I do not own Star Trek: TNG (at least not on paper or in the eyes of the law, but in my heart...)
Kirkian Legacy
Walking through the corridor towards the suite both Captain Picard and Lieutenant Kirk were silent, neither knowing what to say. Picard was thoroughly confused by his behavior, he rarely got physical, preferring to solve problem diplomatically with words. His actions with Darmol Vo had been faster than thought and completely instinctual – this link must be affecting him more than he realized. He thought to himself, surely the stress of the additional thoughts and feelings from Lieutenant Kirk was making him defensive. He had seen her plan of action in his mind, but it had been important...vital that he impress upon the Darmol that she was protected. Even as he sorted through his own thoughts, he was well aware of the lieutenant's inner turmoil.
Lieutenant Kirk walked a few steps behind the captain, caught up in her thoughts. She was thankful for the captain's assistance but bewildered by it – she could have handled the situation, did he feel she would have been a risk to the tenuously formed agreement? She wanted to thank him for his aid, but she could sense the maelstrom of emotions flowing from him, he was upset and mildly shocked. Lieutenant Kirk did not need to read his thoughts to know that his distress was her fault. She had never seen the captain upset before and was at a total loss of how to handle it or behave so as not to worsen the situation.
Ever the gentleman, Picard spoke first, "Lieutenant Kirk, I apologize if my actions back in the hall were presumptuous. I did not mean to overstep you, I know that you are capable of handling men like Darmol Vo."
Always the mediator, Kirk thought, then replied, "No problem sir, I actually am grateful for your help. Maybe now Vo will stop his relentless chasing. Shall we work on closing the link after dinner or before, sir?"
"Um, how about after."
"I've never done this before so I cannot guarantee success on the first try. I know that all links can be broken, but some are easier than others," Lieutenant Kirk explained to the captain after dinner. "First I will share the knowledge of how to build mental barriers, then we'll work backwards, trying to find the weakest point in the link. Hopefully a weak spot will be relativity easy to find since our link was the result of a backlash and not intentionally created."
"Lieutenant, a question before we start: why and how would you 'create' a link? I thought you said that parents are connected to their offspring from the womb."
"Um, well, normally mates create links," Lieutenant Kirk replied as she felt her cheeks turning red with the embarrassment of revealing her culture's secrets. It binds them together intimately since they do not have a familial bond when they first come together. It is through a created link between two parents that allows fathers link with their offspring. Mothers do not need to create a link, it builds as the child develops inside them. In a way, the father 'piggybacks' into the mind of his child so that the child always know him."
"Very interesting. So families on your world share complete awareness of each other all the time...I would think that would be maddening." At the look on Lieutenant Kirk's face, Picard quickly added, "I mean in respect to a loss of privacy, as a teenager there were a great many thoughts I did not want my parents to know – puberty is a very emotional time."
"Originally parents have full access into their offspring, while progeny have limited access to their parents. Then the link between parents and siblings changes at puberty. Nature has a way planning for these types of things, because if you think about it, the species would die out from embarrassment if teens couldn't have emotionally privacy," replied Lieutenant Kirk with a smile. "As a teen you become able to block out access to your mind and emotions, communication is by choice."
"Okay, so now that I understand more about this mental link, I have to ask you a delicate question: why are we in a mating link?" Picard asked gently, watching the lieutenant's face intently.
"I really don't know. I consider us 'friendly' but that's a long way from the level of intimacy this link allows. I am pretty sure it was not consciously done by either of us, but I'm still not sure what initiated it."
"Either of us? Why would you include me in searching for the answer, I am not a telepath."
"I'm sorry captain, I forgot to mention that mating links are always initiated by males, sort of a territorial response based on testosterone. I lack the hormones to initiate the link. Also, were this a true mating link, it would be a bi-directional connection – I have never been in your mind as you are in mine."
The truth of her words echoed in her thoughts and emotions, her frank and honest response astonished Picard. He had forgotten that the link flowed into her mind and not in both directions. It had never occurred to him that he could have pressed his way into Kirk's mind.
"I'm very sorry, Lieutenant...I had no idea..." Picard stammered.
"Sir, don't – there's no need for apologies. Even if I cannot initiate a link, I think I am responsible in some way because of our sustained close proximity. We've been in continuous close proximity for six days now. Now that I think about it, this may also be the reason for your rather forceful response to Darmol Vo." Lieutenant Kirk finished speaking with a far away look, then said softly, "I would greatly appreciate if we do not have to make this a part of the mission log or report it to Dr. Crusher or Counselor Troi, the specifics of Nivian capabilities are something that I was charged with keeping 'private' when I moved to Earth."
Feeling the depth of her words, Picard began to sense how much the last two days had cost her. The lieutenant had managed to continue her duties through pain and emotional vulnerability that would have debilitated a lesser person. Picard found himself feeling a profound sense of respect and admiration for Lieutenant Kirk. Throughout the entire ordeal, the Lieutenant, though able to access his consciousness had not invaded his privacy, he wished that he could say the same. Picard truly wished that he could forget all that he had learned and felt, he wished for an opportunity to give back that which he'd taken.
"Yes, I completely understand. I think the situation merits respecting your cultural privacy. Thank you for sharing so candidly."
"Shall we begin sir?"
To this Picard gave a brisk nod and Lieutenant Kirk placed her hand to the side of his face and began sharing her knowledge.
Though the process was mentally draining on both, Captain Picard proved to be a quick and able study, acquiring the knowledge to build barriers from Lieutenant Kirk in less than two hours.
"If you wish we can press on sir and start to examine the link for weak area," Lieutenant Kirk offered as she removed her hand from Captain Picard's face.
