They weren't going to stay. Somehow Daryl had felt that in his bones as he lead Leah's family back to the prison that day and that was why the heaviness had begun in his chest. Now it only felt worse. He sat alone on a bench outside and stared out at the perimeter fences with unseeing eyes.
He couldn't say exactly why he'd had a foreboding about them not staying. But signs appeared that confirmed his feeling early on. It was right after their initial tearful reunion with Leah which had entailed both joy and terrible sadness for the little girl since she had to absorb the loss of her oldest brother Joe at the same time. They had given the family privacy for a long while. Once the tears had subsided Rick had approached and courteously extended the invitation for them to stay on at the prison. Tom had said they would think about it but Daryl just knew when he declined Rick's offer to bunk in some cells that night and they pitched their tent instead, that it was a bad sign.
Even worse, Daryl hadn't seen Leah after the initial shrieks of "Daryl you found them!" as she ran to her family's open arms. He had hoped she might still ask for him to come "tuck her in" despite being in the tent that night but no, that had not happened. He supposed that he hadn't been much good at it anyway and now she had her parents back who were probably experts at it. A curious tight feeling feeling arose in his throat as he walked by the empty cell which Leah had occupied the past two nights and he had trouble falling asleep, tossing and turning for a long while.
When he'd awakened in the morning he felt worse than after some of the worst all night benders Merle had dragged him on. He'd stumbled out of bed to splash some cold water on his face and almost tripped over Leah. She was uncharacteristically still, just sitting on the stairs, arms hugging her knees to her. When she saw him though she jumped up, hugging him tight and some of the heaviness had lifted from his chest temporarily.
"Thank you Daryl." she'd whispered.
He'd patted her head and said "Glad I could help."
Then she'd pulled back to look him in the eyes and said mournfully "But Joe is dead." And her little face crumpled, tears streaming down.
"I know honey, I know." He didn't know how many times he repeated that mantra while she sobbed against his shoulder, her whole body shaking. Words adequate to this type of grief escaped him, not that he'd ever been that good with words. It didn't seem to matter though, she just seemed to taper off on her own finally.
She sniffled "It's not fair Daryl."
"No, it ain't." he agreed gently.
Silence reigned for a bit. Some words came to him at last that might be appropriate "You know Leah; I lost my big brother too."
Her puffy, reddened eyes widened. "You did?"
"Yeah…I did." He'd never told anyone before about how that moment had been, how he'd felt cut the to the core seeing Merle yet not Merle raising those vacant Walker eyes up to snarl at him. Nobody knew how he'd lay there on the ground sobbing after he'd killed his turned brother. But he knew this was the right time to finally share it with someone. He took a deep breath and continued "I cried plenty. But after awhile you run out of tears. And even though I still miss him every day I can think about him now and feel sad but I can also be happy too rememberin' the good times, laugh about 'em even. And you'll be able to do that too someday with Joe."
Leah sniffled again and nodded solemnly.
Just then he remembered the art supplies he'd picked up for her, forgotten in the emotional scenes of yesterday. Lowering her to the ground he said "Almost forgot. Got some presents for you."
She'd followed him back to his bunk and watched curiously as he extracted everything from his rucksack. Her eyes went wide and she even smiled as he handed it all over. "Wow! Thanks, I haven't been able to color since we left our house! And even Glitter Glue—awesome!"
Daryl had felt really pleased as he watched her scamper off to show her mom looking more like her usual energetic self.
Tom and Michael had gone out fishing that day and Carl had joined them surprisingly, expressing a previously hidden interest in learning how. Rick had allowed it , just happy his son wanted to do something unrelated to guns and violence. They'd returned with a large catch and they'd all enjoyed a good fish fry. The celebratory mood had been spoiled for Daryl though when Rick had asked them if they'd decided to stay yet, emphasizing how they'd be a great addition to the group with their fishing expertise and medical knowledge.
Leah's dad had taken a deep breath and announced that while they appreciated the offer greatly they were going to continue on, some stupid shit about not being able to live in a cage like this and needing to find a place with the sea at his back, maybe find a house boat to live on. Daryl had sat there fuming through Tom's little speech and everyone's polite expressions of understanding.
Finally Daryl couldn't take it anymore and he'd walked over to Tom and said "Hey, can I speak to you for a minute man? In private?"
Tom had smiled up at him, looking quite pleased with himself and unsuspecting about what the content of this conversation might be. Daryl led him outside, not wanting to contradict a man in front of his family. He caught Carol's look of concern as they exited the room but he ignored it, too intent on getting this off his chest.
Finally, a few yards out from the door, Daryl stopped and turned to face Tom, crossing his arms to show he meant business.
"What can I do for you Daryl?" Tom asked cheerfully, still oblivious to Daryl's negative mood. "I know it's you we owe the most gratitude to for returning Leah to us. Anything you need, if I can help…"
"I just want one thing man. One thing. Don't do this, don't take your family out on the road again. You haven't been out there as long as we were, you don't know how fuckin' bad it is out there, how many Walkers, all the twisted sons of bitches you could meet up with who'll kill you faster than the Walkers even if they get the chance. Don't put your family at risk, don't take Leah back out there."
