(A/N: I am utterly sorry for this rather long chapter; I actually wanted to break it into pieces but it disturbed the overall flow more than I liked. I hope it does not make it a boring or tiring reading.

I would like to add a comment about Akashi within the context of this story; please do not think that he has an alcohol problem, he does not.

Also, I like my Nijimura unabashed and impulsive as well as dutiful and responsible.

Also, Akashi's politics don't really resemble mine, I have to admit.)

...

When he opens his eyes, he can differentiate that this particular white ceiling does not belong his own apartment. Before he can get angry at himself he remembers the events of the last night and turns his gaze to his side, the source of heat and very slight snoring, Nijimura is sleeping, naked. Akashi has to admit that Nijimura looks good; his toned muscles are highlighted under the sunshine seeping in from the window and his sleeping face is free of the usual almost-scowling expression, this allows his lips to look fuller, his cheeks to look softer, and overall he has a much more tender demeanour.

Akashi likes looking at his attractive bed partners before they wake sometimes, depends on what kind of a night (or day) he has had with them. This is the first time he has ever slept with a person he knows so well, not that he knows Nijimura well enough right now, but all his previous bed partners had been almost complete strangers. He had thought of giving it a go with some people he knew of but he had always decided against it at the end. He is not sure why he so easily agreed or rather invited Nijimura in the first place; it had been entertaining watching his once aloof 'senpai' crumble under simple licks and a seductive gaze. Though considering the prowess the brunette showed last night, he is either naturally well skilled or experienced, or perhaps both. Ah, he would have liked to try Nijimura's full potential, unfortunately they only did what Akashi would consider a good make out session, though others could have classified it as sex. Akashi has higher standards on what he regards as sex. He expects Nijimura to be nonchalant when he wakes, but how it will evolve in the next days and weeks? He is not sure. It is a good thing that the school will be on vacation and he will be travelling soon; first to Kyoto then to Europe. He does not expect Nijimura to be clingy, but humans have an endless potential for irrationality.

He decides to take a shower as the humid and hot air of July smothers him and Nijimura lacks a proper air conditioner. When he is out of the shower, the room smells like a melange of green tea and eggs.

"You're cooking breakfast, Nijimura-san?"

"Yeah... Is tamagoyaki fine for you?"

"Sure."

"Good, because it seems I have no rice left. Can you believe it? Only pickled vegetables and eggs and some flavours and stuff..."

"It is all right."

It is indeed all right, Akashi is fond of good food but not necessarily lavish food and Nijimura can actually cook pretty well.

"Do you cook for yourself all the time Nijimura-san?"

"I try to, it is cheaper and healthier. But I am too busy, so not always."

"You are good at it."

"Well my mum was usually at the hospital, so I often cooked for my younger siblings."

Akashi does not comment, he already knew that bit; his comment had been simply to move conversation, he does that sometimes, and somehow Nijimura seems as though he is aware.

"Do you ever cook?"

"Not really. I am afraid I have not tried it."

"You would probably excel at it if you tried."

"I would excel at it, if I tried."

Nijimura chuckles at that, he is practically naked except the short shorts he is wearing in lieu of an underwear but he does not seem to mind at all,

"Will you not have shower?"

"Do I stink?"

"A bit."

"Is it unbearable?"

"Not at all. Barely noticeable."

"I'll shower after I finish my meal then."

"Okay."

Akashi is a little surprised at their comfort, he had thought Nijimura would not make a fuss out of last night but he had not expected this level of indifference either. He welcomes it, regardless.

After they are done eating, Nijimura goes to shower and Akashi starts collecting his pieces of clothing from various corners of the room, till then he had been wearing his underwear and a t-shirt at least two sizes larger than his – one of Nijimura's. He is almost done dressing up and while his clothing from last night are thoroughly crumpled, they are at least not soiled. Nijimura enters with only a towel around his waist and observes Akashi who is trying to style his hair as much as he can with his hands in front of the full size mirror that stands near at the end of the bed.

"Akashi?"

"Yes?"

"Did your clothes from the other day... Would they really cost three times my monthly income?"

It is the oddest and the most unnecessary question to ask, Akashi turns a little curious and a little amused,

"I assumed your monthly income at about a hundred thousand yen, based on the national average for university students more or less in the same category of living and social status as yourself. To be exact, and not counting my wrist watch, they would cost around three hundred to four hundred thousand yen, depending on the retailer."

"Wow, maybe I should have just stolen them and sold them on ebay..." Nijimura says, his face is as serious as ever but his voice is extremely sarcastic, hopping to the bed and reclining as he watches Akashi try to get his collar straight and tame the wrinkles.

"I am afraid it would not make much money Nijimura-san; people who wear such clothing do not need to buy second-hand. But I can lend you money if you need it."

