A/N - Thank you so much everyone for the positive feed back in your comments, and to all who have either favourited or followed my story so far, I love the comments so far and try to take the feedback to heart. More to come, we all know what happens at the 9th chapter right? The story changes, I wasn't planning on this but I have a lot of ideas for things to come!

Chapter 9

Katniss allowed herself the next day to be a shell of her formal self, to mourn the loss of what she had realized too late had happened.

It wasn't that she had fallen in love with Peeta, she just hadn't ever stopped. He wasn't the arrogant guy that he appeared to be to everyone else. He had just developed a defense mechanism around her heart, as she did by backing away from everyone and isolating herself from her friends. She had kept track of him for years, watching him from afar.

She didn't know what this had meant for her and Marvel. When they had first gotten together she truly felt that she had loved him, she had been happy with him, when they had been together and things were good it was the best. It just seemed that she and Peeta had something between them that was meant to be, he had always been there for her when she had let him. She had even considered him to be her hope and light, he had saved her from her depression that had consumed her after her father had died. Her life had revolved around making sure that Prim was entertained, she was so little when the accident had happened, and her mother really did fall into a serious depression. She took as much time off of work as she could, her job at the hospital had allowed her to have a leave of absence. The only thing was is that pretty much the whole time she spent it in bed, weeping, not even trying to put together the broken pieces that her husband had left her in to care for her two young daughters. Katniss was responsible for making sure that she and Prim got to school and looked as presentable as possible to make sure that the teachers at school didn't catch on. Without her mom working at the time there was often little money for groceries, or an adult to even take her to the grocery store to get them. Katniss was only in the sixth grade when her father's accident had occurred, as an eleven year old this was a lot of responsibility to take on.

When Peeta caught on to what was going on he would bring an extra lunch and leave it secretly in Prim's second grade cubby, knowing that Katniss would never take it directly from him. Katniss would find the Mellark's Bakery paper bag every morning, usually with enough food for both girls. If she was careful enough when splitting the food for lunch it would often be their dinner as well. This is how Peeta Mellark wedged himself into Katniss' heart; caring for her and Prim, he was so selfless. She didn't know exactly how to thank him, how do you thank someone for doing that, as an eleven year old you definitely don't know how to do something like that.

Nearly a year after her father's death, the hospital ran out of time to give to her mother, she had to go back to work or lose everything. They nearly lost their home, but the thought of having to leave the home that held so many memories was enough to get Katniss' mom back to work. It helped; when she stopped allowing herself to be isolated from life she began to become a part of it again. She took care of her girls, she worked a lot but with Katniss' help she was able to get them back on track. In the seventh grade Peeta didn't need to drop off the food packages anymore, Katniss was so filled with gratitude for all that he had done for her, they became friends. They sat near each other on the school bus to and from school, Prim always sharing the same seat as Katniss of course, they walked home together from the bus stop. Their love for each other blossomed innocently, as children; they were part of each other's lives so completely. It had always been Peeta for Katniss, she knew that now. She realized how foolish it was to let herself ruin it by becoming his girlfriend at all in the eighth grade. How many times could you ruin something with someone before they decided that it wasn't worth it anymore? This time, she vowed, she wouldn't ruin it. They were sticking to friends, she couldn't expose herself to a love that was so complete like her parents had, so friends was the only thing that she could offer Peeta, she hoped it would be enough.

Over the next month she tried to return things to back to normal. The first time she saw Marvel after that night the guilt nearly crushed her. There was no fooling herself, what she and Peeta had done together the night after Marvel left her house was way over the line, and completely unforgivable. Marvel had driven all the way to her house just to drive her to school that Monday morning. He held her hand and was extra sweet, but she still felt the terrible weight of guilt on her heart.

They arrived at school and walked up to their friends in the parking lot. Katniss' heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, memories of what they had done together flooding her mind. The crowd fell silent as they approached, no one really knowing how the boys were going to react to one another after the fight that happened between them the Friday a couple of days before.

Marvel leaned over and kissed Katniss lightly on the temple and walked to Peeta. Peeta stood his ground as if anticipating another fight, but became surprised and sight confused when Marvel apologized to him about the fight that he had admittedly started. He told Peeta how he jumped to conclusions and should have never assumed that Peeta would do something like that to him. Peeta looked at Katniss over his should, he had a conflicted look on his face, but then accepted his apology.

The day continued as normal, after lunch Peeta fell into step with Katniss as they walked to their science class. "What did you say to him?" He asked.

She stopped just outside of the science class. "I admitted to him that there was someone else, but I told him it was just a random guy, not you." She looked sadly into his eyes. "I'm sorry, I should have told you everything that happened last time I saw you, but..." She trailed off without finishing her sentence.

"Why didn't you just tell him it was me?" He asked.

She sighed, "Because you were right. I don't want to give you up completely, I don't think I could if I tried. You've always been a big part of my life, somehow, always bigger than I can admit to myself. At least this way we can still be friends. We can still be friends right?" She asked hopefully.

