Chapter 8

Starship Ranger – Kai and Damon: Helmet Radio

Warnings: References to a troubled past.

-:-:-:-:-:-

"Everything's checking out over here Kai, are you picking anything up on your side?"

"Negative," Kai's gaze narrowed down at the monitor in his hand. It supplied the same blank readings as it had on the last few moons. "It's all clear."

Regretfully. They were running out of nearby planets to investigate. The initial data – while alarming – appeared to be an isolated incident produced by his own monitoring equipment. Damon was convinced it was an anomaly, but given the potential for what the data could signify, Kai had not been willing to dismiss it entirely.

An energy signal that immense would be possible of generating enough power to-

Kai had begun searching on his own, scouring Miranoi's moons while the rest of the colony was sleeping; seeking answers for a paranoia he had hoped was misguided. Damon had joined him halfway through his self-assigned mission (it was difficult to give up old habits, difficult to stop the things built into him as easily as breathing). The green ranger had no comments or criticisms. He had come bearing improved equipment, discarding Kai's hobbled-together energy detector into something with real function. (Despite his efforts, Kai's programming would always surpass his mediocre engineering skills, but that was the benefit of Damon, wasn't it?).

They had searched quietly, searching every inch of the surrounding planets with their Jet Jammers, looking for something that was probably a malfunction. An error.

Kai was paranoid, but he had earned that right. He had earned caution and consideration, and he would not bow out, he would not yield just because the possibility of legitimate danger was slim. He had not stayed alive this long by leaving his back exposed.

It was the threats you dismissed that killed you.

Kai was a survivor. To what purpose, he had not really known for a majority of his life. It had merely been the reflex engrained in him, the need to move on, be useful, be whole. There was a difference between living and surviving, and Leo – the team, his family – had taught him that. Slowly, with a demonstration of great patience.

There was a sigh over the comm., a reflexive thing from Damon ringing over his helmet's speakers. "Kai, I don't think there's anything out here."

"Not here," Kai confirmed. His helmet readings mirrored that of the detector in his hand, all things normal. "Perhaps elsewhere."

"Perhaps nowhere. Man, you know I'm with you until the end of the line, but your satellite probably just shorted out. Let me take a look at it, I can-"

"No," Kai said it with more force than was necessary – especially for Damon – and forced himself to take a deep breath, holding it in until his heart beat was regulated. "No Damon, I would rather…"

He had built that piece with his own hands, hashed together from the concepts Damon and Kendrix had revealed to him. Kai knew full well that his equipment was not perfect, that it did not always perform as it should. But it was his, his that he had made, and it would be his to fix.

This investigation, this patrol he had created, could very well be the result of pride. That he would rather comb over entire planets than he would allow his teammate – his friend – to look at his equipment.

No, no it could not. Kai would have instigated this search either way. The concern was too great; it was too much a part of him to-

"I get you man," Damon said quietly. "I get it, don't worry. It's just- I think the others, you know. They're getting worried."

Kai knew. He had been studying their behavior – another reflex – he knew that Leo noticed every time Kai left their bed. He knew when the other ranger consciously maintained a slow breathing rate to convince Kai he remained asleep. He understood the worried looks from Maya and Kendrix, the expression of subdued regret in Mike's eyes when he left for Earth early, an emotion that had taken Kai far too long to recognize as sorrow. Sadness that he had to leave his brother alone to Kai and his whims, his quirks, his deficiencies-

"I'm worried too, Kai," Damon said quietly. "Talk to me man, you know I'm here for you."

"I know." They repeated this, and Kai did not blame them. It had taken a long time for him to feel brave enough to risk believing them. That they cared. That they- that he had some kind of impact on their emotional wellbeing that did not devolve from fear of pain or execution.

Kai was not the best at speaking. There were moments he could find the thread of conversation and ride it, weave through the intricacies through emulation. From what he had observed others doing, how they succeeded, how they had failed. Sometimes, Kai could even manage his own humor, but it wasn't something he could maintain perpetually, not yet. He was not completely human yet.

He was getting there though. Maya was confident.

Kai had enough faith to believe in this confidence.

"I know," Kai repeated. It helped them too, this reiteration. "I need this Damon. I need to know for sure. I need to know we're safe."

"What if we never find it?" Damon asked. "What if we search all of Miranoi's moons and the nearby planets and we don't find anything? Will you keep looking? Keep searching for that gun hovering over your shoulder?"

"I won't…" Kai swallowed, but his expression never shifted. He was better than that. He was calm. Not apprehensive. Not worried. He was blank, composed. "I would be done," he concluded.

He had done the math – double checking it surreptitiously through Watanabe and Stewart – if all of the investigated planets came out clean then there was nowhere else to search. Everything else would be too out of reach.

"Promise?" Damon asked.

Kai wasn't sure why he bothered. What good were words? Words were easily broken, had no real meaning save what one chose for them. Kai could promise and throw it away in a second, because promises held no real bearing. There was no weight. Kai could search every planet in the galaxy, in the universe and still make this promise right here, right now. It changed nothing.

"I promise," Kai replied.

He would keep it.

He did not know why, but he would keep it.

"Good," Damon said. "Then let's hurry up and get this done. The faster this is over, the faster we can get down to Earth and start breaking the natural laws of science. It'll be awesome."

Kai allowed himself a smile. "Nothing brings you quite as much joy as shattering the perceived standards of reality, does it Damon?"

"Guy's gotta have his hobbies, right?"

He could hear the smile in his voice when Damon said it.

It was good. It-

It was good.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Endnotes:

This ties into chapter one, with Leo's concerns. Just another seed for a future story I may one day get around to writing hopefully/maybe/finger-crossed. If only the other story ideas allow me the opportunity :)

One step at a time, right?

Until next time :D