...
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In which there is a Monster who Owns the Flea, An Amused Awakusu-kai, And Aliens
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"What a…dependable bodyguard you have there, Orihara-san."
Shiki sounded bemused at him in a way Izaya had never heard him before.
Izaya didn't know if he preferred Shiki's previous display of surprise that said clearly he thought Izaya had finally cracked in the head.
Ignoring Shizuo's growls, Izaya forced a smile onto his face, relieved that he had managed to convince Shizuo to let him down before he met with Shiki.
However, his relief was doused when Shizuo growled and arms wrapped around his waist. "Mine." The monster snarled.
Shiki raised an eyebrow, and Izaya said, "Pardon me, Shiki-san," he gave a sigh, trying not to let his eyebrow twitch, "I seem to have acquired…some unwanted luggage."
"Flea is mine." Said unwanted luggage declared.
"I would not dream of taking anything away from you, Heiwajima Shizuo." Shiki said smoothly. There was an amused quirk to his lips, "And while Orihara-san is our information broker, I am sure you do have your…reasons for your claim."
"Good." Shizuo stated in an almost stable voice, then promptly tucked Izaya's head under his chin, brown eyes flashing at anyone who so much dared to look at Izaya. "What?"
The men exchanged wary glances with each other, then slowly backed away. Out of character, drunk or not, no one wanted to cross Heiwajima Shizuo.
"I…apologize for his drunken behaviour."
Izaya managed with a smirk. His eyebrow was twitching.
"That explains it."
Shiki said, but still looked undoubtedly amused. As amused as the red haired man beside him, who did not even try to hide his amusement as he let loose a series of snickers, which eventually evolved into guffaws.
"Ha...ha ha ha! Aww, why so grumpy, Orihara? You have free bodyguard service! From Heiwajima Shizuo, no less." The Red Demon of the Awakusu-kai said tauntingly, "Shouldn't you be grateful?"
"I don't need a bodyguard. Akabayashi-san."
Izaya said tersely, resisting the urge to glare at Akabayashi. Instead, he looked as Shiki cleared his throat, then spoke.
"Getting back to matters…"
"Of course." Izaya said. "Shizu-chan, if you would let go for a moment?"
Shizuo made a grumbling noise when Izaya emphasized his words by jabbing his elbow into Shizuo's chest, but released Izaya. His eyes on Shiki and Akabayashi were sharp, almost as if he were sober.
"Flea is mine." He said again, causing the amusement in both men's eyes to increase.
"No need to glare, Heiwajima Shizuo. I never said 'flea' was mine."
"Hah?! FLEA YOURS?! FLEA MINE!"
"Woah...calm down!" Akabayashi held out his hands, secretly relieved there was nothing around in the desolated area for the monster of Ikebukuro to throw at him. Shizuo didn't look happy at his words at all and he didn't want a vending machine or signpost to his face.
Actually, he didn't want an angry Heiwajima Shizuo at all since everyone knew the monster of Ikebukuro didn't need weapons, his mere fist alone could send you flying into the air and crashing with broken bones.
Thus Akabayashi thought it was in his best interest to say his next words -
"'Flea' is not mine! Flea yours!"
Izaya was conveniently ignoring the wayward conversation between the two adult men who seemed as if they were children arguing over ownership of a toy.
Not that he was a toy, and especially not for that monster. The monster was his toy, damn it. To play with when he got bored.
But every toy broke down eventually, Izaya just wondered why Shizuo's brain had to break in front of the Awakusu-kai.
"...Flea mine." Shizuo seemed satisfied at Akabayashi's answer as he leaned back and had he been sober, he would have been smoking a cigarette. His sharp gaze turned to Shiki.
Shiki cocked an eyebrow, but eventually answered, to Izaya's dismay.
"Right, Heiwajima Shizuo. 'Flea yours'." Shizuo glared at him and he added with further amusement. "Not mine. So, there's no need to harm either of us, we pose no threat to your ownership over the flea."
"….."
Izaya felt as if he could cry. Shiki had referred to him as a flea. The flea. And Shiki had just spoken in broken Japanese. Shiki. Even if he had just been quoting the monster.
What next? Him speaking in broken Japanese?
