- mentions of sexual abuse
Sorry if this chapter doesn't make much sense, I've just gotten out of hospital and I'm doped up on pain meds, enjoy anyway!

Her golden hair bounced rhythmically as she hurried up to the meeting room. 7 minutes late was not a good way to start the day. If JJ knew anything about Hotch, it was that he hated 3 things; Bees, lollipops with the secret piece of gum in the middle, and lateness.
Breathing in a breath of encouragement, she stepped forward just as the door was thrown open in front of her.
"You're late."
Hotch barked, before marching past her and entering the lair of Erin Strauss, slamming the door coldly behind him. Looking forward, she was met with the sympathetic smiles of her team.
JJ didn't say a word. She was far too exhausted, so instead walked over to the coffee machine and smiled slightly as the aroma of the delicious blend reached her nostrils. Slumping down into the only available chair, she relaxed slightly as she brought the mug to her lips.
"Did you know, gingerbread latte's don't even contain any of the ingredients used to make ginger bread? It doesn't even contain real ginger. Or bread for that matter." Reid sprouted quickly.
"But it contains caffeine." JJ shot back.
"Well...yeah..." Replied Reid.
"Then that's all I really need." JJ smiled.
"What were you up too last night then you dirty girl?" Emily laughed.
JJ pursed her lips and placed her coffee down slowly.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." She said quietly.
Emily squinted accusingly in her direction.
"Oh please. You're hair's tangled, you look exhausted, you we're 10 minutes late..."
"7." Reid interrupted.
The brunette glared at the young man, causing him to embarrassingly shift his gaze.
"Whatever. Point is, you were late. You're never late. And, you're wearing the same clothes as yesterday."
JJ mentally slapped herself. She hadn't done that deliberately, she had just been in such a rush she'd grabbed the nearest items she could find and threw them on.
"I wasn't up to anything, I just don't feel too great, that's all." She answered softly, returning to her coffee.
Emily shot a look at Morgan, who in turn simply raised an eyebrow and shrugged.
"Quit profiling me. I'm just tired." JJ said.
No one had time to reply as Hotch returned, stalking through the double doors and back out again, taking a pile of files with him.
Deciding this was the prefect opportunity to turn the attention of the conversation to someone else, JJ asked;
"What's up with him?"
"Strauss has him running around like a little lap dog this morning. According to her we've been neglecting our own turf. This week she wants all local cases to be reviewed and all paperwork completed by Friday." Rossi answered.
"Ouch." JJ replied.
"Yeah." Rossi smirked.
Hotch returned once more. Standing stoically in the doorway, he reminded JJ of an angry school teacher that was about to send each of his students to the principle.
"You all have case files on your desks of local activity that's been raising some concerns. If you think you've found leads to go off for cause on an investigation, pair up and present it to me. Get to work." He ordered.
The team sullenly began filing out of the room.
"Not you JJ. My office. Now."
The young profiler grimaced.
Casting a glance at her best friends, she whispered; "Wish me luck."
Both the girls crossed their fingers.
"Good luck." They said in unison.

Hotch's office was dimly lit and fairly cold. JJ's first instinct was to pull the sleeves of her top over her hands to keep them warm. She could have sworn if you'd of breathed out hard enough, you could of seen your own breath.
She'd barely sat before Hotch began.
"I have no time for this sort of tardiness JJ, especially when I have the director on my back. She doesn't need any more reasons to pick flaws in the construction of this team, so I'd appreciate it if you made a bit more effort not to give her any."
JJ winced a little. He was in full boss mode. She thought it a little unfair that he had singled her out just for being a few minutes late. She'd rarely ever been late before. Was all of this really necessary?
"Sorry sir." She mumbled.
"So?"
"So..." JJ repeated.
"So why were you late?"
"Uh.."
She was stumped. JJ honestly didn't think he'd care enough to actually ask her this question, so she hadn't thought of an appropriate response.
Hotch raised his eyebrows, seemingly already tired of waiting for an answer.
JJ sighed and looked toward the floor. Inspecting her shoes, she considered telling him the truth.
My psychopath of an ex boyfriend practically moved himself into my apartment and is refusing to leave and he seems more mentally unstable now than he did 10 years ago
she thought silently. Yeah, that wasn't going to work.
"I'm waiting JJ." Hotch pushed.
"I overslept. I'm sorry." She answered meekly.
She didn't look up, but she could feel his eyes scanning over her. As close as she was to the rest of the team, no one knew her quite like Hotch did. She knew that he knew she was lying. But what else could she say when the truth wasn't an option.
Finally, he spoke.
"Don't let it happen again. Go and help Morgan."
"Yes sir."
JJ replied, quickly making her way from the office and closing the door behind her.