Nijimura chuckles,

"Nah, I am not poor you know."

"Yes, you are not but you are an extremely dutiful son who would much prefer to not burden his family so you are trying to cover for every expense yourself. It must be difficult."

"How do you know that?"

"It would be obvious for anybody who even remotely knows or understands you."

Nijimura thinks for a few seconds and then decides to break silence, his voice calm,

"My father died a year ago."

"I am sorry."

"You probably already knew that by one way or another."

"I had come up with the idea, yes. I am still sorry."

"Thanks. You are right, I am trying to not burden them. Especially now."

"It is understandable."

"I do not think you would understand it, though it is nice for you to say that."

And it is true, Akashi does not understand it because he finds it quite illogical and against one's self-interest. Duty he understands well, selflessness not so much. He is amused by Nijimura realising the fact and accepting it so nonchalantly though, so he smiles, it is not a happy smile, but a knowing and appreciative one.

"Thanks for the last night."

He says perhaps to change the subject because he is compassionate towards Nijimura, who devoted his whole life to his family yet lost his father regardless – Akashi simply would not like to cause him recall and ponder so much of his loss. Or perhaps he is simply trying to see if Nijimura will be vexed or not, considering what they did last night. However, brunette is not vexed at all, his voice is nonchalant and he almost shrugs as he speaks,

"I should thank you, it had been a long time. It was fun."

"It was fun for me as well. It is puzzling though, I would assume a man with your looks and status to be attracting many females. You were enticing quite a few last night even though I was also present, it is a commendable feat."

Nijimura smirks,

"Some women are shallow I guess, they may turn their face away from great riches or delicate beauty or immense intellect for just a few inches more in height..."

"That was a shallow way to diverge the topic, especially since I would never push you if you did not want to answer."

"Because you would not have to. You already know. So tell me."

Akashi smiles again, Nijimura is acting like a child who has met a new person who knows things he could never imagine being knowable and thus would like to play games, test this person's immeasurable acuity – it is amusing and the redhead has always appreciated people acknowledging his pre-eminent comprehension.

"You had mentioned you knew a professor from the lab, though you have many lab courses for you two to have such a close relationship there are only few possibilities, one of which is that you are a research assistant, which would also explain the extra lab coats you have as well as the numerous research related paperwork lying around the room being too advanced for a second year undergraduate student. There is also the fact that I rarely see you in the open areas of the campus, nor in the libraries of the Department of Letters which many male Science students seem to be fond of coming to score some women, you are likely to be either confined to the lab or the main library of the Department of Science. Also, last night one of your friends had mentioned that you work just too much."

"So?"

"So, you are simply too busy and disinterested to commit to a relationship, too kind and dutiful to use any female classmate as a one night stand, trying to find a good one night stand from outside the campus or at least from another department would again require time which you do not have."

"You know I always knew you were so smart but it is crazy when you just explain like that."

"This was a rather simple one, actually, however I am glad it entertains you. I will be taking my leave now, I have too many things to do at home. Again, it was nice to see you Nijimura-san."

Nijimura smiles and simply says,

"You too."

He does not get up as Akashi takes his leave and Akashi is glad about that.

A day later he is already at Kyoto and with Reo, who had been adamant about being the first one to meet the redhead. They eat and talk, or rather Reo mostly talks. Reo has recently developed this new obsession of googling every new person whom they meet or hear the name of, so whenever Akashi particularly mentions somebody's name, they start swiping on their smart phone right away, which the redhead finds kind of cute.

"Anyone significant in your life? Other than that ghost boy."

Akashi chuckles,

"No and I am afraid my answer to this question will never change regardless of how many times you pose it, Reo."

"You're no fun."

"Oh, I am lots of fun – just not in matters of heart."

Reo pouts a little,

"You know, you do not have to love them as a lover to have a relationship. There are many aromantic people who form long lasting relationships with others, who may or may not be aromantic."

"You started frequenting those Tumblr aromantic blogs again, right?"

"So what if I am?"

"You are not even aromantic. If anything you are the very opposite. We could use your name as its antonym."

"But you are and you are my friend and I would like to understand you better."

Reo rarely talks so sincerely without any playful lilt to their voice, Akashi smiles – a tiny smile of appreciation and affection.

"I understand, but please let me be? It is different for everyone, isn't it? My situation is further complicated, as you know."

And Reo knows, they have been one of the few to realise how Akashi's inner demons lay dormant solely courtesy of the redhead's much improved control and peace of mind. There are things that will not be cured for they run too deep, nor that Akashi would like to remove some of them – at the end of the day, he admits, some of this is what makes him him. Reo is rare in that they see this and accept Akashi as such. Kuroko could never, for example; he would foolishly believe in his own idea of truth and ideal and try to save Akashi. Not that the redhead has not been influenced positively by the last bout of such self-sacrificing messiah complex, still, he is also well aware of its limits as well as its underlying selfishness and thus is averse to it in a holistic sense.

