This is another chapter I've been a little nervous about. I hope you enjoy it. I hope it isn't too far fetched, although this entire story is a bit far fetched XD There is a bit of inner dialogue to explain the situation better. Hopefully it helps you understand what is going through Daryl's head. Well, I'm going to shut up and hand over the chapter now! Thank you all so much for reading and letting me know what you think!
Looney Birds
Chapter Nine
The house was exactly how he had described. It was small and worn with a sagging roof. The yard was overgrown and the small front porch drooped depressingly. The woods behind the house came right to their back door the way he had described. She climbed off the bike before Merle did and looked around the dark yard.
"When do you think he'll be back?" She asked.
He shrugged and climbed off the bike. He walked to the house wordlessly and she followed on his heels. The wooden porch creaked under her boots as he led her into the house. He turned on a lamp next to an outdated sofa and then turned to her. "You ready to elaborate?" He asked.
"I think we should wait for him to get here." She said quietly as she glanced around the small living room. No family photos adorned the walls but she had expected as much.
"He ain't gonna listen to a word you say. From the look on his face as soon as he comes in here and sees you, he's gonna head straight..."
"To the woods," she finished for him, still looking around. She was nervous. She hadn't known how she was going to react to seeing him. She hadn't even expected to find him there. Not really. And she had decided that if she had found him at the bar that she would end up spending weeks stalking him, trying to figure out a way to talk to him, knowing how he would be.
But then he had slammed right into her, coming out of nowhere. And then she saw recognition in his eyes, felt his hand drift further around her. It was more than what had happened with the others. The others had a strange sense of recognition when they saw her but this was different. She could see it in his eyes. She hadn't been able to believe it but it was true. He knew her. He'd went right back to how they had been before she had woken up. For the briefest moments she thought he might actually kiss her again. But then she saw fear take over.
"Who's Rick?" he asked, pulling her out of her reverie.
"He's our leader," she said before she even realized what she was saying.
Merle barked out a laugh. "Oh, shit. Is this some sort of alien story you're gonna dump on my head or somethin'? Your leader? You're fuckin' crazy, woman."
"That isn't what I meant." She shook her head. "He's the leader of our group."
"So you and my baby brother are members of some secret group that I don't know about and your leader is a man named... Rick?" Merle was trying to keep a straight face but it wasn't working.
"Can you just hear me out when Daryl gets back? Stop putting words in my mouth."
He sighed and then heaved himself up off the couch and walked out of the room. When he came back less than a minute later he had a beer in his hand. He turned on the small television and sat back down. She sat down on the other side, as far from him as she could get. This was not going the way she had imagined. She had expected to get to talk to Daryl eventually. She hadn't expected to have to talk to Merle.
"How long has he been having these dreams?" she asked after what seemed like hours passed as he stared at the screen and drank beer after beer.
He shrugged. "A few months as far as I know."
"Has he been acting strange?" she asked.
He snorted. "He's been freaked the fuck out but nothin' like he was today. I heard him last night, tossin' and turnin' and shit. He's been in a shitty mood since it started. When I asked him tonight who you were he about jumped outta his skin. Then there you were." He finally looked at her. Really looked at her. "You wanna beer?"
"No," she shook her head.
He killed the entire beer in a few giant gulps and then sat the empty can on the table with the others. She had the urge to pick up his mess but she stayed where she was.
"Anyway," he went on, "He's been real jumpy. He's always got his damn crossbow on him. Just weird shit, ya know?" He was getting drunk. She could tell. He stood up and then offered her his hand. "I'll show ya what else he's been doin'."
She frowned but took his hand anyway. He led her to the kitchen and then a small room off the kitchen that must have been a pantry. He opened the door and she stared inside.
"He's hoarding canned food." She smiled slightly.
Merle nodded. "He's been poachin' too. Dryin' out deer meat. Get's all pissed off and shit when I ask him about it. I don't know what the fuck is goin' on with him." The space was crammed full of canned foods. Meats and vegetables and other things that would prove to be useful for when the walkers came.
Carol could hear the worry in his voice and she realized that his concern for his brother was the only reason she was here. He would never have divulged any of this information to a complete stranger if he wasn't actually afraid. And she could see that now. He was scared for his brother.
