Akashi sighs and dons a pleasant smile before inserting his key to open the door, Reo is pouting on the sofa and is already dressed elegantly, ready for an outing.
"I am home."
"Welcome home... Finally!"
"I am sorry for leaving you alone."
"If you were truthfully sorry, you could have just stayed Sei-chan! Do you know how frustrating it was? To wake up and find myself alone at home."
"I had to go to school."
"Please, you can pass your exams like a breeze even if you did not go to the school and no professor would dare make a matter of your attendance anyway."
"My brilliance in grasping the subjects does not change that as a student it is my duty to attend classes."
"Isn't it boring to be so prim and proper when you don't need to be?"
Akashi responds nonchalantly as he moves to the bedroom, only for Reo to follow him obediently as if ordered to do so,
"I am not so much prim and proper but respectful and dutiful."
"Are you changing right away? You looked good in those. Slim fit slacks look stunning on you."
"Thank you, but I have to suit up for our date, don't I?"
"Our date? What are you talking about? Well, I was hungry and how can a maiden say 'no' to Akashi-sama, huh?"
Akashi chuckles as he unbuttons his shirt, not minding Reo's presence at all,
"There is a reason why you yourself have dressed up so exquisitely, after all. In any case, how uncouth it would be to not take you out for a lovely dinner when you are finally in town. I heard great reviews for this particular French restaurant..."
Though his words feel like sweet and tender kisses for Reo, Akashi's bare arms and back cause a shudder and gasp, and not for the reasons they often did,
"You... You let him bind you?"
Akashi is unperturbed and continues his undressing without batting an eyelash to Reo's stare or the remnants of the rope burns on his body,
"Sometimes. Sometimes I tie him up. We both like diversity at times."
"Do you trust him that much? I knew you did a bit, considering you took him home but... this..."
"I do trust him. He is a friend."
"How much did you even know him before you met again? Wasn't the last time you saw him in middle school? You were literally children then. You say it so easily... "
"It is true that when this started I did not have intimate knowledge of him to trust him to this degree but you do not need to have such close experience of someone necessarily; I knew his personality well enough to know the level of confidence I could have in him. After all, trust should never be about blind faith but a good perception of another's character and capability."
"And that's it? It took you so much to trust us, even a little. You let him in just like that? Only because you can ascertain? Don't you think you overrate him by that?"
"Issues we had in the beginning were more due to my reluctance to properly relate to others. Thanks to you and others I am more comfortable in relating to people now, it is expected that it might be easier. Isn't it? Plus, knowledge of such a naïve phase in both our lives is quite important in deduction of one's character. All in all, this is more about the relationship he provides to me. You must admit it is convenient, pleasurable, and I do not mind him at all. If anything, I welcome his presence. "
"And you don't welcome mine?"
"Reo."
"I know we talked about this... But, I do not understand, why him but not me?"
"You do know why."
"No, I do not."
"It would not work. I would have hurt you."
"And you would not hurt him?"
"Not in the same manner. You would fall in love with me."
"What about him? Even if he does not love you now, what if he falls in love with you in the future?"
"First of all, when this started, to be frank I did not truly care whether he would be hurt."
"But you would care right now, wouldn't you? I saw the way you look at him, you are very much fond of him, it is evident."
Akashi sighs and stares at Reo's face, his friend's eyes are tinged with a mix of anger and envy... Neither particularly liked discussing this topic, it was already discussed enough times in the past, but it is unavoidable this time.
"I would and if he indeed fell in love with me, perhaps he would be hurt. But not like you would have. You are a thing of Eros, not just of flesh but of heart. You need your heart to constrict with longing and fall deep into a desperate craving of not just the body but also the soul of your significant other, and most importantly for them to feel as such for you. And I can never reciprocate such a feeling. He is not like that though. He is a thing of Agape, he does not need me to return anything, he would never even ask me to return anything even if he had no idea of my aromantic nature."
"'Agape'? Yet he can tie you up and fuck you raw?"
