Chapter 11
I'm glad that I'll be tested last.
After a few moments of sheer panic, I've quelled my nerves by attempting to prepare myself for what I am about to face. I've come to this conclusion because I have realised I will be able to scrutinized each person's emotions when their test is complete.
Now all I have to do is keep this air of calm until it's my turn.
It's difficult to imagine the training room full of initiates now, filled with panic or anger for a completely different reason. For the most of us, we were scared because we didn't want to kill each other.
Now, it's filled with fourteen fully fledged Dauntless members. Twelve of us having to face the possibility of being Factionless once more. All because of one man and his need for power.
There are twelve seats neatly placed around what used to be the ring in which we fought for our place here. Now we are seated around the ring which we have to be tested for a chance to stay here.
Each light in the room has been shut off so there is nothing but darkness around the single bulb that flickers occasionally above the training ring with the chair. I'm nearly certain that this has been done for extra effect. They did the same thing during initiation. It makes you focus solely on what is in front of you.
To my right I hear the voice which I am quickly learning to despise.
"Without further ado." I don't look directly at him, but I can hear by the tone of his voice that he is smiling.
Uriah steps forward from his place behind Darius and into the ring. There is still a stone cold expression etched on his face. This is the one of things that lets me know that this isn't right. Something is very wrong, but so far I'm not completely sure what.
"Hazel Haynes" he drones, lacking his usual jovialness.
A twenty-something girl with ordinary brown hair and surprisingly no on-show tattoos to my left rises with unsteady legs, I wonder for moment whether she will actually make it to the chair. Nobody helps her.
The chair squeaks loudly when she places herself in it. The room is silent enough you could hear a pin drop and the sound goes straight through me. In my panicked state, it made me jump.
Uriah begins with hooking up her wires at the same moment Darius has started with his. My stomach churns at the thought of him once again being able to see and now control what is happening in my mind.
My suspicions are confirmed with Uriah once he plunges his needle into the side of Hazel's neck. He doesn't flinch or look away but with steady hands injects the fluid.
My thoughts immediately turn to one of my first days in the Control Room, Uriah was sat next to me.
Friday night, they usually call it the graveyard shift. Now I know why. Everybody has made their way to the pit for food, drinking games and loads of fun. Besides me and Uriah. I've asked a couple of questions about the game which he is developing but he loses me as soon as he starts getting technical. He just laughs but always thanks me for at least asking.
"Hey, personal question - but it may lead to an interesting conversation." He looks at me in a sideways glance. I instantly feel apprehensive about personal questions. What could he possibly want to know about me?
"Sure." I realise I never want to disappoint Uriah. I'd rather him ask me and give me the opportunity to turn it down than to say no immediately. He may get the wrong impression.
He lifts his legs, slams them down on the desk in front of him and crosses them. He leans back in his chair as far as possible. I have an image in my mind of the chair snapping and him flying backwards, arms flailing. Just like Uriah would do. I laugh out loud unintentionally. If it were anybody else, I would feel guilty for the thought. Since its Uriah, I'm pretty damn sure he would be rolling on the floor if it was to happen to me.
"What's so funny?" He beams at me.
"You just look … comfortable" I try to keep the smile from my face.
"I am. So … what were your fears in the simulation? I heard you only had six." He asks. During the last sentence he made a dramatic slap across his face, open-mouthed. He's so funny. There can't be any harm in telling him my fears. I trust him.
"Crows, drowning, losing control, friends behaving as enemies, killing my family and intimacy." My voice has become quiet and I can't meet his eyes.
"I hate birds. Ugh." He screws up his face.
"Thanks, I thought you said you liked my tattoo?" I can't help but feel hurt.
"Oops." He smothers a laugh with his shirt.
"What are yours then, Mr Funny?" I ask.
"I had twelve. Snakes, spiders, birds, choking, heights, being kicked out of Dauntless, losing Marlene, never finding happiness, being burnt alive, being buried alive, killing my family and needles."
"In that order?"
"Yeah. I fear nothing more than needles. I don't know what it is about them specifically but I hate them." The smile has faded from his face.
"Well, I guess the second part of initiation was fun for you." I say sarcastically.
"Not really."
This is wrong. Uriah is under something.
Four people have competed the test while I was daydreaming. The numbers keep counting down closer and closer until it soon will be my turn.
By their expressions when the simulation is over, there is nothing to be completely worried about. They each get up and manage to walk away.
The second to last person is escorted to the door and when Uriah returns to the ring I realise it is only him, Darius and me in the room. This makes me extremely uneasy.
"Tris." His eyes don't rise from the clipboard he is holding. He knows my name, he doesn't have to read it.
I walk with purpose towards the chair, never faltering my movements. I make sure my stance shows no intimidation.
When I take a seat in the creaky chair I allow myself one real gasp of air and stare absently at the ceiling, ready for whatever is next.
I am ready and I am brave, they cannot intimidate me. Whatever happens during this simulation, I will never go down without a fight.
As I repeat these words in my mind, I feel much better.
I decide not to look at Uriah, it hurts too much.
The wires are in place and Uriah is collecting the syringe from its case when I hear a chair roll backwards against the concrete floor. The familiar stamping of boots echo's in the dim room.
I will not look at him.
A cold hand wraps its way around mine. I didn't realise that I had been gripping the armrest of the chair so tightly until I felt his callous hands on mine. He tries to pry my hand away from the armrest, but I don't let him. The movement of his hand against mine almost cuts me. They're so rough.
I can't stand him touching me, knowing who he has hurt with those hands.
"Tris, there is no need to worry." He is babying me, using a soft tone to his voice.
"I'm not worried." I hiss.
"It's okay to be worried, we aren't here to hurt you."
"You hurt Ava."
