April is intolerable. The time he spends at the lab almost doubles because they are rushing and the courses for the term are heavier than he had expected. Akashi has apparently started working part time in one of the companies his family owns and has also decided to start publishing papers; what kind of an undergrad aims to be published in peer reviewed journals only in his second year? The Akashi Seijūrō kind.
At least the redhead attempts to better his communication skills with respect to Nijimura; he texts more or sometimes calls just to talk, he is trying and the initiative entertains Nijimura quite a bit. They are finding their own rhythm and he is pleased to realise how more intimate their relationship is becoming; it is funny, really, because their bodies are already fit perfectly, physical closeness is well developed between them but this mingling of their thoughts and feelings is completely new and a little breath-taking at times and a little awkward in others, becausethey are so different yet they somehow complement each other rather nicely.
Perhaps he has always been aware of it to a certain level; he can recall how in their middle school years, he aspired to certain qualities Akashi held, felt the other to be more adequate and worthy of being a leader for those very characteristics. Yet now, after all that has happened, after all that he has learnt and witnessed, he knows that it is not that simple; aspects of his own character that he once overlooked are not that undesirable perhaps, and perhaps aspects of Akashi that he regarded highly are not so perfect. However, when they are together, there is a balance of sorts; they are not similar at all nor are they polar opposites, they are just two pieces that fit peculiarly well and naturally, with ease.
Weather starts calming to a comfortable heat during May and Nijimura is more than grateful. It is not cold any more but it is not too hot either, it is just right. One particular weekend, when he finally has some time to spare, he visits home, after not having been able to visit the whole month of April he has missed them and they have missed him. Is it because his relationship with Akashi has become so settled and peaceful or is it because of his sleep deprived and overworked mind not being considerate and sharp enough? He is not sure, but when he enters the kitchen of his family household in the morning, wearing only a tank top and a pair of sweatpants and his sister's eyes widen and her lips move into a large cheeky grin and she exclaims, "Oh My God! You have a hickey! Onii-chan has a hickey!" – that's when he feels his world shaking.
Play it cool.
Play it cool.
Goddamn it , play it cool.
"Huh? Don't be stupid... where is it? Must be a bug bite."
"A human sized 'bug'? It is near the end of your left collar bone, ah, there, yes."
Nijimura presses a finger and without the other saying that it is the right spot, he can feel the slight sensitivity of the skin, legacy of that last quickie before he left for Kanagawa for the weekend, damn it.
Play it cool.
"Hmm must be a mosquito or something."
He scratches it with his fingers, more to cover it so that his mother who is now scrutinising him with a raised eyebrow cannot see it clearly.
"Come on onii-chan. I am not a child you know."
"Yeah, well, sorry to burst your bubble but you are a child, according to the law." he retorts before moving out of the kitchen, walking as nonchalantly as he can towards the nearest piece of clothing that he can don to cover the glaring mark of possession and communion. Apart from some cheerful teasing by his siblings during breakfast, the topic is more or less not touched upon, his mother does not say anything until much later when the breakfast is finished and his sister and brother have rushed out of kitchen before they are tasked with any cleaning. It is only his mother and he left in the kitchen, doing the dishes and making small talk about her work when she suddenly asks,
"Do you love her?"
"Huh?"
"Your girlfriend?"
'Girlfriend'.
The word almost scratches his ears is not that he is in any way perturbed by the idea of a 'girlfriend'; it is the knowledge that it is not a 'girlfriend' but correcting this fact would cause so much trouble and confusion that his family simply cannot deal with right now. He sighs,
"Mum, I told you-"
"That you do not have a girlfriend. Yes, sure. And that was a mosquito bite on your collar bone. And I am actually not your mother but her evil doppelgänger."
He sighs again and turns to his mother, iconic scowl in place, eyebrows furrowed,
"Don't look at me like that. You cannot lie to me. I am your mother."
"Fine."
"So you do have a girlfriend?"
"Will you believe me if I said 'no'?"
"Of course not, because it is a lie. You're obviously seeing someone. I honestly don't understand why you're lying. You are an adult now; it is not as if I will chide you for it."
"Yes but... it is just complicated."
"Complicated?"
"Complicated. Very complicated."