It was an incredibly rare sight to see her empty chair when the rest were full. Hardly ever was Jennifer Jareau late for anything. The second the clock struck 7 and her chair was still unoccupied, he couldn't help the flash of panic that surged through his body. He knew there'd be a reasonable explanation; perhaps she was stuck in traffic, but no matter how many excuses he could think up, he was still worried. Not that he'd admit it of course.

He released a long sigh of relief he hadn't even realized he'd been holding when he opened the door to find her stood there, though he couldn't help but feel angry towards her for making him feel that way.
Sitting back in his office chair, he pondered. He hadn't believed her when she had told him she'd overslept. And she knew he hadn't either, which is why she'd refused eye contact. It also didn't take a profiler to notice how tired and worn down she looked.
Walking over to the window that overlooked the bullpen, he watched her silently.
Something was different. Something was wrong. And if anyone was going to get to the bottom of it, Aaron Hotchner would.

"So you think this one is worth presenting?" Emily questioned
"It's the best we've got so far. If anything it'll just be a routine house call." Rossi answered
"Remind me again why local PD aren't doing this?" Morgan asked.
"Because Strauss has her old lady panties in a twist that you guys aren't doing enough to help you're own community and blah blah blah." Garcia said, chewing the lid of her pen as she too scanned over files.
"Insightful explanation as always Garcia." Rossi said, not able to help the tint of humour in his voice. Garcia winked in response.
"So we all agree that a house call is necessary. What we haven't agreed is who's going." Said Morgan.
The team fell silent for a few seconds before the argument erupted.
A chorus of; "But that's not fair." "But I went last time." "You should go because..." "Well I'm not going." Rang out from the room, easily heard by Hotch who quickly made his appearance and silenced the group.
"Morgan and JJ will go. The rest of you can continue filing." It was clear in his tone that he wasn't asking, but telling.
Mumbles and grumbles muttered under breaths floated quietly to Aarons ears. He didn't like this either. He would much rather of been on a case or at home with Jack than doing this. But Strauss had given her orders and there was little he could do.
"Why me, what did I do!?" Morgan said, more to himself than anyone else.
"Because I said so." Hotch barked down to him, before returning to Erin's office.
Morgan rolled his eyes and plucked the keys from JJ's hand as he walked past.
"Hey!" JJ shouted.
"Sorry blondie, but you think I'm gonna trust you behind the wheel looking like a zombie? Think again." He said, laughing as he left.
JJ's mouth dropped open, mocking offense.
"You're forever a beautiful hot mess girl, even as a zombie. Go get 'em." Garcia laughed.
"Thanks." JJ laughed in return, walking quickly to catch up with Morgan. Just a routine house check, at least it's better than paperwork. JJ thought to herself. This isn't so bad.

Hotch sighed in exasperation as his phone vibrating against the desk begged for his attention once more. Putting the phone on speaker as he continued his paperwork, he simply had no time for pleasantries.
"What do you want Morgan?"
The line was quiet for a few moments.

"I said what is it Derek? If you've finished over at the Mason's house then you need to..."
Hotch was quickly cut off, the words that rang out of his phones speaker were enough to cause him to drop his pen to the desk.
"Hotch, it's JJ..."
Hotch's breath hitched in his throat.
"We're at the hospital. She's okay. I mean, not okay but, she got hurt man. The suspect we were looking for, he was at the parents house. There was nothing in the case file that indicated he would have been there, we had no idea Hotch. I swear if we had I would of taken more people but, it was just meant to be a routine check man."
He was hardly listening to a word the younger man was saying. Only one sentence pounded in his mind. She got hurt.
"What happened." He asked quickly, trying desperately to mask his emotions that he felt were going to burst out of him at any moment.
Morgan sighed, he could tell just from Hotch's tone he wasn't happy.
"We we're just checking out the house, talking to the kids parents you know? Everything seemed normal. It just happened so fast Hotch. The kid came sprinting out of the room, I didn't have a chance to stop him I swear. He blitzed straight past me. JJ was coming up the stairs. The kid barreled right into her and sent them both flying and JJ smashed her head pretty hard. She was out for a couple of minutes. I called it in as soon as I checked on her. Local PD picked the kid up a couple of blocks away and the medics took JJ in, something about a concussion, a couple of stitches maybe... Hotch are you still there?"
Hotch's head was in his hands, breathing slowly. This was all his fault. He'd sent JJ out there to get back at her for being late and this was the outcome. What the hell had he done.
"Yeah. Okay. Thanks Morgan."
"But Hotch I..."
He disconnected the call before Morgan could say anything else. The guilt overpowered him, like a boa constrictor had wrapped itself around his chest, crushing him slowly. This was the last thing he wanted. Walking quickly to the bathroom, he ignored the quizzical stares the rest of the team shot his way. He stood still in front of the mirror. A few moments later, he heard the bathroom door open and close as someone entered.
"Stop blaming yourself Aaron. You weren't to know."

