Chapter 9
I look at the old stone grey houses with a fresh pair of eyes.
I have not been in the Abnegation quarters since the attack and I didn't really get a chance to take in my surroundings. Too focused on not getting myself killed.
Having lived as a Dauntless for over a year, I hadn't realised until now how far I had come and how much I had changed until this very moment.
Although nothing has changed in Abnegation. The grass is green and always trimmed to perfection, there is never a spot of litter on the ground and everything is neat and tidy. Nothing has changed and I like that. I feel as if it is a small act of defiance from them, the attack has not and will not change them.
There are pairs of people walking together towards the city with baskets of food carried tightly towards their fully clothed bodies. Food for the factionless, food for Evelyn.
I mustn't have a friendly expression on my face as each person takes one quick glance at me and their gazes fall to the ground.
"Sorry." They sidestep out of my way, still not meeting my eyes.
Then I remember, that's how they're supposed to act. How I was supposed to have acted.
Passing through the familiar houses my heart contracts and I feel an unwelcome pang of homesickness. I have never once regretted the choice I made to defect but I miss home, I miss my family.
I wonder how Mom and Dad will react when they see me. Will they be proud?
I arrive at the front door and knock tentatively.
The door opens widely and my mother's steady gaze looks me up and down.
"Beatrice" She says softly.
Her body moves to the side, no longer blocking the entrance and giving me room to move into the house. No longer home.
The door shuts quietly behind me and my mother envelopes me in an embrace. Emotion overwhelms me and I can't help the choking noise that escapes my throat. She leads me through into the living room and motions for me to take a seat.
I've never fully appreciated the soft colours of my old home in all its calmness, so uncomplicated. It truly is so different from the craziness of Dauntless, the cold jagged stone of the hallways, the darkness and the loudness.
I realise I must have been taking in my surroundings for a few more moments than would be socially appropriate as there seems to be a quiet lull in the room. All the while my mother has been observing me patiently. Not speaking a word, selflessly letting me have time to remember my old life.
She begins, "I knew you would come here eventually."
"Did you ask Ava to tell me everything?"
"Yes, I knew it was time to tell you after the incident." She speaks the last word with an edge to her voice, looking towards the floor. As if she could mask the anger from her eyes.
Anger is too selfish I feeling for Abnegation. Anger is directed at another person, therefore much too self-indulgent.
"Why didn't you ever tell me you grew up in Dauntless?"
"What was I supposed to say Tris? I wanted you to live the life you wanted and that's what you're doing. I didn't want to influence your choice."
I understand what she means, underneath all my feelings of hurt that she never shared her past with me. Sometimes it feels as if I didn't really know my mother at all, but should she have told me about her and Dad, her friends growing up and exactly what it was like in Dauntless? Would I have made the same choice? Probably. But how was she to know that? I kept my feelings well hidden, even though sometimes she saw right through me.
"And you're Divergent?" The words carry themselves from my mouth so easily that there is no impact. My mother's expression never falters.
"Yes."
"And Dad, is he-"
"No."
"Where is he?" I ask.
"He's upstairs, unfortunately he's taken ill. Nothing serious, but it will take a few days for him to recover." Her words hit me like a blow to the chest.
"Can I see him?"
"I don't think that's the best idea right now, I don't think he'll be feeling up to it. He wouldn't want you to see him in this state after not seeing you for over a year." My father is almost never ill. I can only recall one incident of the flu when I was growing up. My incessant need to see him for myself overwhelms me. My mother continues "I heard you had a spell in the hospital after a fault in the simulation. How are you feeling?" I see the Abnegation qualities in my mother as clear as day sometimes. Always pushing the conversation back to revolve around you. Never wanting to seem selfish enough to talk about herself or my father.
"I'm better now, thank you for asking." The politeness that overcomes me feels as if it is ingrained in my being.
This isn't how I saw our reunion going. She welcomed me home with open arms, but not an open mind. There has been no explanations. There has been no apologies.
I rise from the chair I was occupying, the lump once again forming in my throat. I feel unable to speak anymore words. I wonder whether Dad would have acted the same way. I make the assumption that he would have, since they are one. They always have been. Even with the smallest things growing up, they always took each other's sides. They never fought, not like me and Tobias when we bicker.
I begin to wonder what it must have felt like for him, growing up in a broken home.
But looking further into my mothers and father's relationship through mature eyes, it doesn't make it any more perfect. Just because they never fought, they never bickered, they never argued – it doesn't make them anymore normal, surely.