"So you are not ready to talk about it? Or for us to meet her yet?"
"God, no, please, no."
"But there will be a time we will meet her, right?"
There is genuine curiosity and a search for assurance in her tone and it almost constricts his windpipe, breathing becomes torturous though he does not show it at all as he casuallyresponds,
"Yeah, of course. Just not now. After we figure things out ourselves first."
Really?
Will there ever be a timewhen he will be able to take Akashi by the hand and come here and inform them of him? He is sure his mother is not prejudiced but she is already taking the brunt of all kinds of social stigma and slander for the 'crime' of being a single mother, a widow. What would their neighbours or her co-workers say? What would happen to her dreams of a daughter-in-law and grandchildren and sure, they have not thought that far into the future with Akashi but what if it shatters her dreams regardless? What if the word gets out and his younger siblings are bullied at school because of it? What if they feel intimidated by Akashi's wealth and mannerisms because in all fairness, they would have every right to be so? What if Akashi does not like them because they are too mundane and uninteresting? What if by sheer chance his mother learns of how their relationship initially started, strictly rational and devoid of emotional yearnings, through only bodily needs and a mutual friendly affection and acceptance of sorts?
"What if"s infest his mind and he is lost in their cacophony until his mother clears her throat and asks in a quieter voice, as if she is questioning particularity of a certain secret between them,
"What is she like?"
Oh mother, where to start?
'She' is certainly nothing like what you must be imagining.
He pauses for a moment, considers, then replies,
"She is… beautiful."
A giggle.
"God, Shuuzou, I didn't raise you to be so superficial."
He chuckles too but understands that she understands.
Beauty, after all, is more than physical aesthetics and brain's hard-wired inclinations to symmetry in faces. Not that he does not appreciate those.
Tribulations of being a bisexual did not bother him much until that point, but as he leaves his mother's house that Sunday at noon, it is all he can think of.
It is funny how it was himself who resolutely argued that future was an unknown and thus they had to savour the present as it is to get Akashi to agree to this; he is still certain about that, he has no doubts whatsoever on that point, yet seeds of new insecurities and fears embed themselves into his heart. What will the future bring? He is not so much afraid of how his relationship will turn in that he has confidence in both himself and Akashi that they will either make it work and if they cannot, they will amicably dissolve it. What concernshim is'the Others'. 'The Friends'. 'The Colleagues'. 'The Society'.
His family.
He does not want to hurt them and he does not want his relationship to hurt them, ever, but there is an ominous feeling that it is likely to, eventually. He has not lied to his mother about anything importantsince second year of middle school; he has been the dutiful and trustworthy son all throughout his father's ailment…Yet there he was that fateful Sunday, lying to her while his face kept calm and indifferent. Lying to her face… and it pains him, to be dishonest to her because she does not deserve it but what do you do when you are certain that it is not the time for the truth and truth will only hurt and harm those around you?
Why should the truth of who he likes be a hurtful matter in the first place? How is that fair? It is not, not at all. He feels wronged, cornered and forced to be someone who he is not; he has always been blunt and it aches to not be so.
He wants to push these worries to the back of his mind so that he can think rationally and calm his nerves down, but it does not work and before he knows it, there he is with his backpack and a plastic bag full of greasy snacks bought from the nearby convenience store, in front of Akashi's door.
Straight to Akashi's place from his mother's, even though they had no plans together. Who knows if Akashi is even in, given his packed schedule...
He rings the bell. He knocks. No answer. He sighs and takes out his phone, a single long press on a virtual button – since when he has Akashi on speed dial? – and the calm voice of his lover greets him, as polite as ever,
"Nijimura-san?"
"Where are you?"
"I am out for an errand but I should be back in ten minutes... Or rather, twenty."
"Twenty?"
"Yes. Can you wait at the door till then?"
Akashi, the damn clairvoyant who stubbornly refuses to accept that fact, sure does not need to ask if Nijimura is in front of his door or not – he already knows it. He already knows the answer to this question too, probably… no, definitely. Nijimura sighs as he slumps down, crouching in front of the door,
"Yes. Yes, I can."
"Okay, see you then."