"But I sent was the one that sent her...them." He corrected.
He glanced at the man leaning against the door. He wasn't fooling him in the slightest, Hotch honestly didn't even know why he was trying.
"I spoke to Morgan after you ever so politely hung up on him." Rossi said softly. "JJ's fine. Just a mild concussion and a few stitches."
"A mild concussion and a few stitches that never should of happened." Hotch bit back quickly.
"Aaron. It's not your fault. She's fine. They're already on their way back here."
"She needs to go home." Hotch said bitterly.
"Well why don't you take her. It's not like she can drive?"
"I'm busy." Hotch said, pushing past Rossi to return to the seclusion of his office.
"I don't know why you're so insistent on denying what we already know." Rossi said after him.
Hotch said nothing before disappearing back into the darkness.

The second she stepped back into the bullpen, it was as though she were a magnet pulling every living being towards her. A swarm of concerned bodies were around her in seconds, voices of concern shouting out at every angle.
"Give the girl some space would you, damn." Morgan joked.
"Guy's honestly, I'm fine, really."
The chattering around her continued as she was bombarded with hugs and sympathetic pats and shoulder rubs. She looked up, noticing her boss staring down at her from his office window. The second her eyes caught his, he retreated back to his desk quickly. The first thing he noticed was the gash that streaked it's way across her forehead, her golden hair tinted rose from the blood she'd lost. It was all far too much for him to handle with all the pressure he was already under.
JJ swallowed sadly. She couldn't help but feel as though she'd once again disappointing him. Twice in one day. Well done Jareau.
After the sea of sympathetic cuddles and words had dispersed, JJ only smiled in appreciation as Rossi offered to take her home, casting one last glance at the closed office doors before sulkily trailing after the older man to take her home.

The drive was short and silent, but seemed to drag on for a very long time.
Pulling up outside her appartment, JJ uncliped her seatbelt and muttered a thank-you before placing her hand on the door handle.
"Don't take it personally kid. It's all him."
JJ studied the older man in confusion.
"I don't know..."
"You do know." Rossi interupted, giving her a sidewards smile.
JJ sat quietly for a moment.
"I guess today's just not my day huh." She finally said.
"We all have our days. Go on. Go relax. Have a nap. No doubt you'll be called back in by tomorrow, so I'd make the most of it. Want me to walk you to the door?"
The offor at first was tempting. The painkillers had already begun to take effect and the drowsiness was setting in. But remembering her current vistor and contenplating the reaction he may have made her polietly decline the mans offer.
"Okay, well, you be careful. Relax. You deserve it. And remember. It's not you."
JJ smiled, throwing a slight wave behind her as she entered the building. For the first time in a long time, she took the elevator to her floor.