They heard the door slam then, causing her to jump.
"Stay here until I talk to him," Merle whispered and then walked past her out of the room.
~H~
The first thing he saw was all the beer cans that littered the table and he knew Merle was probably at least half drunk. He was hoping that he would be in the bathroom or something so he could just sneak off to his room and go the hell to sleep. He knew he was going to be hit with a thousand questions and he didn't blame his brother. If the tables were turned he knew he would be chomping at the bit to find out what the hell that scene in the bar was.
He stopped in the middle of the room when Merle came around the corner from the kitchen. Merle stopped and stared at him and Daryl felt his fist clench. He hated the way Merle was looking at him. He had that concerned look again. He'd rather have him wear that mocking look that he was so used too.
"You wanna tell me what the fuck's goin' on now, little brother?" He asked.
Daryl ran a hand through his hair. "Ain't nothin', Merle."
"I saw what happened there, boy. I saw that little exchange with the lady there. You wanna tell me who she is?"
Daryl just stared at him, his eyes narrowing.
"She had quite an ass on her from where I was sittin'." Merle gave him that look.
Daryl felt his fist clench once more. Anger swirled in his gut. "Shut your fuckin' mouth, Merle."
Merle shrugged. "Is she yours, little brother? Only reason I can see for you tellin' me to shut my mouth over an ass like that is if that ass belongs to you. Was that your piece of ass?"
Daryl was silent. He wasn't sure what to say. Of course not. Right? "Just don't talk about her like that. You don't even know her. She ain't nobody's piece of ass. She ain't like that."
"Yeah I do know her. Better than you think. Her name's Carol and from what I could gather she knows quite a bit about us."
"You talked to her?" Surely Merle hadn't talked to her. The woman probably thought he was a fucking lunatic. That's what he felt like anyway.
"Me and her had quite a conversation. She was telling me about Rick, y'all's group. She's a real sweet woman. I can see why you'd go all stupid over a woman like that. She's got a real sweet way about her."
Daryl's heart started pounding in his chest and his mouth went dry. There was no way. There was no way that could be true. Merle had to have just been messing with him. He'd heard Daryl say Rick's name and he was making shit up on the way.
"Daryl?"
He looked up at the sound of her voice, his throat nearly closing at that soft sound. She was standing there in the kitchen doorway. She looked different than she did in his dreams. But it was her. Just a healthier version of the person that he had grown to know. Her eyes were the same and that was the important thing. He had the overwhelming urge to go to her. To be closer to her. To say something to her so he could hear her talk. And so, of course, he took a step away from her and he kept his mouth shut. He was about to flee. He was so close to taking off out the door, jumping in his truck and leaving. He didn't even care where he ended up as long as it was away from the confusion.
"Rick left Merle cuffed to a roof in Atlanta and he cut off his own hand and was gone before you could get to him." She said in that soft voice, eyes trying to hold his.
He froze. He remembered that dream.
"Our camp got overrun with walkers and we lost others. I put a pick axe through Ed's head and then we fled. When we stopped on the road a herd came through and then we lost..."
"Don't." He said between clenched teeth. That part of the dream was one of the worst parts. If he had been closer to the little girl that would have never happened. He knew that now just like he knew it then. But he hadn't been close. He had been trying to take care of T-dog and the girl hadn't made it.
She shook her head and came a little closer, stopping just when he was about to take a step back. Merle was watching him closely. "We lost Sophia. You searched for her but you didn't find her in time and she had been bitten."
Daryl froze up then. He'd tried to find the girl, knew he would find the girl, and then Shane had opened those doors...
"We lost the farm, lived on the road for months and then found the prison. You found me in the tombs..."
"Shut up," he growled. She needed to shut up. He didn't need to think about all of that. He didn't want to think that it was going to come true. And there wasn't anything he could do to stop it from happening. He didn't need to think about the part of him that was wishing it would come true, regardless of the horrors, just so he could have her.
He knew Merle was watching them. He knew he needed to calm down. He was breathing heavily and glaring at her and he wasn't even sure why. He knew those dreams weren't really dreams. That was why he had taken what money he could and stocked up on food. He didn't want him and Merle to starve. He knew it was all true. He just couldn't understand how.