By his sharp intake of breath, I know I've shocked him.
"Just get this over with." He snaps at Uriah.
Then the needle pierces my skin and the world changes.
I am walking down a deserted street I instantly recognise. The cracked pavements and the dishevelled houses are a clear indicator to exactly where I am. The road between The Hub and the Abnegation sector, where the Factionless live.
I move as quickly as I can, careful not to trip on the uneven surface of the road. I was looking down at the path in front of me when two of the scruffiest boots I have ever seen step into my line of vision.
I look up. A Factionless man stands before me with a menacing look on his face. His clothes are torn in many places, but my eyes quickly find the weapon he is clutching in his right hand.
Darius' voice rings loud and clear in my mind.
"Sometimes you must kill without reason to stay alive."
My arms move of their own accord and reach into my pocket to pull out a weapon of my own.
The man's eyes widen and he lifts his gun directly at me.
I can't shoot this man. He is innocent, I just can't.
I turn the gun on myself and plan to do exactly what I did in my previous simulation. No bullets release.
I'm about to check if it's loaded when a loud bang pierces my ears. I stare at my gun but I know it wasn't the one that fired.
I look down to my chest and see the gaping wound that is now pouring blood like a burst dam.
Darius speaks "You failed."
I expect the world to fall beneath my feet, for the simulation to move onto the next. It doesn't.
The man throws away his gun and rushes to my side.
"I'm sorry." He says in a gruff voice, low and deep. His eyes hold sincerity.
My eyes drift closed.
When I open them, I am sat at my familiar desk in the Control Room. Monitors sit before me showing people rushing in and out of every room. It is difficult to track just one so my eyes scan as many as I can.
On screen nine, a scuffle between two men begins. I zoom in closer. It's Tobias and Will. They are going hell for leather at each other, punching and punching over and over until Will crumples in a ball on the ground. I am slamming my hand against the monitor willing them to stop.
I rise and exit the door as quickly as possible but run directly into Darius' office.
"Take a seat Tris." He beckons.
"No."
He lets out an exasperated sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb.
His familiar voice speaks again, but this time in my mind.
"You must learn to tell the truth, even though it may harm the ones you love."
"Did an incident occur while you were on duty?" Present Darius asks.
"No." My voice cracks, even though I willed it not to.
His palm slams down on his desk, hard. It scares me so much it rattles my bones.
"Do not lie. Tell me what you saw."
"NO." I scream.
"You failed" I hear once more in my mind.
Again, the simulation doesn't end. We both stand eye to eye.
I realise then that this Darius is not real. It does not matter what I do to him.
Pent up anger from hurting Ava, lying to me and carrying out these tests comes out in one swift blow as I lunge towards him and punch and kick until I can no longer feel my hands or my legs. He has strength, more than most men I have come across. But inside, he does not hold the poisoned anger towards him that I do. When he is lying on the floor unconscious, I turn and exit the room swiftly.
As I open the door to leave Darius' office, a hard gust of wind nearly knocks me over. I am standing on the ledge where I first jumped and fell onto the net.
But instead of a black hole at the bottom, there is nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I turn to see if the building is still behind me and unsurprisingly it isn't. I am stood on a ledge and below me there is nothing.
"You must always carry out orders from your leader without hesitation. Jump."
There is nothing they can do to me that will hurt me. Nothing.
I decide to see how long it will take before they intervene. I stand with my arms crossed.
My foot moves from the ledge without my say so and I fall deep into the blackness.
I hit the concrete floor, hard. I smacked my head so brutally I'm surprised I don't have concussion. It doesn't hurt though, the gunshot wound earlier didn't hurt either.
"You failed."
I turn over onto my back and stare at the stars for as long as they allow.
I'm pulled up from the concrete into a dimly lit room. There are five seats lined up against the wall, in each of them sits a member of a faction and in one sits a factionless woman. I can tell which is which by only the clothes they wear.
In front of them is a table. I walk further towards it and see the gun and five bullets.
"Loyalty must be shown to your faction at all times."
I move towards the gun and my hands begin to load it with the bullets without my permission.
I point it directly at the person to my farthest left, an Amity woman wearing red clothing and a genuine smile. My fingers move towards the trigger, I try my absolute hardest not to let them but with all the strength in the world the outcome in inevitable.
The shot snaps me in half, I cry out loudly as her body hits the concrete. The process goes on and on, I cannot stop it. Each person lands with a thud against the floor, blood seeping from them and leaving them lifeless. I don't care that this isn't real, I can't watch as someone is murdered, let alone if I murder them myself.
"You passed"
I throw the gun as far away from me as possible as I feel my control return.
I crumple to the ground helplessly screaming and crying.
I lie there for I don't know how long, but I'm pretty sure Darius is doing this on purpose.
My cries have died down to whimpers and I realise I am happy for this time alone. I can think freely, without him knowing what is happening in my mind or being in his presence.
I try to desperately figure out why this test is happening. Ava said Darius is building an army.
"Sometimes you must kill without reason to stay alive."
"You must learn to tell the truth, even though it may harm the ones you love."
"You must always carry out orders from your leader without hesitation."
"Loyalty must be shown to your faction at all times."
Obedience, courage and loyalty. Virtues set out to recruit the best people for your army.
Those who will fight for you willingly, without hesitation or second thought and whenever you need them to.
Does it really matter to me? I failed.
The training room comes back into focus.
I rise slowly from the chair and make my way towards the exit. Darius voice booms in the stark room.
"I expected no less from you Tris."
"Good."
"You did well." He's almost smiling.
"I failed." I look at him disbelievingly.
"Yes, but with you I'm going to make an exception. Please come back so we can talk about this."
I slam the door on him with all my might and walk as quickly as possible out of the compound.