Akashi does not wait to hang up nor does he utter those cutesy syrupy parting statements most couples do, but then it might be a blessing for Nijimura because he is not sure if he could handle that. He has never liked such obscenely blatant and repetitive mannerism of affection. He has always liked his romance subtle and veiled, all is fair game behind closed doors but gravity and respect overrules all when outside. Most of the time at least, he has his moments of exception like everyone.
Perhaps he could introduce Akashi to his mother as a friend. Yes, yes, that's a good idea. If she at least got to know him as a friend and came to like him so… and she would like him, right? If he asked Akashi to make sure that she likes him then certainly he could achieve it, but wouldn't that be just another bout of terrible dishonesty? No, it is not a good idea; his mother is very intuitive and especially observant of his own moods; just as Himuro discovered it so quickly, she would be able to figure it out easily. What is it that gives him away? They do not indulge in any PDA, bar the accidental touches here and there, mostly they talk politely with each other devoid of any flirtatious tone or vocabulary, and they don't look into each other's eyes longingly or blush at gestures of one another...
What is it that gives him away? What will he do if somebody else recognises it other than Himuro? What will he do if one of his lab mates recognises it because sometimes Akashi comes by in the evening so that they can leave together for dinner? What will he do if his lab professor realises? Would he lose his job? Probably not, his professor has always been lax with norms and traditional views but then not being a stickler for proper etiquette or customs is not same as acceptance of queer sexuality... Not that he would have any right to interrogate his subordinate's sexuality; how does that relate to the job they do anyway? But Nijimura is not naïve; not being related or dependent does not change the biases present in life and how sometimes injustices come to be due to the most ridiculous instances of bigotry. His mind is a maelstrom of anguish and he has not even realised how much time has passed when he is finally roused from brooding by the lucid voice of his little god,
"Nijimura-san?"
Akashi Seijūrō stands before him, dark grey slacks, black Converses, a white button up with grey buttons, a loose and thin black cardigan, and a black leather messenger bag. Perfect colour coordination like always. Everything impeccable.
Akashi's initially curious eyes shine with a particular comprehension and he smiles delightfully, Nijimura does not find anything smile-worthy in their current stance (or his own current mood),
"You know Nijimura-san, if you continue to scowl like that, furrowing your eyebrows so strongly too, you will get wrinkles at a young age."
This is perhaps the thousandth time Nijimura has heard this sentence in his life. Somehow hearing it so cheekily from Akashi is always a little different than when others pronounce it.
He scoffs and stands up, his muscles hurt and he glances at the phone still in his hand – sweaty and time on the lock screen showing that it has been indeed twenty minutes. A few minutes more than twenty actually.
"You are late."
"Sorry, yes, I did not think you would warrant accuracy down to a few minutes?" Akashi responds, playfully smiling still as he moves to open the door and Nijimura just groans in response as they enter the apartment.
"Did you buy something?"
"Just some crisps."
"You must know that they are unhealthy."
"Yes and your artisanal nuts for snack also contain similarly high levels of lipids."
"But they are natural."
"So what? Lipid is lipid."
His tone is irritated and he drops the plastic bag ungracefully to the gracefully designed table in Akashi's living room. He is being childish, it is not Akashi's fault that he is going through all this, being flooded with all these worries; if one had to blame a person, it would be him. He was the one who sought Akashi, since the beginning. But it is not that he is trying to blame anyone anyway, not that he believes there is anything to blame in the first place; it is just the accumulated frustrations that he has no place to release. He sits near the table and gazesto the black screen of the large TV – they had moved the table to face the TV some time ago to watch something while eating, he cannot even remember what. He is about to start ruminating again when Akashi calls from the kitchen side, apparently fumbling with something in the fridge,
"What would you like to do?"
"I don't know..."
"Would you like to watch a film perhaps?"
"Fine but I will choose it."
"Okay but no romantic comedies please."
Oh, as if Nijimura is in the mood for mainstream depictions of heterosexual romantic love and cliché stories of 'happily ever after'.
Not today. Hell no.
After he chooses a film and settles again on the floor, legs crossed and thumb hovering above the remote, Akashi comes and settles near him. He places a can of cold beer in front of Nijimura.
