Breathe in. Breathe out. Slowly. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Close one eye. Don't lock your arms up. Keep our feet firm. Breathe in. Breathe out. Shoulders relaxed. Not too relaxed. Aim for the head. Don't make a sound. Don't take your eyes off the target. Don't freeze up. Breathe in. Breathe out. Take your time. Don't take too much time. Every second, you're in danger. Think. Think clearly. Think quickly. Steady now. Breathe in.
Pull the trigger.
It'd been nine months now- I think- since Quinn left out on her own when I decided to join with the camp of refugees that we happened to come across. I tried to get her to stay with me, the first time we'd spoken in weeks, where we would be safe and have food and clean water, but she just shook her head. The only thing she had to say about the situation is that she doubted that they would want an infected in their ranks. And then she took half of what we'd kept with us and headed out into the fog one evening. She was gone. I thought about going after her, I thought about her not making it out there alone, but something stopped me. Or... Should I say someone stopped me.
The night that we came across the camp, we'd accidentally drawn the attention of a group of infected a few miles away in the middle of nowhere. We knew it'd been a risky choice to make in the first place, but with all of the debris and the Cleaners broadcast announcing that they would be not too far away from us, we took our chances on the empty highway into the next town. Just like we'd guessed, we were ambushed. I owed Quinn my life yet again for that one. With her quick instincts, she managed to not only prevent herself from being bitten, she also saved me from the man that had come up behind me. Just when I thought her was about to sink his teeth into my neck, there she was. With a bullet through his head. We fled. Blindly. We hoped we were still on the right track, but after the encounter, we'd lost our sense of direction that we were barely clinging to as it was. The infected pursued us a bit further before a truck came rolling up in front of us with a few armed people jumping out to take care of the ones chasing us. We were invited back for a hot meal, and it was more than a welcomed invitation. We were able to eat and clean ourselves up and be secure for the night.
It appeared to be an old motel that had somehow been turned into a base of sorts with barbed wire and a large metal gate surrounded with abandoned RVs and guard towers made out of wood that they must have built themselves. Thanks to a generator they powered with the gas from the abandoned vehicles, they even had electricity. It was heaven compared to the wasteland we'd been stuck in all this time.
And that's when we were taken to see the leader of this little campsite. If I hadn't seen it for myself, I still wouldn't have believed someone f they'd told me.
Lately my thoughts ventured back to Quinn quite frequently. In this quiet time, it was surprising to think of how much I'd been confused on everything. I had to piece things together; I had to remember. If I forgot, then it would all have been for nothing. I remembered back to when we first were alone together. How back then, I hadn't questioned her moving close to me at night, holding me. I thought of how different it felt the last time, so much so that I'd even forgotten that it used to be the norm. She'd gotten so distant over our time together, I supposed it was just something my mind let slip. I had to ask myself why I questioned it now but back then... I just fell into her. I'd let her use me before, but... Perhaps the whole bath thing was just what planted the seed of confusion. I couldn't honestly tell anymore.
I closed my eyes. I'd been remembering her as the cheerleader with her shiny, blonde hair and boyfriend Finn Hudson that she intended to share prom royalty with our senior year, but... That wasn't it, was it? This wasn't the same Quinn I'd been thinking of this entire time. The pink had long since faded from her hair, and she hadn't been trying to find more cigarettes for months now. I guess in my mind it was just hard to keep everything apart now. But no, that's right. This was the newer Quinn. The one that a lot of the old glee club didn't always approve of. This was the Quinn that found me when I was alone to check up on how everyone was doing. Had so much really happened that I forgot about ho she'd become? Perhaps if I'd had this time before, I wouldn't have left her to her own devices now. She was alone. And I was selfish.
