...

. . .

. . .

In which there is to be No Nuzzling, Namie Laughing and Couch Sleeping

. . .

. . .

"So that's what happened."

"Yes that's what happened, story's over – and yet the brute of this story is still here."

Izaya said scathingly, glaring at Shizuo who was still nuzzling his neck.

It made him miss the time he had dubbed 'non-nuzzling time' in the taxi.

Izaya was tempted to say such to Shizuo, and would have, had he not considered the brute's intelligence to be even below a dog who could comprehend commands.

"Non-nuzzling time?"

It was Namie's voice and she definitely sounded amused which made Izaya want to deduct her pay – and deduct her pay he would.

Izaya shut his mouth and pretended he hadn't said his thoughts out loud, until Shizuo spoke.

"No….nuzzling?"

Izaya stared, before he decided to make use of the opportunity –

"That's right. No nuzzling, you big brute."

"Whhyyy?"

"Because I don't like it." Izaya pronounced.

"Don't like?"

"Yes. Don't. Like. Nuzzling."

Izaya said even more slowly, now convinced a drunk Shizuo had his neurons' comprehension ability at the level they were meant to be – basic and primal and Neanderthal.

"Izaya don't like nuzzling?"

"….Yeah. Izaya don't like nuzzling – shut up, Namie."

Namie was letting out very unladylike snorts of laughter, that had Izaya's eyebrow twitching even as he said the words that made him feel his IQ had dropped significantly.

"Izaya don't like nuzzling….." Shizuo said slowly, as if trying to comprehend his own words. Then he blinked and said. "Izaya?"

"What?"

"What's nuzzling?"

"Haha….hahahahaha!"

"Namie!" Izaya shouted in frustration to his secretary's unrestrained laughter. "Nuzzling is what you have been doing all this while, you brute!" He jabbed a finger at Shizuo's chest, yelling, "To my neck!"

"Neck….." Shizuo said, then promptly lowered his nose and nuzzled Izaya's neck, earning an indignant squawk from the information broker.

"Shizuo!"

Shizuo blinked. He removed his nose then sniffed the air, looking around for this 'Shizuo'.

"Shizuo?"

"Yeah?"

Izaya said as Shizuo looked puzzled.

"…..What's a Shizuo?"

"OhgodwhatdidIeverdotodeserve this." Izaya muttered lowly. "You, you brute, you're Shizuo! Shizuo!"

"….But I thought I was Shizu-chan."

Izaya face palmed. He honestly didn't know what to say.

"Aww how sweet," Namie drawled, an amused smirk on her face, "He remembers your precious nickname for him."

"And not his own name." Izaya stated, deadpan. He sighed, then tried again –

"Look Shizu-Shizu-chan. No Nuzzling. No. Nuzzling."

"No nuzzling." Shizuo repeated and Izaya nodded. "Nuzzling….neck? No touching Izaya's neck?"

"Yes. No touching my neck!"

"..My?"

"….No touching Izaya's neck." Izaya said, conveniently ignoring Namie and hoping she would choke on her own laughter.

"…..Ok."

Shizuo said, looking so downtrodden with sad eyes like a kicked puppy that Izaya almost, almost felt a twinge of guilt.

That was until Shizuo leaned forward and planted his lips on his.

"…."

"….?!"

Izaya shoved the blond away, glaring incredulously. Namie's laughter had suddenly stopped. Her mouth was open in shock.

"W-What you-!"

Shizuo leaned forward as if to kiss him again, but Izaya reached his hands out to stop him in his tracks.

"You retarded protozoan! Just what the hell -!"

"No nuzzling. Kissing."

"No nuzzling but no kissing either! Did he just do that – he just did that didn't he?!"

Izaya seemed to be yelling his thoughts out loud, and Namie recovered enough to give an amused smirk at her boss's flustered state.

"Yes I believe he did."

"Don't just stand there, Namie! Help me! Before he kisses me again!"

Namie stood resolutely, until Izaya glared at her. She sighed, rolled her eyes then stood in between Shizuo and Izaya.

Shizuo stopped. He looked at her for a moment. Namie stared back at him.

"….You. Not flea. Not Izaya."

"Yeah, I'm not Izaya. Izaya is currently hiding behind my back because he's afraid you'll kiss him again."

"…Izaya afraid?"

Namie blinked. The renowned strongest man of Ikebukuro suddenly looked like a kicked puppy.

"Izaya never afraid…."

Namie looked back at Izaya, who was pretending he wasn't involved in the situation at all. She rolled her eyes again, then turned to face the man in a bartender suit.

"Yes Izaya afraid….of kissing." A smirk curled Namie's lips as she caught Izaya's scowl out of the corner of her eye. "Izaya's not afraid of you, Shizu-chan. He's afraid of kissing."

"Namie."

Izaya hissed and Namie's smirk widened.

"Izaya afraid of kissing….."

Shizuo said. He blinked twice, then nodded his head as if in comprehension.

"Ok….no kissing. No kissing Izaya."

Izaya left out a soft sigh of relief at that, and Shizuo continued on.

"But, want touch. Izaya. Want hug flea…"

As he spoke, Shizuo gave Namie such a pleading look that Namie felt as if she would be worse than the kind of bastard Izaya was if she denied the blond man's silent plea.

"…..Ok. You can hug flea."

"Namie!"

