They say that when you're pregnant, your hormones are imbalanced. That is a big understatement. Last night, I cried because I dropped my tooth brush in the sink and I thought it was covered with sink germs. TJ ran out and bought me a new tooth brush. But what they don't tell you about pregnancy is that because your hormones are going crazy, that means you are constantly craving sex. When TJ and I first moved in with eachother, everything was great. We read that having sex wouldnt hurt the baby, so why not do it? It's not like anything worse could happen. But lately, the romance dwindled to nearly nothing. Yeah, he kisses me good-morning when we wake up, wraps his arms around me when I'm making breakfast or dinner, blows me a kiss on his way out to work, get into tickle fights before bed. But when the lights go out, it's like I'm only there to keep my side of the bed warm.

I was laying in bed with TJ next to me.

"Hey sweetie," I whispered. "Kiss me."

He rolled over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips and rolled back over. I was in complete shock. He did NOT do what I think he just did.

"What the hell?" I asked, turning on my lamp. He rolled back over and looked at me like I was nuts. "I asked for a kiss and you gave me that?" I was fuming.

"What do you mean? That was a kiss," He said.

I rolled out of bed and waddled to my dresser, pulled out a fuzzy sweater and army sweatpants and got dressed.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing?"

"Going for a walk." I said.

"What for? What did I do?"

I looked up and glared at him.

"You don't know... Oh God, you are such a man! Your fiancé, pregnant and fat, wants to make out with you and you blow her off. Like a man!" I shouted. I grabbed my slippers and stormed out of the room and down the stairs. I grabbed my jacket and walked out the door.

The cold October night hit my face hard, but the rush felt so good, cooling me off from my raging fit.

He's not attracted to you anymore now that your fat.

Shut up! Yes he is.

No he's not. If he was he would have lavished you with kisses and woohed you.

I hate my brain. But she's right. The moment the romance faded was when I blew up like a hot air balloon. TJ isn't attracted to me anymore and it's all this baby's fault!

I watched my feet as I made my way down the block. I passed my parents house, looking up at my old window. Mom said Dad turned it into the office, like he planned on doing when I would leave for college. I guess moving out with your boyfriend is pretty much the same thing.

I kicked up a rock and it hit a mailbox.

"I could sue you for vandalism."

I looked up and saw Nick Riley, sitting on his porch with a beer.

"Sorry," I mumbled and continued to walk past him.

"Hey, hey wait," He jumped out of his bench and put his beer down. I stopped and looked back at him. "What's going on squirt?"

"I'm not a kid, Nick. I have a name."

He comes running up to my side and falls into pace with my walking.

"Sorry, didn't mean to insult you."

"It's okay."

We walked in silence for a while.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really." I muttered.

"You look like you just rolled out of bed,"

"Because I did. What about you, it's nearly midnight and you're sitting outside with a beer like the creeper that you are."

His laugh rang through the neighborhood. It sounded sincere.

"Yeah, well, I can't sleep. I got someone on my mind that I can't get out. But it's fine."

"Oh," I said.

We walked in more silence. I could feel the night moving its way along with time, stars gliding across the sky, the moon rising to its peak. We probably walked for about fiteen minutes when we came to the neighborhood park that mom likes to take Sebastian to. We sat down at a bench. I looked up at the stars and wished everything was different. I wished I hadn't gotten pregnant. I wished TJ still found me sexy. I wish Gretchen was still alive. I wish I didn't have to grow up.

"TJ doesn't think I'm attractive anymore." I whispered. I said it not to tell Nick, but to say it outloud. Maybe if I said it, it would sound stupid and I would believe it to not be true. But it didn't. It didn't sound stupid at all. I could feel Nick looking at me, his green eyes staring into my soul, judging me, sizing me up. "We haven't had sex since the baby started to grow. I have a month and a half left, but he won't look at me like I'm the only girl in the world now, like he use to. He won't touch me passionately or romantically. He barely kisses me," I don't know why I was telling Nick, but I needed to talk to someone and Mom was out of the question. Nick was the only friend I have left, I guess. "I'm fat, and ugly and it's no wonder he can't look at me with passion in his eyes anymore." I started to cry. My emotions overwhelmed me once again and I just let the tears fall. I felt Nick's arms wrap around my shoulders and pulled me into a hug while I cried. He smelt so good, like cherry wood and cinnimon.

"Shh, it's okay Spinelli. Everything will be okay. Shh," He rubbed my shoulders and back.

When I finished crying, I just laid in his arms, feeling a rush of exhaustion.

"Can you walk?" He asked, sitting me up.

"Hmm," I was so tired.

"Come here kiddo," He stood me up and bent down, hoisting me into his arms. "Everything will be okay," He carried me back to my house. I was in and out of consciousness, but I could have sworn he continued to talk to me while he carried me, but I can't remember what he said.

"Can I go inside and set you down on your couch?" He asked.

I nodded my head. He turned the handle and carried me inside. He walked into the livingroom and set me down on the couch. He pulled my grandmothers quilt off the back of the couch and covered me.

"Good night Spinelli," I could feel Nick pet my head, moving hair away from my forehead. I could feel his breath on my face. He was so close to me. "Until next time."

Then he was gone, and I couldn't hold onto this world any longer, and I fell asleep.