"Well, when or if you do get into a relationship, you should tell me."

"Hmm... Wouldn't that hurt you?"

"It would but it would also make me happy." is the sincere answer he receives again; there is a part of his heart that says he could never let Reo know in such a context until the inevitable moment of revelation brought itself, but then there is even a larger part of his mind that says thinking of such a hypothetical context is ridiculous in the first place – he will never have someone like that.

He does not have to, he should not need to... right?

The tiny crack of uncertainty deep in his consciousness regarding his own acceptance of solitude has always bothered him, so he decides to ignore its existence once again and smiles to Reo instead of giving an answer.

His calming reunion with Reo unfortunately cannot help lessen the distress he feels the moment he sits down for dinner with his father in the evening. The rest of the night is spent on snide comments back and forth, each witty and poisonous, but perfectly superficially cordial. The next morning's breakfast is passed similarly but an additional layer of repulsion is laid when his father comments at the 'awfulness' of the 'perverse new traditions' in reaction to a news item on the newspaper about some gay pride march somewhere in the world. He has never closely felt associated with these kind of things, he is on the privileged side of the society in everything and he would like to keep it as such; social justice has never been an area of particular interest to him in practice because he truly believes in the evil of humanity and how impossible it would be to truly gain justice for all. And if not for all, then it could never be justice per se. Thus, if he can become powerful and victor in his own affairs and also protect those he is fond of, he is fine with just that much.

None of it changes the fact that his appetite is lost.

The next three days at home are like torture. His father is more present these days and he would wish he was as absent as he had been when Akashi was a child. As if his father's exasperating presence is not enough, his dear horse is diagnosed with an illness that is likely to be his last considering his age...

There are few living beings Akashi actually is affectionate towards, his horse is one of them, so the news vexes him but he cannot even show it. Partly because he is simply not allowed to, his father would raise hell over what he would deem an unbelievable weakness, and partly because he has been so conditioned since childhood that he should not show his feelings in such occasions, he is truthfully bewildered on how to show them in the first place.

He takes a picture of his horse sleeping in his last night in Kyoto and combs his mane. Despite the colourful icons on his phone's screen inviting him to share the shot with the whole world (he will never be able to empathise with the nature of his generation that is centred on oversharing and how this is etched onto every device and aspect of their everyday lives), he saves the image in the encrypted folder of his more private digital possessions. There are three things Akashi ever deems so private: his business dealings, his sexual dealings, and evidences of his innocence – the first two are deemed private solely out of the nasty end-results they may lead it to if exposed, but the third is kept private for it is the most fragile and resilient, the most hated and adored thing in his world. He has a complicated relationship with the remnants of his naiveté.

That same night as he tosses and turns in his ridiculously large bed, his hobby of observation resurfaces and he spends half the night looking through various social network accounts of his friends; so perhaps oversharing is not that bad a thing, if it is allowing him such easy reconnaissance as well as amusing pastime. Between Kise's countless duck face selfies and Aomine's shots of his absurdly large basketball shoes collection, his curious mind wanders and in a move more like Reo and less like him, he searches for Nijimura's accounts. Apparently the brunette's internet presence is little and more on school pages than facebook or twitter; he does have an instagram account full of shots of colourful liquids in beakers and test tubes than selfies. It fits somehow. It amuses Akashi and by the time sleep claims his tired eyes, he has been looking at a particularly humorous picture of Nijimura glaring murderously at a test tube.

When he finally returns Tokyo, it feels as though he can breath a little easier. He thinks that a couple more years and he will stop associating with his father completely. That will be for the best. The older man would not mind either, as long as the dutiful son managed their companies properly, which Akashi has no doubt he will.

He is going to leave in a few days for Europe, half his friends are already scattered around the globe or Japan for vacation, apparently Kagami and Kuroko are taking a "staycation"... Just a few days, he thinks, and he will be too busy to even think about things that bother him. About Kuroko. About his unyielding obsessions and curiosities. About his demons. About his father.

Still after a sleepless night spent with a calligraphy brush in his hand and his fingers covered with pitch black ink by the sunrise, he almost feels strangled at home and decides to go out for a stroll. There are few places he could visit, he would like to go to an open area with the least number of people if possible, for which, he realises the best bet is the campus. No mushy couples littering around like they do in the parks nor large crowds of the bustling city centre; just a few researchers and graduate students should be the only ones left.