Izaya cried out indignantly as Namie spoke blandly, then moved aside, leaving him to the monster's hazy, happy gaze.

"I-za-ya~!"

Shizuo exclaimed happily and Izaya deflated when the monster rushed forward and pulled him close into a squishy hug, nuzzling his neck in contentment.

"…Shizu-chan?"

"Flea?"

"Didn't I say No Nuzzling?"

"….Oh." Shizuo said. He removed his nose from Izaya's neck but still looked very happy.

"….And what do you mean by 'You can hug flea', Namie? He can't hug me!"

Namie returned his annoyed glare with a look of amusement.

"Well I think it's cute. He likes you so much. He's like an overgrown puppy. He's so attached to you. Surely even you don't have the heart to deny him?"

Embarrassment and anger rose to Izaya's cheeks in red. He said nothing, and Namie almost looked like she was grinning.

"Besides, who am I to get in the way of the strongest man of Ikebukuro? I don't have a death wish, unlike you."

"Shut up."

"Iza-ya…." Shizuo hugged Izaya with a delighted look in his eyes. He shifted his gaze.

"You….name?"

"….Me?"

Namie said. Shizuo nodded.

"Namie. Yagiri Namie." She said, curious as to why Shizuo wanted to know her name.

"Na….mie…." Shizuo murmured. He smiled brightly at her.

"Namie let me hug flea…..thanks."

There was a surprised silence, as despite his simple words, Shizuo sounded sincere and his voice almost stable.

"….No problem." Namie said with a half smile and half smirk. "Flea is all yours."

"Yes. Flea mine~"

"Flea is not yours!" Izaya protested, struggling in Shizuo's arms. "Don't teach this brute the wrong things, Namie!"

Namie ignored him. "Would you like me to leave?"

"Leave?"

"Yeah. Leave you and Izaya alone."

"Namie I swear, I will deduct your pay more than I already have – mpf!"

"Flea noisy." Shizuo muttered, his hand over a glaring Izaya's mouth. He looked back towards Namie then nodded like the mature adult he was supposed to be –

"Will appreciate. Want to be alone with flea."

"Mpf—N-Namie!"

Shizuo let out a low growl at this, tightening his grip on Izaya.

"Flea. Shizu-chan. Not Namie."

"Then, I'm leaving." Namie said, smirking at Izaya's stunned expression.

Izaya stared until the door closed behind Namie, and Shizuo spoke.

"Namie nice. Give me flea. Flea mine. Alone."

"…."

Izaya's arms went slack.

"Flea?"

"What?"

"…..Flea don't like me?"

"Huh? Of course I don't like –"

Shizuo stared at him with huge brown eyes and Izaya stopped short.

"Flea want Namie? Don't want me?"

"….No I don't want Namie, but I don't want you either!"

Shizuo blinked, but then smiled radiantly and hugged Izaya closer.

"Nevermind. Flea still mine. Izaya want no one, I want Izaya. So Izaya mine."

"….I do not get your logic at all. Wait what am I saying, you're not even capable of logic."

Izaya said tiredly. The apartment now only had him and Shizuo, he had the monster in his apartment.

A monster who refused to let him go, much less go away.

He felt suddenly exhausted. Deciding he might as well take advantage of the situation, Izaya tried another tactic.

"Shizu-chan?"

"Yes Izaya?"

"Let me go?"

Shizuo blinked, so Izaya added.

"Please?"

"But….you go away…."

"No I won't go away. This is my apartment Shizu-chan, where would I go? Since you refuse to leave…"

Izaya muttered but the words seemed to have their desired effect.

"Izaya won't go away?" Izaya shook his head. "Izaya won't go away."

And with those words, the monster finally released him and Izaya was so relieved he could jump for joy, if he hadn't felt so exhausted then.

- What to do with a monster in my apartment….

Izaya sighed and walked up the stairs in the direction of his bedroom. When he realized Shizuo was following, he spoke tersely.

"….Shizu-chan? I want to sleep."

"Sleep? I sleep with flea –"

"No you don't sleep with me!"

"But –"

"No buts Shizu-chan! No. Sleeping. With. Me."

Shizuo looked hurt at the rejection, but Izaya continued mercilessly on as he flung the door open.

"If you're going to stay, there's no way I'm letting a monster into my bedroom! You sleep on the couch!"

He emphasized with a jab of his index finger in the direction of the couches downstairs, eyes flashing in frustration.

- I swear, if he doesn't listen –

"Ok."

- I'll – what?

"What?"

"Izaya want me to sleep on couch." Shizuo said simply. "So I sleep on couch."

Izaya stared as the monster lumbered towards him. He flinched as Shizuo lowered his head and raised his hand –

- Is he going to hit me?

The hand brushed his black locks away, and lips met his forehead in a clumsy but affectionate kiss.

Izaya's eyes widened when Shizuo withdrew, then smiled sleepily.

"Goodnight. Izaya."

"….."

Izaya turned, marched into his bedroom and slammed the door.

He leaned against it with the back of his head to the wood as he heard Shizuo's voice from the other side.

"Izaya?"

"Goodnight!"

Izaya yelled. Shizuo seemed to get the point for his sharp ears caught the sound of footsteps going away.

Izaya sighed, and covered his warm face with his hand, his fingertips touching his forehead marked by Shizuo's kiss.

"What the hell is happening to me…."