The Corkboard Laws of the Cooper Gang

by M. Christine Armstrong

Trying to maintain order in a gang of thieves that contains everyone from a super-genius turtle and a down-on-her luck Interpol agent to a French lounge lizard and people from the distant past is tough. To the rescue: the Corkboard Laws, a wacky list of do's and do-not's the Cooper Gang has developed from the day-to-day challenge of dealing with one another.

4. Chapter 4

Bentley knew what happened the instant he walked into the safehouse and saw his schematics scattered everywhere, the walls covered with scorch marks, and several gang members cowering behind the furniture. He sighed and went to seek out the parties responsible.

An hour later, Carmelita's shock pistol was in the gang's safe and the newest rule was on the corkboard.

/

Shooting at your significant other is not an appropriate means of relieving sexual tension.

"Bentley!"

"Carmelita. Please. Don't even try to deny it."

/

Do not question the mustache.

"Jealousy is such an ugly emotion, Sly."

/

Do not make Hetalia jokes about the mustache.

Carmelita raised her eyebrows. "Sly and Bentley watch Hetalia?"

Penelope nodded sheepishly. "It's my fault."

/

If you are going to drink Bentley's sarsaparilla, you are limited to half a bottle per day.

~ Sugar highs are not conducive to work getting done.

Carmelita didn't think it was possible for people to literally bounce off walls…

/

For everyone's health and safety, do not tell Carmelita that she looks drop-dead sexy in a miniskirt.

~ Whether she does or not is beside the point.

It was widely agreed upon that Sly needed to cut back on the FMA references.

/

The "Ten-Second-Head-Start" is never to be mentioned.

~ The time Sly and I danced is not to be mentioned either.

~ Ditto the amnesia thing.

~ Violators will be shot.

"How's life in the doghouse, Sly?"

"Bentley, drop dead."

/

You are not allowed to whistle the theme to "Mission Impossible" while on a job.

~ Ditto the theme to "The Pink Panther."

~ It's cliché and it's too easy for people to hear you.

Sly and Bentley, again. The burns they got from flashlight guards deterred them from watching either movie for a month.

/

Bentley's wheelchair is neither a toy, nor a soapbox derby car. Please refrain from using it as such.

"Thanks, Sly."

"No problem, pal."

/

When normal people post questions to "Ask Kaia," it's fine. When we do it, it just looks weird.

"What's 'Ask Kaia'?"

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If you get the reference in the last joke, you are cool. (And Kaia Jenks does not belong to me either. She belongs to Neassa).