Not too sure how I feel about this chapter but I do hope that some of you enjoy it! I wanted to post this before I fell asleep all over the keyboard. Don't laugh! It's happened to me before ;) Thank you all for reading and reviewing. Some of you have questions about Merle and some of them will be answered in the next chapter. I hope you all have a safe and fun weekend! Oh, smut warning for this one, just in case some of you kiddies wanna skip over it!

The Better Man

Chapter Seventeen

He couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned on the couch. It wasn't that it wasn't comfortable. It was simply because she was asleep right down the hall in a big ass bed, alone. It wasn't even a physical longing. Well, it was, but that wasn't all. It was some sort of mental pull, urging him to go to her. He wouldn't even have to touch her. He just wanted to be near her. All of this made him feel weak and he hated that feeling but was still powerless to stop it. There was a small plug-in night light in the hall and the small refrigerator light was on in the kitchen but that had nothing to do with why he couldn't sleep either. The living room was still dark and silent.

He rolled back over onto his back and sighed. He felt mentally drained like he never had before in his whole life. It was like his mind was running and running and pushing itself to the extreme but he couldn't make it stop. Nothing he did would calm it all down in his head. One minute he would be perfectly calm and accepting of the fact that, yes, weird shit was happening and none of it made any sense, but it was the lot he had been given and there was nothing to be done about it but embrace it for what it was and do what he had to do.

Then other times he felt crushed by the immense pressure of it all. It was like over the course of just a few days he had been thrown into someone elses body, forced to learn their mannerisms and haunted by their memories and their losses. Sometimes he felt like running and not stopping until all of this was behind him. But then there was her. For months it had always came down to her. She was the reason he loathed those dreams and hoped for them to stop. He envied that other version of himself. Cursed him a thousand times for not telling her that he cared. For not telling her that he needed her. For not admitting that she was the most important thing in that place. And then in the cold light of day he would loath the fact that the dream was over. That once again she didn't get to really see what she meant to him. He was scared to death that the dreams would stop and he would never see her again. He was always torn, just like he was torn now.

None of it had made sense. It still didn't. But he was going to try to make her understand how much she meant to him. He was going to be a better man for her than the man in those goddamn dreams. The man in the dreams always let his chances slip away. For all the good in him he lacked the ability to reach out and grab hold of what had always been his for the taking. That Daryl had waited until it was too late to show her how much she meant to him. For all of that man's great qualities, he was still a little bitch in Daryl's book. Which meant that he was a bitch himself which pissed him off for thinking of himself that way. But it didn't matter. He wasn't going to wait. He'd fight through it and she would know that she was what mattered to him. It was time for him to grow up and be the man he knew he could be.

Seeing Sophia tonight and realizing she knew exactly who he was had filled him with awe. The way she had looked at him as soon as her eyes met his had caused his stomach to feel as though he were falling. She was the thing in those dreams that had brought him and Carol together to begin with. The little girl that haunted him like no one else other than her mother. She was alive and she was fine and he was going to get the chance to keep her that way. Just like everything else, he didn't understand why he felt the way he did about the girl. She wasn't his. He barely knew her but somehow, deep down, she was the key to all of this. He would probably never understand why but it was the truth. He knew it as fact, deep down in his bones.

He opened his eyes for the hundredth time when he heard a sound coming from down the hall. He stayed still, hoping maybe he wasn't the only one that couldn't sleep.

Still dressed in that oversized t-shirt, barefoot and rubbing her eyes, Carol looked almost like a little kid as she padded to the kitchen. It was strange because seeing her like that had the same effect on him that seeing her in that dress had. Fuck, was he turning into Merle?

He threw the blanket off and went to the doorway, leaning into the frame with his arms crossed. She had her back to him as she poured herself something to drink. He stayed where he was as she silently took a few sips and then rinsed out the cup and then turned around.

"Jesus!" she gasped as her hand went to her throat. "Don't do that!"

He raised his eyebrows but kept the grin off his face.

She blew out a breath and seemed to calm herself quickly. "Can't you sleep?"

He shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Nope. Been tryin' for a while."

"Me too," she sighed. "Since neither one of us can sleep..."

He really liked where this was going.

"We could watch a movie or something. That isn't something we've ever done before," she looked hopeful.