Months ago beer never made it to Akashi Seijūrō's home because said grand heir claims that unless you are in a beer hall in Munich, drinking beer is a waste of one's time and taste buds. Yet now, he always has a few cans lying around in his fridge; it was Nijimura who first started buying and storing some at Akashi's home and eventually he started finding them in the fridge even at times he did not buy any.
He cannot help looking at the can like a beautiful artefact of an alien civilisation.
"Pacific Rim?"
"Yeah, you like del Toro don't you? I heard it's like… American interpretation of mecha or something? Looks cool."
He presses play and reaches for the beer can and that is when he realises Akashi has placed something else in front of him as well, a little to the right of the beer can, a little to the left of the small bowl of artisan trail mix.
The sound of the film rolling starts but Nijimura cannot comprehend it. In fact the moment his eyes distinguish the object, he cannot think of anything, only vaguely hears the redhead commenting,
"Well some of his works, Pan's Labyrinth was profoundly beautiful and provoking."
"Akashi… what is this?"
"What is what?"
Nijimura points to the small item on the table as if it is an offending intruder, Akashi shrugs and reclines a little, his back lining up to the edge of the sofa, sipping from his can of Sprite,
"It is a key."
"No shit. This is not your key."
"Yes, because it is your key."
"For what?"
"For this apartment."
Nijimura's eyes widen with disbelief, his face fully turned to Akashi,
"You are giving me a spare key to your apartment?"
"Yes." Akashi says to him, looking into his eyes indifferently and voice crystal clear – the undernote is equally crystal clear: Why are you worrying? Do you really think I could ever do anything on impulse without considering anything and everything related to it?
Akashi turns his gaze back to the screen and continues, words come out almost bored this time, as if he is explaining some basic arithmetic to a dumb kid,
"When you called me, I realised that it would be useful if you had a spare key, you wouldn't have to wait for me."
Should he panic? What is the usual protocol for acquiring a spare key to your lover's apartment? When does this usually happen? For how long they have been together anyway? Five months? But then they were together before, physically at least and emotionally too in a way, does that count too? Is this too early? Too late? What does it signify? He has never had any relationship this serious or grown-up before to use as a reference.
"The visuals are nice." Akashi comments, eyes still focused on the film playing before them.
Nijimura chuckles dryly. 'The visuals are nice'?
He takes the key to his other hand and reclines back as well, his shoulder touching Akashi's. A sip from the beer calms his nerves a little; visuals are indeed nice so his lover has a point.
Why worry for the future?
Surely, Akashi is more than aware of all the difficulties that Nijimura has only recently felt the burden of. Surely, he is thinking of them too. Surely, as his fingers slowly interlace Nijimura's in a gesture so natural, he is not alone to figure out a way through this minefield. It is not his future alone, after all, it is their future.
He is not alone in this, nor is Akashi.
By the time the film comes to an end and the credits roll, Nijimura is a little tipsy courtesy of two cans of beer and Akashi is not sitting next to him but instead on his lap, his back comfortably pressing on his chest, short crimson locks resting on his shoulder.
"That was good, huh?"
"Pace was rushed near the end but cinematography was good and characterisations were quite interesting. I wish they developed side characters too though, they were wasted. Plot was very mediocre but it was definitely entertaining."
Nijimura chuckles at Akashi's unnecessarily detailed comment, his mind finally in peace, his body slightly fatigued under the weight of his lover – and how sweet of a fatigue it was if he dared admit… A silly question comes to his mind then,
"Hmm... Akashi,who do you think you would be drift compatible with?"
Akashi considers the question for a bit as he sits up and pauses the rolling of the credits with a touch on the remote,
"I had a senpai in my first year in high school, Mayuzumi Chihiro, even though he could not understand me, his intuitions regarding me could be terrifyingly accurate. I think I would make a good team with him. With Reo too, of course but then Reo could probably with many others. They are just too intuitive and accepting. You as well, of course."
"Hah, I am literally an afterthought?"
"No, actually, given how complementing our strengths are and how we are the most honest with each other, you would be an ideal candidate for me. Thus, you were not an afterthought at all…But I might have mentioned you last on purpose."