This is how he ends up lying down on a bench in a sunny morning in the campus. His mind wanders to Kuroko... He finds this extremely ironic: if he was actually capable of romantic love, then all this pondering about his former teammate would actually mean something, but now it is no more than an obsession conjured by various delusions of his mind. He has always been a possessive one, about things he is fond of, about people he is fond of... It is similar on certain facets, it is nowhere near in others. He recalls his horse out of nowhere and a deep frown settles in his face... He will miss Yukimaru. Is this the kind of yearning people feel towards their beloved ones? Not just 'beloved' in a sense he could feel but in the sense they claim to be: a romantic significant other.

Probably not.

They would not differentiate it so vehemently if it was similar. Still, he cannot understand why his tender care for the being he shared his secrets with all his childhood spent alone in a mansion that was more of a prison than a home – why should it matter less than the jealous, capricious, consuming passion a human feels for another? They do such cruel things out of that passion, why would it be necessarily kinder or better?

There is no explanation for this, the mainstream opinion and culture have simply decided to be irrational and he could live it with it if they were also not so self-righteous about the whole matter; their grandiosity irritates him to no end.

"If you keep on frowning like that, you will get wrinkles like I did."

The face of the man who is leaning onto him a little does not have any wrinkles but he will eventually, because he does truthfully scowl quite a bit in his neutral state.

"Nijimura-san."

"Akashi. What are you doing here?"

"Taking a break. Yourself?"

"I am just going home actually..."

"Pulled an all-nighter? You work too much."

"Well I have to... We have a big project we have to finish by September. No vacation for me."

"It is good to be occupied than idle. You are contributing to the future of our country and humanity, as a scientist."

That humours Nijimura, and it should because that is precisely why Akashi has said it.

"Are you mocking me?"

"Not at all. Compared to things I will be doing in the future, yours will probably matter more on an objective and moral setting in the macro scale of things. You will help the development of our culture and civilisation and I will help make the rich richer, the middle class buy more junk, and exploit the lower class furthermore as if it is their god-given destiny. However, in a micro scale and the mainstream order of values, I will be worshipped while you will be ignored, understandably."

"Don't tell me you are a Marxist or something?"

"I would have to start by massacring my own family, including myself, in the name of revolution and while I would not so much mind my father disappearing, I am rather fond of my own life."

Akashi's tone was calm and sarcastic though there was not so much sarcasm in his words in reality and as if caught on to that fact Nijimura's smile morphed into his usual scowl slowly... Silence falls over them... Then languidly Nijimura's gaze wanders down Akashi's body and the redhead has already realised what captured his attention.

"It is ink."

"It looks..."

"Scary?"

"Horrifyingly enticing." Nijimura says as his fingertips brush on those of Akashi, covered in various shades of black.

"You have a morbid sense of aesthetics."

"Hmm? I've always regarded myself normal actually, but maybe I am not so much..."

"I can tell you: you are not so much... what people regard as normal, that is."

"You don't regard the normal as what people regard as the 'normal'?"

"Rather, I do not believe in 'normal'... and frankly, what they regard as normal is only the blandest, the most banal, the most monotonous of the options. Always."

"Probably true..."

"It is true."

Nijimura's fingers stubbornly trace the markings of black, as if they were carvings of a holy nature,

"Why ink? Do you draw?"

"I do calligraphy."

Nijimura takes one of Akashi's hands then and Akashi lets it, the brunette's fascination is entertaining to watch...

"It must look good... You drawing like that."

"Don't tell me you are turned on by that."

"It would be aesthetically pleasing. And I might be just a little frustrated."

"Are you coming on to me Nijimura-san?"

Nijimura does not answer in words and instead pulls Akashi up gently, holding his hand.

A glance.

A nod.

A tiny smile.

No words are spoken but a lot is said.

They start walking back to Nijimura's place silently and in slow steps.

...

...

"Now that... that was good."

"It was obviously good; I was involved."

Nijimura chuckles as Akashi stands from the bed fully nude to get a glass of water from the looks of it. In all honesty, Akashi is beautiful. Even though he may have looked childishly small at times in the court as all their acquaintances have bigger than average builds, he is not minimal at all. More importantly, regardless of the scale, it is as if his body has been personally handcrafted by God: perfectly symmetrical, perfectly proportional, from his face to his toes, Nijimura's eyes wander and loom and he cannot find a single spot of imperfection sans his now blackened fingertips which give him an otherworldly aura and only add to his sublimity than actually count for a flaw...

One would perhaps say that his heterochromia is what shatters the perfect symmetry of this person's beauty, Nijimura thinks they only highlight the fact. He thinks they are foreboding, enrapturing, a true testament to this person's uniqueness, oh and how maleficent they glint in the most ardent moments, even remembering unleashes a thousand shivers of want inside him... He has always been easily influenced by exquisiteness but has never acted on it so impulsively; he is glad he has though, this felt better than anything he ever experienced.

