Solace

Chapter 2

He laid with his head against the side of the cot, right next to Mira's covered stomach. The blanket was a little itchy under his chin and the position that he was currently in wasn't wholly comfortable, but he didn't care. He just laid there. Staring at her stomach.

Lisanna was walking around behind him, pacing somewhat, but he was just ignoring her. Elfman had been up there earlier, as well as Evergreen. Bickslow had stayed away though, except for when he'd come up to tell Lisanna that she needed to rest or eat or something.

He knew better than to bother Laxus.

No one said anything to Laxus though. When Ever and Bickslow would come to get their Strauss sibling, he'd just stay with his. Because without her, caring for himself went out the window. He hadn't eaten since he go to the guildhall, oh, two days ago. And he didn't plan to until Mirajane was better.

That left a lot of time for reflection. And though he tried his hardest not to, he couldn't help himself from reliving certain things. He slowly found that they made him happy. Like the day before he'd left on his most recent job, when Mirajane made him some cookies and tucked them into his duffle bag secretly. It hadn't been until he was out on the job and went to his bag for something that he found them, along with the little note that she put in the bag.

He still had it in his pocket, as silly as it was, and sometimes, when he was alone up there in the infirmary with her, he'd pull it out to reread it. It wasn't much. Just a few sentences. In fact, he practically had it memorized. And as he laid there, with his head against the bed, he closed his eyes and could practically see the words in his mind.

Hi, Laxus!

I bet you're really hungry, huh? And you were thinking, wow, I wish I had some of Mira's cookies. 'cause she's so great and amazing and I love her. Well, guess what? Not only am I great and amazing, I also made you cookies! Your favorite. And there's more for you when you get home. If you're fast enough. So hurry this along, huh?

- Mira

P.S. Share with Evergreen, Freed, and Bickslow. Please. You selfish little boy.

He hadn't though. Shared. He kept them all to himself. Even taunted Ever with a few of them. Because they were his and only his. It was his little demon, after all, that baked them especially for him. And now it might be the last thing she ever baked for him.

He just wanted her to wake up. Just once. If he couldn't have forever, then once wouldn't do, but he'd take it. If his only other option was never, then he would take it and make the most of it. Even if it was only for a day, an hour, a minute. Even if it was just one glance, their eyes locking one last time, he'd be content. But this? Not even knowing that the last time had been the last time? That wasn't just cruel. That was unacceptable.

Lisanna, who was walking behind him still, came to a stop out of nowhere, just standing there as she stared at his back. He'd been in that chair for about three hours at that point. And the only break had been when he took a piss. Even that seemed to be too long for him. He seemed convinced that if he went away, if only for a moment, she'd be gone.

"Laxus," she whispered then, just watching him. He didn't raise his head in recognition of her voice, but she knew he wasn't asleep. He had to hear her. He didn't even have his headphones in. "If anything happens…I just think you should know."

He blinked. Did she know about the pregnancy?

"While you were gone, Mira and I…well, mostly Mirajane. She needed some things that she'd left over at your place. And she…you know that she's a snoop. And she found the ring. And…I mean, it's obviously an engagement ring so… So she knows, okay? If anything happens she…she knew. That you loved her. That you really were committed." Then, after sniffling for a few moments, she added, "She was going to say yes."

She was crying again then and ran out of the room, as Porlyusica got onto her when she was around, if she caught her crying. Tears did no good, she'd tell Lisanna and Elfman. That was fine though, because Laxus had none to give.

He didn't know what to do with what Lisanna had told him. Mainly because, ring or not, Mira should have known that he was more than just committed to her. He was addicted to her. Devoted. She was the only thing that kept him stable. He didn't snap at people, didn't fight, didn't even try and kill Dragneel as much because Mirajane was around. She was his everything.

Marriage wouldn't do anything to strengthen nor diminish that.

His throat was starting to hurt then and he was getting a little light headed. He probably needed to at least drink something, but he couldn't bring himself to. He didn't want to. How could he when his demon was laying there, needing him to rescue her, but he couldn't? He'd always said that she would be fine, so long as he was there, but she wasn't. He hadn't been there and even though he'd shown up, finally, he was as useless as all the rest of them.

He'd never felt so inadequate in his entire life. How could he have ever thought that he could actually propose to her, marry her, if he couldn't even keep her safe? And that kid inside her? How good of a protector would he be, if he was already running the risk of losing it? Before he ever really had it?