Akashi receives the furious blunder with compassion, his voice is calm as he explains,
"Precisely why it has been very convenient and beneficial for me. You know very well how sex is a healthy and pleasing way of relieving stress for me as well as a natural inclination. You, yourself was vehemently against me seeking it in strangers, out of fear of what they would try to do to me or the distasteful drama they could unleash. Isn't this setting just perfect then?"
"Yes but I..." Reo does not or rather cannot finish that sentence but the ensuing perfect silence finishes it in the most accurate manner perhaps, Akashi does not comment to not further agitate his friend and silently changes into a pair of black dress pants, not minding Reo's stare that wanders with yearning over his alabaster skin prickled and stained beautifully with various bruises, legacy of his hours well-spent with Nijimura yesterday. When Reo speaks again his voice is less agitated but sad still,
"Did he really do nothing? Your father?"
Akashi turns at this and his face leans to the right side a little, he smiles to himself then, a genuine and poignant smile,
"No, he did not."
"Yet you felt stressed enough to leave the city and hurl yourself into the arms of Shuu-chan?"
Akashi chuckles silently at the ridiculous nickname that somehow feels very endearing coming from Reo's mouth, though he is absolutely certain Reo has not actually uttered it endearingly (still he is aware that this is a step towards acceptance, which is good),
"Yes... Perhaps this time, I can even say that the problem lied with me."
"What do you mean?"
"Do you know, Nijimura left for the States as soon as he graduated? His family had moved there for his father's treatment, the man was gravely ill. They moved before him to allow him some space and time as an adolescent, regardless he followed them eagerly afterwards... In fact the reason he had left the captain position to me earlier than expected was because of his father's condition and his responsibilities due to that... He..." Akashi pauses as if the words escape him and Reo cannot help his lips drift apart slightly in surprise, though not gaping, that would be only rude to Akashi; nevertheless, for the redhead to be so lost in thought or emotion to slip up in his otherwise impeccably fluid oration is a sight to behold,
"He," Akashi repeats after clearing his throat quickly, "loves them so much. He loved his father so much and he was equally loved by his father and family. When I told him about how I cannot feel romantic love and questioned what 'love' is in the first place and whatnot, this resonated with him in terms of familial love... He started telling me how he could not understand his friends' indifference to their families during high school. How at one point as a high school student he had been ready to donate one of his kidney's for his father, if he could... That..." Akashi pauses this time to snicker dryly,
"That is something I do not understand. He initially entered Tōdai in Pharmaceutical Science, he is brighter than what most attribute him to but not that bright. God knows how much he had to study and struggle, but he did, he persevered. Why? For his father. For his family. Then his father dies last year and to me it is the perfect black humour of Fate. He does not break apart though, neither does his family; they became closer instead, stronger almost. He does anything he can to offload his mother, he works, he studies, despite not being particularly studious. He is so dutiful, so responsible, so dedicated... At times, he blames himself for his father's death... over some mistakes he did as a child, he was a delinquent and whatnot... Can you believe it? Can you believe how stupidly in love he is with them?"
Akashi snickers again and sighs,
"I do not understand it. I cannot. I never felt such a connection with my family. All I have are vague memories of my late mother. Even when she was alive, I was constantly held back from relishing in that love, because of my father, because of my duties, because of the weight of my future. Ours has never been a family; it is an enterprise which I am to eventually take over. When we lost her, we could not even come together in our sadness. Akashis never accept loss, so we didn't accept her loss either. Being the heir ruled my life like before, it still does. I never felt any lacking for not having a family like others. Yet when I met my father in Kyoto and the first thing he asks me is our stocks, I recalled how every time Nijimura calls his family, the first thing they ask him is if he is fine and eating well... If my mother lived, perhaps she would ask that too. Then I realised: I wouldn't know how to respond. If she magically awoke from death today, I wouldn't know how to love her. I wouldn't know how to react to such tender love."
Akashi's face morphs into a bittersweet smile then and it is almost miserable that it prickles Reo's heart dearly,
"I am not envious nor do I think I necessarily need such affection at this point, but I am resentful. I was left with nobody but my father and he made sure that I lack this fundamental form of affection. Everyone takes it for granted yet I've never tasted it. Do you understand how enraging that is? To even imagine how things could be different if only... During our dinner, I felt such an upsurge of dissatisfaction and displeasure that I simply could not stand him. He is pitifully weak yet shamelessly arrogant. It was disgusting. I had to leave."