"What if I don't want to just be friends?" He asked, reaching out to tuck a lock her dark hair behind her ear. Katniss didn't know how to respond, and she knew that she really couldn't trust herself around him. She pushed him away lightly and looked away from him and walked into the class. They were both late and they wordlessly took their seats.

After that day she tried to go back to normal but nothing was the same. She knew it was because she had let Peeta into her heart in the very way she didn't want to, he had imprinted on her, long ago actually, but until now she had managed to keep it dormant. Despite his comment about not wanting to just be friends it seemed that to him it was better than nothing at all as well. They would all go with their friends to places like the pizza restaurant and they would look at each other across the table longingly. It would make her feel like such a fake, having Marvel's arm around her, she soon had to admit that it wasn't what she wanted anymore.

She liked to think that she was trying, really trying hard, but honestly she was only going through the motions. Her heart wasn't in it anymore. When she was with Marvel, she found herself comparing him to Peeta, her reactions to him weren't the same. Marvel was so impossibly good looking, as was Peeta, she didn't think it would be so hard to have herself fall back in love with Marvel, but it was. This time it wasn't that she couldn't trust him, it was that he shouldn't be trusting her. Every kiss, every touch, she was thinking of someone else.

The last straw for her was when Peeta brought a girl named Cressida to the Halloween party that Marvel hosted. She was supposed to be playing hostess with Marvel, making sure that everyone had a good time, but her heart bottomed out on her when he came walking in with another girl on his arm. She was a nice enough; Katniss knew Cressida and liked her well enough, except that at that moment she wanted to pull all the hair out her head. Well, the hair that she had left anyway, she wore it in this super cool way that was long on one side but shaved very short on the other, well, normally it was awesome, tonight it was totally on Katniss' nerves. She watched as they went to the second floor to probably find a room to do who knows what together, hopefully not things that Peeta should only be doing with her.

She tried to continue to play hostess, but she was too distracted. This was the first time that she had ever seen Peeta with someone else, well, since they'd been together. She needed to do something, anything to get her mind off of what could have been going on. She was internally raging with jealousy in a way that she had absolutely no right to feel. She wondered if this is what Peeta had to feel and put himself through every time he saw Katniss with Marvel.

She had a few drinks, enough to make her feel light headed, hoping that the high would keep him off her mind, she was determined that she could get through this. If she could just get through this night then things could get back to normal. Peeta would find someone, she could let him go in that way, and she could concentrate on Marvel like she needed to. She found Marvel and dragged him to the second floor. She kissed him recklessly the whole way; they found his parents' room which was off limits to everyone else so they knew it would be empty. As things were getting heavy between the two she found it made her feel worse, not better. She was trying unsuccessfully to forget how much she missed Peeta, but again it was Peeta who was on her mind. The kisses that she used to love to share with Marvel were a poor substitute for the chemistry that she and Peeta shared together. She was using Marvel and she knew it, and in this moment she broke, she couldn't keep going on like this anymore.

She stopped them, made up an excuse to Marvel that they needed to stop before things got out of hand, that she'd had too many drinks for this. Marvel began to protest when mercifully they heard a slam and it sounded like things were getting out of hand downstairs. Marvel looked conflicted, he wanted to stay with Katniss, to convince her that what they were doing was fine, but he knew he had to leave to see what was going on downstairs. He left Katniss in the room by herself; she tried to collect her thoughts, she didn't know what to do next.

When she did come from the bedroom she found that Peeta was standing alone at the end of the hall way. They could hear the chants of "fight, fight, fight" coming from the first floor. It seemed the crowd had headed downstairs to check out the action.

She couldn't help it, it had been nearly a month since they had ended things, and every second since had been torture. She ran to him, jumping into his arms, locking her legs around his waist. Her heart wanted to be with Peeta so badly. She kissed him so passionately and recklessly, in this one breathless moment with him she knew that without him she wasn't truly alive.

Somehow they found themselves in an empty bedroom. He laid her on the bed and they lost themselves in each other. As his kisses travelled down her throat she looked around the room and realized this was Marvel's room, his bed. There was a picture of her and Marvel on his desk in the corner. Although she was still light headed from the few drinks that she had earlier her mind was still clear enough for the realization that if he found her in here, with Peeta, like this, he'd kill them both. The thought was enough to push Peeta away. He looked into her eyes confused, knowing that this was what she wanted, that she usually wasn't the one to stop them.

"Not here," she motioned around the room, "not like this."

With that she got up from the bed and after peeking her head out into the hallway and seeing it still clear she left the room and rejoined the party downstairs. She watched as Peeta came down alone a few moments later. She forgot that earlier he had been up there with Cressida, she glanced around the party and realized she was standing in the corner of the room with some of her own friends.

He approached her casually. "So what was that?" He asked, looking around and taking a sip from his drink, making it look like they could have been talking about anything.

