Bilbo was almost – almost – ashamed to admit to himself (if he was honest) that he had been avoiding Gandalf.
Almost because really, the wizard had known nothing?
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But he had been avoiding him. At first, Bilbo didn't want to say something in anger that he would regret later; because that would mean apologising and he didn't have anything to be sorry for.
And he didn't want to give the wizard the moral high ground.
But after the initial anger had faded (towards the wizard at least) he realised he didn't know what exactly he wanted to say.
Why did you agree to this quest?
Probably a waste of a good, strong opening – Gandalf has already explained he came to combat some greater evil.
Why did you let Thorin bring his slaves on this quest?
Because what was he going to do, leave them behind?
Why didn't you help them?
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Just when he found something he was comfortable leading with, the wizard disappeared again.
Again!
He will be tracked down, and I will get some answers!
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-ooo-
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Bilbo had yet to see either of Fili or Kili wake gently. They were waking up every few hours, clearly not able to sleep deeply yet. Whichever one stirs first, he comes to with a jolt and almost immediately feels around for his brother. Once they've both reassured each other that they're close by (which, Bilbo notes, usually only takes a few seconds), Kili will always check to make sure they're in a safe location and Fili will always look for someone nearby to give the orders about what needs to be done first.
He waits until they both seem coherent (which for such young boys, happens far too quickly) and have tried to eat some of the food they hadn't eaten the night before (this conversely takes far too long) before he broaches that subject again. Balin and Gloin had spent hours once the boys had gone to sleep coaching Bilbo how they thought it best to try explaining things again, only for Nori, supported somewhat surprisingly by Dori, to laugh at their crib notes and proclaim that Bilbo would be far better off just trying to be himself.
"After all," he had said ominously, "You are going to be their new Master, they need to get used to you being you."
Bilbo decided to take that as a vote of confidence, but it still didn't sit well in his stomach.
"Are you feeling alright this morning, Fili, Kili?"
Bilbo can almost feel Nori rolling his eyes once again from his position on the other side of the fire.
"Yes, thank you Mister Bilbo," Fili says. "What can we do this morning? I'm ready for anything, but…"
"You can both listen carefully," Bilbo says, calmly interrupting Fili's regular protest that he was ready for work. Every time he woke up, even during the middle of the previous night, he had to be reassured that all that was required of him was to rest. Kili just seemed relieved he didn't have to force himself out of his blanket pile.
"We plan on moving off again this afternoon."
The Company had spent many hours debating this. Mainly in regards to transporting Thorin, who was still floating in and out of consciousness (and although none of them said anything, they all suspected Dwalin was responsible for this respite), and making sure the boys kept recovering well. But in the end, Balin had said that they were still under contract to complete a quest, and that contract was for the good of all of Durin's folk, not just one (temporarily indisposed) King.
Fili and Kili (unlike the rest of the dwarves, who had argued vehemently even after Balin spoke) merely nodded.
"And there's something you need to understand first."
Bilbo fought to keep his voice sounding normal, even though he felt like he was pronouncing a renewed death sentence. He swallowed.
"Thorin is no longer your Master. After what he did… Well, let's just say you won't be seeing him anymore."
That was hardly the most eloquent way he could break the news, but… well, it could have gone worse.
Fili hadn't moved an inch. Kili was still fidgeting, unable to keep still.
"So," Kili starts hesitantly, but he doesn't keep going until Bilbo smiles at him, "If Mas… Thorin's not our Master anymore, and you haven't bought us, then who is our Master?"
Bilbo finds he has to hide a chuckle at Fili's reaction to his brother's outspokenness. He didn't realise he was expecting something from the elder, but obviously he was getting better at reading them than he thought.
"It's... slightly complicated Kili."
Every bone is his body wants to tell the two young dwarves that they are free, that they can be their own Masters but it doesn't take a wizard to understand that information like that (what with Thorin still being present) would be too hard for Fili and Kili to process. Bilbo had tried to argue Balin down ("You can't expect us all to keep treating them like slaves") but eventually the logic to the other's argument wore him down.
He had reached some sort of compromise though. Most of the other dwarves, Balin included, had wanted the boys to remain under the general ownership of the whole group. Gloin had suggested that it might a good first step, because the less controlling ownership of the group might force Fili and Kili to be more self-reliant.
Thankfully Nori had stepped in.
"Self-reliant? If I've ever met another pair of young dwarves more self-reliant than Fili and Kili, I'll eat Bofur's hat! If Balin's successfully argued that we can't push too much change on them straight away, then why on earth would we make their lives a dozen times harder by giving them multiple Masters to worry about?"
The other dwarves – even Bofur, who was trying to subtly hide his hat – went silent at this. Bilbo was nodding along, until Nori turned to him.