In any case, it is simply unthinkable for Nijimura how nobody has ever truly captured such an impeccable young man.

"Have you ever had a relationship?"

Akashi turns his face to Nijimura, who swears to God he had never thought the full frontal nudity of a man could ever look this attractive... He sips from the water again before responding,

"Assuming you mean the romantic kind, I thought this would be obvious but no, I have not."

"Why?"

"Isn't it a given? I do not feel romantic love."

"But you do love people. As friends, colleagues, family... Plus people have relationships for many reasons, only one of which is romantic love, right? You could have a relationship."

"In theory yes and there had been a time when I wondered about the possibility. It would have to be a friend for both of us to be comfortable. However, it is hard to find a person who would interest me enough to be a friend in the first place. And if it is a friend, I would not like to hurt them and they would be hurt if what they require is a reciprocal romantic love which I would not provide."

"Not everyone would necessarily require it though?"

"True but it is not easily feasible. I have not yet met anybody with whom I could realise such a scenario."

"Really?"

Akashi's eyes and thoughts stray simultaneously – his eyes to somewhere on the wall though he is not looking at what he is physically seeing, but a distant memory, of a smile, of a touch... of a person. His gaze and remembrance intersect on Kuroko.

"Once there had been a person who I thought could be like me, an aromantic or similar... or at least perhaps accept the situation that I was in. But I was a child then and he was a child too."

There is one thing he never says because he hates to say it and there are only three cases in his life where he had been forced to admit it, albeit externally only for two of them...

Mistakes – they are simply not features that are akin to Akashi. A mistake is an abomination that should have never existed in his life, ugly cracks in his perfection, distasteful moments of much unneeded self-reflection... He often cannot bear to admit it (a mistake that is) vocally and thinks that perhaps this in itself could count as a fourth case of it, for he is fallible like every mortal is despite how abhorrent that particular fact is, but he stubbornly refuses and contests that last argument of his already weak conscience, which seems to be in complete defeat against his ego almost at all times.

He does not have to say it though, Nijimura gets it anyway.

"It must be hard."

"Not really. It was perhaps while I was growing up but I've been brought up a warrior, a general of sorts, always ready to face challenges and I have faced many of them, I guess eventually it proved to be lesser of my issues. Honestly, I am not too keen on having a relationship in the first place."

"So you have other issues?"

"By the way, how much are you charging?"

The insinuation that might be hidden in the question (considering that they just had sex, that Akashi is completely naked in front of him, that he is still lazying in bed also completely naked) perplexes Nijimura and his eyes widen in surprise, Akashi smiles, wicked and alluring, his hand moves to place the empty glass on the counter,

"Since you are so interested in hearing me out, I assumed you were planning to become my therapist or something? For your information, I am not interested in such things so I would not pay you. Oh, but perhaps you assumed it was for sex? For that, I would assume you would have to be the one paying me and I am afraid my price would not be an amount that could be calculable, let alone payable..."

Akashi pauses for a second, taking in the utterly bewildered face of Nijimura with delight, then continues calmly,

"I would like to use the shower now and I will have to leave right away afterwards as I am afraid I have too many things to prepare before my trip to Europe..."

Nijimura is speechless at the cheeky little stunt and for a second ponders whether or not he should just burst into the shower while Akashi is there. He decides against it as he has always been a little reluctant at pushing the redhead's buttons, it is not something based on meticulous analysis or anything, rather pure animal instincts; he somehow feels that Akashi does not respond well to being pushed around... Not that anybody should. God, perhaps he is an awful being. Considering he has been casually sleeping with his kouhai, yes, he is definitely an awful being.

But the sex was great... his mind reminds him and self-blaming does not return afterwards.

The next weeks are completely devoid of Akashi and completely full of work to the point that Nijimura does not even think of the events, or the fact that he has so casually slept with his male kouhai... twice. Any other person would probably have to sit down and interrogate themselves, their sexuality, their ideas of romance; not Nijimura though, he is too busy to do that. His mother still tells him to take it easy every time they talk on the phone but he is well aware that now all their futures reside on her shoulders, some of the left-over medical fees are hampering as well, he thinks of the future... the future of his siblings; perhaps he should not have been so adamant about leaving Pharmaceuticals. He would have earned much more after graduation but then it had always been a field he took on solely due to his father's condition, he never really liked it much, he never really likes anything to do with hospitals and medication and medicine much, and he would have to graduate much later... Anything he can do to earn money sooner, to be able to properly support his family sooner, the better it is. He is not sure whether it is tragic or a blessing that more or less the same happened during his teenage years in high school; he was always so busy, with home, with his father at the hospital, with his siblings, with family... He rarely had the time to actually be a teenager, go through the struggles of youthful angst and worries, of questions of sex and romance... It is not that he did not feel them, it is not that he did not experience them at all; it is simply that they had been much lighter, much insignificant, much in the background, much out of focus... compared to his other worries in life.