Nijimura's scowl deepens, his lips moving into that asymmetric line they always do whenever he scowls, his fingers start playing with the key he was given, Akashi looks at him with a smile – a content and impish little smile.
"So, Nijimura-san, who do you think you would be drift compatible with?"
"Tatsuya." Nijimura says without even thinking and it somehow causes Akashi to grin with amusement,
"Is that so? Just Tatsuya?"
"Yes. Only Tatsuya. I know for a fact too because he and I fought against some troublesome people in the past, once or twice; we get along pretty well as a pair. Very fluid, natural cooperation."
Not a tinge of jealousy is present in Akashi's eyes despite Nijimura's honest effort to cause some,
"Well, good to know for future reference in case we find ourselves riding mechas, trying to save the world." Akashi says, snickering silently before softly plopping himself back on Nijimura's lap.
"You are not jealous at all, are you?"
"No, I am not."
Nijimura smiles, placing his chin over the mop of carmine hair, his fingers unconsciously turning and squeezing the key, almost inscribing its model to his muscle memory...
"Changing Foreign Forces in Transformation of Japanese Law: A Comparative Study of French Influence in Meiji Civil Code versus Post-war Americanisation"
That is the working title of the article Akashi is currently busy with writing and Nijimura is uncertain of two very important things. First, how does that title not manage to give any headaches to Akashi, because it sure does to Nijimura? Second, how does Akashi even find the time to work on it? Scratch that – he knows the answer to the latter: by cutting their alone time during the week to practically none. His kouhai (and partner) has been spending afternoon and early evening of every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday in library. First, it was the library of the Faculty of Law but by early June, according to his own comments, he has finalised the research material for the legal aspect and documentation and has to focus on the historical sociopolitical dynamics as well as a proper methodology and theoretical framework, which means he switches to the library of Faculty of Letters.
It so coincides that the main project Nijimura has been tasked with at the lab has recently concluded and finally he actually has a bit more time for his private life. But Akashi is missing mostly and even when they are together, he is often reading, absorbed in stacks of papers or books with titles such as "Socioeconomics of Pre-modern Virtue Jurisprudence in East Asia" or his iPad, which seem to be increasingly replacing his personal library (not that Nijimura is complaining, it is much tidier). It would be a lie if Nijimura said he did not crave attention from Akashi, in fact he has realised how needy he can be so painfully accurately as his relationship with Akashi developed further and further… It is not as if he childishly wishes to be the focus of Akashi's life (nor would he expect vice versa), he has become used to compartmentalising as well. It is just that he requires some alone time with his lover when the said lover's attention is not fully stolen by unnecessarily complicated legal or philosophical lingo. The thesis Akashi is preparing apparently consumes the redhead so much that even their sex life has been reduced to the regular Saturday meetings they have when they spend the whole day together. It feels as though they are an old married couple. The thought is eerily both reassuring and terrifying.
One day Nijimura decides that this is not working and if he wants more time with Akashi, well, he has to make it himself. It is not as impossible of a task as it initially seems once he analyses his options carefully and deduces that even Akashi has to eat. Since he himself does not stay till late night in the lab anymore, he is free for dinners and he knows Akashi is staying until evening at the library so what better opportunity to see each other? They could have dinners together and it would be… nice. He is sure Akashi would not mind it.
It is this kind of thoughts and self-assurances that whirl in his mind as he sets to find Akashi in the rather large library of the Faculty of Letters one Wednesday. Luckily, it takes him only five minutes to find Akashi as the redhead is sitting at a quite visible spot in the middle of the hall. Unfortunately, he is not alone. On the other side of the desk crowded by various books and stacks of paper, sits a young man whom Nijimura recognises right away.
Kageyama Shun.
At least he doesn't seem to be actively disrupting Akashi's work but silently reading his own book… and then glancing at Akashi… then reading again and then… Okay, maybe still bothering him in a way though.
Nijimura gets the idea quite easily after only a few moments of scrutiny: Kageyama is obviously checking Akashi out and staring at him like the love-struck fool he is.
(A curious thought of "Do I also look so taken when I glance at Akashi?" flashes through his mind unnecessarily but he is too absorbed in his discovery of Kageyama's pestering than to focus on the fleeting question.)
