Chapter 6
As It Seems – Blake and Tori: Texts
Warnings: References to past child abuse, neglect, nightmares, and relationship doubt. Heavily features Blake/Tori, with references to Dustin/Cam, and Shane/Hunter.
For those of you unfamiliar with the characters from last chapter, I thought I would also post a little something with the two members of team Ninja Storm we have yet to see. A little fluffy goodness for the holidays :D
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It was late.
Or early, Blake guessed, would be an accurate description as well. Hunter would have picked the other side just to be contrary, and Tori-
Blake missed her. Them. He missed all of them, really. He was going into his second year of riding with Factory Blue, something he still struggled to wrap his mind around sometimes. He was getting paid to ride, to race, to cut corners and fly through the mud and dirt, to bust his way into the big leagues. Blake had already started catching the eye of some of the long time pros, and if he kept this pace up, he might be able to worm his way into the AMA Supercross Championship. Conner was always ragging on him about changing to racing bicycles so that Blake could have a shot at the Olympics, but as far as Blake was concerned he was exactly where he needed to be.
Even if that where did not exactly include who he wanted to be with.
He talked with Tori every chance he had. Cam had hooked them both up with a set of decent webcams before Tori had gone off to school, but with classes and racing and training…it was hard, sometimes, to get a free moment. Blake always saw her during summer vacation and winter break, but the months between made those points of refuge seem so damn far apart.
He loved her, time and distance would never change that. It didn't make Blake worry any less that maybe Tori might, you know, find some better college guy out there. Some dude without the emotional baggage of losing two families, who hadn't attempted to murder someone she cared about, who hadn't brutally betrayed her in a very-
Okay, that had all been laid to rest a long time ago, but Blake still worried. Even if he knew that look Tori got, that one look that was all fondness and contentedness…she only got it when she was looking at him. It was only for him, and Blake knew he had a look that was eight times more dopey and lovestruck that he had reserved especially for her (Dustin had caught it on camera once, but had solemnly agreed to keep the moment between them, free from Hunter's mocking hands).
Blake missed Tori with an ache that could not be described, that he barely endured. It was how he had been able to determine the window for his racing career. College, then law school, and then Tori would probably take up Wes' offer of employment at Bio Labs as a public liaison. They had talked about it in the few nights leading up to their initial separation. Tori was going to go into politics someday. Tori was going to lay the groundwork of not only American, but international protocol when dealing with ranger and alien threats. She was going to be an ambassador, a judge, a senator.
And meanwhile, Blake was going to be a guy who was good at fixing bikes.
Not exactly a world-changing life skill.
They had meetings about that stuff, sometimes. He and Dustin and Hunter, when they were feeling particularly mopey. It was hard to date these people with these gigantic potentials to change the world someday. All Blake was really good at was bikes and hitting things. Or - as Hunter would boast - hitting things well. Dustin would add in that he made a mean chicken frittata (and he did, but that was really beside the point).
Tori would have kicked their collective asses if she ever heard any of it; same went for Shane and Cam. They would have argued differently, that they were more than their accumulated skills, but it was hard to see that sometimes. Especially when they started playing the comparison game. It wasn't a fight any of them won, and it wasn't an exercise that helped, but sometimes- well, sometimes, it was nice to know you weren't the only person in over your head.
Damn, this was a really depressing chain of thought. Blake wished he could get some freaking sleep already.
The trailer Cam had helped him suit up was nice – it cleanly separated the living quarters from his workspace, with plenty of room for his bike – but there were moments when Blake was overwhelmed with how strongly not-home it felt. It brought back old memories of trailer parks and cinderblocks, of hiding in drain pipes and holding his breath to keep still, terrified of some monster he couldn't even remember anymore.
What he had now was nothing like then- there were pictures, a security system, he was safe – but when the loneliness and insecurity and uncertainty attacked all at once, it was hard just to swallow, let alone fall asleep.