It all came pouring out of him faster than he'd planned, with more fervor than he'd intended. But it felt damn good saying it.
Tom however, did not react favorably. His face had darkened as Daryl went on and by the time he stopped to catch his breath Tom had crossed his arms defensively and furrowed his brows. In a tight voice he said "Are you telling me I can't keep my family safe? That I don't know what's best for them?!"
"I'm tellin' you that you ain't makin' a decision with the full information. You gotta think this through more. We were travelin' as a group, with weapons and everythin' and we still lost people. You'll be out there just two adults and two little kids—"
"Listen Daryl," Tom interrupted voice rising now, "You may have rescued Leah and kept her safe a few days but I'm her daddy and I know what's best for her and my family! You don't get to tell me what to do to keep them safe! So keep your opinion to yourself, your part is done in Leah's life!"
Daryl had felt his control of his temper, always quick to explode, starting to slip in the face of Tom's stubbornness. But he didn't care anymore, he didn't want to lose anyone else. "Well maybe it ain't! Maybe we should ask Leah what she wants to do, ya think?! She's pretty happy here and safe but you're too much of a stuck up prick to notice or care!"
Tom stepped in close to him now, face flushed and furious. Daryl instantly sized him up. He was about his height but probably had more weight on him in the upper body. Daryl thought he could take him anyway.
"Fuck you!" Tom snarled and he gave him a hard shove in the chest. Almost gleefully Daryl shoved back, bracing himself for a full on fistfight and relishing the thought of it.
"Stop it! Both of you!"
Carol's voice cut across the night air and they both froze. Turning they found Carol standing there with Abby at her side, both looking worried.
"Please Tom, don't do this!" Abby cried and then she ran up to them, forcing her way between them and flinging her arms round Tom. Carol followed her at a more regular pace, not taking her worried eyes off Daryl. He tried to slow down his breathing and met her eyes defiantly. No way was he going to back down. Or apologize.
Abby was murmuring to Tom softly, so softly Daryl couldn't make out what she was saying. His only responses were occasional grunts and nods. Carol remained silent, just standing beside Daryl not breaking eye contact. He didn't want to talk anyway. He just wanted to deck Tom, pound out all his built up frustration in a good ole' knock down drag out fight. But that ship had sailed thanks to the ladies.
After awhile Abby let go of Tom and said "Daryl, we appreciate your concern for us, we truly do. I know you only spoke out of the goodness of your heart. But you both have quick tempers and it all got out of hand didn't it? So let the cooler heads prevail and we'll sleep on your words tonight all right?"
Daryl hadn't wanted to agree but Abby looked at him so pleadingly and he could feel Carol's eyes boring into him as well so he finally nodded his head slowly and turned away. He could hear the sounds of their feet retreating.
Carol remained though. He ignored her for awhile staring out into the night, stewing. "Stupid prick." he finally mumbled.
"I know." Carol agreed surprisingly. He couldn't help but swing his head to look at her now. She was smiling sadly. " Yeah, I think he's making a bad decision too Daryl. But these are terrible times to be living in and certainly to raise a family in and there's no rule book for it. Every person with a conscience is struggling to figure out what's the right thing to do and our idea of the right thing just doesn't match his. We can't force our way of life on him—or at least we shouldn't."
Daryl thought about that frowning. It didn't strike him as such a bad idea to lock Tom up in a cell until he finally saw sense. But then he thought about how Leah might react to that and he knew it was only a fantasy.
"I know they're gonna pick up and leave Carol. And even though we've lost people before this, somehow this feels worse." He scratched his head, truly puzzled.
"Maybe it's because you aren't losing Leah to death. She's just leaving, moving on. Here you'll know she's alive and out there, but you won't be around to protect her." Carol's gentle words struck home.
"And if something happens to them I won't even know if…if…" He trailed off unable to even give voice to the horrible thought.
Carol nodded. "It sucks, it really does. And you can be angry. But don't let it show in front of Leah, don't let her see you don't trust her daddy's decision. He's her hero too you know. Don't make her choose between the two of you."
Daryl didn't want to listen to the wisdom in her words, didn't want to give up on trying to stop them. But the rational part of him forced him to admit inwardly that he had to. He didn't have the words left to say so though. He just remained silent, staring up at the cold stars for a good long while. Carol stayed with him, silent as well and there was some comfort in her steady presence.
But now it was morning and Leah's family was clearly engaged in packing up to leave. Well, he'd known sleeping on it wouldn't change Tom's mind. Daryl had steered clear of the scene, not trusting himself around Tom. So here he sat on a bench on the far side of the prison where he didn't have to be subjected to seeing or hearing any of it. He wasn't much for teary, emotional goodbye scenes anyway so it would be just as well if Leah left without seeing him one more time anyway.
Wouldn't it?
The answer wasn't so simple it turned out. He almost got up three times to head to the front gate. Three times he stubbornly convinced himself he wouldn't care if she left without him saying goodbye, that it didn't matter. In the midst of this uncharacteristic inner turmoil that high pitched voice suddenly pierced the air.