Akashi has already finished buttoning his shirt and curses silently inside; Reo is one of the few people who can make him talk so long like that and also of such intimate content. He has to though, if he did not, the beautiful Yaksha would relentlessly ask him till he eventually answered. Why endure such heavy interrogation to begin with?
Reo sits on the bed dejectedly,
"Did you tell Nijimura about this?"
Akashi genuinely smiles then and Reo thinks, Akashi's sincere little smiles are one of the most beautiful things ever created by God,
"I did not, because I am afraid he would find some blame in himself. Moreover, we are close and intimate enough that he could feel the urge to be a 'family' to me. To give what I lack. It would be pitiful for him though and I could not tolerate the grandiose in him thinking so in the first place, despite knowing his pure intentions. He is inclined to be a martyr whenever he feels the need but I have no wish to make him one for my sake."
"You are very fond of him... Makes me jealous, I must admit."
"You are, I know. But I don't think you would prefer me not to..."
"No, I would not."
Reo sighs and frowns a little, Akashi walks near them and combs the inky hair with his slender and pale fingers,
"I also know you are sad, because you are jealous and you do not like being jealous. You are also happy though, because you see that I am content and more peaceful than before and this makes you content, for you are a dear friend. And you truly are because you are also afraid, despite knowing how strong I am, you are afraid that he could somehow manage to hurt me simply out of the extraordinary proximity I've allowed him. But don't be."
"Why? Because you are invincible? Or perhaps you trust him to the point that you think he would never hurt you?"
"Partially because I am as invincible as a human could ever achieve to be so it is very difficult to hurt me; however, anyone can hurt another, willingly or unwillingly; that is the nature of our kind, I am not so naïve to think otherwise anymore, I know better now. But don't be afraid because I will protect myself and not fall victim to my own demons or someone else's. I don't expect you to believe in him but me."
"That is one fine line to seize a maiden's heart."
"We both know you are not a maiden any longer, you know."
"Ah please, my heart will forever be a maiden unlike yours."
Reo, amused now, bounces up the bed and points to the door to which Akashi smiles and nods, as they make their way out of the apartment Reo mumbles,
"I think I am more jealous of him than Kuro-chan."
"Interesting. Why?"
"Kuroko has always been more of an obsession for you than a reasonable and healthy choice and I know you well enough to know that despite all, you are too rational to continue an obsession forever."
Akashi starts to ponder certain things he has not before upon this revelation, but only response he gives is a barely audible, "Hmm..."
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Nijimura Shūzō did not expect any visitors that day. However, his visitors did not mind being unexpected, it seems.
The first happens to be Mibuchi Reo who storms into the cafeteria in the main building where Chemistry Department's labs are located. Nijimura does not have any chance of not realising them because not only is Reo towering over every other student at the cafeteria being blessed with a height of 190 centimetres but is also positively dashing. A surge of chatter and whispers coincides with the tall beauty's entrance and unlike the cadres of overworked and weary students trying to get a quick bite, Reo is refreshing, spirited, and very stylish. Nijimura sighs and wonders just what Mibuchi Reo would want from him but before he can ponder much about the question, Reo, having located him easily, is already sitting across him.
"I don't remember inviting you over to sit?"
"Oh, some handsome men indeed show their allure in their scowls."
This only makes Nijimura scowl harder,
"Is there anything you want from me? Or are you on a tour of the cafeterias of Tōdai? Not to disappoint you but our food is pretty mediocre."
"How sweet; your attempts at sarcasm, I mean. Obviously I came to see you."
"Why?"
"I am not sure how to start, because I have never given a talk like this."
"Perhaps you should not give it now either then?"
"Ah, but I think it is needed or rather I cannot help it."
"What is it?"
"Okay, if I said it in any other way he would have my head. So let me put it this way: Akashi Seijūrō is a man you could never disrupt or unsettle by power or might or force..."
"I am already aware of that."
"Nor can you by treachery, vice, or deceit."
"Yes?"