He wished he could call Tori. It was late, she might still be up studying, but Blake didn't want to risk it. Tori was efficient, probably had a schedule that kept her from pulling too many late nights. Blake was willing to bet anything she had gotten into bed at eleven o'clock exactly, wearing a pale blue tank top that matched her pajama pants, wrapped in that quilt monstrosity that Dustin and Trip had tag teamed, that Dana had carefully repaired. He wondered if the amount of pillows had increased since his last visit, if her sisters had snuck just a few more in, if her mother had changed out the lace curtains for something 'new', something 'fresh'.
Shane would be back in Blue Bay Harbor already; trapped in Hunter's death-grip, so Tori's couch would be empty, but what about the rest of it? Had her roommates already left for the break? Blake couldn't remember, maybe she hadn't told him.
He couldn't call her, but Blake found his phone clutched in his hand anyway, its screen casting a pale blue glow across his features.
Blake's thumb hovered over the call button, Tori's number highlighted on the screen. He wanted to hear her voice again – needed, in a way he could not describe – the calm that came from hearing that warmth, that fondness, directed at him.
But it was late.
With a sigh, Blake tossed the phone back onto the nightstand and tried to burrow back under his covers. Most of the stuff in the trailer was fastened down in some way, but not welded. It was secure without being definite because it had been designed by Cam, who understood the need for multi-function, understood that some days you needed an open layout and others you needed a fortress. He offered Blake the opportunity and asked for nothing in return, but as great of a genius Cam was, Blake couldn't help but feel that the entire design had a touch of Tori in it.
The efficiency and engineering was purely Cam. The aesthetic feel of things, that was Tori. Calming but strong. Homey, despite being a literal metal can that shared space with his racing bike. He would build his way up, Blake knew. One day he would have a separate space for his bike, one day he'd be paid the big bucks for a trailer that was required to do nothing more than house him – not his shop – just him. Blake hoped to get there before Tori graduated law school.
The future was terrifying.
They – he and Hunter – had been lost after the defeat of Lothor. Everything they had trained for, everything that had driven them, it had finally come to a close. The man who had taken their parent's lives was gone – and even after that freak accident where he came back (Blake wouldn't lie, there had been nightmares, plenty of nightmares filling the weeks after that travesty), they had smacked him down, just as they had before.
And just as they had before, Blake and Hunter were left without a purpose again.
Hunter had training, and Blake had his racing – his contract with Factory Blue – but compared to saving the world, to getting justice for their parent's, it paled in comparison horribly. Nothing seemed to matter as much.
Was this what they were supposed to do? Just, be normal?
Blake didn't think he could ever be normal. Scratch that- he couldn't be normal, he had spent too many years faking it to have a chance of making it real.
Blake loved riding, but it wasn't the same. It didn't give him that same drive that battling Lothor had. Before it had been freedom, a shining light in the seriousness of their mission. It was a chance to escape within something he excelled, and while he had always been serious about it…
Okay, so Blake hadn't really been able to think of a world beyond Lothor. Theoretically sure, he had it planned out. It was the execution that was failing him, and it frustrated Blake to no end.
This was it. He had the dream job, the dream girl, he had a family, he had closure, he had everything he had wanted when he was just a terrified six year old hiding under his bed, hoping his dad- his birth dad (at least, Blake thought that's who he was) – wouldn't find him. This was the utopia he had escaped to in his head, where he had shelter and people who gave a darn, who didn't hit, who didn't terrify him, who he didn't have to continuously lie to in order to keep them happy. Who he didn't have to lie to so that he could be safe.
Now Blake was just himself. That wasn't bad. He was quite likeable, according to Tori. To Shane. Dustin. Cam. The only difference now was that he didn't have a crusade anymore, and that wasn't too bad either. It wasn't healthy, to have that kind of thing driving you.
(But if that was true, Blake never wanted to be healthy, because then he didn't really feel alive).
Maybe he was depressed or something?
He missed Tori.
