[Chapter 4: Flashbacks]

For the next two hours there was not much chatter amongst the detectives as each one focused on their tasks. The principal had made herself available to the squad and had supplied them with all the information that Nick and Olivia had asked for and Munch and Fin were still shifting through the tips that had come in thus far. Amanda got up and stretched her legs. Unless something happened fast they were all in for a long night.

'Refill for anyone?' offered Amanda

'Yes thanks' came Munch's reply

'Good idea' Nick said grabbing his cup and following Munch and Amanda to the side of the room.

'You guys got something?' Amanda said hopefully

'Nah' Fin said as he joined the group

'I can't believe no one saw anything.' Munch offered

'People are so consumed in their lives, they just didn't see these two girls disappear.'

'Liv, coffee?' Nick said over his shoulder to the only one who had not yet joined the group in their impromptu gathering.

'Liv…Olivia…' Nick had turned around to look in her direction. Nick looked at Fin and they saw Olivia looking down at the papers in front of her.

'Wakey wakey' came a voice through the dark think mist that surrounded Olivia's mind. 'Come on your missing all the fun. Well, it's no fun when I play by myself.'

Olivia tried to wake up. She could feel something cold tracing the outlines of her face. Her eyes blinked open but she couldn't keep them open just yet. It felt like she was sitting upright on a chair. She tried to bring her hands to her face to help her wake up. But wait! Her hands were tied behind her! What! Where was she?! She tried her hands again and felt a shooting pain go through her shoulders. OUCH! Her heart started pounding. Her feet….her feet were also bound! She opened her eyes and this time she saw him.

'Hi there Liv.' Came his delighted response. 'I was really getting bored while you were sleeping. You have such a nice place here. Oh and sooo many 'toys' for us to play with….' He said half laughing. 'Did you enjoy your sleep? I am sorry about that I just had to secure you before we started.'

She tried to speak but the tape over her mouth prevented that. She looked around. At least they were still at her place. Maybe someone would come visit her and rescue her. Her head was aching. They would surely miss her at work tomorrow morning. Then it hit her….. Her Captain had given her two days off! They had just finished a difficult case and the guy had got away…..HE had got away….HE….The guy standing in front of her tracing a her face with her own gun…her gun! She tried to move…Pain shot through her shoulders again. The pain was a result of her arms been behind her back for so long…..how long had she been unconscious for…unconscious…. She looked down she still had her top and underwear on…Tears now formed in her eyes involuntarily. NO! She couldn't let him see her cry! No Olivia Benson! Don't give him that satisfaction! She closed her eyes and blinked the tear away. Her legs…. Her pants had been torn open. But she had seen something….No please! She forced herself to open her eyes and look…there on her legs… little circular burn marks… the evidence lay on the table next to her…She closed her eyes…

'Livy… Liv!' she heard Fin call.

'Yip.' She said as calmly as she could. Her hand falling to her leg as she gently rubbed them.

'Where you go?'

'Just thinking about the case.' She half lied, still not looking up at her colleagues. She wasn't totally lying. She was thinking about a case, just not the case they were thinking about.

'I asked if you want some coffee?'

'Um…. I think I'd like a cup of tea rather, thanks Fin. But don't worry I'll make it.' She was jittery enough after that flashback she didn't need coffee adding to that, she thought as she shifted papers around her desk to look busy.

'Nah. Don't worry. I'll make you a cuppa. I'm up anyways.' Came Fin's reply. The others began to take their seats behind their desks again.

'Thinking about the case, my ass.' Fin muttered under his breath. Fin knew where she had disappeared to and if she wanted a cup of tea, he would make her the best cup of tea he could.

He whistled as he walked towards her desk hoping that she would hear him coming.

'One cup of tea as order, ma'am.' Fin joked as he put the mug on her desk.

'Thanks Fin.' She looked up at him with that same smile she had given him earlier that morning as they left her apartment.

Fin just smiled back down at her, softly put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. There was nothing more he could do here without being obvious.

Twenty minutes later Olivia thought it was safe to get up and go to get some air. She still felt nauseous. She hadn't wanted to get up straight away because she was afraid that they others would pick up on it. But she couldn't wait any longer. She needed fresh air.

'Nick. I need some air. Cover for me?' she said.

'Sure.' He said while typing something on his computer.

Fin saw her go out but he knew he couldn't follow. She wouldn't let him.

Fin saw movement in Cragen's office.

Unbeknown to his detectives Captain Cragen had seen the previous scene. He saw his detectives take a break and had seen Olivia stay at her desk stare a hole into the pages in front of her. He had seen the interaction between her and Fin.

Ten minutes after Olivia had gone to the roof, he stood up and followed her. He nodded at Fin as he walked out the door.

The cool summer's breeze felt good on Olivia's face and neck. She breathed deeply as she tried to release the tension in her muscles. She put her hands on the railing and leant against them while looking out into the darkness. She had to keep it together. She was at work… She couldn't fall apart here… Before he broke into her apartment and her life, she loved the job. SVU wasn't for everyone, she had seen numerous detectives come and go during her time here but she had found her life's work here. She couldn't let him take her job from her as well. She knew she had five pairs of eyes on her while she was at work and they all wanted to know if she was ready to be back and if she could cope with being back. She had to be strong… if they thought she couldn't cope, Cragen might be forced to put her on leave again, she might even have to transfer, or maybe retire. All she had right now was her job…no family…. No relationship….. Heck she didn't even have many friends outside the law enforcement world. Even her friend Casey was a lawyer who prosecuted the many of the unit's cases. She knew Brian Cassidy was interested in a relationship with her and they had just started dating when it happened but afterwards she had pushed him away, not wanting to force him to stay with her out of pity. She wasn't in a place where she could offer him anything right now. Initially he resisted her pushing him away but eventually he got the message. The day he stopped calling she had cried the hardest. She had liked him and wanted to see if it would lead anywhere but he was a really good guy, he deserved more than she could give him at this stage. She hated facing this cold dark world alone but at least when she was alone no one could hurt her. She had enough hurt in her life, at this stage she was just holding on and if one more thing had to go wrong, she would lose her grip. It was better that she end the relationship on her terms.

When he arrived on the roof, Don found her standing against the railings with her arms wrapped around her staring into the darkness. For a moment he thought that he should turn around and let her be, but then he walked towards her.

'Liv.' He called from a distance not wanting to sneak up on her.

'Oh hi Captain. Um… I just needed some air…..'

'Liv, relax. I wasn't here to call you back down. The case can do without us for a few minutes.' Don stood putting his one leg on the ledge. 'I came to see how you are. This is a rough case on your first day back. Plus we all working overtime here.'

'I'm good Captain. Just wish we had a solid lead on the case. It's dark out there. The girls must be so scared. That's if he kept them alive…'

'Scared like you were?'

Olivia suddenly turned towards her captain with a look of shock on her face.

'Liv, down there I'm Captain Cragen. Up here, right now, I'm Don, a friend who's known you for fourteen years. Or at least I think we are friends after all this time.'

'We are, Don. I mean…. You are like a father to me. I mean especially after the last few weeks.'

'Good.' Don answered. He didn't trust himself to say anymore right now. Olivia had just said the kindest words he'd heard in a long time. Two years after he got married his wife got sick with cancer. Sheryl died three years later leaving him alone with no wife or child.

After a few more minutes of silence, neither of them really wanting to return the conversation to Don's question, it wasn't the time, Olivia took a deep breath and turn to her friend and captain.

'Captain, let's go find these two girls.' She said assertively.

Captain moved aside. 'Lead the way Detective Benson'