[Chapter 2: Settling in]

Chapter 2

He sighed as he took the last sip of his first cup of coffee. There were days when he thought he was getting too old for this job. After almost two decades of been the captain of this SVU squad and almost four decades of being a cop Captain Cragen wondered how long he could still keep doing this job. He knew that 1PP, the guys above him, were starting to talk retirement and up till about six weeks ago he felt that he wasn't ready to retire but the events of the last few weeks had made him think that maybe it was time. Cragen had enjoyed working with the crew he had, then a year ago one of his best detectives gave in his papers after a difficult case and now Olivia had survived a brutal attack. He had visited Olivia a few times since the attack but he couldn't help wonder how this would affect her work here at the squad. It could make it more difficult for her to do her job, or it could make her a better detective. Only time would tell. Time, how much of that did he have left behind this desk? He only hoped the powers above him would give him time to guide Olivia and his squad through this phrase of their healing.

As he put the papers he'd been working on on an ever growing pile, he looked up to where the voices where coming from. He sat back in his chair and smiled to himself. He should of known that Fin would step up without been asked. A guy that looked and often acted like nothing affected him, but in reality he was as soft-heart as anyone else. He knew that Fin and Olivia had a good working relationship as well as a friendship and it seemed that since Elliot's departure those two were even closer. It seemed as Fin had picked Olivia up for work today. 'Good work, Fin' he softly said to himself as he watched his two detectives prepare themselves for whatever would come across their desks today.

The drive across town had gone well. Olivia and Fin managed to keep the conversation going without any effort or without the conversation going too deep. Fin had filled Olivia in with all the cases that they had worked in her absence as well as any office gossip that he thought she should be aware of. Walking into the building and going up to the squad room Olivia got a few looks and smiles but nothing she thought she wouldn't get. Their destination was familiar and remained unchanged since her departure. 'At least some things never change' she said to herself as she walked to her desk, put her bag in the bottom drawer and her weapon into the top one before locking them.

'Are you gonna make a pot or shall I?' came Fin's question from across the room.

'I guess one of us has to make before Munch gets here or we won't be able to drink anything before about 11am' Olivia replied getting up and walking across to the coffee station.

'My partner is a great detective but he wasn't standing in front of the queue when they handed out coffee making skills.'

'You got that one right.' Olivia said smiling.

By the time Munch, Rollins, and Amaro walked in Olivia had emptied her inbox of unwanted emails and was starting on some paperwork that had been put on her desk.

'Howdy partner' Amaro said as he saw Olivia sitting at her desk. 'Starting without me again I see.'

'Well if someone doesn't do the paperwork we'd all drown.' She said getting up to greet her colleagues.

'Good to have you back.' Amanda Rollins said as she gave Olivia a hug. 'Its not paperwork I've been drowning in but rather male testosterone.'

'We haven't been that bad, have we?' came Munch's sarcastic question.

The two female detectives smiled at each other and just shook their heads as they returned to their tasks.

For the second time already this morning Cragen sat back in his chair. He could hear the chatter in the squad room. For once it was upbeat. He knew as soon as he stepped in to hand out today's assignment his detective would buckle down and do what he required of them. He let the team bonding session go on for a few more minutes. His team was back together and that was enough for now.

'Morning all.' Cragen said as he walked out of his office. He decided that he'd given the team enough time to welcome Liv back. Eventually each detective had gone back to his or her desk and started to work and that is when he decided to walk into their squad room and start to hand out this morning's assignments.

'Firstly, Welcome back Olivia. We've all missed having you around.'

'Thanks Capt' Olivia replied.

Cragen noted that there wasn't any other comment such as 'good to be back' or 'I missed you all' that would normally follow such a welcome back. This just confirmed his decision not to send her out on assignment just yet.

'Fin and Amanda. We have an allegation of a peeping tom at the Heights on 4th Avenue. Go check it out and see if there's any substance to these claims. It probably a youngster with too much time on his hands. Munch, you get to have another hour of fame so go and brush off that old suit of yours and testify in court.'

'Ah. The joys of our world-class legal system,' replied John Munch, 'don't expect me back before Thursday. They probably make me hang around the courthouse for three days before calling me.'

'Take a book. Then you won't get bored.' Fin advised.

'Casey assured me they will get you in today, John. Amaro, I need you to go over to St John's School. They phoned and said they've had a guy hanging around at the school talking to the kids during break. They not sure if it's a problem but I told them we'd check it out anyway.'