I twist the doorknob, more than prepared not to look back when whispered words fill my ears.
"Trust no one."
Her eyes are wilder than before, more incessant. I've made my way out and onto the pavement.
With one last soft smile and a terse nod, the door closes behind me.
This is definitely not what I was prepared for this morning.
I've seen a new side to my mother.
I don't immediately want to go back to the compound. The outdoors at this point seem more appealing than ever. Breathing in the cold fresh air through my lungs, as if it could somehow heal me.
I turn the corner leading to the north-east section and come to a sudden halt.
Tobias' old house. I'd never thought anything of it before. Never wanted to look as closely as I do right now.
As I approach, the door swings open suddenly and I startle as if I've been caught whilst up to mischief.
Marcus exits carrying an over-the-shoulder bag. It takes him a few moments before he sees me.
"Beatrice Prior." He says in a mocking tone, looking me up and down.
I stare, not really believing that he's really stood in front of me. My anger begins to rise, I haven't had any direct communication with him since I found out exactly what he did to his son. He looks exactly the same, scruffy grey hair with crow's feet in the corners of his eyes.
What was I expecting, someone else?
He slowly moves further towards me so he's only inches from my face.
"Are you happy in your new faction, Tris?" He puts emphasis on my name.
"Do you care?" My tone is sharper than I thought.
"Of course I care. For one, I want to be sure you made the right choice. Secondly, you're dating my son. I'm going to care about you Tris." The way he talks in a sing-song soft voice makes my stomach churn.
"What your son does is of no concern to you."
"Ah, so he's told you his web of twisted lies."
"No, actually, he showed me."
He shakes his head.
"Do you really think that painting Tobias as a liar is a good idea when all anybody needs to see is his fear landscape to look at the evidence for themselves?" His face shows no emotion.
"I suppose he told you about his mother being alive as well? You won't think very highly of her either will you?" It's my turn to shake my head.
"I know you don't like me Tris, I understand why. But for God's sake, listen to me when I say do not trust Evelyn. She is manipulative, she has been for years. Do not let her play the trick of the poor discarded wife on you. I know you have no reason to believe me, but please keep this in mind." It's the first time I have ever seen sincerity painted on Marcus Eaton's face.
He turns and walks in the opposite direction. His head his bowed and as I study him walking away from me, I see an old dishevelled man.
How am I supposed to trust him? The man who, by all accounts, had beaten and tortured his wife and child.
I can't help but feel the small tug of truth in his words.
Never, ever trust a mother who wouldn't put up a fight for her son.
I walk with determination back to the Dauntless headquarters. My mind is a mess. My mother's words haunt me. Trust no one.
Marcus Eaton's statement about Evelyn however couldn't ring anymore true in my ears. I need to tell Tobias what his father said and I know he won't like it.
It's midday, where will he be? As I understand, the initiation is over so he won't be in the training room. I decide to check his apartment, the cafeteria and the pit. There is no sign of him.
I climb the paths of the pit, once again keeping close to the walls and I arrive in the hallway that leads to Darius' office. Tobias is walking towards me looking slightly unsettled.
When he sees me he immediately rushes to my side.
"You okay?" He seems slightly out of breath.
"I've been better. Mom was really weird when I saw her, all quiet and started telling me to trust no one. Everything okay with you?"
He strokes the side of my head and says, "She'll come around, don't worry. Everything's fine." There are no conviction in his words, something feels off.
"I saw your Dad." This makes him snap to attention, his brown eyes burning into me.
"What did he want?" He snaps.
"He asked if I was happy in Dauntless and how we were. Then he started telling me not to trust Evelyn, how manipulative she is. I don't get what everybody's problem is about trust today."
"Do you believe him?"
"I'm not really sure what to believe, I don't know if I could trust anybody who just abandons their son with his abusive father."
"Oh, so now you've got the right to judge her?" He spits angrily.
"You asked my opinion and I'm giving you it. What's your problem?"
"My problem is he's making my mother out to be the bad person so all of the blame is lifted from him. Are you that stupid you can't see it? I thought you got Erudite on your aptitude test?" He utters the last part through gritted teeth.
"Well that was uncalled for."
"Tris, sometimes you just don't understand."
We are about to continue arguing when unexpectedly a blaring alarm begins to ring around the hallways. A monitor clicks on.
"EVERYBODY MUST REPORT TO THE PIT FOR TESTING IMMEDIATELY." A woman with a monotone voice reads.
Tobias and I exchange worried glances.