"Oh Anna... if only you weren't gay," Hans smirked pulling away.

"What? I'm not!" She insisted. The prince just shook his head.

"Please, I've seen the fandom. You and Elsa? Incest? Ew."

Anna started breaking up, "But... that's not the point of the story at all."

"No," He said condescendingly, "It's not. But now that's all it will ever be," He closed the window, "And Olaf is gay too, 'cause... Disney-logic. And I'm pretty sure no straight man dresses like this," He gestured down. Anna rolled over, trying to glare as hard as possible.

"You're... evil."

"No," He answered, "You just respect my lifestyle choices. See, at first, since you and Elsa are all over each other-!"

"This isn't Disney channel, we're not encouraging incest like Jalex from Wizards of Waverly Place, Daisy from 'Life with Derek', or Ferb/Phineas slash from Phineas and Ferb!" Insisted Anna. Her boyfriend continued.

"You think you're outcast from a stereotypical uptight society because you're a free-spirited princess who is her own woman. But I figure if I'm gay, then my masculinity has been called into question. Because I'm in the closet, and can't marry a prince, the only way for me to have equal rights is to hit on a straight chick."

"This..." She groaned out, "Makes no sense..."

"So now you're the homophobic one because you assume I'm straight. Even though you have incest on your side, I," He straightened out, "cannot be evil, for gays are never evil!"

"Uuuuuh, statistically, that cannot hold up," Anna whined. He shrugged.

"Name three evil gays."

"Hmmm... Does Maleficient count?"

Hans sighed, "It's a fact of modern society that no gay person can be evil. Therefore, I'm not evil, I'm just repressed by a WASP society of homophobic, hetero-centric gay-bashers. See, now that I'm gay, it's not that I don't love you, it's that I can't. And the only way to have a gay king is depose the very source of the evil hetero regime! Now, I'm off to kill your sister!" He stood, ready to leave.

"You're... no match... for feminism."

Hans paused, "Really?"

Anna blushed, "Eeeeh... it comes and goes. Depends on whether or not you actually say the word 'feminist' because it has a lot of bad things attached to it. But, generally, people who consider themselves feminists consider equal rights the goal of their work.. And, since Elsa and I are gay and feminist, we'll easily trump your gay and closeted!"

Hans stood quietly for a moment, "...I don't think it's safe to put political analyses into this movie anymore."