'Sure thing Capt.'

'Ok let's gets out there and stay safe! Liv, can I see you in my office, please.'

Olivia was expecting this so she nodded to Cragen and after saying a few words to her colleagues before they headed out, she followed her captain into his office.

'Closed the door and take a seat, Liv.' Cragen hoped that by using her nickname that it would set a more casual tone to the conversation they were going to have. 'I hope you don't mind me not sending you out with the guys just yet. I wanted to touch base with you before you get going.'

'That's fine Capt.'

'How are you?' They both knew this was a loaded question but he didn't know how else to start.

Olivia looked down at her hands which she held together on her knees. She knew she could trust Don and that after all he had done for her now and in the past she owed it to him to be honest. She took a few seconds before looking up to her Captain, the only father figure she had known in her life.

'Um…. I won't lie to you Capt. It hasn't been an easy few weeks. I'm still taking it one step at a time.'

'Are you still seeing the counsellor?'

'Yes, I think I'll probably see her for a while yet.'

'That's fine. Take as long as you need. Whether you see her or not has no bearing on your work here. In fact, I'm glad you have someone outside of the unit to talk to Liv. What about sleeping and eating? Still having to sleep on the couch?'

Olivia looked up at her Captain.

'Liv, I've worked in this unit for about twenty years. I have an idea what victims go through.'

'I tried to move to my bedroom a week ago, but….' Olivia said shyly once again looking at her hands. The way she answered the question told Don all he needed to know.

'You know if you need more time… You've got more leave stored up than the rest of the team put together.'

'I know Captain. Thanks. But I need….' She knew what she wanted to say but wasn't sure how Cragen would respond to what she had to say.

'What do you need Liv?' Gently urging her to go on.

'All the time at home won't answer the question I need answered.'

'And that is?' He wanted to help her, give whatever he could to the detective sitting before him but unless she told him, his hands were tied.'

'I need to know if I can still do my job.' There she finally said it out loud. Olivia stood up and started walking towards the one way mirror at the edge of his office. 'I mean….If I can still sit with the victims and truly listen without my issues getting in the way. Arrest and interview perps without….' She didn't know how to finish the sentence.

Wow after all she had been through, most of which he felt she hadn't revealed yet she was still putting others before herself. 'Liv, sit for a moment. Would you?' As she made her way to her seat, Cragen got up and moved to sit on the edge of his desk closer to Olivia but still far enough to give her her own space. He took a moment to order his thoughts before he started to speak.

'Liv, you might know this but I don't know if I have ever told you this in so many words.' Olivia looked up to her Captain and wondered what he was about to say. '

'You are arguably the best detective I've ever work with.' Olivia took her eyes off him and returned them to her hands.

'You have a gift for this kind of work. That's why you've been able to last in this unit for so long. You are not only a great detective but your compassion and accessibility is what makes you so good with the victims and the reason they so often open up to you. I know that's also not an easy thing to bear.' He forced himself to remain quiet for awhile so she could absorb what he had just said. He hoped she knew that he meant every word.

Cragen stood up and moved behind his desk. As much as he felt for Olivia he was her captain and had a responsibility towards her and the people they served.

'Olivia, I need to ask you a question.' She looked at him.

'Do you want to start work today?'

'Yes sir.'

'Are you willing to give this your best shot?'

'Yes Captain.' She said sitting straighter than she had during the entire conversation.

'Do you feel you can come to me if things get too much?'

'Definitely.' She really knew she could do that.

'Ok, then I think we have a plan. You have got quite a lot of paperwork to work your way through. Let's say we try desk duty for a few days. Then take it from there. It will give you some time to get your feet back on the ground. What you say?'

'Sounds good to me, Captain.' She sounded assertive. Cragen knew she was determined to give this her all.

'Ok then there's just one more thing to say.' He said coming around his desk and offering his hand. 'Welcome back, Detective Benson.'

'Thank you Captain.'

As she left his office to return to her desk, she felt a lightness in her step. Nothing had changed, she still wasn't sure of her future and she knew she had a long way to go but she knew her captain had her back.

Watching Olivia leave his office he was glad that they had that conversation and he really hoped that Olivia would come to him if she needed to. He wanted what was good for her but he sincerely didn't want to lose the best detective he'd had the honour of working with.