He sighs quietly to himself. There is no way this is ending well. Nijimura does not know the young man, but from what he has seen of his interactions with Akashi, he is stupidly arrogant and does not shy away from using intimidation to get what he wants; a truly spoiled brat. All frankly terrible qualities when it comes to pursuing Akashi. If anything, Kageyama is lucky that he has not actually lost his sanity, or income, or any limbs by now… Not that Nijimura would be particularly upset if that had been the case. He cannot find any pity in his heart for the creep.
He steps towards the duo (or rather to Akashi as he is walking towards the side Akashi sits) and taps the table a few times gently to announce his arrival. Both sets of eyes turn to him with wildly contrasting gazes: Akashi is first bemused (and that is in itself a miracle and always overwhelming to witness) and then quickly glad, his gaze soft, his lips reflexively curling up into a serene smile. Kageyama on the other hand is most obviously displeased but trying to hide it, his hands anxiously start playing with each other and he is stealing glances at Nijimura, reserved and nervous but evidently unfriendly.
Nijimura ignores him completely and chooses to focus on the pretty face smiling at him.
"It's 7 already, come on, I'll buy you dinner. I bet you didn't eat anything since lunch."
"Well you've already come here to pick me up; it would only be fair if I treat you?"
"Whatever. Sure."
Nijimura shrugs and can see the way Kageyama is a little surprised at his response, though he honestly could not care any less – why shouldn't he let Akashi treat him? Akashi stands up and starts to quickly gather his things; he leaves most of the books on the table itself for library assistants to later place but a few he takes into his bag. He starts talking in the middle of packing up, so indifferently as if unaware of the tension that is already present and how the words he's uttering will only increase them,
"Shun here was mentioning a new Korean barbeque nearby the campus, you like galbi, don't you? Why don't we go there?"
"Sure," Nijimura says and deliberately avoids looking at Kageyama again but can see from his peripheral the scandalised face Kageyama is making. Did he ask Akashi to have dinner with him, babble about the restaurant, only to be rejected? Nijimura is sure Akashi would not endure the pest for a whole dinner even for the sake of civility; it is a wonder he has allowed Kageyama be so near while studying in the first place. Probably did not want to shift his focus from his work. For the little emperor, work comes first, always.
They leave silently and only when they are out of the library building, on their way out of the campus, Nijimura brings up the elephant gracefully ignored till then,
"Was he hitting on you again?"
"Yes and no. I think he wanted to but could not go through."
"Huh? That's… interesting."
"I think he might be intimidated by you. Scared even."
"By me? Well, he's got the wrong person then. I'm not the one he should be afraid of."
Akashi snickers happily and slowly swings his body towards Nijimura walking beside him such that his shoulder grazes Nijimura's arm, the fleeting touch simultaneously electrifies and calms and Nijimura cannot help a smug grin capture his lips.
That is all they speak of Kageyama for the night, the topic quickly switches to Akashi's paper first and then to food (because honestly, Nijimura wants to be as enthusiastic about it as Akashi seems to be but cannot find the power in himself to be so, legal history or philosophy or anything to do with law has never been an area of interest for him and will never be so). Topics change and even though Nijimura had not planned on going to Akashi's place that night they end up going back together, sleeping together, and waking up together…
Nijimura congratulates himself for the solution to the little scheduling problem of theirs and is ready to pick Akashi up at the library Friday evening as well. Kageyama seems to have a similar idea about his own strategizing and is present too. Nijimura ignores him again, Akashi is similarly indifferent, but there is more scrutiny in Kageyama's eyes, his manners much less reserved. It is as if he is testing the waters. What does he think? That Nijimura is Akashi's guard dog or something? Nijimura wants to both laugh and cry, and perhaps even shout obscenities at the fool.