Crashing through the door, she didn't even bother to close it behind her. She ran full force into the bathroom and made it just in time to empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl. Once she'd finally finished, she slumped back, resting her pounding head against the stone cold tiles.
"That. That was disgusting."
Opening her eyes, she noticed for the first time that Alex was sat, completely naked, in the bath tub in front of her. She was far to sore and drowsy to care. Besides, it wasn't like she hadn't seen him naked before. JJ didn't answer, but simply closed her eyes once more. She could feel the pounding in her head almost as well as she could feel the pounding in her chest. Perhaps Rossi helping her to her door was the better option after all.
Inspecting her head from where he sat, Alex grimaced slightly.
"Ouch." Was all he said.
"Yeah." JJ whispered.
"What the hell happened? You haven't even been gone that long." Alex asked
"Crazy kid. Pushed me down the stairs. Hospital. 6 stitches. Tired." Was the answer JJ offered, yawning loudly.
Alex laughed softly to himself.
"Damn. Come on, let's get you to bed. I brought you some beers, but didn't know when you'd get home, so I drank them all. If I knew you were coming back looking like this I would of saved you the whole pack." Alex chirped.
She wasn't sure how many he'd drank, but even in her state she could smell the alcohol on his breath as he spoke.
He wrapped a towel around his midsection, then without any effort needed, plucked the small girl from bathroom floor and carried her gently to the bedroom. Placing her on the bed, he stroked a loose strand of hair from her face.
"Even with that nasty ass gash on you're head, you're still beautiful." He said.
JJ smiled weakly. "Thanks." She said, rolling over and closing her eyes.
He tucked her into bed, then placed himself beside her, all the while caressing her face gently and circling his thumb against her pale cheek.
JJ breathed slowly. As much as she appreciated him helping her to bed, she felt uncomfortable. She could feel him inching closer as his hands began to stray from her face to her shoulders, then to her stomach, playing daintily just above the hem of her jeans.
"Stop Alex. I'm so tired. I want to sleep."
"So sleep." He replied, his voice low.
With as much energy as she could muster, she pushed his body away. Her eyelids were beginning to grow heavy.
Despite her actions, his hands returned, softly brushing up and down her legs, around her thighs.
"God you're so hot." Alex whispered.
"I'm cold." JJ bit back, pulling the covers and far up as she could manage, placing the covers between them as some form of barrier.
Alex laughed. "Yeah, I didn't mean like that."
Undeterred by her actions, his hands continued to roam up and down her body. He unclasped the button of her jeans and slowly began to tug them down. Alarm bells began to sound in JJ's mind, though they were muffled and hazy.
This wasn't happening, she thought. He wouldn't. He wouldn't do what she was afraid he was going to do. Not now. Not with how vulnerable and weak she was.
When they were younger, sex was all they knew. With the backgrounds they had come from and the lives they were living, sex and violence were the norm. It was something they just accepted and got on with. It was just how things were.
But not now. Not now they were older. Not now they knew the difference between right and wrong. Not now he'd seen how much he'd hurt and betrayed her in the past. He just couldn't. Could he?
Pulling up as much strength as she could muster, she pushed Alex back once more.
"Stop." She said forcefully, tugging her jeans back up. The effort was futile. In one swift movement they were in a heap on the bedroom floor. JJ winced.
"Stop." She said again, but more quietly this time.
She looked directly into Alex's eyes and pulled back at what she saw. His eyes weren't his eyes anymore. His eyes were dark. And lustful. And evil. It had been many years since she'd seen him look at her this way. There was nothing. Nothing in his emotion but pain and hate and control. And she knew he was going to take it out on her all over again. Because he had done so many times before. Because that was all he knew. Because he could.
She tried to sit up, her breathing hitched as she tried to remain calm. But he was stronger. Much stronger from the state she was currently in. He pushed her back down, and lifted her shirt, the top of which was still dotted in blood stains from the mornings events.
"Relax baby, I'm just playing." A sly smile played across his lips.
"Please stop." JJ repeated. She hated being placed in a situation where she had to beg. But she knew from experience that nothing she said at this point would make much difference. If anything she was just making the situation worse for herself. The more she pushed and squirmed uncomfortably beneath him, the more excited he became.
"Stop, stop, stop." JJ winced as he continued to force himself on top of her. Her pleading fell on deaf ears as Alex ignored her. He held down her resisting arms and trailed harsh kisses up and down her neck. She refused to kiss him back. She threw her head from side to side in an attempt to avoid what he was doing, but it made no difference. She began to feel sick again, and the pain in her head had begun to radiate throughout her entire body.
"It hurts. Alex, it hurts. Please stop. Please."
She felt so weak. She was a grown woman. An agent for the FBI. She was trained in all types of martial arts and self defense. She could of screamed or cried or shouted for help. But instead she did nothing. She gave up. She gave up the pushing and squirming and pleading for him to stop. She gave up hissing and wincing in pain every time his body moved against hers.
She just laid there. It was like déjà vu. She was being thrown back years, back to her teens. She saw herself and Alex exactly like they were now, only on a grimy mattress in the middle of an abandoned shack on the edge of the woods. But they were kids then. It was different.
Still. She did the same now as she did then. She closed her eyes. And she felt nothing.