Years have passed and it is still the same.

In mid August, finally wrapping up the major experiment they were busy with earlier than expected, their professor in charge decides that it is time to party and drags all his staff (a total of measly six people for a project that would normally require ten) to a bar that is often frequented by the students. It is not a party per se but an occasion of drinking the pain and tears of the preceding months away, and as soon as he starts gulping down the alcohol a relief washes over Nijimura's body... The main hurdle is finally over. However, his grades were not as he had wanted them previous term, he has some time now before the school starts again to revise things and even though the thought kills him because he is not really fond of studying, he has no other choice. His line of thought and lazy planning are disrupted when he feels a delicate hand on his shoulder... A young and beautiful woman courts him.

He is not unused to this. When he had first gone to the US, he had suddenly become the focus of his entire school and there were two typical reactions he had to endure: people who mocked and belittled him for his lack of proficiency of English and threw racial slurs at him and people who fawned over, 'adored' his broken English and threw fetishising compliments at him. From his point of view, they were not that different from each other: in both cases, it was not him they saw and disliked or liked, it was an abstract concept of what they thought was him based on countless stereotypes and––

Well, if Akashi was there he would articulate it eloquently with complex anthropological and sociological terminology but Nijimura knew this simply: it irritated the fuck out of him. As he had settled down there, he had thought that he had become used to it, but truly it is never something you get used to, every time a person approaches, you start wondering what their game is, which side they are really on, the idea that they may belong to neither seems like a ridiculous utopia. He had thought, he had believed that things would be different when he came back and he could connect with people at a more intimate level but it took a surprising turn for him: he had been away for a considerable time. It took a lot of time and effort to adjust back, it was as if he was home but not at home at the same time and it did not help how people again regarded him in two superficially opposite but structurally twin ways: they either were suspicious of him or too interested in him solely for having spent years outside the country and regarded him more of a foreigner than a Japanese person. While it was irritating at the beginning, especially around the time he lost his father, by now he felt that regardless of where he went things would be screwed up. The best was to not think about it so much.

So he decides not to think about it so much.

After all, she is pretty and cute, petite around 155 centimetres in height, her lips are a little swollen and pink and glossy, she tugs on him and makes small talk and he is not even sure what they are talking about because he is not interested in talking with her at all...

Normally, this is the point he would excuse himself and leave. He decides against this and stays, his eyes devour the woman, she doesn't seem to mind and welcomes his gaze with a sly grin. She is sober compared to him and she smiles and she whispers and he thinks why not. She mentioned she was studying History, normally Nijimura has not been fond of one night stands and especially prefers not to mingle half-heartedly with people within his close social circle and since he had entered the university he had somehow made this 'circle' to include almost the whole campus but now thinks, Department of History is just distant enough... They don't even have classes in the same buildings.

Though he thinks about taking her home for a second, he decides against this too, it is a one night stand after all; it would not be a very good idea to do this at home. This is the point some part of him reminds, internally, but you took him home. But, he is different,he reminds himself, he is a friend.

I trusted him.

I trust him.

(I don't trust this person, she is a stranger.)

That is the only time he thinks of Akashi that night.

After moments of passion well savoured, all happened and already wrapped up within an hour, they leave the love hotel and he realises how he has sobered up, he gets a cab to take her home. It is only in the next morning he actually thinks of Akashi again when he wakes up in his own bed and a slight headache reminds him of the last night and he thinks, wow, he has done it. He went ahead and had a one night stand with a stranger, someone he did not love or know.

It felt good, he thinks. There is indeed no specific causal relation between sexuality and romance but he understands that their dynamic is much more complex. He has to admit though that it felt better with Akashi and not just because Akashi is incomparably more skilled at this but because he knows Akashi.

The first time he has had sex with somebody he has not known and thus has never trusted; he realises just how intricate of a relationship sex has with trust, perhaps its effect on sex is much more important than love's, he muses...

He does not have much more time to think about sex though. They may have wrapped up the experiment but he still has some reports to finish at the lab, a few more days of work. This is when he coincidentally meets Midorima; one day after his one night stand, at the noon with scorching sun outside, he has met a friend at the main library of Faculty of Medicine trying to get some assistance with a particular section in his report that has a lot to do with mitochondrial protein homeostasis. It is impossible to miss Midorima, his height stands out too much, he is at least two heads higher than everyone in the large halls. He has not lost the habit of adjusting his glasses when he is annoyed and he must be annoyed with something for he does it every five minutes after taking another glare at his notebook. Nijimura approaches him after his own work is handled.