She glanced up at Merle. "Can you give us a minute?" She asked quietly.
He gave her a hard look but finally nodded and left the room, retreating down the short hall to his room. Daryl heard the door close and then he heard her footsteps coming closer. He was looking at the floor. He had tried to forget the dream he had had the night before because in it he had been desperately trying to hang onto her but she was like a ghost, fading in and out. He had taken her out of the prison but she just kept fading out. She was disappearing right in front of him and he had realized that she was leaving him and there was nothing he could do about it and it had been the most painful thing he had ever been through in his life. He remembered telling her things but he couldn't remember exactly what it was he was trying to tell her. He thought maybe the smartest thing he could do was protect himself from that but it was hard. Too hard.
"You told me to remember. You told me they were coming." She was closer than he thought she was. He looked up. Only a foot separated them now. He could have sworn that he could feel her breath on his skin.
"I don't remember that. Don't remember what I said." He whispered, wanting to put more anger in his tone but it came out hushed and desperate.
"We can save all of them." She said as she took another half step towards him.
He forced himself to stay where he was even though for some reason he was afraid to let her get closer. If he let himself feel all of the things he was trying to feel then how could he deal with the pain of losing her? He couldn't go through that. But wasn't he already going through it? And she was wrong. They didn't know these people.
"Look, I was in an accident. We can use the money that I have. We can build something. We can have a fortress. You know they are coming, Daryl, you know they are. We can save everyone and things won't have to be like they were at the farm. Things won't be like they were at the prison, Daryl. We can have a real chance at a real life. We can be...
He felt her hand brush against his arm and he tensed but didn't let himself flinch away from her. Her touch was familiar and so he let her touch him. He stayed as still as stone but he wouldn't look at her. He was afraid to meet her eyes. Could they really do that? He knew that the end was coming. He knew the walkers were coming just as surely as she did. Could they save every one of them?
"Will you help me try and save them?" she asked in a voice that seemed to caress the nerves in his spine, causing him to look up at her.
His eyes slid down from hers and lingered on her lips for a few agonizing moments before following the line of her jaw down to her neck and then back up again. He felt her trembling hand find his and almost involuntary gave her fingers one gentle squeeze. Her eyes widened and then, to his dismay, filled with tears that spilled over quickly. He felt his stomach twist painfully. Nothing felt like it made any sense anymore. He felt like he couldn't trust his own mind. His own thoughts. The way he was feeling, it was too foreign. Her tears only made that confusion worsen because the only thing he could think about was how much he wanted to make them go away. How often he had seen them... when really he had never seen them at all.
"How can we save'em when I don't even know who they are?" He whispered.
"They're all here." She said, hope filling her eyes as quickly as the tears had.
He frowned and closed the distance between them. He hadn't told his feet to move, it just happened that way. Only a breath separated them now, her hand was still warm in his and it felt right. Like it was meant to be there. "You've found'em?"
She nodded. "Some. Rick, Lori, Carl, Shane, Glenn... the others are out there. I know they are. We just have to find them."
He dreaded the question he was going to ask her next. "What about..."
"Sophia?" The smile that lit up her whole face had his defenses crumbling and he let out a heavy breath, the relief nearly crushed him.
"She's alive?" He asked, not understanding at all why this news was what undid him.
She nodded, that smile still in place causing the corner of his mouth to lift up.
The death of that little girl was the thing that haunted him the most about those dreams. It was the thing that ate him up inside every night. It was the biggest regret and the burden that lifted at the news of her being alive was a breathtaking thing. He was still confused, still very much afraid of what he now knew was certainly coming, but they had a chance to make right every mistake they had made while they were learning to survive out there. They weren't dreams. These were premonitions. That was what could have been, not what was going to be. He didn't have to understand it to know it was true. All the time he had wasted being too afraid to let her get close, even though he had known in those dreams that she loved him. He'd known that he had loved her back fiercely. Her being here now changed everything.
