AN: I am so terribly sorry for not updating in forever but my school and personal life will always come first. I am now however on Christmas break so I am hoping to be putting out chapters more frequently.

Enjoy!

Emily had barely gotten out of bed in four days and that was just to go to the bathroom. She felt like she was caving in on herself. She was in an endless struggle of trying to figure out what she wanted and then doing what was right. She felt like a gigantic mess, one minute she wanted Victoria so much her heart ached and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She was drowning and Victoria was the one holding her under but she was also her oxygen. Then the next minute she wanted to be as far away from her as possible, as far away from city as possible, just to clear her head. She thought about asking her dad to maybe go away over Christmas break but he was already missing so much work for her. He was so scared of leaving her home alone, she had claimed that she was terribly sick and that the dampness on her pillows was just mucus but though he didn't press her on the issue she could tell he didn't believe her. The fear in his eyes every time he opened the door told her enough, he was worried that he would find her like she found her mother.

Emily was checking her phone for the 100th time to see if Victoria had texted her, she knew they had agreed not to to text each other unless it was an emergency and Victoria was probably respecting her wish to be left home but still she couldn't help that she would just send something even though Emily wasn't sure whether or not that would actually make her feel better, when Nolan burst through the door carrying an array of things.

He set them down on the bed one by one, first were a bunch of schoolbooks then his Ipad followed by Christmas themed movies, a stuffed dog dressed like Santa and lastly a letter.

"Are there a bunch of elves coming up behind you?" Emily asked, trying to keep the smile off her face.

"No, though if you refuse to join in with my Christmasy themed plans I can assure you that you will end up on the naughty list and get coal in your stocking."

"I don't even have a stocking, Nolan, we went over this last year and in case my absence at school hasn't told you already, I'm sick. I'm tired and I just want to sleep."

"No, you're in bed because you and Mrs. Grayson had a fight and now all you can do is think about her and you're just making yourself feel worse. Go take a shower and then I'll help you do your homework, which I so genoruously ran all over school and got you, while listening to Christmas music then we can watch a couple Christmas movies and then I'll give you the letter."

"What even is in that letter?"

"You'll see but you'll only get it if you do try to cheer up. No faking Ems, I know you well enough."

Emily shook her head at him but got up regardless and headed to her bathroom. As she stripped she could hear the first few notes of Jingle bells fill the air.

When Emily came out into her bedroom, dressed in her only Christmas sweater as Nolan had instructed, she found him sorting her homework into subjects. Her fingers delicately traced her English book after she flopped onto the bed.

"Has Victoria noticed my absence?"

"No talking about the people who are making you depressed but she did ask me if you were feeling okay when I asked for your homework."

Emily nodded before turning up the volume on Nolan's Ipad and being totally sucked into the Christmas spirit.

After five hours when the last christmas movie finally ended, Emily did have to admit that she felt tremendously better and due to the baking and later eating of Christmas cookies about ten pounds heavier. She, with Nolan's help, had managed to catch up on all the work she missed and had managed to forget about Victoria, something that recently didn't seem possible.

Nolan wordlessly handed Emily the letter but when she reached to take it from him, he held on.

"Emily, before you open this I just want you to know that I've never been in love. Marco's a great guy, well most of the time, but he's never been enough, or i thought I was in love but then watching the two of you I realized what love really was. I see the way you look at Victoria and I see the way Victoria looks at you and tries to hide a smile but she always fails. A smile, Ems. Just remember, you melted the Ice Queen."

Emily couldn't deny that her hands were trembling as she went to open the letter.

Dear Emily,

I want to apologize for what transpired

the other night. I was inconsiderate and

I should have realized how much my being

with Conrad would have upset you. If you can

find it in your heart to forgive me and you will

agree to see me please go to the adress that Mr. Ross

tells you. I have something I wish to tell you in person.

Something that I should have said awhile ago but I was

scared. Emily, I won't beg, the choice is up to you and I

will fully understand if being with me is too painful for you.

-Victoria

"Would you like me to drop you off?"

"Can I change first?"