Well, fuck. He didn't like that as much as what he'd been thinking but he shrugged anyway. He could think of a whole lot of things they hadn't done yet that would be a lot more satisfying than watching a movie with her. He mentally scolded himself for even thinking that but he couldn't help it. "Wouldn't kill us to do somethin' normal before the shit hits the fan."

He took his spot on the couch once more and watched her as she got everything ready. Once she turned around and saw him lying there she put her hands on her hips. "Where am I suppose to sit?"

He didn't say anything but he did scoot himself into the back of the couch as far as he would go. She would either take the hint and lay there with him without him having to ask her too or she would sit in the chair and then he would lay there and try to sleep anyway. The smile that broke out on her face told him she knew exactly what he wanted and she didn't hesitate at all to slide in next to him.

In his dreams they had slept with their backs to one another but he remembered how much he had wished he could just turn over. When he would wake up in the mornings he would ask himself why he never had before and he never had an answer. As he slipped his arm around her waist and buried his face in her neck he didn't worry too much about what he hadn't done in those dreams. He was making up for it now.

He wasn't sure what kind of movie she had even put in because he fell asleep before it even started. He thought maybe he would dream but he didn't.

~H~

Carol felt his arm loosen around her waist and then his breath became slow and steady against the back of her neck. She grinned and then reached for the remote that was lying on the coffee table. She turned everything off and then rolled over settling herself against him, almost in the same position they had slept in the night before she had woken up. She pulled the blanket up over them both.

She was dead tired but was having no luck sleeping in her own bed. She tossed and turned and beat the hell out of her pillow, knowing that it wasn't the pillows fault she couldn't sleep. She couldn't sleep because she knew that he was right there in the living room and everything in her craved nothing more than to either force him to her room or crawl onto the couch with him so she could finally get some rest.

Now, with his arm around her, in the small space that was about as wide as their bunk in the prison, she felt her eyes drift closed. They were both in agreement that there wouldn't be anything happening while Sophia was there, but this was completely innocent. And apparently Carl filled Sophia in on everything she had missed, including how her and Daryl shared a cell, and a bunk. The girl seemed to be fine with it. There was a strange connection between Sophia and Daryl that Carol didn't understand. She couldn't help but shiver at the memory of that strange pressure that had weighed on them when Daryl and Sophia had locked eyes in Rick's kitchen. She nestled further into his chest, not worrying about the kids finding them there on the couch in the morning.

She was sleeping deeply, so deeply in fact that she wasn't dreaming at all so the sudden crash that filled the room with a booming sound and shook the windows had her sitting bolt upright. Being torn from a deep sleep like that was pretty terrifying. The first thing she thought was that she was somehow back in the prison and a herd had managed to break through.

She scrambled off the couch and looked around the dim living room. Daryl was just as quick.

"What the fuck was that?" he asked as he glanced around the room, alert and looking very much ready to take on any threat.

A blue flash of light lit up the windows, causing Carol to sigh in relief. "Thunder," she whispered as she finally let herself relax.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Thought it was a goddamn herd."

Carl and Sophia both scurried into the room.

"Mom? Did you hear that?" Sophia asked in a hushed voice.

"It was thunder, honey. You can go on back to bed," Carol said in a soft voice. She knew it was easier said than done. She was wide awake now herself so she knew the kids would be.

"Were you sleeping on the couch?" Carl asked as he glanced at the blanket that was hanging off onto the floor.

Carol caught Daryl's eye and then shrugged. "Fell asleep watching a movie."

Carl actually rolled his eyes but Sophia elbowed him.

"You two go ahead and go on back to bed, okay? We need to get up early and you both need your sleep," Carol said quickly as she ushered them back to their rooms.

She went into Sophia's room and watched her daughter climb into the bed. She couldn't help but smile. Once she was back under her blanket Carol sat down on the edge of her bed and brushed her hair back from her face. Sophia gave her a sleepy smile and then grabbed her hand, holding onto it tightly. Maybe she would be able to go back to sleep after all.

"Mom?" she asked in a tired voice.

"Yeah?"

"It isn't gonna be like it was before, okay? I know that everything is different now. Don't make Daryl sleep on the couch. He loves you and you love him back. I don't want the two of you drifting apart because of me. He's all you really had after I died."