Blake could call Hunter. His brother would spend the first ten minutes complaining, of course, of swearing to make Blake's life a living hell for ever daring to call at such a horribly atrocious hour, but then he would listen. He always did.
Thing was, Blake didn't exactly know what to say.
It was a first for him.
He stared at the phone again, considering it, turning over the possibilities in his head. Blake could call Dustin. Dustin would do all the talking for him. He had a sixth sense about when you needed those kinds of things, but then word would get back to Cam and Cam would tell Shane because he was the leader and then Hunter would know, and Hunter had his own amount of brooding to deal with that didn't include Blake's inability to describe a feeling he didn't understand in the first place.
He wished he could call Tori.
The phone solved his dilemma for him.
Or, more accurately, he supposed the person on the other side of the state solved it. She always did have the best timing.
His cell vibrated against the nightstand, switched to silent in the pitiful hope that real sleep could be achieved. Blake had it snatched from the table and cradled in his palms before the second buzz, squinting down at the screen, bright in the otherwise shadowy room.
Time 3:43 AM Today
From: Tori
You asleep?
Blake smiled down at the text, imagining Tori's warm voice reading out the question.
The phone buzzed again while he contemplated his response.
Time 3:44 AM Today
From: Tori
Of course you're asleep
Time 3:44 AM Today
From: Tori
Because if you weren't asleep, you'd be awake, and gentlemen who have to be at the track at 7 AM would never be as foolish as to be awake at almost four in the morning.
Blake smiled; taking the admonishment with the fondness it was intended.
Time 3:46 AM Today
From: Tori
I miss you
Time 3:46 AM Today
From: Tori
I miss you and it's stupid late and I'm tired of studying. So when you find this tomorrow remember that you agreed to date a person who babbles to people's phones when they're asleep.
Blake wondered how much coffee she had mainlined.
Time 3:48 AM Today
From: Tori
Shut up
Time 3:49 AM Today
From: Tori
Shut up, I did not drink any coffee. You know I hate coffee.
She didn't though.
Time 3:51 AM Today
From: Tori
Okay. So my relationship to coffee is more of a timid partnership regretfully indulged in during exam times but- shut up Blake, I know you're laughing!
Blake choked on a few chuckles, shoving the heel of his palm against his mouth to stifle the outpour of amusement. She became so much like Dustin whenever she was loopy, it was amazing.
Time 3:51 AM Today
From: Tori
I'm not Dustin. I'm not. I'm just tired, and up to hear with stupid things I need to memorize and I miss you.
Blake smiled, his thumb tracing the screen over her words. He could imagine her, half asleep, sprawled across her desk, stubbornly clinging to consciousness as she got everything in order. Blake kept telling her to cut back, but no, Tori was going to do everything. She was going to train with everyone and talk with every ranger and volunteer with every charity in every city ever, and she openly scoffed at anyone who suggested it couldn't be managed. During times like this, usually Shane could pull her away from her work and sit on her (literally, Blake had pictures), forcing Tori into an evening of crappy movie marathoning or to get some sunshine or to just freakin' sleep already.
Blake had come to terms with the fact that Shane was sharing a bed with his girlfriend more often then he got to nowadays. That was not to say he coped with this in a mature way. He found comfort in rubbing this fact in Hunter's face, because the same was true for him too, and if Blake didn't point it out first then Hunter would use it as his own ammo, and he couldn't have that now, could he?
With a small grin, Blake activated the keyboard, typing a response.
Time 3:52 AM Today
From: Blake
I miss you too
It took about five seconds before there was a reply
Time 3:52 AM Today
From: Tori
BLAKE
So witty.
Time 3:53 AM Today
From: Tori
BLAKE, you should be SLEEPING
Yeah, he should be. Then again, so should she. He didn't point this out though.
Time 3:53 AM Today
From: Blake
You're so eloquent at three in the morning.