She looked at him, playing the same game, smiling and acting casual. "I admit defeat Mellark; I can't keep playing this game." He looked at her happily. "Come tonight, we'll figure things out." Katniss said, then she indicated the area of the room that Cressida was in, "Please, do me a favour and end that, it's killing me."

He laughed happily and headed to Cressida. As if wanting assure Katniss that it was over, he whispered something into Cressida's ear which ended with him receiving a slap on his face. Katniss laughed loudly, shaking her head, as Peeta walked passed her he gave her a smile and mouthed the word "done".

The party wound down, Madge was heading home and was giving Katniss a ride home. She kissed Marvel and left, Peeta was still at the party hanging out with a couple of the guys, they shared a meaningful glance as she left the party.

Madge dropped Katniss off at her house, laughing as the girls recalled some of the things that had happened at the party.

Katniss tip toed into the house, trying not to wake her mom and Haymitch. She went to her room and got out of her Halloween costume and into a tank top and sleep shorts. She waited in the den, knowing that he wouldn't be much longer. Sure enough, less than a half hour after she got home the window slid open and he climbed in.

She ran to him almost giddily, so happy in this moment with her decision. She kissed him, he returned with as much enthusiasm as she had. They went to her room and shut the door behind her. She wanted so much from him, she wanted everything he could give to her, and she decided then that no matter what happened tonight she wouldn't be the one to stop him.

She had just internally decided this when his strong hands gently pushed them apart for each other. She looked into his dark blue eyes, wondering what he was looking for in hers, hoping that he would find what the answer that he wanted.

"I can't do this." He said. "It's too hard, if you love me, you love me. That's it, I don't want to share you with anyone else anymore, I don't want to hide what we have together. I want you to choose, me or Marvel. I don't want to play this game anymore." His eyes held some insecurity; she didn't want him to look at her like this.

Katniss broke out into a huge smile. "It's you, a million times; it has always been you Peeta. I'm sorry I didn't realize this sooner, I love you with everything that I am." She jumped into this embrace as she did earlier at the party, wrapping her legs around him, he held her tightly and they kissed in relief at being finished with the game. "I don't want to play anymore games. I'll break things off with him tomorrow; I think if I explain things right we can all still be friends." She said happily.

Peeta looked at her thoughtfully. "You know that can't happen, right?"

Her expression fell from hopeful to sadness. "Why not? He cheated on me with Glimmer and still expected me to be 'friends' with her."

"Well, that situation was completely different." Peeta began. "Everyone's been with Glimmer; she does that kind of stuff all the time. Going after other girls guys like that, sure it sucked that he cheated on you but things would have been different if you had just stayed friends after. We all knew that she was a bad person, but what they had was just like a onetime thing that happened. And if he did try to become a couple with her after breaking up with you, well, to be honest Katniss, you probably would have fallen out of the group." He held his hand up to tilt her chin to look into her stormy grey eyes. "No one will believe that you just jump from him to me just like that. You love too deeply; they'll know something was up. Besides, we didn't have a fling, we had a whole relationship. If Marvel ever found that out…" He let his sentence trail off, he didn't need to finish, and she knew that would be the end for them. They would be cut out; they'd be pariahs to their friends. "I'm willing to do all of that for you Katniss. I could do it, I love you completely and of it means being cut out by our friends then I can do it."

Katniss looked down to her feet. They both let go of each other so they could take a moment to think. "Is there a way we can do this?" She asked. "I don't want you to lose all of your friends. They're really all just my friends because I'm with Marvel, but you've been friends with the guys since forever." She said.

"Madge and Johanna are your friends. They'll stick by you." Peeta reasoned.

Katniss tried to think of a way to be with Peeta with as little damage to their reputations as possible. "I think if I abruptly break things off with Marvel it would look too suspicious. I'll take some time, two weeks or so. I'll let us drift apart; try to get this break up to happen as peacefully as possible."

"Yeah, that might work." Peeta agreed. "We still couldn't be together right away. I'd have to wait until he's really over you to ask if I could ask you out. Maybe a month?" Peeta suggested.

Katniss scowled a little. "Ask if you can ask me out?"

"Bro code, I'd have to give him that curtesy." Peeta shrugged as if it were common knowledge.

Katniss rolled her eyes. "Ok, whatever. You could ask me to the Winter Formal." The Winter Formal was a school dance that usually happened on the last day of school before the holiday break. "We go to the formal together, and come back from the break an official couple."

Peeta kissed her lightly and hugged her. She fit perfectly in his embrace; he lightly rested his cheek on the top of her head. "Are you up for one more game?" He asked.

She smiled, "I would put myself through anything as long as we keep coming out on the other side together."

Peeta laughed, "Plus we'll have these times alone together, you know, as long as Haymitch doesn't fix the window. We're still a couple, just not publicly, right?" Peeta left shortly after their plan was hatched, both confident that they would survive these games and come out the other side victorious.