Carol's breath caught in her throat. Those words sounded so foreign falling from her daughters lips. She had noticed a change in her as soon as she had come out of her coma but she thought that it was due to months of stressing out, wondering if her mother was ever going to wake up. That could change a child's outlook on things. But this was more than that. The things the little girl had seen in her dreams had actually aged her mentally and now that Carol really thought about it, physically as well. She no longer looked like the innocent little girl that Carol remembered. She seemed older and she seemed wiser and she also seemed very determined to keep Daryl Dixon around.

"Sophia, it's a little bit more complicated than that. You're only twelve years..."

"Mom, don't. I'm not a baby, okay," she said quietly as she took Carol's hand. "He's flighty. You have to keep your eye on him or he might disappear. I saw enough myself to know that." She grinned up at her and Carol couldn't help the laugh that escaped her.

"You're certainly not a baby anymore. And apparently you're pretty observant. I do need to keep an eye on him, huh?"

"You two are full of shit!"

Carol and Sophia both jumped when they heard Daryl's growl from the doorway. They shared a look and then both looked towards him. Carol laughed again. He was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest, glaring at them both.

"Goodnight, Daryl," Sophia said with wide innocent eyes.

His own eyes narrowed further and he snorted in response before he walked out.

Carol, trying desperately to keep the smile off her face bent down and kissed her daughter lightly on the cheek. "I'll keep an eye on him. He isn't going anywhere."

Sophia nodded. "Now he won't for sure. He's so stubborn that he'll stay with us just to prove a point."

"Goodnight," Carol said with a shake of her head.

"Night, mom." She rolled over onto her side, her back to the still open door.

Carol turned off the lamp and made her way back to the hallway. She pulled the door shut and nearly ran right into a scowling Daryl. Glancing from him back to her daughter's door she made a quick decision and took his hand, leading him to the master bedroom at the end of the hall. He didn't object so she shut the door behind them. When she reached for the light switch to turn on the light he grabbed her hand and shoved her lightly into the door.

"So that's what the two of you think of me, huh? Some flighty asshole that's gonna bail out on ya as soon as shit gets bad?"

There was a dangerous quality to his quiet voice that contradicted the gentle way his nose skimmed over the delicate skin of her throat. She swallowed hard and then shook her head when she couldn't form any words.

"Smart thinkin' though. It's hard tellin' what I would end up doin' if you wasn't keepin' a close eye on me."

There was something in the way his voice sounded in her ear that had her actually squeezing her thighs together as heat pooled low in her body. Her hands were shaking and she didn't even know why.

"Is that what this is all about? Just you keepin' me close so I ain't got the chance to run?" he asked right before his teeth grazed the outer shell of her ear.

She didn't know where the hell this Daryl came from but she hoped like hell he didn't go anywhere any time soon. The smooth rumble of his voice was doing some serious damage to her senses. His hands moved slowly up and down her ribcage, his thumbs barely brushing the sides of her breast.

Her arms still hung limp at her sides and she struggled to keep her breaths coming slow and even.

"You plan on answerin' my question?" he asked, his voice even more hushed.

She shook her head once more and finally moved her hands, pressing them flat against his chest. His shirt was still on, only unbuttoned and he didn't seem to mind as she slid it off of his shoulders. "I don't think you'd run," she breathed when he bunched the night shirt up just like he had the dress earlier.

He didn't stop there though. He brought it all the way up until she had to raise her arms so he could slip it over her head and then toss it to the floor. She was wearing no bra and the chill in the room, plus this bold display from him, had her shivering there in front of the door. When he closed the short distance the heat of his skin on hers instantly chased that chill away. She was glad she had bought all those ridiculous pairs of panties because it seemed to be fuel for this strange version of the man who was proving to be full of surprises.

Finally he trailed his lips to hers and kissed her softly as he started walking backwards towards the bed, pulling her along with his thumbs hooked into the lace at her hips. She smiled against his mouth. When he finally reached the bed he kissed her briefly before sitting down. He pulled her until she was standing there between his legs.

The bed frame was high, conveniently making his head level with her chest and he wasted no time at all taking advantage of that fact. She gasped when his teeth met her flesh, her hands going to his hair as she arched into his touch. Thunder rolled on but she barely heard it. The room, even though she hadn't turned on the light, was still lit dimly by the streetlights behind the sheer curtains that covered the double windows.

