Babysitter

This was quite possibly the worst situation he had ever been put in. He had been in battles with opponents ten times stronger, died once, faced endless humiliation, had his home destroyed, was enslaved for almost three decades, and endured countless tortures, but this was the worst thing that had ever happened to him.

Vegeta stared at the bawling infant with a mixture of repulsion and dread. If he couldn't get the brat to shut up, then the other one would start in as well. His ears were already ringing, and he couldn't help but think his ears were going to bleed as his eardrums burst. He'd already tried screaming at the little monster, but that only succeeded in turning its already unbearable volume up.

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" he asked himself helplessly as he covered his ears with his hands.

He really wasn't in the mood for this. Somehow, fate dealt him another wild card when the woman left to buy groceries when she was supposed to be taking care of the brats. He was left to – what was the word? – babysit them while she was gone since her parents were gone on some sort of business trip and the wailing infant's harpy mother was long gone with her older brat to do only Kami knows what.

Taking care of babies was not the job of the Prince of all Saiyans. He never took care of his own son, let alone someone else's, especially Kakarrot's. He stalked over to the crib where the baby was supposed to be sleeping and glared down at it with unrepressed hatred burning in his eyes. "Look here, brat," he growled, "You are going to shut up this instant or I'm going to blast you and your entire family into the next dimension."

The wild-haired baby paused in its crying and gazed up at the angry saiyan. His mouth initially formed an 'O' shape as it appeared to almost comprehend the threat. Then, instead of shaking in fear, a wide smile broke out across his chubby face, showing off his toothless gums. Vegeta sneered at the expression that reminded him too much of the brat's foolish father.

"That's better. If you make one more sound," Vegeta hissed, pointing his finger at the baby, "I will make good on my threat. Don't you dare doubt my word."

Goten's smile only broadened as he reached up and grabbed Vegeta's extended finger with both hands. He laughed and kicked his legs in merriment, which was only intensified when he saw the startled expression on the prince's face.

Vegeta yanked his hand away and snarled at the baby before turning on his heel and marching out of the nursery, the door slamming shut behind him. He only made it a few steps down the hall before his ears were assaulted with the howls of two demi-saiyan babies. He actually stopped in his tracks and considered going back to try shutting them up, but then shook his head and continued on his way to the kitchen. It was past lunchtime and he was hungry. And if he was far enough away, he wouldn't be able to hear their screaming, making ignoring them much easier.

The saiyan sat down in his seat at the kitchen table with a mountain of food laid out before him. He was thankful for the woman's mother filling the refrigerator with plenty of pre-cooked meals before she left on the trip. It saved him having to cook for himself or depending on Bulma to make it for him – it wasn't awful, usually, but she had the nasty habit of forgetting to do it. He started eating, having already forgotten his two charges.

When he was finished, he dumped his dirty dishes in the sink for Bulma to wash later and went back upstairs, intent on going to the recreation room to watch TV for another few hours. It was essentially all he did with his time since Cell was defeated. He didn't particularly enjoy the human programs, but there was little else for him to do. He'd read every book in the compound and it bored him to reread them. He didn't feel like training, and his mate was gone so he couldn't seek entertainment from her.

He cringed when he reached the top of the stairs and heard the whimpering sounds coming from the nursery. No more full-blown crying, for both babies had tired themselves out too much to continue that, but they were still upset. He grumbled as he opened the door and peeked into the room. His nose wrinkled in disgust when he smelled something foul.

"Oh hell no," he muttered, shaking his head as he closed the door again, "Hell. No."

He finished his trek to the recreation room and collapsed on the couch and flipped the television on, ready to watch the idiot humans argue all afternoon on talk shows. His mind drifted as he easily lost interest in the show. 'When is that blasted woman going to get back here?' he wondered. As much as he tried to shake it, he couldn't rid himself of the feeling of guilt plaguing his mind for abandoning the brats. He knew they were helpless, yet he ignored their needs because he just plain didn't want to bother with them.

"I wouldn't even know what to do," he reasoned aloud as he turned off the TV and closed his eyes, deciding he could use a nap.

When ten minutes had passed and he was still wide awake, Vegeta sighed and sat up. He couldn't stop thinking about the brats. Though he was forced into it against his will, it was his duty to take care of them, at least until Bulma returned from shopping. He was starting to think she was purposely taking her time to prolong his torture.

With a groan of resignation, Vegeta marched back to the nursery and went inside before he could change his mind. He strode over to the crib and grabbed Trunks' ankle, lifted him, and sniffed him. He nearly gagged. "Why did it have to be you?" Vegeta groused as he carried the silent child over to the changing table and dropped him down on it. He smirked when his son didn't utter the slightest sound of discomfort.