So Mirajane had found the ring though, huh? Hmmm. He'd thought that he'd surprise her with it. She was always one that loved attention, so really, the only reason he hadn't sprung it on her already was because he was debating doing it when she was up at the guild or maybe at a real fancy dinner. Or, and he'd thought that it'd be just as good, if maybe he did it when she was on a modeling shoot. After she was finished or something. So all her modeling friends could see.

He just hadn't been able to decide, which had left him open for his snooping girlfriend. He should have been expecting it, really. She always went through his shit. Always. And for awhile there, it pissed him off. Not that he had a lot to hide, but still. It felt like she didn't trust him.

Slowly, though, he learned that it wasn't that she didn't trust him as much as it was just in her nature. She snooped into Lisanna and Bickslow's relationship, had basically ousted Elfman and Ever's. And oh, if she didn't go through her siblings' things too. Because she did. Constantly.

But there just wasn't any helping it. She couldn't stop it. She had to know. If Mirajane thought something, if she so much as suspected something, it would gnaw at her. It was almost like her brain forced her to do the things that she did. Compulsion, desire, or just pure insanity. It didn't matter the cause. She suffered from it. Maybe all of them. She wanted to know everything about every person at all times. His little demon was a lot of things and a busybody was very much so one of them.

And it wasn't like he could be too upset about her finding out about the ring. It wasn't like it could have been that big of a shock to her. They had to have discussed it over a hundred times. He still remembered the first though, very vividly.

They had been on their third date and, as a gesture of good faith, he'd allowed her to talk him into taking her shopping. Needless to say, he learned his lesson the first time. Mira, when using the money that she worked hard for and needed to support her younger siblings, was very frugal. With Laxus' jewels, however, it was like a free-for-all that only ended in a serious dent in Laxus' bank account.

As she was happily perusing a rack of sunglasses, Laxus had gotten down to take care of his pesky bootlace, which had somehow gotten undone.

"Not gonna pop the question down there, are ya?" Mira has asked him. With a frown, he'd turned to glance up at her, but she was still facing the rack, putting on different pairs, before looking into the little mirror that was on the cart, to see which looked best. As she was putting on a bright red rimmed pair, she said, "'cause I'll have you know that I am not a flake. If you marry me, you're anchored in for at least three years. Maybe five."

Blinking some, he only stayed down there on one knee for a moment before grunting and finishing with his boot. Then, getting to his feet once more, he told her gruffly, "Ain't no one want to marry you, demon. Now hurry up and pick a pair of sunglasses."

She only continued at her unhurried pace, hardly glancing at him. "Oh, Laxus. Tons of men want to marry me."

"You sound rather sure."

"Of course I am," she said. "I mean, I do get asked constantly."

More blinking. Then, "By who?"

"Oh, you know," she said with a slight shrug. "Mostly men that see my work."

"Your bartending?"

"No, silly." That one got a giggle. "My modeling work. You know how men are. They see me in next to nothing and think that if they ask me nicely enough, flash enough money at me, I'll do whatever they want. I get mail, have men approach me in the street. One man even came to the guildhall once. In this real fancy suit. And he comes in, Laxus, with all this money and a ring and proposes to me."

"What'd you do?" he mumbled, just staring at her. She only grinned at him, looking over her shoulder.

"I'm not a whore and don't ever think otherwise. I'm not marrying someone that I don't love." Then she went back to the rack of sunglasses. "So don't get any ideas."

"I never thought you were a whore," he told her softly, feeling rather awkward then. Mira only shrugged.

"Just thought it should be stated before the night's done."

He blinked. "So you're not coming home with me tonight?"

"Laxus. It's only date number three."

"…We screwed before date number one."

"I don't see the relevance in that."

"Mira-"

"I just meant that if you're spending all this cash on me today, planning on me returning the favor later, don't. Just tell me now. I-"

"I'm buying you shit because we're on a date and I want to make you happy." He puffed out his chest some. "It's just what we're doing. So don't fucking question me. You're not a fucking whore or slut to me. And any guy that thinks you are, well…they can take it the fuck up with me. And trust me, they won't like that."

That made her giggle then. "Really, it's not that many. I mean, the mail I get a lot, but-"

"Are guys really that weird?"

"Don't play like women don't throw themselves at you at times, Laxus. I know they do. I've seen them do it. You used to be quite like Loke, back in the day."

Back in the day. Ha.

"So see? It's not so different. It's easy for you, Laxus, to get women, because of the way you look. And you're super confident, you know. But some guys, they…get fixated, yeah? On people they see in like magazines and stuff. And I think it's actually rather cute."

"You never have a problem with-"

"If someone gets too stalkerish, trust me, I can take care of it all on my own."

"I guess so," he muttered. Just like that though, the mood had changed and Mira was turned around, facing him, a pair of sunglasses perched on her face.

