes danced across his face and his neck, his collarbones, his pectoral muscles under his shirt, to his abs and the little bit of exposed skin from where his shirt road up.

"Can I ask you something?" he wondered aloud.

Clary nodded, not saying a word.

"I have holiday in two weeks," he said. He lifted himself up on his elbows and stared Clary right in her eyes. "Will you stay in California with me? Emily will be in town for three weeks before school starts again in England but I still want you out there with me."

She took a while to process the information in shock. "You – you want me to live with you in Cali?"

"I know it's sudden and quick." He sat up quickly and scooted closer to her, taking her hand. Surprisingly, she let him. "And it wouldn't be permanent. Just for a week or so."

"Why?"

Jace gave her a look. "Isn't it obvious?"

She took in a shuddered breath. "Jace, I just broke up with Jem and you're already trying to get me back."

"Can you blame me?" He reached up and cupped her cheeks in his hands, pressing his forehead to hers. "Clary, I will always be some kind of in love with you."

Again, sorry about the wait.

But maannn, that was emotional. At least, I think it was. So yes, this is a Clace story, as you can tell. And I hope you guys like it. There might be just a few chapters left so keep reading! We're almost to the finish line. Maybe three or four, possibly five chapters left. That's weird to think about actually...

So review! Let me know what you think about the situation, and what will happen in due time ;)