It started snowing as Nolan and Emily drove up to a cute cottage decorated with fairy lights. It was hidden away far from the city so Nolan wouldn't be able to drive her back unless there was an emergency. Nolan was going to stay at a bed and breakfast close by, he said it was for her "protection" but Emily was pretty sure that something else was going on with him. She had brought up Marco earlier in the day and to Emily he was acting pretty guilty, he had been getting closer to Ashley afterall. Emily did realize that she was probably just obssessing over Nolan to take her mind off Victoria.

Emily quickly kissed Nolan on the cheek before exiting the car. Snow fell on her long black sweater as she waited for Victoria to open the door. As the older woman opened up the door her eyebrow shot upwards as she took in Emily's bare legs thanks to her short black skirt.

"I was hoping it was going to be warm in here," Emily said before embracing Victoria.

Victoria hesitantly embraced her back, shocked at first by Emily's actions, she had presumed that Emily would still be fuming. However when Emily sank into Victoria and placed her head in the crook of Victoria's neck Victoria couldn't help it longer.

"I love you."

It took a moment before it finally registered to Emily what Victoria had said, and when she did she pulled away to look Victoria in the eyes with a questioning gaze to which Victoria simply blushed and nodded. Emily all but pushed Victoria inside and closed the door with her other hand. Emily turned back to Victoria before grabbing her face and Emily leaned into the kiss so much that she pushed the both of them onto the couch and before they knew it they were both in a fit of laughter. Victoria pressed a chaste kiss to Emily's lips before pulling away causing Emily to let out a whimper at the loss of contact.

Victoria pushed a piece of Emily's hair behind her ear, "I know, but we still need to talk."

"Emily, I understand that you're not comfortable with my being with Conrad but I strongly believe that it would be unwise to break things off with him before you graduate. The media is insane and I don't want to risk the repurcussions for our ,well, illegal relationship. I spoke to him yesterday and we both agreed to hold off on children until I become more comfortable with the idea of children."

"Victoria," Emily began, "I'm not going to say that I'm completely fine with what you're doing to Conrad but I do understand why. I also need you to understand that I can be very much a child sometimes and I may make a jealous remark or do something well childish. At the end of the day though you are what matters to me and I don't want to loose you because with you I can truly be Amanda Clarke. I don't have to be Emily, I don't have to be this harsh person I made up so that the vulnerable girl inside me has a place to hide. With you I learned that vulnerability can be a good thing, I don't have to hide anymore Victoria, not with you."

Victoria cast her gaze downwards and bit down on her lip as she unsuccessfully tried not to cry.

"Emily, I don't even know what to say to that. I've always been afraid to look weak in front of others, in the world I live in if there's even a single flaw or insecurity out in the open then the people are like vultures and they will not stop until they have picked me apart piece by piece. So I made myself the Ice Queen, untouchable, flawless and emotionless. I lived without a heart from the moment I met Conrad to the moment you kissed me on that rooftop. Emily you made me a person again and for that I will never be able to forgive you enough."

Emily and Victoria both leaned into each other until their lips were just mere centimetres apart but before Emily could kiss her she placed two fingers on Victoria's pulse point.

"You have a heart Victoria, you always have."

"You are my heart."

And in that moment the thought of not kissing Victoria was too much to bear and Emily closed the gap between them and then it was fire. Victoria's hands roamed Emily's body unable to find a home or the thought of not exploring every inch and hidden nook was too much for her to take. Emily bit down lightly on Victoria's bottom lip as she pulled down the zipper to Victoria's dress and when Victoria moaned into the kiss it made heat rise in Emily's lower stomach.

Victoria pulled away breathless from the kiss before saying, "If I ever do anything you aren't comfortable with you will let me know?"

Emily nodded, strill trying to catch her breath.

With one hand Victoria pushed Emily back onto the couch and crawled on top of her before letting her hand trail under Emily's skirt.

"It's Christmas Emily. Are you on the nice list or the naughty list?"

AN: I am a terrible smut writer but I love you guys so I will try and produce something worth reading for the next chapter but if I fail miserably it probably will just pick up from the morning after.

Mwah!

-Abbie xoxo