"Good. Are you also aware of the fact that I did not mention respectful kindness, unselfish affection, and tenacious faith among any of those? Please do note. Please."
"That is a very roundabout way of putting things."
"I know and it is totally not like me, if only you knew me! But Sei-chan would be upset with me otherwise."
"Don't you think you are overbearing?"
"Don't you think you are overbearing?"
They both sigh.
"Now that you understand, I can take my leave."
"Reo..."
"What?"
"I am not overbearing. There are times I wish I was though."
"It is better that you are not. He prefers you like this."
"He does?"
There is a mix of distress and satisfaction in the smile Reo gives in place of a response, it is like a torrent of rain in the middle of a day of glaring sunshine. Nijimura's question is left unanswered and Reo leaves without any goodbye, as abruptly as they came.
The second guest Nijimura receives that day arrives much later. It is past 8 pm and he is trying to finish organising some data when he hears a knock on the door. The redhead peeks from behind the half opened door and Nijimura can feel his chest relax a little, his fatigue fade away a bit, and the realisation of this immediate peaceful and calming reaction is slightly vexing in itself.
"Do you have a minute Nijimura-san?"
"Yes. Is there something?"
"Nothing important, I just finished studying in the library and thought you might still be around. Here, you forgot it when you left the other day."
The box is properly wrapped again and Nijimura stares at it for a second, various feelings rise within him, he holds it in his hands fully aware of what it holds inside; a small and graceful maneki-neko.
"Have a nice evening..." Akashi says smiling, he looks amused and satisfied and Nijimura wonders if it is in response to how he himself looks right now; he is sure his expression must be strange, but what kind of a face is he making? He was scowling and glaring at the numbers just a moment ago. He is not sure now. Before the redhead leaves though, he calls for him,
"Akashi."
"Yes?"
"Has Reo left?"
"Yes, this afternoon."
There is a glint in the stare that is equally crimson and golden, surely he knows about Reo's little visit, not because the particular visitor has told him but simply out of his near clairvoyant and omniscient nature,
"Would you like to have dinner?"
"Don't you have work?"
"I am about to finish the immediate part... like in five minutes? The rest can wait tomorrow."
That was stupid.
How can he forget that he still has a little bit of work left? What is he expecting, the great Akashi-sama to wait for him in the lab? In return though, the great Akashi-sama simply sighs, not an exasperated one, a much entertained one, borderline cheeky,
"Well, if it is going to be five minutes, sure. There is a small Chinese restaurant nearby, it is a very modest place but I hear the food is very decent."
Nijimura nods and puts the box on his work station near his laptop before he starts typing as fast as he can, Akashi watches over him, reclining at the door frame and seems strangely content.
A little later the work is complete and they go out together, making small talk out of the most mundane things as they walk side by side...
And Akashi does not comment that it took exactly eleven minutes and nine seconds for Nijimura to wrap up his work than just five.
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December comes in all its freezing glory, it rains ice and Nijimura secretly fears falling sick despite the confidence he usually has in his immune system and stamina. Workload has increased tremendously at the lab as there is much they need to rush and wrap up before the Winter Break and his younger brother has fallen ill, so the brunette visits and calls home as many times as he can; doctors had called it just another case of flu, an epidemic has been ravaging the population these days, they said; some rest and proper hydration, it should pass, they said. But after a week, the poor boy is still pretty much bedridden and Nijimura is frustrated with himself and everything... This helplessness pisses him off, especially so when his mother literally shoos him off the house, claiming that he'll end up catching the virus and it's not proper for an adult male to be so attached to his family.
If anyone else uttered that last part, he would make them pay and even respond with some intelligent statements about masculinity and so on (vocabulary and ideas partially stolen from Akashi's long critiques and tirades) but he knows his mother is joking and only wishes him to relieve some stress and focus on some self-care.
But how do you care for yourself? How do you be selfish? Young man has no idea so he does the only thing that has ever been synonymous with self-indulgence in his own life: play basketball.
Perhaps, he still has some luck on him because Kise had indeed invited him to play with them that particular Sunday, he had declined earlier to visit his family instead, but now being free, he drops in. Akashi is there already; this is probably the first time the redhead is not the final person to arrive at the court but he does not seem to mind. Instead raven haired man can read a genuine concern in the sharp gaze that scrutinise him thoroughly and unabashedly.