"These are the ones," she said, reaching up to tilt them down some, so she could lock eyes with him. "You want a pair?"

"Think I'm good."

So after they'd paid for those and were headed further down the market, Mira looking at carts and at shop windows, she randomly said,

"Oh, and Laxus?"

"Hmmm?"

"When and if we do get to that point, I already have the ring picked out, okay? That I want?" Then she looked over at him and, even though she had those sunglasses on, he knew that she was winking at him from behind them. "I'll get the photo to you, huh? So you'll know?"

He couldn't act shocked then, because he didn't get shocked. He constantly had his rough exterior up, after all. But still, she'd thrown him off with that one. Any other woman he was fucking would have been left, right then, in the middle of the market, and he'd have never spoken to her again.

But it was Mirajane. And just by taking her shopping he'd broken a rule. There was no doubt in his mind that, even though he knew he'd fight it, that she was going to be more than just special. She was going to be more than just above the other women. No, she was going to be the only woman.

And at the time, the thought alone scared the crap out of him.

In that infirmary however, as he laid there with his head against the blanket, watching his girlfriend, he was annoyed that it had taken that long. Annoyed that he'd even wasted any time at all wit other women. That he'd let her waste time with other men. He should have made her his, right from the start, when they first met as kids. But he fucked it up. And now…now he might not get the chance to do all those funny little things she loved to plan.

Like buying their first house, sleeping next to one another for the rest of their lives, having children, those sorts of things. But those were all other memories. Other fragments in time.

At the moment, he was still stuck up on all their talks of marriage and such.

There were all the times when they were in bed and she would mumble something about it. Or the times they were snuggled up on his couch, listening to his Sound Pod and he'd tell her that he loved her and she'd say that he was the only one for her. Those moments were forever etched in his mind then.

But by then, he'd worked himself into focusing on that last time. That final time. It'd been a few weeks after he'd bought the ring and they were just walking around Magnolia after she'd gotten off. It was late and a little chilly, so he'd thrown his jacket over her shoulders and let her wear his headphones, 'cause it made her feel special.

She was his little demon, after all.

Somehow though, the topic of marriage had come up. For the life of him he couldn't remember how. But Mira was walking slightly in front of him, dancing around in the moonlight and he just…he loved her. He flat out loved her.

"I still like that same ring."

"Don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do," she giggled as she twirled around, his too big jacket fluttering in the slight wind. He only shifted his hands into his pocket, hoping his grin was hidden. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Nope."

"I tell you every time we talk about it, Laxus. I want that ring. I dream about it."

"Then buy it your damn self."

"No way. Not when my super cute boyfriend's gonna get it for me."

"What difference would it make, Mira?" he asked then, glancing at her. "Eh? If we were engaged? Or even married?"

"It would make it real. It would-"

"This is real," he told her with a slight shake of his head. "What makes it not real? You know that I haven't touched another woman since I've been with you. The only other time I've ever gone longer than this was, you know, from the time I was born until I first had sex."

"And how long was that, Laxus?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Not really," she told him with a shrug. "Who cares?"

"You just don't want me to ask you how young you were. Do you?"

"Do you want to know?"

He thought. Then he shook his head. "No."

"Me neither." She was still prancing around then. It was so late, so very late, that they were really the only two people up, it seemed, in all of Magnolia. All of Earth Land, maybe. At least that's what it felt like. "I do wanna know when you're gonna propose to me though."

"Who says I'm going to?"

"I say you're going to."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

Shaking his head, he looked off then, still just following her along. He was always following her along.

"Why you wanna get married so badly? Huh?"

"Because, Laxus, I want to get started. You know. On our family."

"This again."

"And I want a house. A nice house. And I want to make you dinner, you know, for when you come home. And I want our kids to love you. I want them to love me. I want people to see us and think, dang, I want what they have." She stopped, finally, dancing around, to turn and look at him, his jacket far too large for her and his headphones just for show; she didn't have them on.

"I want to be happy, Laxus," she told him simply, cocking her head to the side. "Don't you?"

But he was. Or he had been. Because as he sat there in that stiff chair, hunched over as he tried to send Mira some vibes, any vibes, that might awaken her, he felt anything but.

She had to wake up. She just had to. So they could be happy. Or happier. Or whatever it was she thought they'd be when all those things got accomplished. Because if someone like Mirajane, someone that did everything for everybody else their entire life, someone that was the kindest, sweetest, most courageous person in the entire world couldn't have that one wish, the one thing that would bring them total euphoria, then what was the point?

What was the fucking point?