By the time Nijimura picks Akashi up on the next Monday (and he honestly has not even thought of Kageyama once throughout the weekend, not that he had much mental capacity to ruminate over anything after the little feast Akashi gave him in the bedroom on Saturday), Kageyama is again present at Akashi's table. It seems as though he has become a fixture at Akashi's table. Nijimura is rather irritated and scoffs openly but that's pretty much it. He does not feel any insecurity towards Kageyama, who is the kind of person Akashi would not bed even if he was not with Nijimura in the first place, and in any case his trust is complete with Akashi. Kageyama may have attractive looks but surely not the personality and Akashi has signalled his rejection so clearly too. Thus what infuriates him is not any sort of jealousy but how bothersome and borderline stalker Kagyeama is acting. It is not his place to 'protect' Akashi though, he knows this very well; not because he does not feel protective towards the redhead, he does, oh-so-unnecessarily much sometimes, but this is something Akashi can definitely handle and Nijimura's involvement could give further wrong impressions to already mistaken Kageyama.
If there is one thing his little god cannot tolerate, it is being taken lightly or seen as the damsel in distress; not that anybody should tolerate such perceptions, Nijimura thinks.
"You don't have to come to pick him up every day like a jealous boyfriend."
The words are enunciated perfectly and said loud enough that all three of them hear clearly. So maybe Kageyama is not as intimidated as before towards Nijimura? The brunette spares a look of pure indifference to Kageyama as an answer, because it is the most ridiculous thing he has heard; perhaps he is being like a needy boyfriend, but a jealous one?
"A jealous one would have punched your pretty face into oblivion" is the sentence that hangs in his mouth but never makes it out, because he is not sure how his words could be taken. More importantly, he is uncertain how he feels about being outed right there and then, answering to Kageyama could lead him to confirm certain things in his mind… Like Nijimura and Akashi being actually together. The thought of being outed unnerves him but he makes sure to not let it show on his face.
Akashi smiles to Kageyama,
"Senpai has always been a little too caring, making sure I eat properly…"
The polite answer satiates Kageyama, or perhaps it is the fact that Akashi is smiling at him, but the young man gives a smug look at Nijimura, who is a little torn between punching the guy or laughing at him because, oh he is so playing with fire…
What most people fail to realise is that Akashi is the most dangerous when he smiles.
They do not talk about Kageyama at all that night. But when they are having ice cream at home after the dinner, Akashi casually asks,
"You do not want to inform anyone of our relationship yet, right? Other than those who already know, that is. At least that was my assumption."
"Hmm… Well… If you feel the need—"
"I am not sure if I would want to right now, given the sensitivity, but I don't think this is a decision I or you should be making alone. It is something we should discuss and come to an agreement together."
Nijimura nods absentmindedly,
"I don't think I am ready. I actually don't even know if or when I'll be ready…"
He did not mean to sound exhausted or uncertain but his voice comes gruff with weariness and doubt and for a second he considers if it was rude to say that, what if Akashi misunderstood—
"I understand. Your situation is especially difficult. In my case there are many problems too, although mostly regarding the image than actual people being hurt or harmed… However, I think I could deal with them when push comes to shove or we decide to let people know. But we can take it easy based on our comfort – yours and mine."
Nijimura stares at Akashi for a bit then, trying to find anything his lover might be hiding in those bright eyes, any hurt or yearning, but he finds nothing more than genuine comprehension and acceptance and it touches him. It touches him and he blames himself for dwelling upon matters such as these alone so far, because when Akashi accepted him, he accepted him: they are in this together, the burden is theirs both, the comfort of each equally important… In hindsight, he finds himself very stupid and with the sudden realisation of just how content he is with what they have, he feels like taking Akashi into a tight hug, squeezing his smaller frame in his arms till he can feel he could not tighten his embrace any deeper, till Akashi starts making those little sounds of pleasure mixed with pain, till he feels he has captured enough of Akashi…
But they are eating ice cream and he still has a long way to go in learning how to be truly impulsive around Akashi so he does not. Instead he smiles, a genuine smile which relaxes Akashi's own expression into a mellow one… Just when Nijimura is thinking that he can maybe start to learn being more spoiled and careless towards his lover, Akashi leans in and grabs a spoonful from Nijimura's bowl of ice cream and takes it to his mouth knowingly as he repositions himself such that he is almost glued near Nijimura, their sides fully in contact and his head reclines on Nijimura's shoulder comfortably… He savours the piece of ice cream he stole rather loudly with lots of "mmm" and Nijimura would laugh if he was not so bewildered by the sudden playfulness (not that he has never seen it, he has, but it is rare enough to be impactful at every instance and it is always astonishing to realise that Akashi is at times a cheeky kitten around him, and specifically only around him).