"Shiki shiki shiki..." Shizuo muttered resentfully as he glowered at Shiki. "Flea no pay attention to me, he pay attention to you. But flea still mine."
Shizuo declared with a look in his eyes that told even a man like Shiki he would be badly hurt if he didn't agree.
So he agreed, even if Heiwajima Shizuo was drunk, Shiki was a smart man who knew neither him nor Akabayashi wanted the strongest man in Ikebukuro as an enemy. Especially not over such a conflict that wasn't even supposed to exist.
"Yes. Yours." Shiki said smoothly, then turned to Izaya who looked defeated at Shiki giving him over to Shizuo.
"Fl-" Shiki coughed, then said, "Orihara."
"…."
Izaya glared at Shizuo for because of the monster, Shiki had almost, almost called him a flea. Shiki. Shiki. Shiki...
His brain didn't seem able to compute the unbelievable fact. So he didn't compute it at all, instead choosing to move forward and hand the suitcase in his hand to Shiki.
"...Pleasure doing business with you, Shiki-san. I do apologize for the delay."
"It's understandable." Shiki said. He handed the suitcase to the red haired man beside him, who proceeded to check the contents.
"Everything is present, Shiki no danna."
"Right." Shiki said. He gave a nod, then a dismissive wave of his hand.
"I'll transfer the money over to your account, Orihara."
The dismissive wave matched the amused glint in his eyes as Shizuo growled with every word he spoke -
"In the meantime, I'm sure you'll make your way safely home with that reliable bodyguard of yours."
... ...
... ...
Izaya had taken a taxi home – there was no way he was going to take the train back to Shinjuku with everyone staring at him and the monster wrapped around him like a clingy leech.
His dignity had already been damaged enough, thank you very much.
Had he not managed to retain a serious, business demeanour, the two executives of the Awakusu-kai (and even their underlings) would have lost all respect for him.
Unfortunately for Izaya, Shizuo was a monster and the alcohol in his bloodstream did not knock him out on the road, and Izaya's hope that a vehicle – vehicles would run over an unconscious Shizuo enough times to kill a monster, was dashed.
The monster was still very much conscious well into the night.
Thankfully, Shizuo had let go long enough for him to get into the taxi. But before Izaya could shut the door on him, he had accompanied Izaya into the taxi, which Izaya resignedly accepted.
After all, if he hadn't, Shizuo would force his way in and destroy the door in the process, leading to Izaya having to pay money for the monster's damage.
Monsters would always be monsters.
And so Izaya told himself enduring half strange half freaked out looks from the driver in the rear view mirror was better than enduring those looks from everyone in the train to Shinjuku –
As Shizuo leaned against him and nuzzled against his shoulder and sent glares at the driver whenever he turned to look at Izaya, which freaked him out even more.
"Flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine..."
The monster muttered against his neck in an alien-like mantra.
"Not Shiki. Flea no belong to Shiki. Flea no belong to other. Flea mine. Flea mine. My flea. My flea. My flea."
"Mine..."
"…"
Izaya thought silently that Shizuo was worse than those human males he had seen who were possessive over their girlfriends –
And that he was for once not amused at a display of possessiveness, not when the victim was him.
Yes, he was, for once, a victim –
"I'm not yours."
Izaya muttered to himself at Shizuo's behaviour and muttered thoughts which were alien to him. But Shizuo seemed to hear him and his face was turned.
"...Flea not mine?"
The blond sounded so downcast as if his heart had been trampled on and broken in his eyes.
"..."
Izaya averted his gaze, saying nothing.
"Flea..."
"...Yours."
He could practically hear the beam lighting up Shizuo's eyes as he lowered his face and nuzzled Izaya's neck again.
"Yes ~ Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine My Flea ~"
"Not." Izaya muttered under his breath, but Shizuo didn't seem to hear him this time. The drunk monster was happy again, and Izaya didn't know if he preferred a possessive, grumpy monster over a happy one.
Though if he had a choice, he preferred no monster at all.
But unfortunately for the information broker who always had control over the situation unless the monster was involved, he didn't.
"What did I do to deserve this?"
Izaya had spoken aloud. The drunk, murmuring monster seemed to hear him and stopped his nuzzling for a moment.
"I….zaya…."