He grinned, thinking about that face he knew she'd make, the one that was annoyed and put off and 'oh no he didn't'.
Trip and Tori had done a face-off with those expressions one time, it had been- Blake had no words for the true majesty of that event. Hunter had sulked for weeks because he missed it.
Blake's phone buzzed, bringing him back to the present.
Time 3:54 AM Today
From: Tori
And you're awfully awake at three in the morning
Time 3:54 AM Today
From: Blake
Almost four.
Time 3:54 AM Today
From: Tori
You're not helping your case
Time 3:55 AM Today
From: Blake
I didn't know I needed too
It was nothing- small talk. Late night talk. But it was also enough, pathetically enough to ease that tension that seemed to settle in the middle of his chest, whenever the apathy and the - what was it Dana had called it for veteran rangers? – despondency seemed to overwhelm him. It was always late at night, or early in the morning, he guessed. When there wasn't anything to occupy him.
Blake's phone buzzed, bringing a much-needed distraction.
The words though- they weren't exactly what he had been expecting.
Time 3:57 AM Today
From: Tori
I miss it too
Blake paused, considered this.
She knew him too well. That should be terrifying, a part of him, even now, wanted to reject this, wanted to cut off ties so that he could preserve himself. He wouldn't, but the urge had been with Blake for such a long time, had been ingrained in him as a survival instinct- it was just hard, sometimes. It was hard to fight your nature. Or, conditioning, whatever. That was a distinction Dana had stressed during their sessions. Our nature is ingrained in biology, but people were conditioned to-
The phone buzzed.
Time 3:59 AM Today
From: Tori
Don't do this
Blake began to type. 'Do wha-'
Tori responded before he could send the text.
Time 3:59 AM Today
From: Tori
Don't fake it
Blake swallowed. He hadn't thought he'd been- but Tori would know, wouldn't she? Tori would know. She was viciously competent that way. It was one of the things that had appealed to Blake, in the beginning. Her directness. It wasn't something he could emulate, but he had admired it. Maybe he had thought it was a little stupid, had envied her for the ability to do it with such ease, but even under the resentment and critical inspections, he had begrudgingly envied Tori.
That probably wasn't the best way to start a relationship, it was one of the reasons Blake had discounted his attraction to her for such a long time, but it had been there.
Tori probably knew that too.
And they were – bless them – considered the healthy relationship in Team Ninja Storm. Perception was a screw-y thing.
On impulse, Blake stopped the deflections, stopped any pretense of being happy in the early morning.
Time 4:02 AM Today
From: Blake
Is it supposed to be like this? Are we supposed to feel empty?
"It's natural," they had said. "We all feel it, it's natural. A reasonable response."
Blake didn't want natural, he wanted- he wanted right. He wanted to feel whole again. Driven again.
Time 4:04 AM Today
From: Blake
We still have our suits. Why can't we fight?
Time 4:04 AM Today
From: Tori
They had their suits too
She didn't elaborate who 'they' were, she didn't need to.
Time 4:04 AM Today
From: Tori
Each team is geared towards a specific enemy to meet the current threat. As rangers, we cannot escalate a battle
Time 4:05 AM Today
From: Blake
I know that
They hadn't, when they were fighting, but after the first reunion- the Doompot fiasco, the original team had explained it. Why they didn't all just pile on a threat with every ranger they had.
Time 4:05 AM Today
From: Blake
We have to match force for force, we're defensive, I get it Tori
He didn't like it, but he understood it, intellectually.
The morpher wrapped around his wrist however- that weight, that warmth, that connection to a pulsing lifeforce he could barely comprehend - that he didn't understand. Why would they still have their morphers if they couldn't use them?
Time 4:06 AM Today
From: Tori
They think it's going to get worse
What? Who thought- but Tori was one step ahead of him, answering the question he hadn't voiced.
Time 4:07 AM Today
From: Tori
Billy, Andros, Mike – Earth's getting more noticed now. They think one day there will be a threat that requires all of us to fight. They think we might be needed
A horrific thought.