He is surprised, he has to admit. Just like he had been with Akashi, for Midorima is also peculiarly different than and peculiarly the same as before. His antics are similar, his glare is no different than before, he is taller (and damn, he is indeed taller than Nijimura himself is and this feels a little strange – Nijimura is not used to feeling short), but despite still appearing much stoic he is more approachable somehow, he is polite if a little arrogant, he is very surprised to find Nijimura a Tōdai student (which is vain as hell but Nijimura has been too used to the arrogance of this bunch so it doesn't perturb him, what catches his attention though is the fact that this means Akashi has not notified Midorima of Nijimura's presence in their campus)... Oh and there is a pair of orange and red bracelets on his wrist, it is extremely simple, two plain strings.

"Your lucky item for the day?"

He asks pointing to Midorima's wrist,

"No, a gift. My lucky item is this."

It is a stuffed bear that Midorima pulls from his bag near him and Nijimura only smiles, congratulating himself for managing to not burst into laughter in the quiet library.

A few days later, Nijimura has already submitted his reports and is ready to enjoy his vacation a little, when he gets a text message from Midorima asking him to join him and others from Teikō for dinner. It is very surprising and he is absolutely sure the idea does not belong to Midorima. He confirms this too the moment he enters the restaurant and Kise jumps up, Kuroko smiles large which is very uncharacteristic for him, and Aomine grins genuinely happy. There is also a young man who lights up, his eyes amber and his hair pitch black, Nijimura notes how he wears a matching green and red string bracelet on his wrist. Oh... so it is like that.

Turns out Midorima's friend, Takao, the amber eyed young man is the culprit to blame for informing everyone of Nijimura's presence in the city after Midorima tells him passingly, everyone is excited to meet him again. It feels strange to see the boys whom he commanded and regarded as teammates but also as brats to look after for, now all grown up. He especially hates how good Aomine looks and his muscle structure is perfect and as he talks about basketball, Nijimura is already sure that this man is the ace that will change the history of Japanese basketball forever despite his nonchalance and ridiculously huge ego.

If only Akashi... If only he had a chance to continue with basketball, together they could write history.

Nijimura's own absence in that formula hurts him a little but he has always been mature enough to accept and handle the great skills of the miracles around him...

There is one more peculiar person he realises very early on, sitting near Kuroko and occasionally bickering with Aomine is a redhead called Kagami. Apparently he is Kuroko's roommate and they were also in the same high school. They are pretty close and it is almost shocking for Nijimura, how Kuroko gives these small smiles, makes sarcastic jokes, nudges with his elbow or leans into Kagami... He has seen Kuroko being friendly with others before, he and Aomine were quite close at one point, but does not remember them being like this. Kagami and Kuroko look almost inseparable.

Conversation comes to revolve around their Teikō days and some random memories and lots of laughter are shared (though he can feel something is wrong about the latter days of Teikō because nobody seems to recount anything about those days, or Haizaki for that matter), then the subject turns to how each is doing now and after they all talk about their current lives (and Nijimura is especially surprised at Kise's talent, he is juggling university, basketball team, and modelling apparently – he looks extremely childish sometimes given his antics but he is perhaps one of the maturest amongst them), Nijimura asks about Murasakibara... Apparently he is good. Nijimura openly wonders how is Murasakibara dealing with life alone, he has depended on Akashi a lot... He admits that he is even surprised he ended up somewhere so farther away from Akashi.

"Well, it is life..." Kise says thoughtfully,

"Plus he has a new mama now." Aomine chimes in and smirks at Kagami's way for some reason and Kagami gets incredibly riled up at some insinuation in that statement which Nijimura cannot decipher.

"He has changed a bit." Kuroko tries to explain,

"Everyone has..." Kise concludes,

"Akashi included." Midorima adds after the fact.

"Well everyone changes and we were kids then, it is expected. So it is normal... But I still think there is some part of you that stays same. Akashi included." Nijimura comments,

"Well you haven't met Akashi though..." Aomine scoffs, which somehow irritates Nijimura so he spills,

"I actually have."

That has the figurative effect of a bomb being dropped on their table.

"You have?!" Midorima seems to be the most surprised one, his eyes large and tone both confused and upset,

"Yes. We saw each other a couple of times."

And had no strings attached, hot, tender sex. Nijimura does not pronounce that last bit.

"I never knew..." Midorima mumbles,

Nijimura wonders if he has made a mistake revealing it.

"It is just like him to not tell..." Aomine shakes his shoulders in a gesture of 'whatever', Midorima seems to be still stuck at it though,

"But we play shogi every month. I saw him just before he left for Europe."

"Wait, the day you rejected my offer to see the new Marvel film, saying you had a prior arrangement with a friend?"

"Yes. What about it?"

"I can't believe Shin-chan stood me up for Akashi. Like... Akashi of all people!"

"It was the last time we could play shogi, he has been away all summer."