Suddenly, Nijimura feels a little bit better.
They had not made plans at all but it is as if they didn't have to; both politely excuse themselves from the usual late lunch the group has after the games; instead they walk over to a café which Akashi has claimed to be serving a deliciously bold roast that Nijimura simply needed to taste. The place is too fancy for the brunette's palate and if he was the one paying, he would never hand over such a fortune for a single cup of coffee but he has to confess the coffee is perfectly delectable and manages to rejuvenate him despite all his hardly repressed concerns and raging depression.
"What is it?" Akashi asks finally, voice calm and attentive.
Nijimura wonders, in how many times out of ten the redhead is actually fully aware of the answer when he poses questions such as this?Probably ten out of ten, he concludes in his mind.
"My little bro is still sick..."
"Hmm... I heard flu is especially bad this time around. My housekeeper has been hit hard too, she could not come last week because of that. But she has been back this week."
"So you're saying it's just normal? That it's 'nothing'? Doctors keep saying so too yet he has been bedridden for days..."
"I am not saying it is 'nothing', obviously it is something if he is ill. However, yes, it is likely normal given the timing and if there is anything I could do, it would be my pleasure. If you don't trust the doctors he has seen, I can kindly offer one of our hospitals, for example? They would be more than glad to be of service."
Nijimura chuckles dryly, they both know why but neither brings it up, another sip from the mysterious black concoction that claims to be coffee but is much superior to any coffee he has ever tasted... It is then he realises how placid he feels now, his mind clears and his heart calms, it is like magic and he wonders the cause. The best coffee he has ever drank? The tranquil atmosphere of the classy café? Akashi's presence? The simple honesty of his grandeur?
"It's fine... His current doctors are not that bad. I've just been frustrated and worried... You're right though, it should be just the flu."
A comfortable silence falls upon them and they relish it for a bit, at least Nijimura is sure that he savours it lovingly and Akashi seems to be as well. He breaks it later, when a specific thought comes to his mind,
"Could you help me buy a Christmas present for my sister? I am clueless again..."
The question somehow brings a small smile to Akashi's graceful lips and Nijimura cannot decipher why, still he is grateful; making the redhead smile always satisfies him greatly.
"Sure. When would you be available? I'm afraid, I will be extremely occupied the week of Christmas, we have annual corporate events and parties that I need to attend."
"How about today? Not like the present will get old if I buy it early."
"Sure. I'm free till evening."
After they finish drinking their coffee and leave the place, it takes them less than only two hours to be done with the shopping, about an hour of which is spent on transportation alone; if it was left to Nijimura alone, he would have wandered from one shop to another the whole day. He shows his gratitude to Akashi by taking him to a ramen place he loves; it is tiny and looks pitiful but serves some great ramen and he knows the redhead does not mind as long as the food is decent and the place is not filthy. They take the train back home and the brunette wonders if Akashi ever uses such lowly public transportation when alone; probably not. Though he does not seem to be bothered at all despite the crowded space. Nijimura himself does not mind, actually he has to admit that now he takes a special kind of pleasure from blocking others from touching Akashi, thanks to his bigger build. The redhead is average and not minimal at all, it's him who has larger than average size and is particularly aware and satisfied of this fact at moments like this as their bodies press. On his part, Akashi is still like an ancient rock, despite the rattling of the wagon he does not even shift or slide – it is as if he is defiant and there is a peculiar smugness to his gaze that drives Nijimura restless with sudden desire; his imagination gets out of control and he fantasises the most obscene kinds of passion unfold between them in a wagon full of people, shaking ground, and blaring noises of the train.
Since when has he become so shameless and insatiable?
It must be Akashi, he swears inside and his breath hitches, his mouth runs dry as the asymmetric gaze bores into his eyes knowingly. It is as if Akashi can read all the x-rated filthy imagery off Nijimura's mind and it's ridiculous to think so but somehow the brunette is almost certain of it as a tiny impish smirk creeps onto the edge of Akashi's thin lips.