The disturbed part of Blake sort of looked forward to it. He forced it down, buried it with anxieties of 'what if I'm like them?' and 'what if it's always like this?' and moved on.
Time 4:08 AM Today
From: Blake
I miss you
He could just call her. She was awake, he was awake; they could call.
They just didn't.
Texting was a form of communication that enforced succinct interchanges. It allowed for time to consider, time to regroup, and could potentially be put off entirely, picked up at a later date.
Texting worked when you were pulling the pieces of yourself back together, because it was efficient. It was too much work to hide or to dodge questions.
Tori knew that.
Time 4:09 AM Today
From: Tori
I miss you too. I miss you with everything that I am.
Time 4:09 AM Today
From: Blake
Poetic
He hadn't written 'me too', though if he had, he would have meant it.
Time 4:10 AM Today
From: Tori
What can I say? You're dating the best :)
Blake smiled.
Time 4:10 AM Today
From: Blake
I am, aren't I?
He loved her. It was a strange thought. He had assumed for a long time that he didn't really, like, deserve that kind of thing. It was never a conscious thought – who could form that opinion when they're six? – but it was there, as a feeling. There had had to be something wrong with him. There had to be, and Hunter-
Blake always took the brunt of it, because Hunter never pretended. There were times when Blake had resented his brother for that, because then Blake had to lie twice as much, dredge up more charisma to make up for his brother's rough edges, even if his were just as ragged, just as bad. Blake had pretended until even he had believed the lie. Hunter had kept him grounded, and Tori…
She had pulled him apart. She had taken away all the masks, every act, every smile Blake didn't mean, every fast one he tried to pull. She saw him for what he was.
She loved him.
A terrifying thing.
As though she could read into the silence, knew every mental tirade Blake had made from point A to point B, Tori broke back into the silence of the night.
Time 4:11 AM Today
From: Tori
I have masks too, you know.
He did. He knew. She had been acting like a half-coherent Dustin just ten minutes ago.
For Tori though, it was more like a mindset. She had been sincere in her attempts at humor, one hundred percent.
And now…
Time 4:12 AM Today
From: Blake
I'll see you soon, Tori.
That reunion couldn't come soon enough.
Time 4:12 AM Today
From: Blake
I love you.
Her reply was automatic.
Time 4:12 AM Today
From: Tori
I love you too. Every day, in every way.
Blake laughed.
Time 4:13 AM Today
From: Blake
Had to end it with a corny pep talk, didn't you?
Time 4:13 AM Today
From: Tori
Shut up. I really have been studying all night
But she stayed up for him. She stayed awake; she had wanted to, she had wanted to be there to help. To talk.
Time 4:14 AM Today
From: Blake
Go to bed Tor.
His phone buzzed a few seconds later
Time 4:14 AM Today
From: Tori
YOU FIRST
Well then, he couldn't really argue with that now, could he?
Time 4:15 AM Today
From: Blake
Goodnight Tor
He wrote it, feeling, for the first time that night, like he might actually be able to get some sleep.
Time 4:15 AM Today
From: Blake
Be careful.
'Don't burn yourself out', he wanted to say. 'Don't do too much, please. I know I can't stop you, but please, please, be careful.'
Time 4:15 AM Today
From: Tori
Goodnight Blake :D
He could picture her smile, sleepy and fond. It was for him.
The one playing on his lips, small but confident, that was especially for her.
Every day, in every way.
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Endnotes:
The 'Doompot' fiasco is a reference to my story 'Filled With Good Works'. The basic gist of things is that all the active ranger teams up through Ninja Storm ended up having a ridiculously huge battle in Silver Hills. There was Shenanigans. It was a thing.
I sincerely hope that has fulfilled your fluffy/angsty/warm/fuzzie quotient for the day :)
Here's to all you folks that enjoy a good Blake/Tori romance. Merry Christmas!
Until next time :D