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Chapter 8

Tobias

The cafeteria is brimming with life, as usual. It always has a constant hum of people wondering in and out, laughing and joking with friends without a care in the world. Every Dauntless seems at their happiest when they're eating. One of these particular Dauntless is sat opposite with me, grinning at every female that strolls past.

"Zeke, give it a rest" I sigh.

"What! I can't help admiring them" He wiggles his eyebrows at me.

My gaze finds the table where most of the initiates are seated, their heads are bowed and none of them are particularly talking or eating. This evening they will find out who has been cut and who has made it past initiation.

What I would give to have a moments peace and quiet.

I haven't heard from or seen Tris since this morning and I'm worried. She seemed to enjoy last night – I really hope I didn't hurt her and she can't find the courage to tell me.

The thought pulls at something deep within me, what if I have hurt her and she can't tell me? It is the kind of thing Tris would do.

I pick absently at my food, I'm really not that hungry right now. Zeke is onto his second helping and usually I would be keeping up with him if it wasn't for worrying.

Darius is sat next to me, concentrating on his plate like it was a difficult math problem to solve, every so often glancing up to meet my gaze only to return solemnly to his food. He also seems deep in thought.

I rise and go and dump my tray and the leftover food. Somewhere in the back of my mind I hear scolding from my father about wasted food. It only makes me throw it into the trash harder.

I walk over to the initiates and stand at the foot of the table.

They all snap to attention immediately when they realise who is stood in front of them.

"I know you're supposed to have an afternoon off after your final fear landscapes this morning. You all seem so grim I think it would be best if I give you something to do. Come with me" I say sharply.

"But-"Matthew, the scrawny Erudite boy I really didn't believe would even get this far, begins.

He really doesn't help himself sometimes.

"Initiation isn't over until the rankings are on the board. It would be good for you all to keep that in mind." I turn away from the table, walking slower than usual as I wait to make sure I hear following footsteps.

I decide to take them to practice their knife throwing. Something I know they won't necessarily need throughout their time in Dauntless, but a bit of exercise wouldn't do them any harm. I also need something to desperately take my mind away from Tris. The worry is just about ready to take over me.

As I set everybody up and make sure they are prepared, showing them once again the best techniques to use, I catch Molly smiling at me from my peripheral vision.

She seems to have perked up since her run in with Oliver. He's a tall, strong dark haired boy from Candor who has pretty much had his sights on first place since he jumped off the ledge.

I set everybody away when Molly approaches me.

"How's Tris doing?" She asks sweetly, a bit too sweetly for my liking.

I need to tread carefully with this. I know how Tris feels about her, I know she is jealous but also decided to offer her help if she ever needed it, however, as her instructor it's really not the best of ideas to let her into my personal life.

The last time I did that, I fell in love.

"She's okay." I offer curtly, hoping this will hurt her feelings just enough to end the conversation there.

"Oh, well would you tell her that I hope she feels better soon. Maybe we can have lunch sometime when she is up to it?" She is smiling from ear to ear, twirling a lock of blond hair around her finger. My God, she's eager. I wonder why she is so interested in Tris all of a sudden.

"I'll pass that on for you." I quickly turn around and pretend to be setting up more knives until I hear slow footsteps echo away from me.

I keep the initiates practicing for most of the afternoon. I hope I have kept their minds off of the rankings for the most part. I set up a few challenges – who could hit this area of the target, placing apples above people's heads etc. Placing and taking bets to make things interesting. I decide to loosen up on the fierce instructor act to let them know when and if they make it through initiation, the Dauntless life can be a fun one. I have found that out for myself.

It's five, so I decide to let everybody leave. I tell everyone the rankings will be presented by myself and Lauren at six tonight, in their dorm room.

I don't want to make any cuts. I hate the thought of letting someone live factionless, after seeing my mother before, I know they will be looked after better than they used to be. However, it's not exactly what they signed up for.

I meet with Lauren in the pit to discuss each initiate.

After a long discussion, the rankings have been determined. We write each down on the chalkboard and make our way into the transfer's dormitory.

We are immediately met with tired but alert eyes. They all look they haven't slept in a week, but could not be any more awake in this moment.

Lauren begins.

"The rankings are as follows." She flips the board around to show to the initiates.

1. Oliver

2. James

3. Jade

4. Molly

5. Matthew

6. Leila

I take one furtive glance towards each of the initiate's faces, most of sighs of relief but for Matthew, the scrawny Erudite and Leila, the loud-mouthed Candor it's gasps of horror and tears of dread. I cannot look at them in the eye, instead I pick an interesting spot on the floor. It's now my job to watch over them as they pack all of their belongings into a small bag and escort them from the compound immediately.

I pace the floor of my apartment, desperately running my fingers through my hair. It's six, and there is still no sign of Tris. I'm trying to not let my mind wonder to awful thoughts but it is becoming harder and harder.

I decide to walk to her apartment, remembering I haven't even seen Christina today. Surely, she was in the cafeteria?

I knock on the door a little harder than I should have. I can hear giggling, but it's definitely not Tris'. Christina opens the door a few minutes later, after I can no longer take my impatient tapping.

