Since my talk with Shem each day got easier. I went back to my routine of cooking and cleaning our home with Adah and Naomi while Shem took Elijah and Evi to help him build houses. Shem had so far built our house that we live in, a house for Ham and Na'el, and a house for Japheth and either Evi or Adah. Shem and I had spoken to the girls and we all decided that whichever one of them becomes a woman first will marry Japheth. Shem was currently working on a house for mother and father.
Na'el and I spent a lot of time together while the children played. Naomi and Jonas got along very well and Adah very much enjoyed watching Rachel. Mother and Japheth joined us on most days. Japheth still seemed kind of lonely but since he knew he would have a wife soon he had perked up. We all knew that this is what the Creator had intended when he gave Shem and I twin girls, so even though we were all family, it was what we had to do.
"Do you want any more children?" I asked Na'el.
"I suppose so." She replied. "I'm not like you. I never truly wanted a family. I am no good with children."
"Your children love you Na'el." I told her.
"I know, I just don't love them like I feel I should." She confided in me.
"I felt that way with Ham." Mother said, "Shem and I connected immediately but Ham was very difficult. It was until I got pregnant with Japheth and Ham got jealous that we began to really connect."
"Evi was a terror. She rarely slept and wanted to eat every hour and a half." I said.
"She still is a terror." Mother added.
"Maybe you and Ham just need a break from the children for a few days." I told Na'el.
"Yes, let Noah and I watch the children while you too make a camp somewhere." Mother said.
"I will discuss it with Ham." Na'el told us and got up to speak with my brother.
"How are you feeling Ila?" Mother asked me once we were alone.
"Better, aside from the morning sickness that is." I replied.
"It will get easier." Mother told me.
"How would you know?" I asked her coldly.
She looked hurt but I did not care, I was tired of her and father and everyone else telling Shem and I it would be okay as if they knew what it felt like.
"You right Ila, I do not understand what you are going through but I am trying to help you. Please Ila, let me help you." Mother pleaded with me.
She had sat by my bedside almost every day since Asher past, just sitting there quietly soothing me. She had nursed me back to health when I was found nearly dead, and after every time I gave birth. I don't know why I was pushing her and everyone else away, nothing anyone did felt like it helped. I knew there would always be a hole in my heart, but it would soon be patched.
"I'm sorry I've been so horrible mother." I said quietly.
"You do not need to apologize Ila, we all understand." She told me.
"No I do need to apologize. I thought the only ones I hurt by shutting myself out were Shem and the children, I did not think of the rest of the family. I was selfish." I told her.
"You were grieving, and rightfully so. I do not know if you remember but when we first took you in, you were very reluctant to let your father and myself in. Once you got your strength back you would not let either of us comfort you and it took you almost a year to start calling us mother and father. You were scared and you missed your birth parents, but most importantly you were grieving the just as you are now." Mother explained to me.
She pulled me close and I sobbed into her shoulder.
"Mother, are you alright."
I pulled away from mother and looked up and saw Elijah standing behind me looking concerned.
"Come here love." I said to him.
He walked over to me and sat in my lap. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him forehead.
"I'm fine Elijah. I love you my son." I told him.
"I love you too mother but I am no longer a baby." He whined.
"Says who?" I asked him jokingly.
"Father says I am a man." Elijah said, puffing his chest out a bit.
"Well you will always be my baby boy." I told him.
"We might have another baby boy soon Ila." Shem said, walking up to us.
"You're having another baby?" Elijah asked me.
"Thank you Shem. Yes Elijah I am with child." I said.
"I thought that is what you were all talking about." Shem said trying to apologize.
"Come, I am going to make dinner for everyone tonight." Mother said, getting up.
We all got up and followed everyone to our square. It was an area in front of all the houses that has a fire pit for cooking and space for us all to sit and for the children to run around. It was like the hearth we had on the ark and we ate dinner there every so often. Mother would cook and we would all sit and chat. This would be our first dinner like this since Asher passed.