And with those words, the nuzzling stopped for the rest of the ride.
And with the expression of horror on the driver's face as Izaya found his head tucked under the monster's chin for the second time in the day –
As Shizuo sent a scathing glare to the driver who looked as if he was about to piss in his pants –
"YOU STARE AT FLEA ALL WHILE, YOU THINK FLEA YOURS?!"
"NO! I DO NOT THINK FLEA IS MINE! ABSOLUTELY NOT! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"
- Izaya thought he would be lucky to survive the ride.
Both figuratively and literally.
"FLEA IS MINE!"
"YES! FLEA IS YOURS! ALL YOURS!"
"..."
First Akabayashi, then Shiki, then a few of the Awakusu-kai men and some random people along the street -
And now the taxi driver -
Izaya wished in his resentful heart that his humans would stop giving him to Heiwajima Shizuo without his permission.
...
...
In Shinra's and Celty's home
...
...
[Shinra! There's trouble!]
Shinra could practically hear those words shouted to him when Celty burst into their home.
"What happened, Celty?"
[Aliens…..!]
"Aliens?"
Shinra asked in bemusement, trying not to show his amusement as his love seemed truly scared, her shoulders trembling.
[YES! ALIENS! SHIZUO'S BEEN REPLACED BY AN ALIEN!]
"?! Shizuo?!"
Shinra thought for a while on this, before he soon brushed the possibility away with a casual laugh –
"Surely not! Celty, you of all people should know how strong Shizuo is! Even if aliens came to earth, he would send them flying back to space!" Shinra said cheerfully as he laid a comforting hand on Celty's shoulder. "Why did you say that anyway?"
[Izaya….]
"Izaya told you? Celty love, you should know not to believe anything Izaya says! That guy's a pathological liar."
[No! I saw Shizuo with Izaya! And he was happy! He was smiling! And he was carrying Izaya in his arms!]
Shinra's mouth fell open for a moment, "Seriously?"
Celty nodded her helmet vigorously. Shinra blinked, then scratched his head.
"Alright, I can see why you're freaked out, hell I'd be freaked out too! But that doesn't mean aliens have invaded the earth, Celty! So you don't have to worry!"
[Really…?]
"Yup!"
[Why is Shizuo then….?]
"I have no idea." Shinra shrugged. He mused for a bit, then grinned in amusement, "Who knows, maybe Izaya got him drunk! Or hypnotized him –"
[Hypnotize?]
"Uhuh. It's a method to get someone into a trance and make them do everything you say –" Shinra trailed off, his mouth salivating slightly at the prospect of using hypnotism to get Celty to do not so innocent things with him – "Celty would you –ow!"
[No! You pervert!}
Celty exploded at him, smoke leaking from her helmet in embarrassment.
Shinra pouted but Celty didn't relent. He sighed.
"Well it was worth a try…."
He waved a hand, "Anyway, about Shizuo….I'm sure he's fine! You said he was happy, so I don't think Izaya hypnotized him. Izaya wouldn't want him to be happy, right?"
[That's true….could he be drunk then?]
"Probably." Shinra was amused at that thought. "Or maybe it's love!"
He received another slap on the head for his efforts and he winced in pain, "I was just joking….!"
[Even so, don't say that! I don't want to imagine it!]
"Okay okay!" Shinra held up his hands in peace. He grinned, "In all seriousness though, how was Izaya's reaction?"
[Izaya?]
Celty seemed to think for a while, before she flashed her PDA again. Shinra noticed she was much more calm now that she was convinced Shizuo hadn't been abducted by aliens.
Had Shinra's love for Celty been any less than what it was, it would have made him jealous.
However it wasn't, in fact it was growing even more at the realization that his love had such a big heart – and how lucky he was to have her.
It was moments like these that he realized he truly loved her.
The thought brought a genuine smile to Shinra's face.
[Well to be honest…..he didn't look happy. Maybe he didn't do it?]
Shinra chuckled. "Then he probably didn't." He was outright grinning now, and Celty was slightly surprised to see such an expression on Shinra's face. "I can't believe I'm saying this but –"
Celty tilted her helmet at him questioningly and Shinra smiled widely as he thought of the amusing situation –
"I kind of want to see his reaction."