Picard saw instantly that her offer was half-hearted, like him, she needed a chance to rest before pushing herself any farther. The mental twinges of pain he felt radiating from her were concerning to Picard, he didn't want her to over exert herself for him. Throughout the situation, he had been the least effected of the two.
"Lieutenant, we both know that a break is needed. Please don't try to overextend yourself on my account. You should go and take a rest. We can continue in the morning."
"But-"
"No buts Lieutenant, that's an order. Besides I can use the free time to finalize the coalition agreement for presentation at tomorrow's meeting. So good night." Picard said with a tone of finality that would permit no argument.
Picard spent the next three ours working on the coalition charter and updating the Enterprise on the mission status. When finished, he retired to his room with a book, intent on enjoying a few chapters before going to sleep. Without realizing it, he grabbed 'A Tale of Two Cities' the book he had been reading to Lieutenant Kirk the previous night. Opening the book to where he left off, sent his thoughts to her and the still open link. He could feel the fatigue flowing out of her body with each breath and a profound sense of peace. Picard marveled that she could be at ease knowing that a virtual stranger was freely running around her mind, he unconsciously asked, 'why.' the question instantly transmitted to Lieutenant Kirk.
Her mind was perfectly able to answer while yet asleep: 'You won't hurt me. Safe with you, you protected me.'
Stardate 42567.3
Lieutenant Kirk arose early the next morning feeling much more invigorated than she had in three days. After dressing and going into the living area, she found that the Captain had not yet. She decided to prepare her breakfast, then included breakfast for Captain Picard.
Just as she set the cream on the table, Captain Picard emerged from his room. With a look of surprise, Picard took in the table setting that included his favorite breakfasts, tea, toast and eggs over-easy.
"Good morning Lieutenant. And thank you for breakfast, you really didn't have to," said Picard as he joined Kirk at the small dining area.
Kirk responded, "It was nothing sir, it will allow us more time to work on closing the link if we are both ready to start at the same time."
"Lieutenant, may I ask you a rather personal question?"
Looking up from her waffles, Lieutenant Kirk, "Um, sure sir, if I can I will answer, but you know you don't have to actually ask me...the link is still active, you can know the answer to anything I know without asking."
The solemness of her look as she answered shook Picard to his core. She continually amazed him at her acceptance of his presence in her mind.
"Um, well, be that as it may, I would feel better if I asked and gave you the opportunity to answer or tell me that you don't want to answer. I am not comfortable with being in this position of power over you. How do you accept it so well? Having a virtual stranger meandering through your innermost being...I would be furious, it feels like I am violating you."
Setting down her fork, Kirk asked, "I can answer that question best mind to mind, may I have your permission to enter your mind? I promise I will not invade your privacy, only show you my answer."
Upon Picard's affirmative nod, Kirk reached across the table and laid her hand on his chest over his heart. In the space of two heart beats, Picard learned that there were depths to the lieutenant that he had not begun to suspect.
For the first time Kirk freely shared the depth of her feelings for Picard, the many little things that attracted her, the aspects of his character that left her speechless and proud to serve under him, the depth of her feelings that went far beyond a crush or fascination. Then Picard saw the flow of her life, set apart and different – the battles she'd fought, then the acceptance and belief in her he had expressed.
As she shared images and feelings, tears began to flow freely from her eyes. She could not find the words to convey that he'd won not only her loyalty, but her love. He felt the truth of her words from three days prior, she accepted that he did not share her feelings, but that did not change her own – and in no way could she be mad or blame him for their situation. Her main concern was to unburden him of what she felt he viewed as a personal invasion. Kirk held back nothing, the feelings had existed in her since the inception of the link, but without a conscious flow as to allow them to tell the whole story. It was not until she sought a way to explain – to relieve the captain of his erroneous conclusion – that Lieutenant Kirk dared to face her raw emotions and deal with them.
When she finished, she removed her hand and closed her eyes, steeling herself to say the words she needed to express.
"Sir, I know who I am and what I am," she began, "I always knew that there was almost no chance I'd ever find a companion. There are things I could never offer a mate, I don't know how long I'll live, and I could potentially have children with my genetics making them outsiders too. I have always avoided advances from men, in truth it was easy as none interested me until you. You seemed to like me, or maybe it was just my blind hope, but I let myself veer off the path I knew best for me. But I never should have said anything to you, I believe that's why I believe that I am in some way partly responsible for the strange situation we are in, and for that I am so sorry. I never meant to pull you into my world.
Finished speaking, Lieutenant Kirk lowered her head back to her plate, not looking at Picard, and pushed the cold remains of her breakfast around the plate, waiting for Picard's response. Picard continued to sit across from Kirk, stunned. Amazed at how one woman had the ability to repeatedly leave him speechless he said nothing but stared at her in silence.
Her tears had not stopped flowing, but she made no sounds to accompany her grief. As the seconds turned into minutes, her fear grew and she knew there was only one thing she could do. So quietly, Kirk said the only thing she knew would bring closure to the situation, "I will request a transfer upon returning to the Enterprise so that I won't be a burden to you."
Then rising from the table she disposed of her plate, and with her back to Picard, she said, "If you'll allow me a few minutes to collect myself, I'll be ready to work on closing the link."
As she turned and headed for her room, Picard rose from his chair, his hands in fists at his side, "Lieutenant!" he said in growl.
She turned to face him, tears still streaming down her face, Picard could only read despair and pain as she struggled to find her voice and respond, "Yes, sir."
Stalking angrily across the room, Picard stopped in front of her, then in a steely voice he rarely used with his officers, he ground out, "You will do no such thing." Then he grabbed her arms, pulling her to him and claimed her mouth in a kiss.