He looked for the supplies needed to complete the gruesome task, trying to remember what he had seen his mate doing. Unfortunately, he didn't have many memories to go off of since he generally left the room as soon as he caught a whiff of the odor coming from the brat's diaper. He growled and practically ripped the pants and diaper off his infant son. He held Trunks by the feet, keeping his lower half above the changing table as he tossed the diaper into the specialized diaper receptacle and yanked a wipe out of the box. Forcing back the bile in his throat, he cleaned his son up and discarded the wipe before sliding a new diaper under him.

"You are disgusting, brat," Vegeta muttered as he finished putting the diaper on Trunks and forced him back into his pants. "You better learn to do this yourself soon."

When Trunks was back in the crib next to Goten, Vegeta again turned to leave since he didn't smell anything unpleasant coming from the latter. But as soon as he turned, he heard two small rumbling sounds coming from behind him. It was the unmistakable sound of a hungry saiyan. He sighed.

One demi-saiyan tucked under each arm, Vegeta entered the kitchen and dropped them on the kitchen table and crossed his arms. "What do you eat?" he asked, hoping against all odds that they would somehow figure out how to speak coherently enough to answer. They just stared at him blankly. He sighed again.

Eventually, he had Trunks eating a jar of baby food and Goten drinking a bottle of formula. When they were finished, he picked them up again and carried them to the living room and set them in the playpen where they would hopefully leave him alone. He lied down on the couch and turned the TV on. A few minutes later, the talk show he was watching was interrupted by the babbling of two babies. He growled and turned his attention to the playpen. He saw two blue eyes and two black eyes looking right back at him.

"What now, brats?" he barked. They only grinned and babbled in reply. He rolled his eyes and turned back to the TV.

"Da!"

Vegeta's eyes snapped back to the demi-saiyans. He couldn't tell which one said that. Not that it mattered. As far as he knew, 'da' was not a word. Just another sound they made as they tried to produce speech. He shook his head and went back to watching the talk show.

There was more incoherent babbling, then a very clear "Da!"

Vegeta's eye twitched. He couldn't push the thought from his mind that one of them was addressing him. He figured it had to be Trunks if either of them. After all, he was Trunks' father. He shook his head again. Neither of them was addressing him! 'Da' was not a word, just a syllable one of them picked up from somewhere.

"Da!"

Now it was just getting annoying. Vegeta tried his hardest to ignore it.

"Da! Dah… Da!"

Vegeta spared the babies a glance. They gazed at him with shining eyes and huge smiles. He felt his stomach churn. Stupid brats.

"Dah. Dahda. Dada!"

Slowly, Vegeta sat up and then stood, his eyes locked on the brats as he took a step closer to them. He turned the TV off and kneeled down next to the playpen. "Who said that?" he demanded.

Goten giggled and clapped his hands while Trunks took sudden interest in his toes. Vegeta quirked an eyebrow. It appeared they weren't going to answer. Well, he had his ways of making people talk.

"If you don't answer me, I'll make sure you don't get food for the rest of the day."

Two pairs of lips quivered. It was the telltale sign of oncoming tantrums. Vegeta smirked. Apparently he'd struck a nerve. He crossed his arms over his chest and waited for them to decide to answer. He brushed off the feeling of having ridiculous expectations for infants.

"Well?"

Trunks looked up from his toes and scowled at his friend, crossing his chubby arms, perfectly mimicking his father. Goten looked at him and then back up at Vegeta and then grinned. "Dada!" he squealed.

Vegeta's eyes widened. It was Kakarrot's brat? He couldn't believe it. The brat was only five months old, not nearly old enough to be talking. Of course he wasn't talking, he was just babbling like all babies his age did. It was merely coincidence that he said 'dada' and made it sound as if he was using it as a word with meaning. Still, Vegeta didn't much believe in coincidence. He needed to be sure.

Pointing to himself, he asked, "Dada?"

Goten clapped his hands vigorously and started screeching, "Dada! Dada! Dada!"

Ignoring the ringing in his ears, Vegeta pointed to Trunks and asked again, "Dada?"

Goten looked over at his friend and then back at Vegeta. He frowned.

"I'll take that as a no," Vegeta said. He pointed at himself again, just to make sure. "Dada?"

Goten smiled again. "Dada!"

"Stupid brat." Vegeta stood up and stalked out of the room, followed by the sound of his rival's son calling him 'dada.' He cringed and went upstairs to watch TV in peace. He didn't even care if Bulma came home and screamed at him for leaving them alone. He was suddenly feeling strangely uneasy around the Kakarrot clone.

A/N: Can I just say "aww"… As always, please review! I love to know what you think :)