"I suggest that, while still acknowledging the Company's overall ownership and responsibility, Bilbo should tell them that he's their Master. They know and trust him already, and this way they can be cared for without totally shaking their whole understanding of the world. For a little while, at least."
Bilbo was waiting for the others to disagree with the thief, but they all agreed. Even Dwalin said he thought it would be best for the boys to pretend a little.
And there was no way the hobbit was arguing with Dwalin.
So when Kili turned his brighter, more hopeful eyes (more alive than he'd ever seen) towards Bilbo and asked who his Master was, Bilbo's heart only shattered a little more than it already was.
"I'm going to be your Master for now, Kili. I'm going to take care of you."
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-ooo-
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Every time he woke he tried to remember.
He still didn't remember what happened.
He didn't know why Dwalin wouldn't speak to him, why Oin only gave a cursory look over his injuries.
Injuries? You'll get what you deserve when it's coming to you!
He couldn't understand why he felt like he'd just faced Azog again, but on the inside. Like he was fighting the white Orc without actually moving. He just felt worn.
You've worn out the shirt with your constant clumsiness! Don't expect a new one!
He couldn't put a finger on what exactly, but something was missing. It was like a part of him had been torn off while he was sleeping and it pulled his entire existence off balance.
Don't give me your pathetic excuses! You full and well know better than that, Fi—
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Fili.
Kili.
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Where are my slaves?
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Nephews, Thorin told himself. Or whatever that voice was. Where are my nephews?
Nephews?! You don't deserve an uncle, you ungrateful brats! You will call me Master.
And Thorin Oakenshield was lost to his fever-dreams once more.
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-ooo-
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This changes everything.
Fili felt himself subconsciously straightening, and nudged his brother to do the same. He could feel his eyes dropping, hands rearranging themselves, and legs shifting to move the creases from his blankets.
He cursed the weakness that kept him lying down. No doubt the hobbit was displeased that they were still unable to work.
Because he would be displeased. He was their Master. It was his right.
"Thank you, Master." It was the appropriate response.
But even if it wasn't, Fili felt a quickly-growing urge to thank the hobbit for taking them away from their U… previous Master. Surely the hobbit, who's village and home (and probably family, now that he thinks on it) they'd seen, would have to treat them at least a little better than that.
Before Master Baggins can stop them, Fili flicks Kili so they can both kneel up and bow in synch. Even from their bed rolls, it means more than just lying there and accepting undeserved genourosity.
"Thank you Master," he repeats.
The hobbit shuffles, somewhat uncomfortably, and Fili hopes they haven't done something wrong already. Maybe hobbit customs are different? Perhaps they should have stood and bowed properly? Or should they have used some gesture or phrase unique to the Shire?
It certainly wouldn't be the first time they'd been punished for something they hadn't known existed…
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-ooo-
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Hope.
It was the only way he could think to describe it.
Because while he could feel his brothers thoughts practically drowning in misery like a dwarf thrown into a pond boots and all, Kili found that spark he'd saved all these years and was finally able to give it something.
Master Baggins hadn't done anything but be nice to them on the entire quest.
"I haven't actually bought you, or anything like that," the hobbit stuttered, "Technically right now you belong to the Company as a whole."
"Like a Council," Kili blurted, only after realising he'd just interrupted their new Master. He ducked his head and waited for the blow, the kick, at least the scolding, but Master Baggins laughed!
"Yes, kind of like a Council, I suppose. But they own you, I'm just in charge of you for the moment."
He could live with that. Really, there was no real difference for him. And surely Master Baggins would be a better Master than some of those much older, more traditional dwarves.
Fili would probably slap him for thinking that. Probably. But he'd definitely get something for speaking without being called on.
Still worth it…
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-ooo-
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Bilbo felt like his cheeks were on fire when Fili and Kili bowed to him. He stuttered and babbled some rubbish, but eventually fell back on his tried-and-true 'I think you need to get some rest'. Which, to be fair, they did if they were supposed to ride out with the rest of the Company in a few hours. He moved so he could be sitting between them, stroking both of their heads like he had before.
"Master Baggins," Kili asked sleepily.
"Bilbo," Bilbo corrected gently. "Just Bilbo."
"Master Bilbo," Kili repeated dutifully, missing Bilbo's wince at the remaining title "When this is all over, would you buy us for real? Take us home with you?"
Bilbo felt a catch in his throat.
"If that's what you want, then yes, I would," he said quietly. "If that's what must happen."
"See Fili, I told you," Kili murmured. "We might be OK."
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-ooo-
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If he was honest with himself, he knew why. He knew what must have done.
He'd known ever since he realised the Ring was gone.
Gone! They stole it!
Knowing Balin, only one of them could have it.
The hobbit…