"Hey Four, you okay?" She smiles at me.

"Where's Tris?" I cut straight to it, I don't have the time or patience for pleasantries.

I walk into the apartment and sit on her bed.

"Four." Will nods at me from his place on top of Christina's bed.

I return his nod, but a little more tersely.

"What's up? You seem tense." She asks curiously.

"I haven't seen or heard from Tris all day."

This peaks her curiosity immediately. "When was the last time you saw her?" I continue.

"This morning at breakfast, she said she came back here to get some sleep. When she wasn't here after work I assumed she was with you."

"And how did she seem, when she was leaving you?"

"Absolutely fine, actually – more than fine." Her eyebrow moves suggestively.

I really don't have the tolerance for Christina sometimes.

I place my elbows on my knees and once again start to run my fingers through my hair in exasperation.

"Okay, I'm going back to my apartment. If you hear from her or she comes back here, you send her to my apartment immediately."

Christina nods solemnly at the floor, she knows better than to question and make comments when I am in this state of mind. She learnt that the hard way.

I am walking towards the door in just a quick few strides. Christina's voice stops me from slamming it behind me.

"She'll be fine, Four. I promise." She moves closer towards to me, out of Will's hearing distance. "I can also promise you it has nothing to do with last night." Her smile doesn't reach her eyes.

I return it instantly, grateful for her reassurance.

"Thanks."

I return to pacing the floor of my apartment. I've cranked open the window that leads to the balcony, letting in all of the fresh air I can.

I'm so deep within thought that the sudden open of my door startles me.

"Tris." She looks pale, almost like she's been crying. I practically run to her side and pull her towards me as quickly as possible.

"Are you okay, what happened to you today? I've been so worried!" I have to stop myself from raising my voice at her.

"Sorry, I've just met someone and well, it's pretty hard to explain." Her brow furrows in confusion.

I still haven't let her out of my grip.

"Its fine, we have all night to talk about it. I'm just glad you're home safe."

She looks nervously at me.

"You were really that worried about me?"

"Of course." That comment stung.

She gives me a shy smile. I can't believe she thought I wouldn't care about where she was.

"Well, you've also got Christina to answer to in the morning." I say.

"Oh man." She rolls her eyes.

"How are you feeling baby?" I grab a strand of her hair in between my fingers. She knows the comment wasn't directed necessarily towards her emotional state.

"A little sore, if I'm honest."

"I like it when you're honest. Let me draw you a hot bath." I kiss her temple.

I've just finished tucking her in, just how she likes it.

"You're too kind Tobias."

"No such thing, baby."

I take a seat at the edge of the bed, waiting for her to explain what happened today.

"Do you know Darius' wife?" She asks.

"No."

"Her name is Ava. She's a friend of my mother's. My mother was actually born in Dauntless."

This shocks me. Natalie Prior? The sweet, loving, kind mother who wouldn't say boo to a goose was born a Dauntless?

Tris goes on to explain about how the attack was shut down, Darius and Ava's daughter that unfortunately got killed and how her mother's friends were also Divergent.

Her voice cracks when she speaks of the young girl, I assume she was the same age as Tris. I try to wrap my head around this new information, grateful she has told me everything.

I begin to wonder why Ava would tell her this now of all times. I can't keep my mind away from hidden agendas and ulterior motives.

"So, what do you plan to do?" I ask.

"I want to see my parents."

I climb into bed and snuggle up behind her.

"Then go and see your parents." I kiss her lightly on the cheek.

This information swirls around for a long time in my mind. Long after Tris has fallen asleep. I slowly creep out of bed, careful not to wake her up.

There is someone I must tell this to.

My lungs burn as I round the corner and face the derelict building in which my mother classes as her headquarters. I have been here only once before, I decided to come and see her after she warned me of the attack on Abnegation, to thank her for letting me know and apologise for not fully believing her in the first place.

It didn't go as I had expected.

I feel like I must tell her, I owe it to her. She warned me about the attack, I must give her the information I have.

I knock three times on the door, in quick succession.

The door opens widely and I am faced with her lackey Edward, one of his eyes has a patch over it from an incident with a fellow initiate. He backs away from the doorway to let me through. He directs me to a room with a low, used wooden desk. Behind it sits my mother, her chin rests on her steepled fingers.

"Tobias." She smiles warmly at me.

I sit in the chair facing her. I return her smile, but I don't want to say her name. Nor do I want to call her Mom.

"And why I am I graced with your presence this evening?" She asks. "Oh – but before we get down to that, thank you for delivering two of your failed initiates this afternoon. I will make sure to look after them personally."

"I'm sure you will."

"So…" She prompts.

I tell her everything Tris has told me this evening about the attack. How the shutdown was executed and by whom. I leave out the Divergent part.

"Thank you for this Tobias, you are proving very useful, you know." She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"You're welcome." I turn to leave.

"Can I see you again?"

"We'll see."

I leave the building and immediately my heart feels as if it has dropped ten feet into the ground. What have I just done?

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