"You know, Nijimura-san…" Akashi starts, pausing to fully swallow the remnants of his stolen goodies, "you think too much sometimes. By yourself too. I understand because I tend to do the same. But I've come to realise that we work better when we actually work together."
Nijimura nods and hums in agreement, leaning in to his lover further so that his chin can rub Akashi's hair,
"Plus," Akashi starts again, "communication is the key to fluid cooperation."
This is when Nijimura actually cackles and Akashi purses his lips in slight annoyance,
"What?"
"Gee, I don't know… Just you speaking of our relationship like some company management."
Akashi pauses for a second and furrows his eyebrows, apparently considering the allegory seriously which elicits further laughter from Nijimura, the edges of his eyes being filled with little tears of joy.
"And I haven't even started talking about synergy yet…" Akashi adds with a fake-incredulous face which causes Nijimura to move the bowl of ice cream on his lap while laughing uncontrollably because he is afraid he'll drop the damn thing and ruin Akashi's immaculate tatami floor.
"Akashi… God… You—"
"Well you should have thought twice about these kinds of things before dating a man literally brought up to be a leading businessman."
"Yeah probably…"
Akashi finishes his own bowl of ice cream and puts the empty bowl away on the table in front of them before snuggling back to Nijimura and only when Nijimura's cackling has completely subsided he slides onto his lover's lap, wrapping his arms around his neck, the unruly inky locks itching his bare arms slightly… Nijimura faintly realises this and makes a note of seeing a barber but thoughts in his mind are quickly leaving him as Akashi stares at him so intently,
"Mm… What?" he asks, genuinely curious at what has gotten Akashi's attention on his face. He muses if he has some ice cream stain on his cheek or something. The redhead clears his throat and speaks in a deadpan serious voice,
"I was thinking that holding quarterly stakeholders meetings would actually be beneficial to increase our efficiency and improve our coordination."
Then he grins.
That is when Nijimura loses himself to cackling again, under the much amused stare of Akashi Seijūrō.
He actually expected to see Kageyama again at Akashi's table on Wednesday evening, having already accepted the fact that the pest will not go away until Akashi decides "enough is enough" and Nijimura would wait even though it irritates the hell out of him. What he does not expect is to run into Kageyama way earlier in the day, when he is having a break strutting around the campus, taking in the sunshine and chirping of the birds, drinking soda. The moment he sees Kageyama, he sighs tiredly, half expecting the other to glare at him in the least, but what happens is quite outside his predictions. Kageyama's face turns white as a sheet and with eyes full of horror he turns on his feet and starts walking very briskly towards the opposite direction.
For a moment he feels the inclination to run after and find out just what the heck is going on but he has a few ideas what could have happened and he wishes he did not; some secrets are better not known. This does not deter him from asking to Akashi that evening, after picking him up like always from the library (and this time Akashi is alone – no Kageyama around his table), curiosity be damned,
"So what did you do to Kageyama for him to be scared shitless of me?"
"You're not the one he's scared of."
"Oh…" Nijimura nods, "that makes sense… But honestly, what did you do? Did you threaten him?"
"Please Nijimura-san," Akashi smiles innocently, "if I had threatened him, he would not be so well off still. I merely informed him of his previous mistake."
"Mistake?" Nijimura is confused and Akashi seems to enjoy his confusion,
"The one where he thought you were the one he should be intimidated of."
"Oh…"
A few moments of silence later, eyes trained on Akashi's amused grin instead of the path he is walking, Nijimura cannot help but query,
"You won't tell me what you did to him exactly, right?"
"It's better for you not to know."
"If you say so…" Nijimura shrugs and Akashi swings slightly, touching his shoulder onto Nijimura's in a joking hit,
"I read somewhere that keeping mystery helps sustain the spark in a relationship."
"Oh dear Lord… Akashi, don't tell me you started reading relationship advice books."
"No, it was a magazine at the dentist's lobby… I was bored."
Nijimura gives a loud sigh of mock relief and Akashi giggles silently and if Nijimura's hand moves and his knuckles touch over Akashi's, it is purely an accident…