"Daryl! I've been looking all over for you!"
A smile spread across his face immediately as he looked up to find Leah skipping right up to him. She had both her hands behind her back as if she was trying to hide something. Her face was very serious. "We're leaving soon. Weren't you gonna come say goodbye?"
Now he felt bad. Shit. Better lie or he might make her cry. "I was just 'bout to."
"Oh. Good." She brightened a little and continued tentatively. "I really wanted to stay but Daddy says we'll find a home near the ocean so I can go swimming all the time and stuff and we'll get a boat and it will be awesome…"
God this was hard! He wanted to tell her she should beg her father to let her stay, scream and cry until he backed down from his absurd plan. But Carol's words from last night resonated in his mind and he forced himself to smile again and say "Sounds great Leah. I bet you'll love it."
"Yeah. But…but I'll miss everyone here lots. Especially Carol and Judith. And you most of all."
"I'll miss you lots too." He balled his fists in frustration, hoping she wouldn't notice. He was wishing he'd never found her now so he wouldn't have to go through this kind of loss.
"I made you something with the stuff you got me." She finally removed her hands from behind her and thrust a paper into his hands so he had no choice but to unball his fists and accept it. He blinked in astonishment at the colorful drawing, thinking he'd never been given a drawing as a present before in his life.
Before he could process it Leah sat down next to him and started pointing and explaining. "See, that' s you Daryl, the tall one. And you're shooting your cross bow. And the shorter one is me and I have a bow and arrow too but the old fashioned kind like Legolas cuz I like that one better. And we both have capes since we're superheroes. Yours is green since you're like Green Arrow and mine's purple cuz, purple's my favorite color. And we're shooting at the Walkers there—" and she pointed to the left side of the paper where three malformed, scary faced creatures stood—"to save the people here." There was what looked like two adults and a kid on the right.
"This is…really great Leah." And it really was. Somehow this single piece of paper was the most incredible thing he'd seen in a long time.
"Thanks. You could hang it up in your room to remember me until I come back."
"Wait, what?" Daryl looked at her confused.
She smiled "Yeah, someday when I'm a grown up and I learn how to shoot a bow good like you Daryl I'm gonna come back. And we'll be super heroes together; we'll save people all the time."
Then she hugged him fiercely one more time. He hugged her back, glad she couldn't see his face this way because he thought he might be tearing up. "Sounds good little Monkey, sounds good."
They walked up front to her family's waiting truck hand in hand, like they had that day that seemed so long ago in the woods when he first brought her back. Rick was shaking hands with Tom and Abby was just handing Judith back to Beth. Leah ran off to them to hug Judith one more time too. Michael and Carl seemed to be deep in a heated conversation surprisingly. When everyone caught sight of Daryl things fell silent. Acutely aware of Tom's eyes on him in particular Daryl walked right up to him and sticking out his hand said as civilly as he could "Good luck to you all."
Tom shook his hand firmly and with a smile that looked a bit forced replied "Thanks. Take care of yourself man."
Then Abby came up to him holding the green scarf she'd been crocheting when he'd found her. Her smile was warm and natural as she proffered it to him saying "Please accept this as a small thank you Daryl. I thought green was appropriate given my daughter's nickname for you."
Startled at receiving yet a second present in one day and very touched he could only grunt "Thanks. Stay safe out there."
She stuck out her hand now and with a bit of juggling of the scarf and picture he managed to stick out a hand as well and they shook too. "God bless you Daryl and keep you safe." And with a final wave to everyone she turned and joined Tom who was already settling into the driver's seat. Michael high fived Carl then and followed them leaving only Leah outside the truck now. She gave Judith a kiss and started to climb in the truck as well.
Daryl was just about to turn away, unable to witness her actually driving off, when Leah suddenly reversed course, ran towards him and hugged him one last time. "I'll miss you lots Daryl. Bye Green Arrow."
He hugged her back, not caring that everyone's eyes were on them and said hoarsely "I'll miss you too. But remember you promised to come back so we could save people together right?"
Tears were his only answer at first. Then she whispered back "Yeah, we'll be superheroes together."
Then she slid down and ran back to the truck, not looking back. Daryl turned and walked away, somehow knowing she wouldn't be looking back at him either. He made his way to his bunk, smoothed out Leah's picture, and set about finding a way to affix it to the wall directly opposite where he laid his head. Then he collapsed on the bed and stared at its bright colors reflectively, oblivious to all else.
Awhile later Rick came by, cleared his throat and said "Goin' on a run in a bit. You comin' Daryl?"
He didn't even have to think about the answer. "Yeah, sure." After all, there were hundreds of chances to be a hero everyday in this hellish world, he just had to take those chances. Even if it meant getting hurt sometimes. With a final smile at Leah's picture Daryl was off again, crossbow slung across his back. He almost wished he had the green cape for an instant. He could hear her voice in his head "We'll be superheroes together. We'll save people all the time."
He wouldn't have her with him but he would sure try his damndest anyway.