Epilogue: Aftermath

Carefully stowing the brush in it's holder, Toshiro sighed as he completed the last of the menial paperwork on his desk. Days had past since Hitto and him had battled in the dark forest, but his thoughts remained fixated on that fight. Anger began to well in his soul once more as he pondered over how utterly helpless he felt for most of the fighting, allowing himself and Rangiku to get so heavily injured. Matsumoto came so close to being irrevocably damaged in the worst ways imaginable. He felt a shiver shoot across his body just thinking about it.

Standing up and gently pushing the chair out from behind him, Hitsugaya walked over to the window, staring out into the night sky that loomed over the once again peaceful Soul Society. A large moon hovered just beyond the silhouettes of the massive buildings adjacent to the barracks. It seemed similar to the moon that hung overhead the night Matsumoto and him had spent together. As he noticed the similarities between the present and past, his thoughts shifted to the memories, flashing through his mind in random fragments. Bits and pieces of the flashbacks flooding his consciousness, he felt spikes of intense passion pierce him now and again, the feelings associated with the fleeting thoughts intensely real.

"Matsumoto," he whispered sorrowfully to himself, placing one of his hands on the window glass.

"Yes Captain?" a familiar voice replied softly from just behind Toshiro's sullen body.

He whirled around abruptly, startled. Feeling a little vulnerable, Toshiro gazed into the full eyes of his lieutenant, sitting on the edge of his desk, legs crossed, one of her fingers running up and down one of the many brushes laying flat on the desktop. Heaving a small sigh, Toshiro slowly moved towards the front of the desk, positioning himself just in front of her, arms folded in slight embarrassment.

"How long have you been there Matsumoto?" He asked firmly, staring at the door to avoid glancing at the playful position his lieutenant was currently perched in.

"Long enough Taichou." Matsumoto replied, looking at the intense scowl written across her captain's face. She could tell that things had not changed over the last couple days; the dynamic between her and Toshiro had been altered since the night they killed Hitto. She knew he had always been that way. Hitsugaya was a man that did not heal easily from having to helplessly watch his loved ones hurt. She felt a large lump form in her throat as Toshiro finally turned his head to face her, his eyes piercing through her soul with a jagged sadness. Although clearly pained, the beauty in his stormy eyes was enough to leave Matsumoto speechless, searching for anything to say to break the silence that had now enveloped the moment.

Toshiro unfolded his arms, reading Matsumoto's expression like a book. She doesn't know what to do next. Like me. Neither of us are quite sure where we go from here. I guess I owe her for everything though. He continued to look up and down the figure of Matsumoto, observing every little detail of the beautiful woman sitting before him, poised and serene. If she hadn't possessed the courage to try, we might never have gotten this far. But the fact still remains, the day after has come and I'm not sure what would be best for her; for us. A playful smile began to form at the corner of Toshiro's lips as he pondered. No, I don't care if it's best. I know what I want. And I'm going to do Matsumoto the kindness of taking the leap this time.

Matsumoto blushed as she again locked gazes with her captain. This time however, the normal, stern look on his face had been replaced with a look of confidence and peace; He even was smiling a half smile, causing Matsumoto's heart to warm. The smile he wore so affectionately was a rare sight, bringing a bit more peace to her heart. She was caught off guard, her chest perking up as Toshiro suddenly stepped in towards her, placing his hands gently on her thighs.

"Matsumoto. I can't ask you to hold onto what has happened and stay." Hitsugaya stated, still weakly smiling yet only a small trace of happiness in his soft voice. "I'm not ever....ever...going to be able to forget that night." He sighed, looking up at Ranigku, her head slightly cocked to the side in mild confusion. He continued, "I'm not referring to Hitto. With any luck that, memory will fade quickly," he quietly sighed. His grip on her legs tightened slightly as he braced himself for what he was about to say.

"Captain I..." Matsumoto tried to speak, but Hitsugaya interrupted.

"Please Rangiku. Please let me finish before you speak, for both of us okay?" He urgently asked, his eyebrows furled due to the gravity of his thoughts. Matsumoto silently nodded, feeling the weight of the conversation begin to grow.

"That night that we spent together was something I've never had, and never realized I wanted or even needed." Toshiro's eyes began to glaze slightly as the memories poured back in, sensations covering him like a thick blanket. "I can't ask you to stay," he sighed, removing his hands from her thighs and returning them to his side. "You are still my lieutenant. I don't want that to ever change. But in matters of love..." he began to stutter a bit, loosing confidence with every syllable, "...in matters of sex...you need someone like Hitto could have been. Someone you can flaunt, love, please, and be with freely." He turned around, facing the back of the office and glancing mournfully down at the spot on the rug where they had once laid. "That can't be me. I can't give you what you would need."

As the sounds of his words faded, silence began to fill the room like cold water. Hitsugaya wasn't sure whether or not to leave. Instead, he remained frozen in place, knowing that behind him, Rangiku was processing his rejection in ways he didn't want to even imagine. He was glad to be facing away from her, in case tears were welling in her big, beautiful eyes. Just as he was about to step towards the door, Toshiro felt something wrap around his waist. Looking down, he saw the shadows of Matsumoto's graceful fingers, locked together and pulling him back into her as she embraced him. His head resting between her chest, he felt the warmth of her body begin to fill his soul.

"Toshiro. I don't think that it's a matter of what is best or what is right," Matsumoto whispered into Hitsugaya's ear, releasing the lock on her fingers in order to move one hand up higher onto his chest and begin slowly running her fingers up and down his torso. Toshiro strained to feel every sensation that shot through him as she touched his cool skin and the clothing surrounding it. "I want you. No matter what that means."

Toshiro spun around slowly with intent to reason with his lieutenant, but before he could speak she placed a finger over his lips, staring into his conflicted gaze. Bending over slightly, she pulled Toshiro in closer before pressing her lips against his, first gently, but slowly becoming more passionate as the two cringed, allowing more of their individual restraints to fade away. She pulled back just long enough to brush a stray chunk of silvery hair away from his face and look deep into his soul, "I need you. You have me. That is..." Matsumoto paused for a second, backing up slightly towards the desk as she regained a bit more of reluctant self control. Placing her hands behind her back, she muttered as she finished her thought, "...that is unless you don't want me."

Toshiro's eyes widened with surprise as the sorrowful words slowly faded into silence in his snickered softly, trying to understand how she could conjure such an impossibility in her mind.

"Geez Matsumoto," Hitsugaya sighed, moving closer to his lieutenant once more, "I don't think you've ever been this far off." Placing his hand on her chest, Toshiro looked up into Matsumoto's eyes, glistening with the light shining through the window. "I've never wanted anyone more in my life." He simply stated, feeling Matsumoto wrap her arms around him.

"And I'm never letting go."

"Neither am I...taichou..."