He wasn't going to lose his brother. Carol wasn't going to lose her daughter. Andrea, Shane, T-dog, Amy, Dale, Lori, Jim, Jacqui. All of them could be saved. Every one of them. Merle thought he was crazy but he wasn't. His mind was racing with this new found knowledge and for the first time in months he felt himself feel hope.
She saw it as soon as he accepted it in his mind. Of course she would see it. She knew him better than anyone else. She knew him better than his own brother. He saw hope mirrored in her own eyes. He thought of the time he had wasted and the millions of mistakes he had made, or had yet to make. He thought about how much he had hurt her with his cruel words and harsh demeanor. And he thought about how never one time did she give up on him. She never let him falter. She drilled it into his head that he was good and he was worthy and he was a man that people could count on. A man that she cared about more than anyone else. Her faith in him never wavering, not one time. Her trust in him something so huge that it was almost a visible presence.
From the very first time she had shown up in those strange dreams he felt the loss of her deep in his gut upon wakening. He missed her smile and her laughter and that gentle way she had about her even in the end when that harsh world should have crushed it out of her. He missed the way he felt in those dreams. In those dreams he knew without a doubt in his mind that to someone, to her, he was everything. His whole life he had been made to feel useless. He had been made to feel unworthy of anything that could be good. Until she came in those dreams. He woke up every morning envying that man that he was there. Envying that version of himself because that version of himself had everything that he had ever secretly dreamed of having.
But he wouldn't have to live with any of those mistakes now and he didn't have to waste any time. She knew every fault he had and accepted them and that was why he threw caution to the wind and pulled her to him, his lips meeting hers like they had done the night before last in the dream. There was no insecurities, no wondering, no reason not to kiss her. He didn't worry that she would reject him and he didn't worry that he wasn't good enough. He was good enough and as her arms locked around his neck and she pressed herself flush against him it all felt right. Very right.
It was familiar, and dizzying. His hands roaming as she deepened the kiss herself and he wondered vaguely why he had ran away from her and the prospect of this. Even if this was as insane as premonitions of flesh eating monsters and amputated legs and lost little girls. He was standing in his living room kissing a woman that he was completely in love with that he had barely said two words too that he was somehow connected with on some sort of weird subliminal level while his brother waited in his room.
The thought of Merle was like a slap in the face. Merle got cuffed up there on that roof because Merle was a cold, cruel, racist asshole. He was dangerous. How was he going to be able to do this if Merle wasn't going to change? And he knew he wouldn't. He was... Merle. He regretfully ended the kiss and loosened the hold he had on her.
She was breathing heavily and her eyes shone like polished glass in the lamplight. The thought of him causing such a reaction in her had him almost forgetting the reason he had stopped kissing her in the first place but then he heard Merle's bedroom door creak open and he let her take a step away from him, dropping her arms from around his neck.
"So whats the fuckin' verdict? You're both batshit crazy, ain'tcha? Just a couple of looney birds gonna go share a coo-coo cage." He met Daryl's eyes and held them for a long time. Longer than Daryl was comfortable with but Merle really needed to be paying attention right now.
"Merle, some shit's gonna go down and it ain't gonna end good for ya if you ain't plannin' on changin'." Daryl said quickly.
Merle blinked a few times and then a cruel smile spread across his face. Daryl wasn't going to get into it with him now. He was damn near drunk and looking for any reason to argue with him. So before Merle could say anything else Daryl pressed on.
"I'm gonna take her home now, alright. Can I use the bike?"
Merle was surprised again but as he studied his brother's face he finally nodded and tossed him the keys. "You coming home tonight?" He smirked and crossed his arms over his chest.
Daryl walked towards the door and without turning to look at either of them he answered Merle. "No."
He didn't wait to hear what his brother would have to say to that and he was a little bit too nervous to turn and see the look that may be on Carol's face at the moment.
So, some of you are probably thinking that Daryl wouldn't kiss her, or he wouldn't be so accepting of all of this. All I can say is, the Daryl in this story did and there isn't anything I can do about that now and I really hope it doesn't turn anyone off of this story. You think this is bad, you don't even want to know what happens in the next one ;) I'm kidding. Well, kinda. Anyway, I hope you liked this! This whole story has me a bit on edge for some reason. Anyway, thanks again for reading!