Fili would have given up years ago.
Any dwarf would have.
But for Kili, he would do anything.
He would keep watch at night, leave food aside and take punishments meant for his brother. And he would stay alive so Kili wouldn't be left alone.
Kili used to be so full of life. Everything about him, every twitch, every smirk, every sneaky aside screamed his exuberance to the world.
But both of them might as well be dead by now. They should have been, by rights. They'd even been expecting it, all those years ago.
Amad and Adad hadn't told them anything, of course, by Fili had overheard them talking one evening. He was getting a drink of water when he heard their murmuring in the main room.
Had he truly understood those scraps of words, "gold-sickness", "treason" and "family", he probably would have just told them to give the ring directly to Balin or somebody. Then he never would have had to properly understand the first two words, and would still have the third one instead of the fractured nothingness he found himself in now.
He really didn't understand "family" anymore.
Bofur spoke of it often, and Dori, Nori and Ori. Oin and Gloin were brothers, and Balin and Dwalin were brothers of course, but Fili understood "brother" – he had Kili after all.
But "family" made no sense at all anymore.
He had thought he knew "family", but their first year in slavery had been more than long enough to teach him that it was "Master", not "Uncle".
If he was honest with himself, he had given up. Years ago.
You didn't have to be properly alive to go through the motions of living.
-ooo-
Kili pretended to have forgotten everything from before. He pretended that he didn't remember that there had been a time when Fili smiled and Adad taught him to fight and Amad told them their histories.
It was easier most days to pretend he had forgotten.
But Kili remembered. He remembered more than even Fili, he thought.
He remembered chasing butterflies in the fields outside Erud Luin. He remembered sword training sessions turn into wrestling practice. He remembered climbing trees when their father wasn't looking, and the time that Fili had slipped and Kili had caught his arm and stopped him.
He remembered that Fili had been training to be the heir, and all that it entailed. Fili would train and learn and listen, but Kili didn't have to do all those things. He often did – if only to stay with his brother – but Kili had realised early on that as the second he had a different role to play.
Fili's was to lead. Kili's was to stand behind the leader and keep him moving forward.
It had given him something to fall back on, when everything was turned upside down. Fili took his place in front, protecting and leading the two of them, and Kili made it his upmost mission to stop Fili from fading away.
He knew Fili was just forcing himself through each day. Kili was to, but not in the same way. And so he dug as deep down as he could as often as he could, and dredged up some semblance of positivity for his brother, to keep him from falling so far that Kili couldn't pull him back up.
-ooo-
Master has tried this before!
Fili was screaming in his head as Mister Baggins brought the berries out. He had gotten a lot of practise at yelling silently. He felt Kili's hand on his wrist, and the scrabbling told him Kili was probably doing the same.
They had both noticed Mister Baggins watching them on the journey. At first they had entertained the hope that maybe he might buy them off of Master Thorin – at least Mister Baggins looked like he had enough room for them to sleep inside. But that hope quickly faded when they saw how possessive their Master (still) was.
They didn't know why. It wasn't as if he actually liked them, or even needed them.
But Mister Baggins hadn't stopped watching them. He had been asking about them, then he brought them their food one night and they had seen the same look in his eyes that most of the other dwarves wore.
The one that said "I'm so sorry, I wish I could help, but…"
He wasn't the first to have pitied them, wasn't the first to take an interest before they dropped back to earth and realised that nothing they could do could sway the will of a King.
That should have been the end of that.
But Mister Baggins still wouldn't leave them alone! There had to be something going on, some act, some trick, some test that their Master insisted they prove themselves in.
Fili coughed a laugh. Loyalty was something they ran out of a long time ago.
He would have eaten the food. He knew it would make him sick later, and that being unable to eat that night's rations would make the next day even harder, but he would do it. If only because not eating it meant pain. For both of them.
He had packed Master Thorin's bags. He knew what was in them.
But when Mister Baggins started eating the berries himself… That was not supposed to happen.
-ooo-
Kili knew FIli would eat. He always followed orders first.
And there was no doubt is was an order, no matter how politely Mister Baggins – Bilbo – said it.
Kili couldn't let Fili do this to himself again. He knew it would hurt later, but hurts get better. Eventually. Not being able to eat for a day or more could kill them both. Or worse, Master could leave them behind if they were unable to continue serving him.
He had threatened it, before.
One time they had considered it, a way out. But it had been so long since Balin's lectures that they didn't know if slaves were granted passage by Aulë to the halls of their ancestors. Not to mention dwarves who practically committed suicide. And if they weren't together then…
Any life was better than being alone.
So Kili stopped his brother, risking whatever anger Mister Baggins might be hiding. He braced himself for the punch or slap that should follow disobeying a direct order. Or a kick, with Mister Baggin's feet.
But he didn't hurt them.
He looked like they had hurt him…
The hobbit looked so hurt that Kili was tempted to eat a berry just to make him happy. A small part of him, the one that hoped that Mister Baggins might buy them (the one that he thought he put to death nights ago), thought that maybe if they pleased him, Mister Baggins might offer Master enough to change his mind.
Fili nudged him with his foot. They didn't get to speak aloud in public much, didn't need to much.
As one, they picked up a red fruit and delicately – they hadn't eaten food like this in years – bit in.
It was safe.
Apologies for delay on Chapters 7 and 8 - the website has being killing my html and I've been wrestling with the formatting. Today I gave up and decided I'd rather have the chapters out there instead of just stalling on my hard drive.
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