It was actually coming to this place that reminded me of so much. Not just the time to think, but someone who could actually remember had taken the time to talk to me and tell me what they remembered and how much it really varied from my own story. You see, when we arrived here, we were brought to the founder and leader of the small camp. Our jaws dropped in unison as she emerged from her tent, head shaved to only show dark roots against her head, a large gun swung over her back and a knife stuck in a sheath on her right leg. Santana Lopez stood before us with a look that quickly changed from the same shock on our faces to a smirk that I couldn't tell what meant exactly.
"Well, well, well. Q and Man Hands. Isn't this a surprise?" There were unexpected hugs and laughs, and our first night there was joining her in her tent for some nasty brown liquid that had us all drunk fairly quickly. They laughed at me for a portion of the night and teased about how I should have been more adventurous in high school. And then once everyone was rosy cheeked and slurring words, Santana let slip the one secret she and I both agreed to take to our graves.
"Do you remember," she spoke between a few more drinks, "how in high school, you found me and Brit in the girl's locker room, Berry? Yeah, remember? We'd just gotten into that huge fight, and there you were in your tiny underwear and nothing covering your tiny, tiny boobs." She laughed so hard she spilled some of her drink on her arm which she then proceeded to lick up.
Perhaps if my mind hadn't been swimming, my reaction would have been more tactful. But instead I was holding a finger to my lips and letting out a loud shushing noise as I looked from her to Quinn and back while trying to hold back my giggling. Quinn didn't look so amused already. "We promised not to tell anyone about all of that, do you remember?"
Without going into any further details on this end, Santana went into every detail on her end. And this was how Quinn found out that after Santana and Brittany S. Pierce had their biggest argument ever that left them both single and heartbroken, I had somehow found myself becoming Santana's rebound. Now, there was a lot more to this story. It began with Brittany running off, and Santana noticing that I'd been looking over at them while I was trying to change back into my school clothes from being in gym class. The next thing I knew, I'd been pinned against a wall and was being threatened. But somehow Santana took the time in between her threats to crudely look over my body, which I could only hide so much of, and give me that same, trademark smirk.
She didn't fail to mention every detail of our first night together either. It began with her threatening me with even harsher bullying for the rest of my life until I agreed to come over to one of the only other times I'd been drunk in my life. And being in this drunk state, truth or dare became the name of the game for the night. And she certainly didn't fail to mention how while playing this, she'd somehow gotten it out of me that not only had I'd had feelings for a girl before, but pointed her finger right into Quinn's chest and snickered before informing her that it'd been her.
Blushing so hard that I was sure my face was to melt off soon, I somehow managed to take this time to look over at Quinn just in time to see her lower her glass and give me a look that I still can't decipher. Eyes squinted at me and her mouth opened a little, all she said was, "Really?" so quietly that I almost thought I'd misheard until Santana spoke up again.
"Oh, Q. This girl had it bad for you. She went on and on about how pretty you were and how kind you'd been to her over the years- even though I always thought we were into tormenting her together. On and on and on, I swear to god. Before finally she gets all depressed about everything and starts crying, and saying how none of it mattered because she could never tell you, and you'd never accept it, and blah blah blah. God, the only way I could get her to shut up finally was to kiss her damn mouth. And after that, I don't know. I guess it just became a thing." She laughed again and threw her arm around Quinn who was still looking over at me with that look that finally sent my eyes down to the glass clutched in my hands. "I told her if she ever told anyone, I'd kill her, but I guess all of that doesn't really matter now, since we're all dead anyway."
Finally, Quinn seemed to have had enough. She slammed her glass down on the small table we'd been using to pour drinks on and left us without saying anything. Later that night when I tried to return to the motel room Santana had said for us to feel free to use, the door had been locked, and Quinn didn't ever answer after all of my knocking and pleading. And so somehow I was staying the night with Santana in her tent that apparently she'd offered to take so that there was enough room for everyone else in her camp.
And maybe it was still the alcohol in my system, but yet again, when her lips found mine and her hand found my thighs that night, I didn't refuse. Just like the first time. Santana had my body; Quinn had my heart. It was just like high school all over again.