[Chapter 6: Sleep… Or Not]

Hi Guys. Sorry I had a busy weekend so I couldn't get much writing done. Thank you so those who 'favourited' or are following the story. Hope you enjoy the next chapters. Would like to hear from you. T

It was 6am when Captain Cragen walked into his squad room having had four hours off.

'Morning all.' He said to three of his detectives who were at their desks.

'Hi Captain.' Said Nick

'Get some sleep?' asked Amanda

'Some yes. Thanks.'

'Munch and Fin getting theirs?'

'Yes Capt. It was a slow few hours so we thought it might be better to double up and have fresh eyes when things getting going later.'

'Good thinking. Liv, from your watery eyes, it looks like you have been looking at that screen all night.'

'Yes Captain.'

'Ok well that means you the last to go to the crib. Take four hours. Maybe go home.'

'But Capt. I want to phone schools when they open at nine.

'Ok well take three. That's an order Detective.'

'Liv, you up.' said Fin from behind as the captain went into his office.

'Thanks Fin.' She replied as she rose from her desk and gave Fin a pat on the back as he was getting coffee.

She opened the door to the crib and chose a bed against the wall in the corner. She sat on the edge of the bed and put her head in her hands. She was tired. It was twenty-four hours since she had slept but she wasn't sure this was going to work…. Here she had no TV to help put her to sleep, no bathroom light she could put on. She took her shoes off, lay down and pulled the blanket over her.

'I think we should go on a little trip. Somewhere where we can be alone.' He said as he knelt in front of her pushing her hair back from her swollen, bloodied face. 'How about the beach? It's nice, quiet and isolated. No one will bother us there.'

He took her down the back stairs and being 5am no one was around to see or help her. He held the gun on her the whole time as they walked to the car. She knew that if she tried to attempt anything he would certainly use it… She had no doubt after seeing his other victims. She could only hope that there would come a time later when he would lose focus and that she'd be able to escape then. Once in the car he slid beside her on the back seat and ran his hand up and down her one thigh. 'Now I don't want to spoil the surprise of where we are going so you have to go to sleep for a bit, ok?' he took out a pill bottle from his bag and took two tablets out. 'Oh no, I don't have any water. Oh well, I guess we'll use this then.' He showed Olivia the whiskey bottle. She didn't want this to happen! She knew that sleeping pills and alcohol wasn't a good match. Maybe she could somehow keep the pills in the side of her mouth and not swallow them. Before she had any more time to think, he was forcing her mouth open. She hardly had any time to push the pills where she wanted them before the liquid was forced down her throat. She couldn't swallow fast enough and ended up choking.

Amanda was walking past the crib when she heard what sounded like someone choking. She turned around and went into the room. She found Olivia lying down choking and tears streaming down her cheeks.

'Liv, you ok? Olivia?' Amanda knelt down and put her hands on Olivia's shoulders. 'Liv?'

Almost as soon as Olivia's eyes opened she recoiled from Amanda's touch. 'Please don't hurt…' She said in a very hoarse voice.

'Liv, it's me Amanda… You're in the crib.' Amanda said as she stood up to go put the light on. She realized now that Olivia's choking was part of a nightmare and that Amanda needed to put the light on as quickly as possible to show Olivia where she was. As soon as she'd put the light on, she was back kneeling at Olivia's bedside. Olivia hadn't moved.

'Liv?' Amanda once again put her hand on Olivia's shoulder. Olivia stiffened under her touch, but Amanda kept her hand firmly on her shoulder. She couldn't help feeling how hot and sweaty the older woman, whom Amanda respected so much, felt. 'Liv, you are safe. You're in the crib. You've been asleep for about two hours.'

'No…. Only two?' Olivia croaked.

'Yes, Liv. I'm going to go and grab you some water and I'll be right back. Ok? Don't move.' Amanda waited for a response but none came. She got up and walked briskly out the door.

'Whoa there girly.' Fin said as she almost walked into Fin. 'Where you going so fast?'

Amanda held her hand up to him, 'Not now Fin.' She managed to say as she ducked into the kitchen to get what she needed. Fin followed her in not sure what had made his partner so angry in the few minutes since he'd last seen her.

'Mandy?' Fin tried to get her attention as she busied herself with what she'd come here to do.

'If I ever get my hands on him…..' Amanda said with such anger and determination that it shocked Fin, 'Well….. maybe it would be better for him if I never got within 30 meters of him…' she said as she marched out the door with a glass of water and a damped facecloth.

Fin glanced at Nick who just happened to be getting a drink out the fridge when Amanda walked, or rather stormed in. Nick just stared back at Fin who walked out the door just in time to see Amanda duck into the crib. Fin slumped against the wall. The crib…. Olivia was meant to be sleeping in the crib. A glass of water and a damp facecloth put together with what Amanda just said, not much sleeping was happening in there. Fin put his hands in his pockets and walked back to his desk with what felt like the world on his shoulders.

'Liv?' Amanda opened and closed the door.

'Here.' Came a soft reply.

Amanda found Olivia sitting leaning with her back to the wall and her legs pulled up tight against her chest.

'I got you some water and a damp facecloth.' Amanda said as she sat down next to her.

'Thanks.' came Olivia's reply her throat still dry from her dream. Both women sat in silence as Olivia drank the water. She was the first to speak.

'I'm trying so hard to get past this. But…'

'Liv, you know as well as any person that you need to give yourself time…'

'But I want my life back… I don't want him to take anything else from me… it's as if he's still holding me hostage even when he's not here…'

Truthfully as much as Amanda had worked with many victims in her career she did not know what to say to her friend and mentor. 'Liv you are strong. You can do this. We all here for you.' Amanda felt like saying, You have to do this, please. You the Olivia Benson. You can't break and not recover.

'You want to lie down and get another hour?' Amanda said looking over at Olivia who was staring into space. She looked so tired.

'No. No chance of that now. I'll think I'll go have a shower.'

Liv went to open her locker and took out a clean set of clothes that she kept in her locker. She turned the shower on and started to undress. While she waited for the water to warm up, she looked at herself. Although it had been weeks and the scars and marks were healing nicely, there were certain marks, scars that she knew would not fade with time and they would stare back at her every time she got dressed. Tears threatened to escape from her eyes and for once she didn't stop them but instead allow them to mix with the water falling from the showerhead.

'How is she?' Fin asked as Amanda sat down at her desk.

'Taking a shower…'

'But how is….'

'Fin just…. Don't. She's…' Amanda sat back in her chair looking from Fin to Nick, 'it will take time.'

'Are you ok?'

'No, Fin. I'm not. But I am not going to let her first case back go to the dogs.'

'For Liv.' Nick said.

'For Liv' Fin echoed.

And with that the detectives started day two of the case with renewed passion.