It was enough to see by and she drank in every inch of him that she could see as she gazed down at him. The hard broad planes of his shoulders and the muscles in his arms, flexed slightly as they wrapped around her waist. He ran one calloused hand up her inner thigh, causing her knees to grow weak and her heart to pound hard. Once he reached the top he only hesitated for a second before his fingers started their slow exploration. There was something about that seconds hesitation and the slow pace he moved that was bringing her blood to a near boil. He was still young in many ways. He was a quick study though. He paid close attention to each small sound she made and was discovering that the female anatomy wasn't very puzzling at all.

He had discovered a spot that he realized was a good place to put his focus, his thumb tracing over it in small circles, causing the muscles in her legs and stomach to jerk. The course fabric separating her skin from his only added to the ache inside her.

The rain started then, a steady rumble on the rooftop. She twisted his hair through her fingers and tugged his head back to she could lean down and kiss him. His hand abandoned her as he hooked his thumbs through the lace again and then slid them down over her hips as she kissed him. She always seemed like the one that was the first to take off their clothes.

With his hands tracing over every part of her skin she couldn't help to shiver involuntarily and kiss him harder. He growled low in his throat and pulled her closer until she had no choice but to straddle his lap, shifting until her legs were wrapped around his waist.

She moved her body back just enough so she could slip her hand between them to try to get his pants undone but he grabbed her hand quickly.

"Hold on," he breathed as he pulled his mouth away from hers.

"What?" she whispered.

"Are you on birth control or somethin'?"

"I can't have anymore kids," she said quickly as she shook her head.

He let go of her hand and started kissing her again. It was funny that he chose just now to think about something like that. He hadn't been too worried about it the night before. Of course, neither of them had thought much about anything at all the night before.

Once she finally had him freed she wasted no more time adjusting herself over him. He was still sitting there on the edge of the bed and she was still wrapped around him so it took her a little longer than it would have otherwise but once she lowered herself onto him she lost her train of thought. Anything that didn't involve him and her and now didn't exist at all at the moment.

Their movements were awkward at first and they found themselves laughing quietly, until he found a deep rhythm by moving her hips himself. She gasped and then there was no more laughing after that. She snaked her arms around his neck and pressed herself against him harder. His lips were soft against her own, this kiss lazier than others they had shared.

The way their bodies were pressed together and the way he moved her slowly rather than keeping any kind of frantic pace had her nerve endings tingling after just a few minutes. Despite the chill in the room there was a thin sheen of sweat covering them and she couldn't resist. She moved her lips down his jaw to his neck, the salty taste of him sending her spiraling downward. Without noticing what she was doing she sank her teeth into the soft flesh there, stifling her cries as the pleasure started deep inside her and seemed to envelope her slowly.

He hissed at the feel of her less than gentle attention but she was too far gone to notice whether it was a good hiss or a bad hiss. He did stop with the slow movements, though. His fingers dug into her hips roughly but it didn't hurt, it only made what she was already feeling that much more intense. He moved her faster now, much rougher than before, the muscles in his shoulders tensing and bunching under her hands. A growl ripped from his throat when she felt him let go. She had enough sense to cover his mouth with her own, just in case. The last thing they needed was for either of the kids to hear them.

His arms went around her waist once they both finally started coming down and he pulled his head back slightly.

"You bit me," he accused in a hoarse whisper.

"I'm sorry," she breathed as she tried to hide a smile.

"Now Merle ain't never gonna let me hear the end of it," he grouched as he ran his hands over her back.

"Sure he will. I'll buy you a turtle neck. You can even cut the sleeves off. You'll look fine," she teased as she untagled herself from him. He laid back, keeping his hands on her hips.

"You got jokes, huh?" he asked as he gazed up at her.

She couldn't really see his face but she heard the smile in his voice. She shook her head solemnly. "Nope. I'm dead serious."

She tried to move off of him but he tightened his grip on her and refused to let her go. This finally caused her to laugh quietly as she struggled over him but it wasn't quite having the right kind of effect on him. Or maybe it was because she could feel that he wasn't really finished yet.

"We have things to do tomorrow, you know. Don't you think you need to get some rest?" she asked quietly.

He shook his head and then she almost cried out when he rolled her over. She was on her back, on the edge of the bed and he was somehow standing there between her legs. She stretched her arms over her head as he started moving into her once more. She had never wondered what kind of things this man would be capable of doing if he ever channeled that temper of his into something else. This was definitely something else and it was certainly something that she could get used too.