"Who cares?! Why do you even play with him in the first place? You know in the odd chance that you are victorious, he may commit seppuku or worse, kill you off."

"He is not like that... any more."

He is indeed not like that and Takao has spoken too harshly, he knows, but if there is one miracle he cannot bring himself to ever like, it is Akashi. He has never seen Midorima cry like when Akashi makes him cry. It irritates the hell out of him; how deep the bond between them lies, how Akashi understands Midorima so intimately, how he could so truly pain or anger Midorima... He is the only other person capable of such affect and does not like to share this privilege with the diabolical emperor wannabe.

Nijimura is piqued though:

"What do you mean 'any more'?"

"Uh..."

A silence falls around them and for some reason everyone is reluctant to elaborate. Nijimura's eyebrow shift in suspicion,

"Come on?"

"Things went a little bit out of control after you left... Nijimura senpai."

"Especially with Akashi."

"Says the guy who was worst of us all!" Kise retorts glaring at Aomine,

"Hey! I was not violent at least..."

"Weren't you?" Kuroko looks intently,

"Not... unless extremely needed and completely unavoidable! Damn. Not like Akashi, I never declared to gouge my eyes out if I lost a game!"

Takao gulped down his soda,

"That... that was really scary."

"He said something like that?"

Nijimura's voice is surprisingly unsurprised, but he feels the sickness rising in his stomach... Kuroko clears his throat then and speaks,

"You see... things changed a little after you left and Akashi-kun..."

As Kuroko explained some of the things they went through in their last year in Teikō and then later in high school, Nijimura got the sense that he summarised too much and carefully ignored some of the most scandalous bits; at least that was how it seemed based on others' reactions to Kuroko's words. What captured Nijimura's interest the most was the kind of voice and words Kuroko used specially for Aomine's and Akashi's cases; it was obvious that he had been personally invested and worried the most about them... The undertone during his little talk and the awkward silence that followed seemed to suggest that while they all thought the worst was over, they were still a little bit uneasy near Akashi.

Nijimura thought many things while Kuroko spoke but did not care to discuss anything. One thing he knew, he would like to hear the story from Akashi as well. One often thought things made sense in their point of view but things could look very different from another's.

He had heard what Kuroko thought and felt, but what about Akashi?

Only two days after their little get together, Nijimura receives a text message from Kuroko this time inviting him over for a basketball game. It turns out they play basketball occasionally, with some of their mates from high school joining as well as the main Teikō gang, Haizaki is again nowhere to be seen and Nijimura does not comment on how alienated they all seem from him. He also does not wish to open up the subject of Akashi again... He has felt angry at both himself and them but mostly at himself; he was a child too, he knows, he had so much burden to bear too, but he cannot help finding fault in his choices then...

They are all a little shocked when he says he could play as a point guard, which is the position that is especially lacking that day, too many power forwards... His skills as a power forward and small forward are good but he realises he is weak compared to Aomine, Kagami, and Kise respectively... Takao is pretty good too as a point guard, but he easily beats any others on that spot.

If Akashi was there, they all would be utterly defeated.

He remembers how he felt the first time he saw the young boy, hair scarlet like the last moments of a majestic sunset, gaze unfaltering and strong like that of a seasoned general, face smooth and beautifully curved like a pretty child's... He was intense and weird and though he gave off that aura, Nijimura had a hard time believing he could play basketball well enough to be in the first string of Teikō.

The moment Akashi started playing, Nijimura was awed. But what awed him the most was actually afterwards: the heir of the greatest business conglomerate in all of Japan, the boy with wisdom and intelligence well beyond his years, the child who has always accomplished everything in full perfection... spent his days practising as though he desperately needed it. How hard-working and dutiful Akashi was – it was astonishing to Nijimura.

It still is, he finds himself, and he also finds himself wishing Akashi was there with them to play...

He does not say anything about this.

Kuroko does near the end though, "It would be even more fun if Akashi-kun was here..."

He is smiling a little and a few nods happen and a notable "tch" on Takao's part. At the end, Kagami simply swoops the smaller youth up in his arms, Kuroko is drenched in sweat, his body completely spent and Kagami is rolling his eyes.

When they are all returning home, Nijimura already deep in thought that perhaps he should work out more, he absent-mindedly realises Kuroko and Kagami walking away a few metres in front of him... As his eyes refocus he realises, they are right next to each other, chatting as they walk, Kuroko is smiling, and their hands or arms touch to each other with every step, as they slightly lean in and away from each other. It is almost nonexistent but it is there. It looks almost accidental but Nijimura can feel it is not. Not with Kuroko. Not with Kuroko smiling cheerfully and charmed like that. Not with the redhead wild in court looking so tender like that.

Ah, Nijimura thinks...

So they are like that.