It's Akashi who leaves first, the cruel dictum of the locations of their residences. When Nijimura arrives home, the walk in the frigid air of December, facing lethargic but chilly breezes that blow snowflakes around and onto his face, has drained every bit of lust and fervour in him. He sets aside the presents (a nice silver bracelet for his sister per Akashi's recommendation and an 3DS for his brother per his own decision) and turns to his phone to give a call home only to realise he has received a message from Akashi Seijūrō:
[From: Akashi]
["I'm sure you are the type who trusts more to modern medicine and I am as well, but here is the recipe of a herbal mint tea my caretaker used to make for me whenever I caught cold or flu. If anything, it is very soothing."]
He hurls himself to bed and re-reads the message, scrolling down and checking out the recipe as well. He reads it again then. And then again. He does not remember Akashi ever skipping school or the club practice out of sickness, though he can recall several epidemics of flu that had raged their school. It was as if the heir had never been ill yet what he realises most intimately is that, it is bullshit. Of course Akashi gets ill too. The word 'caretaker' stings him profoundly; he remembers how Akashi never talked nor ever talks about his mother. On the other hand, his father, the famous head of the Akashi household, is a topic rarely ever discussed and if so, always with utter disdain. He imagines a child of ridiculously large eyes with the most preciously beautiful heterochromia, lying sick in a grand bed only to be looked after by a housekeeper... The recipe written below Akashi's own message uses a peculiar vocabulary that definitely does not belong the redhead; he must have contacted the said caretaker to actually acquire it...
A rush of affection floods Nijimura's chest and he wishes dearly to hold Akashi now; not passionately, not to devour him or be devoured by him, but to embrace him tenderly with kindness and love. Love of all sorts and natures; of friendship, of family, of romance, of camaraderie... Smother Akashi Seijūrō in all kinds of love, regardless if he will ever return any at all.
Then he realises how silly his worries and questions and internal interrogations had been...
He has come to love Akashi in all manners of love possible and there is no denying that. A relief washes over him with this realisation, the honesty seems to calm his frustrations from before but the weight of yearning is still very much present.
He sighs loudly in the emptiness of his own room and then forwards the recipe to his mother's phone and takes a picture of the gift boxes sitting atop his bedside table to send to his siblings with a caption of "Guess what?"
Later, he spends rest of his night studying, taking refuge in the cold formulae of stereochemistry as an increasingly uncomfortable and ominous silence rules the inside of his heart.
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(A/N: This is one of the shortest chapters but was one of the hardest. I edited this countless times for many days. It is still not exactly as I want it, so I may edit it further [or rewrite it in all to be honest] in the future. This is probably the worst time to be writing a fic on Akashi but I was glad that I had actually got most of it pretty close to canon; I had just imagined Akashi to have lost his mother much younger and also the Akashi#1 carrying more contempt at the pitifulness of Akashi#2. Adjusted the former a bit, the latter was anyway subtler and I had thought that by the time he is in university, he is not necessarily one or the other of his personae, but a healthier amalgamation of both of sorts. While its focus may seem to turn to Nijimura later on, this chapter is really about Akashi. Some other important notes:
(1) I am not sure sure how or why but it seems some people thought that Akashi could end up falling in love with Nijimura within this story. Well, he won't. Not in a romantic sense at least because Akashi is aromantic here and thus precisely incapable of romantic love.
(2) It is my headcanon that whenever they are out, just the two of them, it is the person who invites the other that pays. So if Akashi invited Nijimura to a place, he will pay the tab, or vice versa.
(3) It is also my headcanon that any sexual NijiAka ship should contain some bedroom diversity, especially of bdsm sort, because let's face it both of them hold a lot of pent up stress, are burdened with both glory and loss, tested with control and power[lessness], add to that their canon violent/forceful tendencies; it is just the perfect formula.
(4) However, as a follow up to above, I don't think theirs is a relationship with strict hierarchy or dominance of any sort, which is kind of the point:
Akashi is unique in that most fall short of being his equal, however Nijimura is perhaps the sole one he has ever stood as equals with to a degree. I'd like to see how that plays out in the future basically.
[Sorry for the blabber!])